an unsocial socialist-第31章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


power　for　our　child。〃

〃I　am　quite　satisfied；〃　said　Trefusis。

〃No　doubt　you　arewith　the　result；〃　said　Mrs。　Jansenius；　hardly。
〃I　wish　to　know　whether　you　have　anything　to　complain　of。〃

〃Nothing。〃

〃Please　do　not　imply　that　anything　has　happened　through　our
neglect。〃

〃What　have　I　to　complain　of？　She　had　a　warm　room　and　a　luxurious
bed　to　die　in；　with　the　best　medical　advice　in　the　world。　Plenty
of　people　are　starving　and　freezing　to…day　that　we　may　have　the
means　to　die　fashionably；　ask　THEM　if　they　have　any　cause　for
complaint。　Do　you　think　I　will　wrangle　over　her　body　about　the
amount　of　money　spent　on　her　illness？　What　measure　is　that　of　the
cause　she　had　for　complaint？　I　never　grudged　money　to　herhow
could　I；　seeing　that　more　than　I　can　waste　is　given　to　me　for
nothing？　Or　how　could　you？　Yet　she　had　great　reason　to　complain
of　me。　You　will　allow　that　to　be　so。〃

〃It　is　perfectly　true。〃

〃Well；　when　I　am　in　the　humor　for　it；　I　will　reproach　myself　and
not　you。〃　He　paused；　and　then　turned　forcibly　on　her；　saying；
〃Why　do　you　select　this　time；　of　all　others；　to　speak　so　bitterly
to　me？〃

〃I　am　not　aware　that　I　have　said　anything　to　call　for　such　a
remark。　Did　YOU；〃　（appealing　to　the　doctor）　〃hear　me　say
anything？〃

〃Mr。　Trefusis　does　not　mean　to　say　that　you　did；　I　am　sure。　Oh；
no。　Mr。　Trefusis's　feelings　are　naturallyare　harrowed。　That　is
all。〃

〃My　feelings！〃　cried　Trefusis　impatiently。　〃Do　you　suppose　my
feelings　are　a　trumpery　set　of　social　observances；　to　be　harrowed
to　order　and　exhibited　at　funerals？　She　has　gone　as　we　three
shall　go　soon　enough。　If　we　were　immortal；　we　might　reasonably
pity　the　dead。　As　we　are　not；　we　had　better　save　our　energies　to
minimize　the　harm　we　are　likely　to　do　before　we　follow　her。〃

The　doctor　was　deeply　offended　by　this　speech；　for　the　statement
that　he　should　one　day　die　seemed　to　him　a　reflection　upon　his
professional　mastery　over　death。　Mrs。　Jansenius　was　glad　to　see
Trefusis　confirming　her　bad　opinion　and　report　of　him　by　his
conduct　and　language　in　the　doctor's　presence。　There　was　a　brief
pause；　and　then　Trefusis；　too　far　out　of　sympathy　with　them　to　be
able　to　lead　the　conversation　into　a　kinder　vein；　left　the　room。
In　the　act　of　putting　on　his　overcoat　in　the　hall；　he　hesitated；
and　hung　it　up　again　irresolutely。　Suddenly　he　ran　upstairs。　At
the　sound　of　his　steps　a　woman　came　from　one　of　the　rooms　and
looked　inquiringly　at　him。

〃Is　it　here？〃　he　said。

〃Yes；　sir；〃　she　whispered。

A　painful　sense　of　constriction　came　in　his　chest；　and　he　turned
pale　and　stopped　with　his　hand　on　the　lock。

〃Don't　be　afraid；　sir；〃　said　the　woman；　with　an　encouraging
smile。　〃She　looks　beautiful。〃

He　looked　at　her　with　a　strange　grin；　as　if　she　had　uttered　a
ghastly　but　irresistible　joke。　Then　he　went　in；　and；　when　he
reached　the　bed；　wished　he　had　stayed　without。　He　was　not　one　of
those　who；　seeing　little　in　the　faces　of　the　living　miss　little
in　the　faces　of　the　dead。　The　arrangement　of　the　black　hair　on
the　pillow；　the　soft　drapery；　and　the　flowers　placed　there　by　the
nurse　to　complete　the　artistic　effect　to　which　she　had　so
confidently　referred；　were　lost　on　him；　he　saw　only　a　lifeless
mask　that　had　been　his　wife's　face；　and　at　sight　of　it　his　knees
failed；　and　he　had　to　lean　for　support　on　the　rail　at　the　foot　of
the　bed。

When　he　looked　again　the　face　seemed　to　have　changed。　It　was　no
longer　a　waxlike　mask；　but　Henrietta；　girlish　and　pathetically　at
rest。　Death　seemed　to　have　cancelled　her　marriage　and　womanhood；
he　had　never　seen　her　look　so　young。　A　minute　passed；　and　then　a
tear　dropped　on　the　coverlet。　He　started；　shook　another　tear　on
his　hand；　and　stared　at　it　incredulously。

