an unsocial socialist-第28章

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strength　to　tell　your　husband　all　the　unpleasant　things　your　soul
is　charged　with。　Take　just　a　little。〃

She　turned　her　face　away　and　would　not　answer。　He　brought　another
chair　and　sat　down　beside　her。　〃My　lost；　forlorn；　betrayed　one〃

〃I　am；〃　she　sobbed。　〃You　don't　mean　it；　but　I　am。〃

〃You　are　also　my　dearest　and　best　of　wives。　If　you　ever　loved　me；
Hetty；　do；　for　my　once　dear　sake；　drink　this　before　it　gets
cold。〃

She　pouted；　sobbed；　and　yielded　to　some　gentle　force　which　he
used；　as　a　child　allows　herself　to　be　half　persuaded；　half
compelled；　to　take　physic。

〃Do　you　feel　better　and　more　comfortable　now？〃　he　said。

〃No；〃　she　replied；　angry　with　herself　for　feeling　both。

〃Then；〃　he　said　cheerfully；　as　if　she　had　uttered　a　hearty
affirmative；　〃I　will　put　some　more　coals　on　the　fire；　and　we
shall　be　as　snug　as　possible。　It　makes　me　wildly　happy　to　see　you
at　my　fireside；　and　to　know　that　you　are　my　own　wife。〃

〃I　wonder　how　you　can　look　me　in　the　face　and　say　so；〃　she　cried。

〃I　should　wonder　at　myself　if　I　could　look　at　your　face　and　say
anything　else。　Oatmeal　is　a　capital　restorative；　all　your　energy
is　coming　back。　There；　that　will　make　a　magnificent　blaze
presently。〃

〃I　never　thought　you　deceitful；　Sidney；　whatever　other　faults　you
might　have　had。〃

〃Precisely；　my　love。　I　understand　your　feelings。　Murder；
burglary；　intemperance；　or　the　minor　vices　you　could　have　borne；
but　deceit　you　cannot　abide。〃

〃I　will　go　away；〃　she　said　despairingly；　with　a　fresh　burst　of
tears。　〃I　will　not　be　laughed　at　and　betrayed。　I　will　go
barefooted。〃　She　rose　and　attempted　to　reach　the　door；　but　he
intercepted　her　and　said：

〃My　love；　there　is　something　serious　the　matter。　What　is　it？
Don't　be　angry　with　me。〃

He　brought　her　back　to　the　chair。　She　took　Agatha's　letter　from
the　pocket　of　her　fur　cloak；　and　handed　it　to　him　with　a　faint
attempt　to　be　tragic。

〃Read　that；〃　she　said。　〃And　never　speak　to　me　again。　All　is　over
between　us。〃

He　took　it　curiously；　and　turned　it　to　look　at　the　signature。
〃Aha！〃　he　said；　〃my　golden　idol　has　been　making　mischief；　has
she？〃

〃There！〃　exclaimed　Henrietta。　〃You　have　said　it　to　my　face！　You
have　convicted　yourself　out　of　your　own　mouth！〃

〃Wait　a　moment；　my　dear。　I　have　not　read　the　letter　yet。〃

He　rose　and　walked　to　and　fro　through　the　room；　reading。　She
watched　him；　angrily　confident　that　she　should　presently　see　him
change　countenance。　Suddenly　he　drooped　as　if　his　spine　had
partly　given　way；　and　in　this　ungraceful　attitude　he　read　the
remainder　of　the　letter。　When　he　had　finished　he　threw　it　on　the
table；　thrust　his　hands　deep　into　his　pockets；　and　roared　with
laughter；　huddling　himself　together　as　if　he　could　concentrate
the　joke　by　collecting　himself　into　the　smallest　possible
compass。　Henrietta；　speechless　with　indignation；　could　only　look
her　feelings。　At　last　he　came　and　sat　down　beside　her。

〃And　so；〃　he　said；　〃on　receiving　this　you　rushed　out　in　the　cold
and　came　all　the　way　to　Lyvern。　Now；　it　seems　to　me　that　you　must
either　love　me　very　much…　…〃

〃I　don't。　I　hate　you。〃

〃Or　else　love　yourself　very　much。〃

〃Oh！〃　And　she　wept　afresh。　〃You　are　a　selfish　brute；　and　you　do
just　as　you　like　without　considering　anyone　else。　No　one　ever
thinks　of　me。　And　now　you　won't　even　take　the　trouble　to　deny
that　shameful　letter。〃

〃Why　should　I　deny　it？　It　is　true。　Do　you　not　see　the　irony　of
all　this？　I　amuse　myself　by　paying　a　few　compliments　to　a
schoolgirl　for　whom　I　do　not　care　two　straws　more　than　for　any
agreeable　and　passably　clever　woman　I　meet。　Nevertheless；　I
occasionally　feel　a　pang　of　remorse　because　I　think　that　she　may
love　me　seriously；　although　I　am　only　playing　with　her。　I　pity
the　poor　heart　I　have　wantonly　ensnared。　And；　all　the　time；　she
is　pitying　me　for　exactly　the　same　reason！　She　is
conscience…stricken　because　she　is　only　indulging　in　the　luxury
of　being　adored　'by　far　the　cleverest　man　she　has　ever　met；'　and
is　as　heart…whole　as　I　am！　Ha；　ha！　That　is　the　basis　of　the
religion　of　love　of　which　poets　are　the　high…priests。　Each
worshipper　knows　that　his　own　love　is　either　a　transient　passion
or　a　sham　copied　from　his　favorite　poem；　but　he　believes　honestly
in　the　love　of　others　for　him。　Ho；　ho！　Is　it　not　a　silly　world；
my　dear？〃

