an unsocial socialist-第61章

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my　self…love　is　neither　thorough　nor　constant。　I　wanted　a　genial
partner　for　domestic　business；　and　Agatha　struck　me　quite
suddenly　as　being　the　nearest　approach　to　what　I　desired　that　I
was　likely　to　find　in　the　marriage　market；　where　it　is　extremely
hard　to　suit　oneself；　and　where　the　likeliest　bargains　are　apt　to
be　snapped　up　by　others　if　one　hesitates　too　long　in　the　hope　of
finding　something　better。　I　admire　Agatha's　courage　and
capability；　and　believe　I　shall　be　able　to　make　her　like　me；　and
that　the　attachment　so　begun　may　turn　into　as　close　a　union　as　is
either　healthy　or　necessary　between　two　separate　individuals。　I
may　mistake　her　character；　for　I　do　not　know　her　as　I　know　you；
and　have　scarcely　enough　faith　in　her　as　yet　to　tell　her　such
things　as　I　have　told　you。　Still；　there　is　a　consoling　dash　of
romance　in　the　transaction。　Agatha　has　charm。　Do　you　not　think
so？〃

Gertrude's　emotion　was　gone。　She　replied　with　cool　scorn；　〃Very
romantic　indeed。　She　is　very　fortunate。〃

Trefusis　half　laughed；　half　sighed　with　relief　to　find　her　so
self…possessed。　〃It　sounds　likeand　indeed　isthe　selfish
calculation　of　a　disilluded　widower。　You　would　not　value　such　an
offer；　or　envy　the　recipient　of　it？〃

〃No；〃　said　Gertrude　with　quiet　contempt。

〃Yet　there　is　some　calculation　behind　every　such　offer。　We　marry
to　satisfy　our　needs；　and　the　more　reasonable　our　needs　are；　the
more　likely　are　we　to　get　them　satisfied。　I　see　you　are　disgusted
with　me；　I　feared　as　much。　You　are　the　sort　of　woman　to　admit　no
excuse　for　my　marriage　except　lovepure　emotional　love；
blindfolding　reason。〃

〃I　really　do　not　concern　myself〃

〃Do　not　say　so；　Gertrude。　I　watch　every　step　you　take　with
anxiety；　and　I　do　not　believe　you　are　indifferent　to　the
worthiness　of　my　conduct。　Believe　me；　love　is　an　overrated
passion；　it　would　be　irremediably　discredited　but　that　young
people；　and　the　romancers　who　live　upon　their　follies；　have　a
perpetual　interest　in　rehabilitating　it。　No　relation　involving
divided　duties　and　continual　intercourse　between　two　people　can
subsist　permanently　on　love　alone。　Yet　love　is　not　to　be　despised
when　it　comes　from　a　fine　nature。　There　is　a　man　who　loves　you
exactly　as　you　think　I　ought　to　love　Agathaand　as　I　don't　love
her。〃

Gertrude's　emotion　stirred　again；　and　her　color　rose。　〃You　have
no　right　to　say　these　things　now；〃　she　said。

〃Why　may　I　not　plead　the　cause　of　another？　I　speak　of　Erskine。〃
Her　color　vanished；　and　he　continued；　〃I　want　you　to　marry　him。
When　you　are　married　you　will　understand　me　better；　and　our
friendship；　shaken　just　now；　will　be　deepened；　for　I　dare　assure
you；　now　that　you　can　no　longer　misunderstand　me；　that　no　living
woman　is　dearer　to　me　than　you。　So　much　for　the　inevitable
selfish　reason。　Erskine　is　a　poor　man；　and　in　his　comfortable
povertysave　the　marklies　your　salvation　from　the　baseness　of
marrying　for　wealth　and　position；　a　baseness　of　which　women　of
your　class　stand　in　constant　peril。　They　court　it；　you　must　shun
it。　The　man　is　honorable　and　loves　you；　he　is　young；　healthy；　and
suitable。　What　more　do　you　think　the　world　has　to　offer　you？〃

〃Much　more；　I　hope。　Very　much　more。〃

〃I　fear　that　the　names　I　give　things　are　not　romantic　enough。　He
is　a　poet。　Perhaps　he　would　be　a　hero　if　it　were　possible　for　a
man　to　be　a　hero　in　this　nineteenth　century；　which　will　be
infamous　in　history　as　a　time　when　the　greatest　advances　in　the
power　of　man　over　nature　only　served　to　sharpen　his　greed　and
make　famine　its　avowed　minister。　Erskine　is　at　least　neither　a
gambler　nor　a　slave…driver　at　first　hand；　if　he　lives　upon
plundered　labor　he　can　no　more　help　himself　than　I。　Do　not　say
that　you　hope　for　much　more；　but　tell　me；　if　you　can；　what　more
you　have　any　chance　of　getting？　Mind；　I　do　not　ask　what　more　you
desire；　we　all　desire　unutterable　things。　I　ask　you　what　more　you
can　obtain！〃

