an unsocial socialist-第46章

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thought　desperately　that　if　he　were　to　miss　many　more　strokes　the
game　must　presently　end；　and　an　opportunity　which　might　never
recur　pass　beyond　recall。　He　determined　to　tell　her　without
preface　that　he　adored　her；　but　when　he　opened　his　lips　a
question　came　forth　of　its　own　accord　relating　to　the　Persian　way
of　playing　billiards。　Gertrude　had　never　been　in　Persia；　but　had
seen　some　Eastern　billiard　cues　in　the　India　museum。　Were　not　the
Hindoos　wonderful　people　for　filigree　work；　and　carpets；　and　such
things？　Did　he　not　think　thc　crookedness　of　their　carpet　patterns
a　blemish？　Some　people　pretended　to　admire　them；　but　was　not　that
all　nonsense？　Was　not　the　modern　polished　floor；　with　a　rug　in
the　middle；　much　superior　to　the　old　carpet　fitted　into　the
corners　of　the　room？　Yes。　Enormously　superior。　Immensely

〃Why；　what　are　you　thinking　of　to…day；　Mr。　Erskine？　You　have
played　with　my　ball。〃

〃I　am　thinking　of　you。〃

〃What　did　you　say？〃　said　Gertrude；　not　catching　the　serious　turn
he　had　given　to　the　conversation；　and　poising　her　cue　for　a
stroke。　〃Oh！　I　am　as　bad　as　you；　that　was　the　worst　stroke　I　ever
made；　I　think。　I　beg　your　pardon；　you　said　something　just　now。〃

〃I　forget。　Nothing　of　any　consequence。〃　And　he　groaned　at　his　own
cowardice。

〃Suppose　we　stop；〃　she　said。　〃There　is　no　use　in　finishing　the
game　if　our　hands　are　out。　I　am　rather　tired　of　it。〃

〃Certainlyif　you　wish　it〃

〃I　will　finish　if　you　like。〃

〃Not　at　all。　What　pleases　you；　pleases　me。〃

Gertrude　made　him　a　little　bow；　and　idly　knocked　the　balls　about
with　her　cue。　Erskine's　eyes　wandered；　and　his　lip　moved
irresolutely。　He　had　settled　with　himself　that　his　declaration
should　be　a　frank　oneheart　to　heart。　He　had　pictured　himself　in
the　act　of　taking　her　hand　delicately；　and　saying；　〃Gertrude；　I
love　you。　May　I　tell　you　so　again？〃　But　this　scheme　did　not　now
seem　practicable。

〃Miss　Lindsay。〃

Gertrude；　bending　over　the　table；　looked　up　in　alarm。

〃The　present　is　as　good　an　opportunity　as　I　willas　I　shallas
I　will。〃

〃Shall；〃　said　Gertrude。

〃I　beg　your　pardon？〃

〃SHALL；〃　repeated　Gertrude。　〃Did　you　ever　study　the　doctrine　of
necessity？〃

〃The　doctrine　of　necessity？〃　he　said；　bewildered。

Gertrude　went　to　the　other　side　of　the　table　in　pursuit　of　a
ball。　She　now　guessed　what　was　coming；　and　was　willing　that　it
should　come；　not　because　she　intended　to　accept；　but　because；
like　other　young　ladies　experienced　in　such　scenes；　she　counted
the　proposals　of　marriage　she　received　as　a　Red　Indian　counts　the
scalps　he　takes。

〃We　have　had　a　very　pleasant　time　of　it　here；〃　he　said；　giving　up
as　inexplicable　the　relevance　of　the　doctrine　of　necessity。　〃At
least；　I　have。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Gertrude；　quick　to　resent　a　fancied　allusion　to　her
private　discontent；　〃so　have　I。〃

〃I　am　glad　of　thatmore　so　than　I　can　convey　by　words。〃

〃Is　it　any　business　of　yours？〃　she　said；　following　the
disagreeable　vein　he　had　unconsciously　struck　upon；　and
suspecting　pity　in　his　efforts　to　be　sympathetic。

〃I　wish　I　dared　hope　so。　The　happiness　of　my　visit　has　been　due
to　you　entirely。〃

〃Indeed；〃　said　Gertrude；　wincing　as　all　the　hard　things　Trefusis
had　told　her　of　herself　came　into　her　mind　at　the　heels　of
Erskine's　unfortunate　allusion　to　her　power　of　enjoying　herself。

〃I　hope　I　am　not　paining　you；〃　he　said　earnestly。

〃I　don't　know　what　you　are　talking　about；〃　she　said；　standing
erect　with　sudden　impatience。　〃You　seem　to　think　that　it　is　very
easy　to　pain　me。〃

〃No；〃　he　said　timidly；　puzzled　by　the　effect　he　had　produced。　〃I
fear　you　misunderstand　me。　I　am　very　awkward。　Perhaps　I　had
better　say　no　more；　Gertrude；　by　turning　away　to　put　up　her　cue；
signified　that　that　was　a　point　for　him　to　consider；　she　not
intending　to　trouble　herself　about　it。　When　she　faced　him　again；
he　was　motionless　and　dejected；　with　a　wistful　expression　like
that　of　a　dog　that　has　proffered　a　caress　and　received　a　kick。
Remorse；　and　a　vague　sense　that　there　was　something　base　in　her
attitude　towards　him；　overcame　her。　She　looked　at　him　for　an
instant　and　left　the　room。

