the titan-第126章

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e　I　do。　　I　know　how　you　have　been　hanging　about　her　for　months　and　monthsever　since　we　have　been　here；　and　for　long　before。　　You　think　she's　wonderful　now　because　she's　young　and　in　society。　I've　seen　you　in　the　Waldorf　and　in　the　Park　hanging　on　her　every　word；　looking　at　her　with　adoring　eyes。　　What　a　fool　you　are；　to　be　so　big　a　man！　Every　little　snip；　if　she　has　pink　cheeks　and　a　doll's　face；　can　wind　you　right　around　her　finger。　　Rita　Sohlberg　did　it；　Stephanie　Platow　did　it；　Florence　Cochrane　did　it；　Cecily　Hagueninand　Heaven　knows　how　many　more　that　I　never　heard　of。　I　suppose　Mrs。　Hand　still　lives　with　you　in　Chicagothe　cheap　strumpet！　Now　it's　Berenice　Fleming　and　her　frump　of　a　mother。　From　all　I　can　learn　you　haven't　been　able　to　get　her　yetbecause　her　mother's　too　shrewd；　perhapsbut　you　probably　will　in　the　end。　　It　isn't　you　so　much　as　your　money　that　they're　after。　　Pah！　Well；　I'm　unhappy　enough；　but　it　isn't　anything　you　can　remedy　any　more。　　Whatever　you　could　do　to　make　me　unhappy　you　have　done；　and　now　you　talk　of　my　being　happier　away　from　you。　　Clever　boy；　you！　I　know　you　the　way　I　know　my　ten　fingers。　　You　don't　deceive　me　at　any　time　in　any　way　any　more。　　I　can't　do　anything　about　it。　　I　can't　stop　you　from　making　a　fool　of　yourself　with　every　woman　you　meet；　and　having　people　talk　from　one　end　of　the　country　to　the　other。　　Why；　for　a　woman　to　be　seen　with　you　is　enough　to　fix　her　reputation　forever。　　Right　now　all　Broadway　knows　you're　running　after　Berenice　Fleming。　　Her　name　will　soon　be　as　sweet　as　those　of　the　others　you've　had。　　She　might　as　well　give　herself　to　you。　If　she　ever　had　a　decent　reputation　it's　gone　by　now；　you　can　depend　upon　that。

These　remarks　irritated　Cowperwood　greatlyenraged　himparticularly　her　references　to　Berenice。　　What　were　you　to　do　with　such　a　woman？　he　thought。　　Her　tongue　was　becoming　unbearable；　her　speech　in　its　persistence　and　force　was　that　of　a　termagant。　　Surely；　surely；　he　had　made　a　great　mistake　in　marrying　her。　　At　the　same　time　the　control　of　her　was　largely　in　his　own　hands　even　yet。

〃Aileen；〃　he　said；　coolly；　at　the　end　of　her　speech；　〃you　talk　too　much。　　You　rave。　　You're　growing　vulgar；　I　believe。　　Now　let　me　tell　you　something。〃　And　he　fixed　her　with　a　hard；　quieting　eye。　〃I　have　no　apologies　to　make。　　Think　what　you　please。　　I　know　why　you　say　what　you　do。　　But　here　is　the　point。　　I　want　you　to　get　it　straight　and　clear。　　It　may　make　some　difference　eventually　if　you're　any　kind　of　a　woman　at　all。　　I　don't　care　for　you　any　more。　If　you　want　to　put　it　another　wayI'm　tired　of　you。　　I　have　been　for　a　long　while。　　That's　why　I've　run　with　other　women。　　If　I　hadn't　been　tired　of　you　I　wouldn't　have　done　it。　　What's　more；　I'm　in　love　with　somebody　elseBerenice　Fleming；　and　I　expect　to　stay　in　love。　　I　wish　I　were　free　so　I　could　rearrange　my　life　on　a　different　basis　and　find　a　little　comfort　before　I　die。　　You　don't　really　care　for　me　any　more。　　You　can't。　　I'll　admit　I　have　treated　you　badly；　but　if　I　had　really　loved　you　I　wouldn't　have　done　it；　would　I？　It　isn't　my　fault　that　love　died　in　me；　is　it？　It　isn't　your　fault。　　I'm　not　blaming　you。　　Love　isn't　a　bunch　of　coals　that　can　be　blown　by　an　artificial　bellows　into　a　flame　at　any　time。　　It's　out；　and　that's　an　end　of　it。　　Since　I　don't　love　you　and　can't；　why　should　you　want　me　to　stay　near　you？　Why　shouldn't　you　let　me　go　and　give　me　a　divorce？　You'll　be　just　as　happy　or　unhappy　away　from　me　as　with　me。　　Why　not？　I　want　to　be　free　again。　I'm　miserable　here；　and　have　been　for　a　long　time。　　I'll　make　any　arrangement　that　seems　fair　and　right　to　you。　　I'll　give　you　this　housethese　pictures；　though　I　really　don't　see　what　you'd　want　with　them。〃　（Cowperwood　had　no　intention　of　giving　up　the　gallery　if　he　could　help　it。）　〃I'll　settle　on　you　for　life　any　income　you　desire；　or　I'll　give　you　a　fixed　sum　outright。　　I　want　to　be　free；　and　I　want　you　to　let　me　be。　　Now　why　won't　you　be　sensible　and　let　me　do　this？〃