〃I　have　not　found　Mr。　Erskine　such　a　wonderful　person　as　you　seem
to　think　him。〃

〃He　is　only　a　man。　Do　you　know　anybody　more　wonderful？〃

〃Besides；　my　family　might　not　approve。〃

〃They　most　certainly　will　not。　If　you　wish　to　please　them；　you
must　sell　yourself　to　some　rich　vampire　of　the　factories　or　great
landlord。　If　you　give　yourself　away　to　a　poor　poet　who　loves　you；
their　disgust　will　be　unbounded。　If　a　woman　wishes　to　honor　her
father　and　mother　to　their　own　satisfaction　nowadays　she　must
dishonor　herself。〃

〃I　do　not　understand　why　you　should　be　so　anxious　for　me　to　marry
someone　else？〃

〃Someone　else？〃　said　Trefusis；　puzzled。

〃I　do　not　mean　someone　else；〃　said　Gertrude　hastily；　reddening。
〃Why　should　I　marry　at　all？〃

〃Why　do　any　of　us　marry？　Why　do　I　marry？　It　is　a　function　craving
fulfilment。　If　you　do　not　marry　betimes　from　choice；　you　will　be
driven　to　do　so　later　on　by　the　importunity　of　your　suitors　and
of　your　family；　and　by　weariness　of　the　suspense　that　precedes　a
definite　settlement　of　oneself。　Marry　generously。　Do　not　throw
yourself　away　or　sell　yourself；　give　yourself　away。　Erskine　has
as　much　at　stake　as　you；　and　yet　he　offers　himself　fearlessly。〃

Gertrude　raised　her　head　proudly。

〃It　is　true；〃　continued　Trefusis；　observing　the　gesture　with　some
anger；　〃　that　he　thinks　more　highly　of　you　than　you　deserve；　but
you；　on　the　other　hand；　think　too　lowly　of　him。　When　you　marry
him　you　must　save　him　from　a　cruel　disenchantment　by　raising
yourself　to　the　level　he　fancies　you　have　attained。　This　will
cost　you　an　effort；　and　the　effort　will　do　you　good；　whether　it
fail　or　succeed。　As　for　him；　he　will　find　his　just　level　in　your
estimation　if　your　thoughts　reach　high　enough　to　comprehend　him
at　that　level。〃

Gertrude　moved　impatiently。

〃What！〃　he　said　quickly。　〃Are　my　long…winded　sacrifices　to　the
god　of　reason　distasteful？　I　believe　I　am　involuntarily　making
them　so　because　I　am　jealous　of　the　fellow　after　all。
Nevertheless　I　am　serious；　I　want　you　to　get　married；　though　I
shall　always　have　a　secret　grudge　against　the　man　who　marries
you。　Agatha　will　suspect　me　of　treason　if　you　don't。　Erskine　will
be　a　disappointed　man　if　you　don't。　You　will　be　moody；　wretched；
andand　unmarried　if　you　don't。〃

Gertrude's　cheeks　flushed　at　the　word　jealous；　and　again　at　his
mention　of　Agatha。　〃And　if　I　do；〃　she　said　bitterly；　〃what　then？〃

〃If　you　do；　Agatha's　mind　will　be　at　ease；　Erskine　will　be　happy；
and　you！　You　will　have　sacrificed　yourself；　and　will　have　the
happiness　which　follows　that　when　it　is　worthily　done。〃

〃It　is　you　who　have　sacrificed　me；〃　she　said；　casting　away　her
reticence；　and　looking　at　him　for　the　first　time　during　the
conversation。

〃I　know　it；〃　he　said；　leaning　towards　her　and　half　whispering　the
words。　〃Is　not　renunciation　the　beginning　and　the　end　of　wisdom？
I　have　sacrificed　you　rather　than　profane　our　friendship　by
asking　you　to　share　my　whole　life　with　me。　You　are　unfit　for
that；　and　I　have　committed　myself　to　another　union；　and　am
begging　you　to　follow　my　example；　lest　we　should　tempt　one
another　to　a　step　which　would　soon　prove　to　you　how　truly　I　tell
you　that　you　are　unfit。　I　have　never　allowed　you　to　roam　through
all　the　chambers　of　my　consciousness；　but　I　keep　a　sanctuary
there　for　you　alone；　and　will　keep　it　inviolate　for　you　always。
Not　even　Agatha　shall　have　the　key；　she　must　be　content　with　the
other　roomsthe　drawing…room；　the　working…room；　the　dining…room；
and　so　forth。　They　would　not　suit　you；　you　would　not　like　the
furniture　or　the　guests；　after　a　time　you　would　not　like　the
master。　Will　you　be　content　with　the　sanctuary？〃　　Gertrude　bit
her　lip；　tears　came　into　her　eyes。　She　looked　imploringly　at　him。
Had　they　been　alone；　she　would　have　thrown　herself　into　his　arms
and　entreated　him　to　disregard　everything　except　their　strong
cleaving　to　one　another。

〃And　will　you　keep　a　corner　of　your　heart　for　me？〃

She　slowly　gave　him　a　painful　look　of　acquiescence。　〃Will　you　be
brave；　and　sacrifice　yourself　to　the　poor　man　who　loves　you？　He
will　save　you　from　useless　solitude；　or　from　a　worldly
marriageI　cannot　bear　to　think　of　either　as　your　fate。〃

〃I　do　not　care　for　Mr。　Erskine；〃　she　said；　hardly　able　to　control
her　voice；　〃but　I　will　marry