father and son-第42章
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not the Lord's will that I should attend the Browns' party。 My Father's attitude seemed to me to be hardly fair； since he did not scruple to remind the Deity of various objections to a life of pleasure and of the snakes that lie hidden in the grass of evening parties。 It would have been more scrupulous； I thought； to give no sort of hint of the kind of answer he desired and expected。
It will be justly said that my life was made up of very trifling things； since I have to confess that this incident of the Browns' invitation was one of its landmarks。 As I knelt； feeling very small； by the immense bulk of my Father； there gushed though my veins like a wine the determination to rebel。 Never before； in all these years of my vocation； had I felt my resistance take precisely this definite form。 We rose presently from the sofa； my forehead and the backs of my hands still chafed by the texture of the horsehair； and we faced one another in the dreary light。 My Father； perfectly confident in the success of what had really been a sort of incantation； asked me in a loud wheedling voice； 'Well； and what is the answer which our Lord vouchsafes？' I said nothing； and so my Father； more sharply； continued； 'We have asked Him to direct you to a true knowledge of His will。 We have desired Him to let you know whether it is； or is not； in accordance with His wishes that you should accept this invitation from the Browns。' He positively beamed down at me； he had no doubt of the reply。 He was already； I believe； planning some little treat to make up to me for the material deprivation。 But my answer came； in the high…piping accents of despair： 'The Lord says I may go to the Browns。' My Father gazed at me in speechless horror。 He was caught in his own trap； and though he was certain that the Lord had said nothing of the kind； there was no road open for him but just sheer retreat。 Yet surely it was an error in tactics to slam the door。
It was at this party at the Brownsto which I duly went； although in sore disgracethat my charnel poets played me a mean trick。 It was proposed that 'our young friends' should give their elders the treat of repeating any pretty pieces that they knew by heart。 Accordingly a little girl recited 'Casabianca'； and another little girl 'We are Seven'； and various children were induced to repeat hymns； 'some rather long'； as Calverley says； but all very mild and innocuously evangelical。 I was then asked by Mrs Brown's maiden sister； a gushing lady in corkscrew curls； who led the revels； whether I also would not indulge them 'by repeating some sweet stanzas'。 No one more ready than I。 Without a moment's hesitation； I stood forth； and in a loud voice I began one of my favourite passages from Blair's 'Grave'：
If death were nothing； and nought after death If when men died at once they ceased to be； Returning to the barren Womb of Nothing Whence first they sprung； then might the debauchee。。。
'Thank you； dear； that will do nicely！' interrupted the lady with the curls。 'But that's only the beginning of it；' I cried。 'Yes。 dear； but that will quite do！ We won't ask you to repeat any more of it；' and I withdrew to the borders of the company in bewilderment。 Nor did the Browns or their visitors ever learn what it was the debauchee might have said or done in more favourable circumstances。
The growing eagerness which I displayed for the society of selected schoolfellows and for such gentle dissipations as were within my reach exercised my Father greatly。 His fancy rushed forward with the pace of a steam…engine； and saw me the life and soul of a gambling club； or flaunting it at the Mabille。 He had no confidence in the action of moderating powers； and he was fond of repeating that the downward path is easy。 If one fretted to be bathing with one's companions on the shingle； and preferred this exercise to the study of God's Word； it was a symbol of a terrible decline； the angle of which would grow steeper and steeper； until one plunged into perdition。 He was； himself； timid and reclusive； and he shrank from all avoidable companionship with others； except on the footing of a master and teacher。 My stepmother and I； who neither taught nor ruled； yearned for a looser chain and lighter relationships。 With regard to myself； my Father about this time hit on a plan from which he hoped much； but from which little resulted。 He looked to George to supply what my temperament seemed to require of congenial juvenile companionship。
If I have not mentioned 'George' until now； it is not that he was a new acquaintance。 When we first came down into the country； our sympathy had been called forth by an accident to a little boy； who was knocked over by a horse； and whose thigh was broken。 Somebody （I suppose Mary Grace； since my Father could rarely bring himself to pay these public visits） went to see the child in the infirmary； and accidentally discovered that he was exactly the same age that I was。 This； and the fact that he was a meditative and sober little boy； attracted us all still further to George； who became converted under one of my Father's sermons。 He attended my public baptism； and was so much moved by this ceremony that he passionately desired to be baptized also； and was in fact so immersed； a few months later； slightly to my chagrin； since I thereupon ceased to be the only infant prodigy in communion。 When we were both in our thirteenth year； George became an outdoor servant to us； and did odd jobs under the gardener。 My Father； finding him； as he said； 'docile； obedient and engaging'； petted George a good deal； and taught him a little botany。 He called George； by a curious contortion of thought； my 'spiritual foster…brother'； and anticipated for him； I think； a career； like mine； in the Ministry。
Our garden suffered from an incursion of slugs； which laid the verbenas in the dust； and shore off the carnations as if with pairs of scissors。 To cope with this plague we invested in a drake and a duck； who were christened Philemon and Baucis。 Every night large cabbage…leaves； containing the lees of beer； were spread about the flower…beds as traps； and at dawn these had become green parlours crammed with intoxicated slugs。 One of George's earliest morning duties was to free Philemon and Baucis from their coop； and； armed with a small wand； to guide their footsteps to the feast in one cabbageleaf after another。 My Father used to watch this performance from an upper window； and； in moments of high facetiousness； he was wont to parody the poet Gray：
How jocund doth George drive his team afield！
This is all； or almost all； that I remember about George's occupations； but he was singularly blameless。
My Father's plan now was that I should form a close intimacy with George； as a boy of my own age； of my own faith； of my own future。 My stepmother； still in bondage to the social conventions； was passionately troubled at this； and urged the barrier of class…differences。 My Father replied that such an intimacy would keep me 'lowly'； and that from so good a boy as George I could learn nothing undesirable。 'He will encourage him not to wipe his boots when he comes into the house；' saidmy stepmother； and my Father sighed to think how narrow is the horizon of Woman's view of heavenly things。
In this caprice； if I may call it so； I think that my Father had before him the fine republican example of 'Sandford and Merton'； some parts of which book he admired extremely。 Accordingly George and I were sent out to take walks together； and as we started； my Father； with an air of great benevolence； would suggest some passage of Scripture； or 'some aspect of God's bountiful scheme in creation； on which you may profitably meditate together。' George and I never pursued the discussion of the text with which my Father started us for more than a minute or two； then we fell into silence； or investigated current scenes and rustic topics。
As is natural among the children of the poor； George was precocious where I was infantile； and undeveloped where I was elaborate。 Our minds could hardly find a point at which to touch。 He gave me； however； under cross…examination； interesting hints about rural matters； and I liked him； although I felt his company to be insipi
