an unsocial socialist-第23章

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not　a　perfect　face。　I　have　seen　many　men　who　are；　strictly
speaking；　far　handsomer。　If　the　light　that　never　was　on　sea　or
land　is　in　his　eyes；　yet　they　are　not　pretty　eyesnot　half　so
clear　as　mine。　Though　he　wears　his　common　clothes　with　a　nameless
grace　that　betrays　his　true　breeding　at　every　step；　yet　he　is　not
tall；　dark；　and　melancholy；　as　my　ideal　hero　would　be　if　I　were
as　great　a　fool　as　girls　of　my　age　usually　are。　If　I　am　in　love；
I　have　sense　enough　not　to　let　my　love　blind　my　judgment。〃　

She　did　not　tell　anyone　of　her　new　interest　in　life。　Strongest　in
that　student　community；　she　had　used　her　power　with　good…nature
enough　to　win　the　popularity　of　a　school　leader；　and　occasionally
with　unscrupulousness　enough　to　secure　the　privileges　of　a　school
bully。　Popularity　and　privilege；　however；　only　satisfied　her　when
she　was　in　the　mood　for　them。　Girls；　like　men；　want　to　be　petted；
pitied；　and　made　much　of；　when　they　are　diffident；　in　low
spirits；　or　in　unrequited　love。　These　are　services　which　the　weak
cannot　render　to　the　strong　and　which　the　strong　will　not　render
to　the　weak；　except　when　there　is　also　a　difference　of　sex。
Agatha　knew　by　experience　that　though　a　weak　woman　cannot
understand　why　her　stronger　sister　should　wish　to　lean　upon　her；
she　may　triumph　in　the　fact　without　understanding　it；　and　give
chaff　instead　of　consolation。　Agatha　wanted　to　be　understood　and
not　to　be　chaffed。　Finding　herself　unable　to　satisfy　both　these
conditions；　she　resolved　to　do　without　sympathy　and　to　hold　her
tongue。　She　had　often　had　to　do　so　before；　and　she　was　helped　on
this　occasion　by　a　sense　of　the　ridiculous　appearance　her　passion
might　wear　in　the　vulgar　eye。　Her　secret　kept　itself；　as　she　was
supposed　in　the　college　to　be　insensible　to　the　softer　emotions。
Love　wrought　no　external　change　upon　her。　It　made　her　believe
that　she　had　left　her　girlhood　behind　her　and　was　now　a　woman
with　a　newly…developed　heart　capacity　at　which　she　would
childishly　have　scoffed　a　little　while　before。　She　felt　ashamed
of　the　bee　on　the　window　pane；　although　it　somehow　buzzed　as
frequently　as　before　in　spite　of　her。　Her　calendar；　formerly　a
monotonous　cycle　of　class　times；　meal　times；　play　times；　and　bed
time；　was　now　irregularly　divided　by　walks　past　the　chalet　and
accidental　glimpses　of　its　tenant。

Early　in　December　came　a　black　frost；　and　navigation　on　the　canal
was　suspended。　Wickens's　boy　was　sent　to　the　college　with　news
that　Wickens's　pond　would　bear；　and　that　the　young　ladies　should
be　welcome　at　any　time。　The　pond　was　only　four　feet　deep；　and　as
Miss　Wilson　set　much　store　by　the　physical　education　of　her
pupils；　leave　was　given　for　skating。　Agatha；　who　was　expert　on
the　ice；　immediately　proposed　that　a　select　party　should　go　out
before　breakfast　next　morning。　Actions　not　in　themselves　virtuous
often　appear　so　when　performed　at　hours　that　compel　early　rising；
and　some　of　the　candidates　for　the　Cambridge　Local；　who　would　not
have　sacrificed　the　afternoon　to　amusement；　at　once　fell　in　with
her　suggestion。　But　for　them　it　might　never　have　been　carried
out；　for　when　they　summoned　Agatha；　at　half…past　six　next
morning；　to　leave　her　warm　bed　and　brave　the　biting　air；　she
would　have　refused　without　hesitation　had　she　not　been　shamed
into　compliance　by　these　laborious　ones　who　stood　by　her　bedside；
blue…nosed　and　hungry；　but　ready　for　the　ice。　When　she　had
dressed　herself　with　much　shuddering　and　chattering；　they　allayed
their　internal　discomfort　by　a　slender　meal　of　biscuits；　got
their　skates；　and　went　out　across　the　rimy　meadows；　past　patient
cows　breathing　clouds　of　steam；　to　Wickens's　pond。　Here；　to　their
surprise；　was　Smilash；　on　electro…plated　acme　skates；　practicing
complicated　figures　with　intense　diligence。　It　soon　appeared　that
his　skill　came　short　of　his　ambition；　for；　after　several　narrow
escapes　and　some　frantic　staggering；　his　calves；　elbows；　and
occiput　smote　the　ice　almost　simultaneously。　On　rising　ruefully
to　a　sitting　posture　he　became　aware　that　eight　young　ladies　were
watching　his　proceedings　with　interest。

