the magic skin-第25章
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nothing that other women do; and neither lives nor conducts herself
like them; wears a cloak that they cannot attain; breathes a perfume
of her own; then she seems to rise far above me。 The further she rises
from earth; even in the earthlier aspects of love; the fairer she
becomes for me。
〃Luckily for me we have had no queen in France these twenty years; for
I should have fallen in love with her。 A woman must be wealthy to
acquire the manners of a princess。 What place had Pauline among these
far…fetched imaginings? Could she bring me the love that is death;
that brings every faculty into play; the nights that are paid for by
life? We hardly die; I think; for an insignificant girl who gives
herself to us; and I could never extinguish these feelings and poet's
dreams within me。 I was born for an inaccessible love; and fortune has
overtopped my desire。
〃How often have I set satin shoes on Pauline's tiny feet; confined her
form; slender as a young poplar; in a robe of gauze; and thrown a
loose scarf about her as I saw her tread the carpets in her mansion
and led her out to her splendid carriage! In such guise I should have
adored her。 I endowed her with all the pride she lacked; stripped her
of her virtues; her natural simple charm; and frank smile; in order to
plunge her heart in our Styx of depravity that makes invulnerable;
load her with our crimes; make of her the fantastical doll of our
drawing…rooms; the frail being who lies about in the morning and comes
to life again at night with the dawn of tapers。 Pauline was fresh…
hearted and affectionateI would have had her cold and formal。
〃In the last days of my frantic folly; memory brought Pauline before
me; as it brings the scenes of our childhood; and made me pause to
muse over past delicious moments that softened my heart。 I sometimes
saw her; the adorable girl who sat quietly sewing at my table; wrapped
in her meditations; the faint light from my window fell upon her and
was reflected back in silvery rays from her thick black hair;
sometimes I heard her young laughter; or the rich tones of her voice
singing some canzonet that she composed without effort。 And often my
Pauline seemed to grow greater; as music flowed from her; and her face
bore a striking resemblance to the noble one that Carlo Dolci chose
for the type of Italy。 My cruel memory brought her back athwart the
dissipations of my existence; like a remorse; or a symbol of purity。
But let us leave the poor child to her own fate。 Whatever her troubles
may have been; at any rate I protected her from a menacing tempestI
did not drag her down into my hell。
〃Until last winter I led the uneventful studious life of which I have
given you some faint picture。 In the earliest days of December 1829; I
came across Rastignac; who; in spite of the shabby condition of my
wardrobe; linked his arm in mine; and inquired into my affairs with a
quite brotherly interest。 Caught by his engaging manner; I gave him a
brief account of my life and hopes; he began to laugh; and treated me
as a mixture of a man of genius and a fool。 His Gascon accent and
knowledge of the world; the easy life his clever management procured
for him; all produced an irresistible effect upon me。 I should die an
unrecognized failure in a hospital; Rastignac said; and be buried in a
pauper's grave。 He talked of charlatanism。 Every man of genius was a
charlatan; he plainly showed me in that pleasant way of his that makes
him so fascinating。 He insisted that I must be out of my senses; and
would be my own death; if I lived on alone in the Rue des Cordiers。
According to him; I ought to go into society; to accustom people to
the sound of my name; and to rid myself of the simple title of
'monsieur' which sits but ill on a great man in his lifetime。
〃 'Those who know no better;' he cried; 'call this sort of business
SCHEMING; and moral people condemn it for a 〃dissipated life。〃 We need
not stop to look at what people think; but see the results。 You work;
you say? Very good; but nothing will ever come of that。 Now; I am
ready for anything and fit for nothing。 As lazy as a lobster? Very
likely; but I succeed everywhere。 I go out into society; I push myself
forward; the others make way before me; I brag and am believed; I
incur debts which somebody else pays! Dissipation; dear boy; is a
methodical policy。 The life of a man who deliberately runs through his
fortune often becomes a business speculation; his friends; his
pleasures; patrons; and acquaintances are his capital。 Suppose a
merchant runs a risk of a million; for twenty years he can neither
sleep; eat; nor amuse himself; he is brooding over his million; it
makes him run about all over Europe; he worries himself; goes to the
devil in every way that man has invented。 Then comes a liquidation;
such as I have seen myself; which very often leaves him penniless and
without a reputation or a friend。 The spendthrift; on the other hand;
takes life as a serious game and sees his horses run。 He loses his
capital; perhaps; but he stands a chance of being nominated Receiver…
General; of making a wealthy marriage; or of an appointment of attache
to a minister or ambassador; and he has his friends left and his name;
and he never wants money。 He knows the standing of everybody; and uses
every one for his own benefit。 Is this logical; or am I a madman after
all? Haven't you there all the moral of the comedy that goes on every
day in this world? 。 。 。 Your work is completed' he went on after a
pause; 'you are immensely clever! Well; you have only arrived at my
starting…point。 Now; you had better look after its success yourself;
it is the surest way。 You will make allies in every clique; and secure
applause beforehand。 I mean to go halves in your glory myself; I shall
be the jeweler who set the diamonds in your crown。 Come here to…morrow
evening; by way of a beginning。 I will introduce you to a house where
all Paris goes; all OUR Paris; that isthe Paris of exquisites;
millionaires; celebrities; all the folk who talk gold like Chrysostom。
When they have taken up a book; that book becomes the fashion; and
if it is something really good for once; they will have declared it
to be a work of genius without knowing it。 If you have any sense; my
dear fellow; you will ensure the success of your 〃Theory;〃 by a
better understanding of the theory of success。 To…morrow evening you
shall go to see that queen of the momentthe beautiful Countess
Foedora。 。 。 。'
〃 'I have never heard of her。 。 。 。'
〃 'You Hottentot!' laughed Rastignac; 'you do not know Foedora? A
great match with an income of nearly eighty thousand livres; who has
taken a fancy to nobody; or else no one has taken a fancy to her。 A
sort of feminine enigma; a half Russian Parisienne; or a half Parisian
Russian。 All the romantic productions that never get published are
brought out at her house; she is the handsomest woman in Paris; and
the most gracious! You are not even a Hottentot; you are something
between the Hottentot and the beast。 。 。 。 Good…bye till to…morrow。'
〃He swung round on his heel and made off without waiting for my
answer。 It never occurred to him that a reasoning being could refuse
an introduction to Foedora。 How can the fascination of a name be
explained? FOEDORA haunted me like some evil thought; with which you
seek to come to terms。 A voice said in me; 'You are going to see
Foedora!' In vain I reasoned with that voice; saying that it lied to
me; all my arguments were defeated by the name 'Foedora。' Was not the
name; and even the woman herself; the symbol of all my desires; and
the object of my life?
〃The name called up recollections of the conventional glitter of the
world; the upper world of Paris with its brilliant fetes and the
tinsel of its vanities。 The woman brought before me all the problems
of passion on which my mind continually ran。 Perhaps it was neither
the woman nor the name; but