The　look　excited　him。　He　did　not　understand　it；　nor　attempt　to
understand　it；　but　it　was　a　look　that　he　had　never　before　seen　in
her　face　or　in　that　of　any　other　woman。　It　struck　him　as　a
momentary　revelation　of　what　he　had　written　of　in　〃The　Patriot
Martyrs〃　as

〃The　glorious　mystery　of　a　woman's　heart；〃

and　it　made　him　feel　unfit　for　ordinary　social　intercourse。　He
hastened　from　the　house；　walked　swiftly　down　the　avenue　to　the
lodge；　where　he　kept　his　bicycle；　left　word　there　that　he　was
going　for　an　excursion　and　should　probably　not　return　in　time　for
dinner；　mounted；　and　sped　away　recklessly　along　the　Riverside
Road。　In　less　than　two　minutes　he　passed　the　gate　of　Sallust's
House；　where　he　nearly　ran　over　an　old　woman　laden　with　a　basket
of　coals；　who　put　down　her　burthen　to　scream　curses　after　him。
Warned　by　this　that　his　headlong　pace　was　dangerous；　he　slackened
it　a　little；　and　presently　saw　Trefusis　lying　prone　on　the　river
bank；　with　his　cheeks　propped　on　his　elbows；　reading　intently。
Erskine；　who　had　presented　him；　a　few　days　before；　with　a　copy　of
〃The　Patriot　Martyrs　and　other　Poems；〃　tried　to　catch　a　glimpse
of　the　book　over　which　Trefusis　was　so　serious。　It　was　a　Blue
Book；　full　of　figures。　Erskine　rode　on　in　disgust；　consoling
himself　with　the　recollection　of　Gertrude's　face。

The　highway　now　swerved　inland　from　the　river；　and　rose　to　a
steep　acclivity；　at　the　brow　of　which　he　turned　and　looked　back。
The　light　was　growing　ruddy；　and　the　shadows　were　lengthening。
Trefusis　was　still　prostrate　in　the　meadow；　and　the　old　woman　was
in　a　field；　gathering　hemlock。

Erskine　raced　down　the　hill　at　full　speed；　and　did　not　look
behind　him　again　until　he　found　himself　at　nightfall　on　the
skirts　of　a　town；　where　he　purchased　some　beer　and　a　sandwich；
which　he　ate　with　little　appetite。　Gertrude　had　set　up　a
disturbance　within　him　which　made　him　impatient　of　eating。

It　was　now　dark。　He　was　many　miles　from　Brandon　Beeches；　and　not
sure　of　the　way　back。　Suddenly　he　resolved　to　complete　his
unfinished　declaration　that　evening。　He　now　could　not　ride　back
fast　enough　to　satisfy　his　impatience。　He　tried　a　short　cut；　lost
himself；　spent　nearly　an　hour　seeking　the　highroad；　and　at　last
came　upon　a　railway　station　just　in　time　to　catch　a　train　that
brought　him　within　a　mile　of　his　destination。

When　he　rose　from　the　cushions　of　the　railway　carriage　he　found
himself　somewhat　fatigued；　and　he　mounted　the　bicycle　stiffly。
But　his　resolution　was　as　ardent　as　ever；　and　his　heart　beat
strongly　as；　after　leaving　his　bicycle　at　the　lodge；　he　walked　up
the　avenue　through　the　deep　gloom　beneath　the　beeches。　Near　the
house；　the　first　notes　of　〃Grudel　perche　finora〃　reached　him；　and
he　stepped　softly　on　to　the　turf　lest　his　footsteps　on　the　gravel
should　rouse　the　dogs　and　make　them　mar　the　harmony　by　barking。　A
rustle　made　him　stop　and　listen。　Then　Gertrude's　voice　whispered
through　the　darkness：

〃What　did　you　mean　by　what　you　said　to　me　within？〃

An　extraordinary　sensation　shook　Erskine；　confused　ideas　of
fairyland　ran　through　his　imagination。　A　bitter　disappointment；
like　that　of　waking　from　a　happy　dream；　followed　as　Trefusis's
voice；　more　finely　tuned　than　he　had　ever　heard　it　before；
answered；

〃Merely　that　the　expanse　of　stars　above　us　is　not　more
illimitable　than　my　contempt　for　Miss　Lindsay；　nor　brighter　than
my　hopes　of　Gertrude。〃

〃Miss　Lindsay　always　to　you；　if　you　please；　Mr。　Trefusis。〃

〃Miss　Lindsay　never　to　me；　but　only　to　those　who　cannot　see
through　her　to　the　soul　within；　which　is　Gertrude。　There　are　a
thousand　Miss　Lindsays　in　the　world；　formal　and　false。　There　is
but　one　Gertrude。〃

〃I　am　an　unprotected　girl；　Mr。　Trefusis；　and　you　can　call　me　what
you　please。〃

It　occurred　to　Erskine　that　this　was　a　fit　occasion　to　rush
forward　and　give　Trefusis；　whose　figure　he　could　now　dimly
discern；　a　black　eye。　But　he　hesitated；　and　the　opportunity
passed。

〃Unprotected！〃　said　Trefusis。　〃Why；　you　are　fenced　round　and
barred　in　with　conventions；　laws；　and　lies　that　would　frighten