〃This　is　a　fraud　of　which　I　have　never　even　dreamed；〃　he　said。
〃Tears　and　no　sorrow！　Here　am　I　crying！　growing　maudlin！　whilst　I
am　glad　that　she　is　gone　and　I　free。　I　have　the　mechanism　of
grief　in　me　somewhere；　it　begins　to　turn　at　sight　of　her　though　I
have　no　sorrow；　just　as　she　used　to　start　the　mechanism　of
passion　when　I　had　no　love。　And　that　made　no　difference　to　her；
whilst　the　wheels　went　round　she　was　satisfied。　I　hope　the
mechanism　of　grief　will　flag　and　stop　in　its　spinning　as　soon　as
the　other　used　to。　It　is　stopping　already；　I　think。　What　a
mockery！　Whilst　it　lasts　I　suppose　I　am　really　sorry。　And　yet；
would　I　restore　her　to　life　if　I　could？　Perhaps　so；　I　am
therefore　thankful　that　I　cannot。〃　He　folded　his　arms　on　the　rail
and　gravely　addressed　the　dead　figure；　which　still　affected　him
so　strongly　that　he　had　to　exert　his　will　to　face　it　with
composure。　〃If　you　really　loved　me；　it　is　well　for　you　that　you
are　deadidiot　that　I　was　to　believe　that　the　passion　you　could
inspire；　you　poor　child；　would　last。　We　are　both　lucky；　I　have
escaped　from　you；　and　you　have　escaped　from　yourself。〃

Presently　he　breathed　more　freely　and　looked　round　the　room　to
help　himself　into　a　matter…of…fact　vein　by　a　little　unembarrassed
action；　and　the　commonplace　aspect　of　the　bedroom　furniture。　He
went　to　the　pillow；　and　bent　over　it；　examining　the　face　closely。

〃Poor　child！〃　he　said　again；　tenderly。　Then；　with　sudden
reaction；　apostrophizing　himself　instead　of　his　wife；　〃Poor　ass！
Poor　idiot！　Poor　jackanapes！　Here　is　the　body　of　a　woman　who　was
nearly　as　old　as　myself；　and　perhaps　wiser；　and　here　am　I
moralizing　over　it　as　if　I　were　God　Almighty　and　she　a　baby！　The
more　you　remind　a　man　of　what　he　is；　the　more　conceited　he
becomes。　Monstrous！　I　shall　feel　immortal　presently。〃

He　touched　the　cheek　with　a　faint　attempt　at　roughness；　to　feel
how　cold　it　was。　Then　he　touched　his　own；　and　remarked：

〃This　is　what　I　am　hastening　toward　at　the　express　speed　of　sixty
minutes　an　hour！〃　He　stood　looking　down　at　the　face　and　tasting
this　sombre　reflection　for　a　long　time。　When　it　palled　on　him；　he
roused　himself；　and　exclaimed　more　cheerfully：

〃After　all；　she　is　not　dead。　Every　word　she　utteredevery　idea
she　formed　and　expressed；　was　an　inexhaustible　and　indestructible
impulse。〃　He　paused；　considered　a　little　further；　and　relapsed
into　gloom；　adding；　〃and　the　dozen　others　whose　names　will　be
with　hers　in　the　'Times'　to…morrow？　Their　words　too　are　still　in
the　air；　to　endure　there　to　all　eternity。　Hm！　How　the　air　must　be
crammed　with　nonsense！　Two　sounds　sometimes　produce　a　silence；
perhaps　ideas　neutralize　one　another　in　some　analogous　way。　No；
my　dear；　you　are　dead　and　gone　and　done　with；　and　I　shall　be　dead
and　gone　and　done　with　too　soon　to　leave　me　leisure　to　fool
myself　with　hopes　of　immortality。　Poor　Hetty！　Well；　good…by；　my
darling。　Let　us　pretend　for　a　moment　that　you　can　hear　that；　I
know　it　will　please　you。〃

All　this　was　in　a　half…articulate　whisper。　When　he　ceased　he
still　bent　over　the　body；　gazing　intently　at　it。　Even　when　he　had
exhausted　the　subject；　and　turned　to　go；　he　changed　his　mind；　and
looked　again　for　a　while。　Then　he　stood　erect；　apparently　nerved
and　refreshed；　and　left　the　room　with　a　firm　step。　The　woman　was
waiting　outside。　Seeing　that　he　was　less　distressed　than　when　he
entered；　she　said：

〃I　hope　you　are　satisfied；　sir！〃

〃Delighted！　Charmed！　The　arrangements　are　extremely　pretty　and
tasteful。　Most　consolatory。〃　And　he　gave　her　half　a　sovereign。

〃I　thank　you；　sir；〃　she　said；　dropping　a　curtsey。　〃The　poor　young
lady！　She　was　anxious　to　see　you；　sir。　To　hear　her　say　that　you
were　the　only　one　that　cared　for　her！　And　so　fretful　with　her
mother；　too。　'Let　him　be　told　that　I　am　dangerously　ill；'　says
she；　'and　he'll　come。'　She　didn't　know　how　true　her　word　was；
poor　thing；　and　she　went　off　without　being　aware　of　it。〃

〃Flattering　herself　and　flattering　me。　Happy　girl！〃

〃Bless　you；　I　know　what　her　feelings　were；　sir；　I　have　had
experience。〃　Here　she　approached　him　confidentially；　and
whispered：　〃The　family　were　again'　you；　sir；　and　she　knew　it。　But
she　wouldn't　listen　to　them。　She　thought　of　nothing；　when　she　was
easy　enough　to　think　at　all；　but　of　your　coming。　Andhush！
Here's　the　old　gentleman。〃

Trefusis　looked　round　and　saw　Mr。　Jansenius；　whose　handsome　face
was　white　and　seamed　with　grief　and　annoyance。　He　drew　back　from
the　proffered　hand　of