father and son-第25章
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。 I enjoyed its irregularities； its waywardness； it was like a tune that wandered into several keys。 As Mary Grace Burmington put it； one never knew what dear Mary Flaw would say next； and that she did not herself know added to the charm。 She had become crazed； poor thing； in consequence of a disappointment in love； but of course I did not know that； nor that she was crazed at all。 I thought her brilliant and original； and I liked her very much。 In the light of coming events； it would be affectation were I to pretend that she did not feel a similar partiality for me。
Miss Flaw was； from the first； devoted to my Father's ministrations； and it was part of our odd village indulgence that no one ever dreamed of preventing her from coming to the Room。 On Sunday evenings the bulk of the audience was arranged on forms； with backs to them； set in the middle of the floor； with a passage round them； while other forms were placed against the walls。 My Father preached from a lectern； facing the audience。 If darkness came on in the course of the service； Richard Moxhay； glimmering in his cream…white corduroys； used to go slowly around； lighting groups of tallow candles by the help of a box of lucifers。 Mary Flaw always assumed the place of honour； on the left extremity of the front bench； immediately opposite my Father。 Miss Marks and Mary Grace； with me ensconced and almost buried between them； occupied the right of the same bench。 While the lighting proceeded； Miss Flaw used to direct it from her seat； silently； by pointing out to Moxhay； who took no notice； what groups of candles he should light next。 She did this just as the clown in the circus directs the grooms how to move the furniture； and Moxhay paid no more attention to her than the grooms do to the clown。 Miss Flaw had another peculiarity： she silently went through a service exactly similar to ours； but much briefer。 The course of our evening service was this： My Father prayed； and we all knelt down； then he gave out a hymn and most of us stood up to sing； then he preached for about an hour； while we sat and listened； then a hymn again； then prayer and the valediction。
Mary Flaw went through this ritual； but on a smaller scale。 We all knelt down together； but when we rose from our knees； Miss Flaw was already standing up； and was pretending； without a sound； to sing a hymn； in the midst of our hymn； she sat down； opened her Bible； found a text； and then leaned back； her eyes fixed in space； listening to an imaginary sermon which our own real one soon caught up； and coincided with for about three… quarters of an hour。 Then； while our sermon went peacefully on； Miss Flaw would rise； and sing in silence （if I am permitted to use such an expression） her own visionary hymn； then she would kneel down and pray； then rise； collect her belongings； and sweep； in fairy majesty； out of the chapel； my Father still rounding his periods from the pulpit。 Nobody ever thought of preventing these movements； or of checking the poor creature in her innocent flightiness； until the evening of the great event。
It was all my own fault。 Mary Flaw had finished her imaginary service earlier than usual。 She had stood up alone with her hymn… book before her； she had flung herself on her knees alone； in the attitude of devotion； she had risen； she had seated herself for a moment to put on her gloves； and to collect her Bible； her hymn… book and her pocket…handkerchief in her reticule。 She was ready to start； and she looked around her with a pleasant air； my Father； all undisturbed； booming away meanwhile over our heads。 I know not why the manoeuvres of Miss Flaw especially attracted me that evening； but I leaned out across Miss Marks and I caught Miss Flaw's eye。 She nodded； I nodded； and the amazing deed was done； I hardly know how。 Miss Flaw； with incredible swiftness； flew along the line； plucked me by the coat…collar from between my paralysed protectresses； darted with me down the chapel and out into the dark； before anyone had time to say 'Jack Robinson'。
My Father gazed from the pulpit and the stream of exhortation withered on his lips。 No one in the body of the audience stirred； no one but himself had clearly seen what had happened。 Vague rows of 'saints' with gaping countenances stared up at him； while he shouted； 'Will nobody stop them？ as we whisked out through the doorway。 Forth into the moist night we went； and up the lampless village； where； a few minutes later； the swiftest of the congregation； with my Father at their head； found us sitting on the doorstep of the butcher's shop。 My captor was now quite quiet； and made no objection to my quitting her；'without a single kiss or a goodbye'； as the poet says。
Although I had scarcely felt frightened at the time； doubtless my nerves were shaken by this escapade； and it may have had something to do with the recurrence of the distressing visions from which I had suffered as a very little child。 These came back； with a force and expansion due to my increased maturity。 I had hardly laid my head down on the pillow； than； as it seemed to me； I was taking part in a mad gallop through space。 Some force； which had tight hold of me； so that I felt myself an atom in its grasp； was hurrying me on over an endless slender bridge； under which on either side a loud torrent rushed at a vertiginous depth below。 At first our helpless flight；for I was bound hand and foot like Mazeppa；proceeded in a straight line； but presently it began to curve； and we raced and roared along； in what gradually became a monstrous vortex； reverberant with noises； loud with light； while； as we proceeded； enormous concentric circles engulfed us； and wheeled above and about us。 It seemed as if we；I； that is； and the undefined force which carried me； were pushing feverishly on towards a goal which our whole concentrated energies were bent on reaching； but which a frenzied despair in my heart told me we never could reach； yet the attainment of which alone could save us from destruction。 Far away； in the pulsation of the great luminous whorls； I could just see that goal； a ruby…coloured point waxing and waning； and it bore； or to be exact it consisted of the letters of the word CARMINE。
This agitating vision recurred night after night； and filled me with inexpressible distress。 The details of it altered very little； and I knew what I had to expect when I crept into bed。 I knew that for a few minutes I should be battling with the chill of the linen sheets； and trying to keep awake； but that then； without a pause； I should slip into that terrible realm of storm and stress in which I was bound hand and foot； and sent galloping through infinity。 Often have I wakened； with unutterable joy； to find my Father and Miss Marks； whom my screams had disturbed； standing one on each side of my bed。 They could release me from my nightmare； which seldom assailed me twice a night but how to preserve me from its original attack passed their understanding。 My Father； in his tenderness； thought to exorcize the demon by prayer。 He would appear in the bedroom； just as I was first slipping into bed； and he would kneel at my side。 The light from a candle on the mantel…shelf streamed down upon his dark head of hair while his face was buried in the coverlid； from which a loud voice came up； a little muffled； begging that I might be preserved against all the evil spirits that walk in darkness and that the deep might not swallow me up。
This little ceremony gave a distraction to my thoughts； and may have been useful in that way。 But it led to an unfortunate circumstance。 My Father began to enjoy these orisons at my bedside； and to prolong them。 Perhaps they lasted a little too long； but I contrived to keep awake through them； sometimes by a great effort。 On one unhappy night； however； I gave even worse offense than slumber would have given。 My Father was praying aloud； in the attitude I have described； and I was half sitting； half lying in bed； with the clothes sloping from my chin。 Suddenly a rather large insect dark and flat； with more legs than a self…respecting insect ought to need appeared at the bottom of the counterpane； and slowly advanced。 I think it was nothing worse than a beetle。 It walked successful
