father and son-第30章
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ve by argument。 I think that I had frequently done this； that he had been brought up against a dead wall； although on other sides of my nature I had been responsive and docile。 But now； in my tenth year； the imitative faculty got the upper hand； and nothing seemed so attractive as to be what I was expected to be。 If there was a doubt now； it lay in the other direction； it seemed hardly normal that so young a child should appear so receptive and so apt。
My Father believed himself justified； at this juncture； in making a tremendous effort。 He wished to secure me finally； exhaustively； before the age of puberty could dawn； before my soul was fettered with the love of carnal things。 He thought that if I could now be identified with the 'saints'； and could stand on exactly their footing； a habit of conformity would be secured。 I should meet the paganizing tendencies of advancing years with security if I could be forearmed with all the weapons of a sanctified life。 He wished me； in short； to be received into the community of the Brethren on the terms of an adult。 There were difficulties in the way of carrying out this scheme； and they were urged upon him； more or less courageously； by the elders of the church。 But he overbore them。 What the difficulties were； and what were the arguments which he used to sweep those difficulties away； I must now explain； for in this lay the centre of our future relations as father and son。
In dealing with the peasants around him； among whom he was engaged in an active propaganda； my Father always insisted on the necessity of conversion。 There must be a new birth and being； a fresh creation in God。 This crisis he was accustomed to regard as manifesting itself in a sudden and definite upheaval。 There might have been prolonged practical piety； deep and true contrition for sin； but these； although the natural and suitable prologue to conversion； were not conversion itself。 People hung on at the confines of regeneration； often for a very long time； my Father dealt earnestly with them； the elders ministered to them； with explanation； exhortation and prayer。 Such persons were in a gracious state； but they were not in a state of grace。 If they should suddenly die； they would pass away in an unconverted condition； and all that could be said in their favour was a vague expression of hope that they would benefit from God's uncovenanted mercies。
But on some day； at some hour and minute； if life was spared to them； the way of salvation would be revealed to these persons in such an aspect that they would be enabled instantaneously to accept it。 They would take it consciously； as one takes a gift from the hand that offers it。 This act of taking was the process of conversion； and the person who so accepted was a child of God now； although a single minute ago he had been a child of wrath。 The very root of human nature had to be changed； and； in the majority of cases； this change was sudden； patent； and palpable。
I have just said； 'in the majority of cases'； because my Father admitted the possibility of exceptions。 The formula was； 'If any man hath not the Spirit of Christ； he is none of his。' As a rule； no one could possess the Spirit of Christ； without a conscious and full abandonment of the soul； and this； however carefully led up to； and prepared for with tears and renunciations； was not； could not； be made； except at a set moment of time。 Faith； in an esoteric and almost symbolic sense； was necessary； and could not be a result of argument； but was a state of heart。 In these opinions my Father departed in no ways from the strict evangelical doctrine of the Protestant churches； but he held it in a mode and with a severity peculiar to himself。 Now； it is plain that this state of heart； this voluntary deed of acceptance； presupposed a full and rational consciousness of the relations of things。 It might be clearly achieved by a person of humble cultivation； but only by one who was fully capable of independent thought； in other words by a more or less adult person； The man or woman claiming the privileges of conversion must be able to understand and to grasp what his religious education was aiming at。
It is extraordinary what trouble it often gave my Father to know whether he was justified in admitting to the communion people of very limited powers of expression。 A harmless； humble labouring man would come with a request…to be allowed to 'break bread'。 It was only by the use of strong leading questions that he could be induced to mention Christ as the ground of his trust at all。 I recollect an elderly agricultural labourer being closeted for a long time with my Father； who came out at last； in a sort of dazed condition； and replied to our inquiries；with a shrug of his shoulders as he said it；'I was obliged to put the Name and Blood and Work of Jesus into his very mouth。 It is true that he assented cordially at last； but I confess I was grievously daunted by the poor intelligence！'
But there was； or there might be； another class of persona； whom early training； separation from the world； and the care of godly parents had so early familiarized with the acceptable calling of Christ that their conversion had occurred； unperceived and therefore unrecorded； at an extraordinarily earl age。 It would be in vain to look for a repetition of the phenomenon in those cases。 The heavenly fire must not be expected to descend a second time； the lips are touched with the burning coal once； and once only。 If； accordingly； these precociously selected spirits are to be excluded because no new birth is observed in them at a mature age； they must continue outside inhe cold； since the phenomenon cannot be repeated。 When； therefore； there is not possible any further doubt of their being in possession of salvation； longer delay is useless； and worse than useless。 The fact of conversion； though not recorded nor even recollected； must be accepted on the evidence of confession of faith； and as soon as the intelligence is evidently developed； the person not merely may； but should be accepted into communion； although still immature in body； although in years still even a child。 This my Father believed to be my case； and in this rare class did he fondly persuade himself to station me。
As I have said； the congregation；although docile and timid； and little able； as units； to hold their own against their minister behind his back were faintly hostile to this plan。 None of their own children had ever been so much as suggested for membership； and each of themselves； in ripe years； had been subjected to severe cross…examination。 I think it was rather a bitter pill for some of them to swallow that a pert little boy of ten should be admitted； as a grown…up person； to all the hard…won privileges of their order。 Mary Grace Burmington came back from her visits to the cottagers； reporting disaffection here and there； grumblings in the rank and file。 But quite as many； especially of the women； enthusiastically supported my Father's wish； gloried aloud in the manifestations of my early piety； and professed to see in it something of miraculous promise。 The expression 'another Infant Samuel' was widely used。 I became quite a subject of contention。 A war of the sexes threatened to break out over me； I was a disturbing element at cottage breakfasts。 I was mentioned at public prayer…meetings； not indeed by name but； in the extraordinary allusive way customary in our devotions； as 'one amongst us of tender years' or as 'a sapling in the Lord's vineyard'。
To all this my Father put a stop in his own high…handed fashion。 After the morning meeting； one Sunday in the autumn of 1859； he desired the attention of the Saints to a personal matter which was； perhaps； not unfamiliar to them by rumour。 That was； he explained； the question of the admission of his； beloved little son to the communion of saints in the breaking of bread。 He allowedand I sat there in evidence； palely smiling at the audience； my feet scarcely touching the groundthat I was not what is styled adult； I was not； he frankly admitted； a grown…up person。 But I was adult in a knowledge of the Lord； I possessed an insight into the plan of salvation which many a hoary head might envy for its fullness