〃This　comes　of　a　common　man　putting　himself　above　his　station　by
getting　into　gentlemen's　skates；〃　he　said。　〃Had　I　been　content
with　a　humble　slide；　as　my　fathers　was；　I　should　ha'　been　a
happier　man　at　the　present　moment。〃　He　sighed；　rose；　touched　his
hat　to　Miss　Ward；　and　took　off　his　skates；　adding：　〃Good…morning；
Miss。　Miss　Wilson　sent　me　word　to　be　here　sharp　at　six　to　put　on
the　young　ladies'　skates；　and　I　took　the　liberty　of　trying　a
figure　or　two　to　keep　out　the　cold。〃

〃Miss　Wilson　did　not　tell　me　that　she　ordered　you　to　come；〃　said
Miss　Ward。

〃Just　like　her　to　be　thoughtful　and　yet　not　let　on　to　be！　She　is
a　kind　lady；　and　a　learnedlike　yourself；　Miss。　Sit　yourself
down　on　the　camp…stool。　and　give　me　your　heel；　if　I　may　be　so
bold　as　to　stick　a　gimlet　into　it。〃

His　assistance　was　welcome；　and　Miss　Ward　allowed　him　to　put　on
her　skates。　She　was　a　Canadian；　and　could　skate　well。　Jane；　the
first　to　follow　her；　was　anxious　as　to　the　strength　of　the　ice；
but　when　reassured；　she　acquitted　herself　admirably；　for　she　was
proficient　in　outdoor　exercises；　and　had　the　satisfaction　of
laughing　in　the　field　at　those　who　laughed　at　her　in　the　study。
Agatha；　contrary　to　her　custom；　gave　way　to　her　companions；　and
her　boots　were　the　last　upon　which　Smilash　operated。

〃How　d'you　do；　Miss　Wylie？〃　he　said；　dropping　the　Smilash　manner
now　that　the　rest　were　out　of　earshot。

〃I　am　very　well；　thank　you；〃　said　Agatha；　shy　and　constrained。
This　phase　of　her　being　new　to　him；　he　paused　with　her　heel　in
his　hand　and　looked　up　at　her　curiously。　She　collected　herself；
returned　his　gaze　steadily；　and　said：　〃How　did　Miss　Wilson　send
you　word　to　come？　She　only　knew　of　our　party　at　half…past　nine
last　night。〃

〃Miss　Wilson　did　not　send　for　me。〃

〃But　you　have　just　told　Miss　Ward　that　she　did。〃

〃Yes。　I　find　it　necessary　to　tell　almost　as　many　lies　now　that　I
am　a　simple　laborer　as　I　did　when　I　was　a　gentleman。　More；　in
fact。〃

〃I　shall　know　how　much　to　believe　of　what　you　say　in　the　future。〃

〃The　truth　is　this。　I　am　perhaps　the　worst　skater　in　the　world；
and　therefore；　according　to　a　natural　law；　I　covet　the　faintest
distinction　on　the　ice　more　than　immortal　fame　for　the　things　in
which　nature　has　given　me　aptitude　to　excel。　I　envy　that　large
friend　of　yoursJane　is　her　name；　I　thinkmore　than　I　envy
Plato。　I　came　down　here　this　morning；　thinking　that　the　skating
world　was　all　a…bed；　to　practice　in　secret。〃

〃I　am　glad　we　caught　you　at　it；〃　said　Agatha　maliciously；　for　he
was　disappointing　her。　She　wanted　him　to　be　heroic　in　his
conversation；　and　he　would　not。

〃I　suppose　so；〃　he　replied。　〃I　have　observed　that　Woman's　dearest
delight　is　to　wound　Man's　self…conceit；　though　Man's　dearest
delight　is　to　gratify　hers。　There　is　at　least　one　creature　lower
than　Man。　Now；　off　with　you。　Shall　I　hold　you　until　your　ankles
get　firm？〃

〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　disgusted：　〃_I_　can　skate　pretty　well；　and
I　don't　think　you　could　give　me　any　useful　assistance。〃　And　she
went　off　cautiously；　feeling　that　a　mishap　would　be　very
disgraceful　after　such　a　speech。

He　stood　on　the　shore；　listening　to　the　grinding；　swaying　sound
of　the　skates；　and　watching　the　growing　complexity　of　the　curves
they　were　engraving　on　the　ice。　As　the　girls　grew　warm　and
accustomed　to　the　exercise　they　laughed；　jested；　screamed
recklessly　when　they　came　into　collision；　and　sailed　before　the
wind　down　the　whole　length　of　the　pond　at　perilous　speed。　The
more　animated　they　became；　the　gloomier　looked　Smilash。　〃Not
two…penn'orth　of　choice　between　them　and　a　parcel　of　puppies；〃　he
said；　〃except　that　some　of　them　are　conscious　that　there　is　a　man
looking　at　them；　although　he　is　only　a　blackguard　laborer。　They
remind　me　of　Henrietta　in　a　hundred　ways。　Would　I　laugh；　now；　if
the　whole　sheet　of　ice　were　to　burst　into　little　bits　under
them？〃

Just　then　the　ice　cracked　with　a　startling　report；　and　the
skaters；　except　Jane；　skimmed　away　in　all　directions。

〃You　are　breaking　the　ice　to　pieces；　Jane；〃　said　Agatha；　calling
from　a　safe　distance。　〃How　can　you　ex