〃You　had　no　right　to　make　love　to　Agatha。　You　have　no　right　to
make　love　to　anyone　but　me；　and　I　won't　bear　it。〃

〃You　are　angry　because　Agatha　has　infringed　your　monopoly。　Always
monopoly！　Why；　you　silly　girl；　do　you　suppose　that　I　belong　to
you；　body　and　soul？that　I　may　not　be　moved　except　by　your
affection；　or　think　except　of　your　beauty？〃

〃You　may　call　me　as　many　names　as　you　please；　but　you　have　no
right　to　make　love　to　Agatha。〃

〃My　dearest；　I　do　not　recollect　calling　you　any　names。　I　think
you　said　something　about　a　selfish　brute。〃

〃I　did　not。　You　called　me　a　silly　girl。〃

〃But；　my　love；　you　are。〃

〃And　so　YOU　are。　You　are　thoroughly　selfish。〃

〃I　don't　deny　it。　But　let　us　return　to　our　subject。　What　did　we
begin　to　quarrel　about？〃

〃I　am　not　quarrelling；　Sidney。　It　is　you。〃

〃Well；　what　did　I　begin　to　quarrel　about？〃

〃About　Agatha　Wylie。〃

〃Oh；　pardon　me；　Hetty；　I　certainly　did　not　begin　to　quarrel　about
her。　I　am　very　fond　of　hermore　so；　it　appears；　than　she　is　of
me。　One　moment；　Hetty；　　before　you　recommence　your　reproaches。
Why　do　you　dislike　my　saying　pretty　things　to　Agatha？〃

Henrietta　hesitated；　and　said：　〃Because　you　have　no　right　to。　It
shows　how　little　you　care　for　me。〃

〃It　has　nothing　to　do　with　you。　It　only　shows　how　much　I　care　for
her。〃

〃I　will　not　stay　here　to　be　insulted；〃　said　Hetty；　her　distress
returning。　〃I　will　go　home。〃

〃Not　to…night；　there　is　no　train。〃

〃I　will　walk。〃

〃It　is　too　far。〃

〃I　don't　care。　I　will　not　stay　here；　though　I　die　of　cold　by　the
roadside。〃

〃My　cherished　one；　I　have　been　annoying　you　purposely　because　you
show　by　your　anger　that　you　have　not　ceased　to　care　for　me。　I　am
in　the　wrong；　as　I　usually　am；　and　it　is　all　my　fault。　Agatha
knows　nothing　about　our　marriage。〃

〃I　do　not　blame　you　so　much；〃　said　Henrietta；　suffering　him　to
place　her　head　on　his　shoulder；　〃but　I　will　never　speak　to　Agatha
again。　She　has　behaved　shamefully　to　me；　and　I　will　tell　her　so。〃

〃No　doubt　she　will　opine　that　it　is　all　your　fault；　dearest；　and
that　I　have　behaved　admirably。　Between　you　I　shall　stand
exonerated。　And　now；　since　it　is　too　cold　for　walking；　since　it
is　late；　since　it　is　far　to　Lyvern　and　farther　to　London；　I　must
improvise　some　accommodation　for　you　here。〃

〃But〃

〃But　there　is　no　help　for　it。　You　must　stay。〃

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

CHAPTER　IX

Next　day　Smilash　obtained　from　his　wife　a　promise　that　she　would
behave　towards　Agatha　as　if　the　letter　had　given　no　offence。
Henrietta　pleaded　as　movingly　as　she　could　for　an　immediate
return　to　their　domestic　state；　but　he　put　her　off　with　endearing
speeches；　promised　nothing　but　eternal　affection；　and　sent　her
back　to　London　by　the　twelve　o'clock　express。　Then　his
countenance　changed；　he　walked　back　to　Lyvern；　and　thence　to　the
chalet；　like　a　man　pursued　by　disgust　and　remorse。　Later　in　the
afternoon；　to　raise　his　spirits；　he　took　his　skates　and　went　to
Wickens's　pond；　where；　it　being　Saturday；　he　found　the　ice
crowded　with　the　Alton　students　and　their　half…holiday　visitors。
Fairholme；　describing　circles　with　his　habitual　air　of　compressed
hardihood；　stopped　and　stared　with　indignant　surprise　as　Smilash
lurched　past　him。

〃Is　that　man　here　by　your　permission？〃　he　said　to　Farmer　Wickens；
who　was　walking　about　as　if　superintending　a　harvest。

〃He　is　here　because　he　likes；　I　take　it；〃　said　Wickens
stubbornly。　〃He　is　a　neighbor　of　mine　and　a　friend　of　mine。　Is
there　any　objections　to　my　having　a　friend　on　my　own　pond；　seein'
that　there　is　nigh　on　two　or　three　ton　of　other　people's　friends
on　it　108　without　as　much　as　a　with…your…leave　or　a　by…your…
leave。〃

〃Oh；　no；〃　said　Fairholme；　somewhat　dashed。　〃If　you　are　satisfied
there　can　be　no　objection。〃

〃I'm　glad　on　it。　I　thought　there　mout　be。〃

〃Let　me　tell　you；〃　said　Fairholme；　nettled；　〃that　your　landlord
would　not　be　pleased　to