the magic skin-第37章

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heart　and　stirred　its　pulses。　Musicians　are　seldom　unemotional；　a

woman　who　could　sing　like　that　must　know　how　to　love　indeed。　Her

beautiful　voice　made　one　more　puzzle　in　a　woman　mysterious　enough

before。　I　beheld　her　then；　as　plainly　as　I　see　you　at　this　moment。　She

seemed　to　listen　to　herself；　to　experience　a　secret　rapture　of　her

own；　she　felt；　as　it　were；　an　ecstasy　like　that　of　love。



〃She　stood　before　the　hearth　during　the　execution　of　the　principal

theme　of　the　rondo；　and　when　she　ceased　her　face　changed。　She　looked

tired；　her　features　seemed　to　alter。　She　had　laid　the　mask　aside；　her

part　as　an　actress　was　over。　Yet　the　faded　look　that　came　over　her

beautiful　face；　a　result　either　of　this　performance　or　of　the

evening's　fatigues；　had　its　charms；　too。



〃　'This　is　her　real　self；'　I　thought。



〃She　set　her　foot　on　a　bronze　bar　of　the　fender　as　if　to　warm　it；　took

off　her　gloves；　and　drew　over　her　head　the　gold　chain　from　which　her

bejeweled　scent…bottle　hung。　It　gave　me　a　quite　indescribable　pleasure

to　watch　the　feline　grace　of　every　movement；　the　supple　grace　a　cat

displays　as　it　adjusts　its　toilette　in　the　sun。　She　looked　at　herself

in　the　mirror　and　said　aloud　ill…humoredly'I　did　not　look　well　this

evening；　my　complexion　is　going　with　alarming　rapidity；　perhaps　I

ought　to　keep　earlier　hours；　and　give　up　this　life　of　dissipation。

Does　Justine　mean　to　trifle　with　me？'　She　rang　again；　her　maid　hurried

in。　Where　she　had　been　I　cannot　tell；　she　came　in　by　a　secret

staircase。　I　was　anxious　to　make　a　study　of　her。　I　had　lodged

accusations；　in　my　romantic　imaginings；　against　this　invisible

waiting…woman；　a　tall；　well…made　brunette。



〃　'Did　madame　ring？'



〃　'Yes；　twice；'　answered　Foedora；　'are　you　really　growing　deaf

nowadays？'



〃　'I　was　preparing　madame's　milk　of　almonds。'



〃Justine　knelt　down　before　her；　unlaced　her　sandals　and　drew　them　off；

while　her　mistress　lay　carelessly　back　on　her　cushioned　armchair

beside　the　fire；　yawned；　and　scratched　her　head。　Every　movement　was

perfectly　natural；　there　was　nothing　whatever　to　indicate　the　secret

sufferings　or　emotions　with　which　I　had　credited　her。



〃　'George　must　be　in　love！'　she　remarked。　'I　shall　dismiss　him。　He　has

drawn　the　curtains　again　to…night。　What　does　he　mean　by　it？'



〃All　the　blood　in　my　veins　rushed　to　my　heart　at　this　observation；　but

no　more　was　said　about　curtains。



〃　'Life　is　very　empty；'　the　countess　went　on。　'Ah！　be　careful　not　to

scratch　me　as　you　did　yesterday。　Just　look　here；　I　still　have　the

marks　of　your　nails　about　me；'　and　she　held　out　a　silken　knee。　She

thrust　her　bare　feet　into　velvet　slippers　bound　with　swan's…down；　and

unfastened　her　dress；　while　Justine　prepared　to　comb　her　hair。



〃　'You　ought　to　marry；　madame；　and　have　children。'



〃　'Children！'　she　cried；　'it　wants　no　more　than　that　to　finish　me　at

once；　and　a　husband！　What　man　is　there　to　whom　I　could？　Was　my

hair　well　arranged　to…night？'



〃　'Not　particularly。'



〃　'You　are　a　fool！'



〃　'That　way　of　crimping　your　hair　too　much　is　the　least　becoming　way

possible　for　you。　Large；　smooth　curls　suit　you　a　great　deal　better。'



〃　'Really？'



〃　'Yes；　really；　madame；　that　wavy　style　only　looks　nice　in　fair　hair。'



〃　'Marriage？　never；　never！　Marriage　is　a　commercial　arrangement；　for

which　I　was　never　made。'



