father and son-第33章
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id； that I was an example to others。 He used to draw dreadful pictures of supposititious little boys who were secretly watching me from afar； and whose whole career； in time and in eternity； might be disastrously affected if I did not keep my lamp burning。
The year which followed upon my baptism did not open very happily at the Room。 Considerable changes had now taken place in the community。 My Father's impressive services； a certain prestige in his preaching； the mere fact that so vigorous a person was at the head of affairs； had induced a large increase in the attendance。 By this time； if my memory does not fail me as to dates； we had left the dismal loft over the stables； and had built ourselves a perfectly plain； but commodious and well…arranged chapel in the centre of the village。 This greatly added to the prosperity of the meeting。 Everything had combined to make our services popular； and had attracted to us a new element of younger people。 Numbers of youthful masons and carpenters； shop…girls and domestic servants； found the Room a pleasant trystingplace； and were more or less superficially induced to accept salvation as it was offered to them in my Father's searching addresses。 My Father was very shrewd in dealing with mere curiosity or idle motive； and sharply packed off any youths who simply came to make eyes at the girls； or any 'maids' whose only object was to display their new bonnet…strings。 But he was powerless against a temporary sincerity； the simulacrum of a true change of heart。 I have often heard him say；of some young fellow who had attended our services with fervour for a little while； and then had turned cold and left us；'and I thought that the Holy Ghost had wrought in him！' Such disappointments grievously depress an evangelist。
Religious bodies are liable to strange and unaccountable fluctuations。 At the beginning of the third year since our arrival； the congregation seemed to be in a very prosperous state； as regards attendance； conversions and other outward signs of activity。 Yet it was quite soon after this that my Father began to be harassed by all sorts of troubles； and the spring of 1860 was a critical moment in the history of the community。 Although he loved to take a very high tone about the Saints； and involved them sometimes in a cloud of laudatory metaphysics； the truth was that they were nothing more than peasants of a somewhat primitive type； not well instructed in the rules of conduct and liable to exactly the same weaknesses as invade the rural character in every country and latitude。 That they were exhorted to behave as 'children of light'； and that the majority of them sincerely desired to do credit to their high calling； could not prevent their being beset by the sins which had affected their forebears for generations past。
The addition of so many young persons of each sex to the communion led to an entirely new class of embarrassment。 Now there arose endless difficulties about 'engagements'； about youthful brethren who 'went out walking' with even more youthful sisters。 Glancing over my Father's notes； I observe the ceaseless repetition of cases in which So…and…So is 'courting' Such…an…one； followed by the melancholy record that he has 'deserted' her。 In my Father's stern language； 'desertion' would very often mean no more than that the amatory pair had blamelessly changed their minds； but in some cases it meant more and worse than this。 It was a very great distress to him that sometimes the young men and women who showed the most lively interest in Scripture； and who had apparently accepted the way of salvation with the fullest intelligence； were precisely those who seemed to struggle with least success against a temptation to unchastity。 He put this down to the concentrated malignity of Satan； who directed his most poisoned darts against the fairest of the flock。
In addition to these troubles； there came recriminations； mutual charges of drunkenness in private； all sorts of petty jealousy and scandal。 There were frequent definite acts of 'back…sliding' on the part of members； who had in consequence to be 'put away'。 No one of these cases might be in itself extremely serious； but when many of them came together they seemed to indicate that the church was in an unhealthy condition。 The particulars of many of these scandals were concealed from me； but I was an adroit little pitcher； and had cultivated the art of seeming to be interested in something else； a book or a flower； while my elders were talking confidentially。 As a rule； while I would fain have acquired more details； I was fairly well…informed about the errors of the Saints； although I was often quaintly ignorant of the real nature of those errors。
Not infrequently； persons who had fallen into sin repented of it under my Father's penetrating ministrations。 They were apt in their penitence to use strange symbolic expressions。 I remember Mrs。 Pewings； our washerwoman； who had been accused of intemperance and had been suspended from communion； reappearing with a face that shone with soap and sanctification； and saying to me； 'Oh！ blessed Child； you're wonderin' to zee old Pewings here again； but He have rolled away my mountain！' For once； I was absolutely at a loss； but she meant that the Lord had removed the load of her sins； and restored her to a state of grace。
It was in consequence of these backslidings； which had become alarmingly frequent； that early in 1860 my Father determined on proclaiming a solemn fast。 He delivered one Sunday what seemed to me an awe…inspiring address； calling upon us all closely to examine our consciences； and reminding us of the appalling fate of the church of Laodicea。 He said that it was not enough to have made a satisfactory confession of faith； nor even to have sealed that confession in baptism； if we did not live up to our protestations。 Salvation； he told us； must indeed precede holiness of life； yet both are essential。 It was a dark and rainy winter morning when he made this terrible address； which frightened the congregation extremely。 When the marrow was congealed within our bones； and when the bowed heads before him； and the faintly audible sobs of the women in the background； told him that his lesson had gone home； he pronounced the keeping of a day in the following week as a fast of contrition。 'Those of you who have to pursue your daily occupations will pursue them； but sustained only by the bread of affliction and by the water of affliction。'
His influence over these gentle peasant people was certainly remarkable； for no effort was made to resist his exhortation。 It was his customary plan to stay a little while； after the morning meeting was over； and in a very affable fashion to shake hands with the Saints。 But on this occasion he stalked forth without a word； holding my hand tight until we had swept out into the street。
How the rest of the congregation kept this fast I do not know。 But it was a dreadful day for us。 I was awakened in the pitchy night to go off with my Father to the Room； where a scanty gathering held a penitential prayer…meeting。 We came home； as dawn was breaking； and in process of time sat down to breakfast； which consistedat that dismal hourof slices of dry bread and a tumbler of cold water each。 During the morning； I was not allowed to paint； or write； or withdraw to my study in the box… room。 We sat； in a state of depression not to be described； in the breakfast…room； reading books of a devotional character； with occasional wailing of some very doleful hymn。 Our midday dinner came at last； the meal was strictly confined； as before； to dry slices of the loaf and a tumbler of water。
The afternoon would have been spent as the morning was； and so my Father spent it。 But Miss Marks； seeing my white cheeks and the dark rings around my eyes； besought leave to take me out for a walk。 This was permitted； with a pledge that I should be given no species of refreshment。 Although I told Miss Marks； in the course of the walk； that I was feeling 'so leer' （our Devonshire phrase for hungry）； she dared not break her word。 Our last meal was of the former character； and the day ended by our trapesing through the wet to another prayer…meeting； whence I returned in
