miss billy-第29章
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under the warmth of her own encouraging smile。 Now she looked at
him with eyes that saw only the possibilities of that same nature
when it should have been unfolded in a lifelong companionship。 And
what she saw frightened her。 There was still the musicshe
acknowledged that； but it had come to Billy with overwhelming force
that music； after all； was not everything。 The man counted； as
well。 Very frankly then Billy stated the case to herself。
〃What passes for 'fascinating mystery' in him now will be plain
morosenesssometime。 He is 'taciturn' now； he'll becross； then。
It is 'erratic' when he won't play the piano to…day； but a few
years from now； when he refuses some simple request of mine； it
will bestubbornness。 All this it will beif I don't love him；
and I don't。 I know I don't。 Besides； we aren't really congenial。
I like people around； he doesn't。 I like to go to plays； he
doesn't。 He likes rainy days； I abhor them。 There is no doubt of
itlife with him would not be one grand harmony； it would be one
jangling discord。 I simply cannot marry him。 I shall have to
break the engagement！
Billy spoke with regretful sorrow。 It was evident that she grieved
to bring pain to Cyril。 Then suddenly the gloom left her face： she
had remembered that the 〃engagement〃 was just three weeks oldand
was a profound secret； not only to the bridegroom elect； but to all
the world as wellsave herself！
Billy was very happy after that。 She sang about the house all day；
and she danced sometimes from room to room； so light were her feet
and her heart。 She made no more puddings with Marie's supervision；
but she was particularly careful to have the little music teacher
or Aunt Hannah with her when Cyril called。 She made up her mind；
it is true； that she had been mistaken； and that Cyril did not love
her； still she wished to be on the safe side； and she became more
and more averse to being left alone with him for any length of
time。
CHAPTER XXXII
CYRIL HAS SOMETHING TO SAY
Long before spring Billy was forced to own to herself that her
fancied security from lovemaking on the part of Cyril no longer
existed。 She began to suspect that there was reason for her fears。
Cyril certainly was 〃different。〃 He was more approachable； less
reserved； even with Marie and Aunt Hannah。 He was not nearly so
taciturn； either； and he was much more gracious about his playing。
Even Marie dared to ask him frequently for music； and he never
refused her request。 Three times he had taken Billy to some play
that she wanted to see； and he had invited Marie； too； besides Aunt
Hannah； which had pleased Billy very much。 He had been at the same
time so genial and so gallant that Billy had declared to Marie
afterward that he did not seem like himself at all； but like some
one else。
Marie had disagreed with her； it is true； and had said stiffly：
〃I'm sure I thought he seemed very much like himself。〃 But that
had not changed Billy's opinion at all。
To Billy's mind； nothing but love could so have softened the stern
Cyril she had known。 She was； therefore； all the more careful
these days to avoid a tete…a…tete with him； though she was not
always successful； particularly owing to Marie's unaccountable
perverseness in so often having letters to write or work to do；
just when Billy most wanted her to make a safe third with herself
and Cyril。 It was upon such an occasion； after Marie had abruptly
left them alone together； that Cyril had observed； a little
sharply：
〃Billy； I wish you wouldn't say again what you said ten minutes ago
when Miss Marie was here。〃
〃What was that？〃
A very silly reference to that old notion that you and every one
else seem to have that I am a 'woman…hater。'〃
Billy's heart skipped a beat。 One thought； pounded through her
brain and dinned itself into her earsat all costs Cyril must not
be allowed to say that which she so feared； he must be saved from
himself。
〃Woman…hater？ Why； of course you're a woman…hater；〃 she cried
merrily。 〃I'm sure； II think it's lovely to be a woman…hater。〃
The man opened wide his eyes； then he frowned angrily。
〃Nonsense； Billy； I know better。 Besides； I'm in earnest； and I'm
not a woman…hater。〃
〃Oh； but every one says you are；〃 chattered Billy。 〃And； after
all； you know it IS distinguishing！〃
With a disdainful exclamation the man sprang to his feet。 For a
time he paced the room in silence； watched by Billy's fearful eyes；
then he came back and dropped into the low chair at Billy's side。
His whole manner had undergone a complete change。 He was almost
shamefaced as he said：
〃Billy； I suppose I might as well own up。 I don't think I did
think much of women until I sawyou。〃
Billy swallowed and wet her lips。 She tried to speak； but before
she could form the words the man went on with his remarks； and
Billy did not know whether to be the more relieved or frightened
thereat。
〃But you see now it's different。 That's why I don't like to sail
any longer under false colors。 There's been a changea great and
wonderful change that I hardly understand myself。〃
〃That's it！ You don't understand it； I'm sure；〃 interposed Billy；
feverishly。 〃It may not be such a change； after all。 You may be
deceiving yourself；〃 she finished hopefully。
The man sighed。
〃I can't wonder you think so； of course；〃 he almost groaned。 〃I
was afraid it would be like that。 When one's been painted black
all one's life； it's not easy to change one's color； of course。〃
〃Oh； but I didn't say that black wasn't a very nice color；〃
stammered Billy； a little wildly。
〃Thank you。〃 Cyril's heavy brows rose and fell the fraction of an
inch。 〃Still； I must confess that just now I should prefer another
shade。〃
He paused； and Billy cast distractedly about in her mind for a
simple； natural change of subject。 She had just decided to ask him
what he thought of the condition of the Brittany peasants； when he
questioned abruptly； and in a voice that was not quite steady：
〃Billy； what should you say if I should tell you that the avowed
woman…hater had strayed so far from the prescribed path as toto
like one woman well enough as to want tomarry her？〃
The word was like a match to the gunpowder of Billy's fears。 Her
self…control was shattered instantly into bits。
〃Marry？ No； no； you wouldn'tyou couldn't really be thinking of
that；〃 she babbled； growing red and white by turns。 〃Only think
how a wife wouldwould b…bother you！〃
〃Bother me？ When I loved her？〃
〃But just thinkremember！ She'd want cushions and rugs and
curtains； and you don't like them； and she'd always be talking and
laughing when you wanted quiet； and sheshe'd want to drag you out
to plays and parties andand everywhere。 Indeed； Cyril； I'm sure
you'd never like a wifelong！〃 Billy stopped only because she had
no breath with which to continue。
Cyril laughed a little grimly。
〃You don't draw a very attractive picture； Billy。 Still； I'm not
afraid。 I don't think this particularwife would do any of those
thingsto trouble me。〃
〃Oh； but you don't know； you can't tell；〃 argued the girl。
〃Besides； you have had so little experience with women that you'd
just be sure to make a mistake at first。 You want to look around
very carefullyvery carefully； before you decide。〃
〃I have looked around； and very carefully； Billy。 I know that in
all the world there is just one woman for me。〃
Billy struggled to her feet。 Mingled pain and terror looked from
her eyes。 She began to speak wildly； incoherently。 She wondered
afterward just what she would have said if Aunt Hannah had not come
into the room at that moment and announced that Bertram was at the
door to take her for a sleigh…ride if she cared to go。
〃Of course she'll go；〃 declared Cyril； promptly； answering for her。
〃It is time I was off anyhow。〃 To Billy； he said in a low voice：
〃You haven't been very encouraging； little girlin fact； you've
been mighty discouraging。 But some daysome other day； I'll try
to make clear to youmany things。〃
Billy greeted Bertram very cordially。 It was such a reliefhis
cheery； genial companionship！ The air； too； was bracing； and all