〃What　a　disheartening　scene　for　a　lover！　Here　was　a　lonely　woman；

without　friends　or　kin；　without　the　religion　of　love；　without　faith　in

any　affection。　Yet　however　slightly　she　might　feel　the　need　to　pour

out　her　heart；　a　craving　that　every　human　being　feels；　it　could　only

be　satisfied　by　gossiping　with　her　maid；　by　trivial　and　indifferent

talk。　。　。　。　I　grieved　for　her。



〃Justine　unlaced　her。　I　watched　her　carefully　when　she　was　at　last

unveiled。　Her　maidenly　form；　in　its　rose…tinged　whiteness；　was　visible

through　her　shift　in　the　taper　light；　as　dazzling　as　some　silver

statue　behind　its　gauze　covering。　No；　there　was　no　defect　that　need

shrink　from　the　stolen　glances　of　love。　Alas；　a　fair　form　will

overcome　the　stoutest　resolutions！



〃The　maid　lighted　the　taper　in　the　alabaster　sconce　that　hung　before

the　bed；　while　her　mistress　sat　thoughtful　and　silent　before　the　fire。

Justine　went　for　a　warming…pan；　turned　down　the　bed；　and　helped　to　lay

her　mistress　in　it；　then；　after　some　further　time　spent　in

punctiliously　rendering　various　services　that　showed　how　seriously

Foedora　respected　herself；　her　maid　left　her。　The　countess　turned　to

and　fro　several　times；　and　sighed；　she　was　ill　at　ease；　faint；　just

perceptible　sounds；　like　sighs　of　impatience；　escaped　from　her　lips。

She　reached　out　a　hand　to　the　table；　and　took　a　flask　from　it；　from

which　she　shook　four　or　five　drops　of　some　brown　liquid　into　some　milk

before　taking　it；　again　there　followed　some　painful　sighs；　and　the

exclamation；　'MON　DIEU！'



〃The　cry；　and　the　tone　in　which　it　was　uttered；　wrung　my　heart。　By

degrees　she　lay　motionless。　This　frightened　me；　but　very　soon　I　heard

a　sleeper's　heavy；　regular　breathing。　I　drew　the　rustling　silk

curtains　apart；　left　my　post；　went　to　the　foot　of　the　bed；　and　gazed

at　her　with　feelings　that　I　cannot　define。　She　was　so　enchanting　as

she　lay　like　a　child；　with　her　arm　above　her　head；　but　the　sweetness

of　the　fair；　quiet　visage；　surrounded　by　the　lace；　only　irritated　me。

I　had　not　been　prepared　for　the　torture　to　which　I　was　compelled　to

submit。



〃　'Mon　Dieu！'　that　scrap　of　a　thought　which　I　understood　not；　but　must

even　take　as　my　sole　light；　had　suddenly　modified　my　opinion　of

Foedora。　Trite　or　profoundly　significant；　frivolous　or　of　deep　import；

the　words　might　be　construed　as　expressive　of　either　pleasure　or　pain；

of　physical　or　of　mental　suffering。　Was　it　a　prayer　or　a　malediction；

a　forecast　or　a　memory；　a　fear　or　a　regret？　A　whole　life　lay　in　that

utterance；　a　life　of　wealth　or　of　penury；　perhaps　it　contained　a

crime！



〃The　mystery　that　lurked　beneath　this　fair　semblance　of　womanhood　grew

afresh；　there　were　so　many　ways　of　explaining　Foedora；　that　she　became

inexplicable。　A　sort　of　language　seemed　to　flow　from　between　her　lips。

I　put　thoughts　and　feelings　into　the　accidents　of　her　breathing；

whether　weak　or　regular；　gentle；　or　labored。　I　shared　her　dreams；　I

would　fain　have　divined　her　secrets　by　reading　them　through　her

slumber。　I　hesitated　among　contradictory　opinions　and　decisions

without　number。　I　could　not　deny　my　heart　to　the　woman　I　saw　before

me；　with　the　calm；　pure　beauty　in　her　face。　I　resolved　to　make　one

more　effort。　If　I　told　her　the　story　of　my　life；　my　love；　my

sacrifices；　might　I　not　awaken　pity　in　her　or　draw　a　tear　from　her　who

never　wept？



〃As　I　set　all　my　hopes　on　this　last　experiment；　the　sounds　in　the

streets　showed　that　day　was　at　hand。　For　a　moment's　space　I　pictured

Foedora　waking　to　find　herself　in　my　arms。　I　could　have　stolen　softly

to　her　side　and　slipped　them　about　her　in　a　close　embrace。　Resolved　to

resist　the　cruel　tyranny　of　this　thought；　I　hurried　into　the　salon；

heedless　of　any　sounds　I　might　make；　but；　luckily；　I　came　upon　a

secret　door　leading　to　a　little　staircase。　As　I　expected；　the　key　was

in　the　lock；　I　slammed　the　door；　went　boldly　out　into　the　court；　and

gained　the　street　in　three　bounds；　without　looking　round　to　see

whether　I　was　observed。



〃A　dramatist　was　to　read　a　comedy　at　the　countess'　house　in　two　days'

time；　I　went　thither；　intending　to　outstay　the　others；　so　as　to　make　a

rather　singular　request　to　her；　I　meant　to　ask　her　to　keep　the

following　evening　for　me　alone；　and　to　deny　herself　to　other　comers；

but　when　I　found　myself　alone　with　her；　my　courage　failed。　Every　tick

of　the　clock　alarmed　me。　It　wanted　only　a　quarter　of　an　hour　of

midnight。



〃　'If　I　do　not　speak；'　I　thought　to　myself；　'I　must　smash　my　head

against　the　corner　of　the　mantelpiece。'



〃I　gave　myself　three　minutes'　grace；　the　three　minutes　went