During　this　harangue　Cowperwood　had　first　sat　and　then　stood。　　At　the　statement　that　his　love　was　really　deadthe　first　time　he　had　ever　baldly　and　squarely　announced　itAileen　had　paled　a　little　and　put　her　hand　to　her　forehead　over　her　eyes。　　It　was　then　he　had　arisen。　　He　was　cold；　determined；　a　little　revengeful　for　the　moment。　　She　realized　now　that　he　meant　thisthat　in　his　heart　was　no　least　feeling　for　all　that　had　gone　beforeno　sweet　memories；　no　binding　thoughts　of　happy　hours；　days；　weeks；　years；　that　were　so　glittering　and　wonderful　to　her　in　retrospect。　　Great　Heavens；　it　was　really　true！　His　love　was　dead；　he　had　said　it！　But　for　the　nonce　she　could　not　believe　it；　she　would　not。　　It　really　couldn't　be　true。

〃Frank；〃　she　began；　coming　toward　him；　the　while　he　moved　away　to　evade　her。　　Her　eyes　were　wide；　her　hands　trembling；　her　lips　moving　in　an　emotional；　wavy；　rhythmic　way。　　〃You　really　don't　mean　that；　do　you？　Love　isn't　wholly　dead；　is　it？　All　the　love　you　used　to　feel　for　me？　Oh；　Frank；　I　have　raged；　I　have　hated；　I　have　said　terrible；　ugly　things；　but　it　has　been　because　I　have　been　in　love　with　you！　All　the　time　I　have。　　You　know　that。　　I　have　felt　so　badO　God；　how　bad　I　have　felt！　Frank；　you　don't　know　itbut　my　pillow　has　been　wet　many　and　many　a　night。　　I　have　cried　and　cried。　　I　have　got　up　and　walked　the　floor。　　I　have　drunk　whiskyplain；　raw　whiskybecause　something　hurt　me　and　I　wanted　to　kill　the　pain。　　I　have　gone　with　other　men；　one　after　another　you　know　thatbut；　oh！　Frank；　Frank；　you　know　that　I　didn't　want　to；　that　I　didn't　mean　to！　I　have　always　despised　the　thought　of　them　afterward。　　It　was　only　because　I　was　lonely　and　because　you　wouldn't　pay　any　attention　to　me　or　be　nice　to　me。　　Oh；　how　I　have　longed　and　longed　for　just　one　loving　hour　with　youone　night；　one　day！　There　are　women　who　could　suffer　in　silence；　but　I　can't。　　My　mind　won't　let　me　alone；　Frankmy　thoughts　won't。　　I　can't　help　thinking　how　I　used　to　run　to　you　in　Philadelphia；　when　you　would　meet　me　on　your　way　home；　or　when　I　used　to　come　to　you　in　Ninth　Street　or　on　Eleventh。　　Oh；　Frank；　I　probably　did　wrong　to　your　first　wife。　　I　see　it　nowhow　she　must　have　suffered！　But　I　was　just　a　silly　girl　then；　and　I　didn't　know。　　Don't　you　remember　how　I　used　to　come　to　you　in　Ninth　Street　and　how　I　saw　you　day　after　day　in　the　penitentiary　in　Philadelphia？　You　said　then　you　would　love　me　always　and　that　you　would　never　forget。　　Can't　you　love　me　any　morejust　a　little？　Is　it　really　true　that　your　love　is　dead？　Am　I　so　old；　so　changed？　Oh；　Frank；　please　don't　say　thatplease　don'tplease；　please　please！　I　beg　of　you！〃

She　tried　to　reach　him　and　put　a　hand　on　his　arm；　but　he　stepped　aside。　　To　him；　as　he　looked　at　her　now；　she　was　the　antithesis　of　anything　he　could　brook；　let　alone　desire　artistically　or　physically。　　The　charm　was　gone；　the　spell　broken。　　It　was　another　type；　another　point　of　view　he　required；　but；　above　all　and　principally；　youth；　youththe　spirit；　for　instance；　that　was　in　Berenice　Fleming。　　He　was　sorryin　his　way。　　He　felt　sympathy；　but　it　was　like　the　tinkling　of　a　far…off　sheep…bellthe　moaning　of　a　whistling　buoy　heard　over　the　thrash　of　night…black　waves　on　a　stormy　sea。

〃You　don't　understand　how　it　is；　Aileen；〃　he　said。　　〃I　can't　help　myself。　　My　love　is　dead。　　It　is　gone。　　I　can't　recall　it。　　I　can't　feel　it。　　I　wish　I　could；　but　I　can't；　you　must　understand　that。　　Some　things　are　possible　and　some　are　not。〃

He　looked　at　her；　but　with　no　relenting。　　Aileen；　for　her　part；　saw　in　his　eyes　nothing；　as　she　believed；　save　cold　philosophic　logicthe　man　of　business；　the　thinker；　the　bargainer；　the　plotter。　At　the　thought　of　the　adamantine　character　of　his　soul；　which　could　thus　definitely　close　its　gates　on　her　for　ever　and　ever；　she　became　wild；　angry；　feverishnot　quite　sane。

〃Oh；　don't　say　that！〃　she　pleaded；　foolishly。　　〃Please　don't。　　Please　don't　say　that。　　It　might　come　back　a　little　ififyou　would　only　believe　in　it。　　Don't　you　see　how　I　feel？　Don't　you　see　how　it　is？〃

She　dropped　to　her　knees　and　clasped　him　about　the　waist。　　〃Oh；　Frank！　Oh；　Frank！　Oh；　Frank！〃　she　began　to　call；　crying。　　〃I　can't　stand　it！　I　can't！　I　can't！　I　can't！　I　shall　die。〃

〃Don't　give　way　like　that；　A