the titan-第116章

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〃And　do　you　think　the　process　has　stopped　by　any　means？〃　she　replied；　quaintly；　with　that　air　of　superior　banter　which　puzzled；　fascinated；　defied　him。

〃No；　I　will　not　say　that。　　My　ideal　has　become　fixed；　though；　apparently。　　I　have　had　it　for　a　number　of　years　now。　　It　spoils　other　matters　for　me。　　There　is　such　a　thing　as　an　ideal。　　We　do　have　a　pole…star　in　physics。〃

As　he　said　this　Cowperwood　realized　that　for　him　he　was　making　a　very　remarkable　confession。　　He　had　come　here　primarily　to　magnetize　her　and　control　her　judgment。　　As　a　matter　of　fact；　it　was　almost　the　other　way　about。　　She　was　almost　dominating　him。　　Lithe；　slender；　resourceful；　histrionic；　she　was　standing　before　him　making　him　explain　himself；　only　he　did　not　see　her　so　much　in　that　light　as　in　the　way　of　a　large；　kindly；　mothering　intelligence　which　could　see；　feel；　and　understand。　　She　would　know　how　it　was；　he　felt　sure。　　He　could　make　himself　understood　if　he　tried。　Whatever　he　was　or　had　been；　she　would　not　take　a　petty　view。　　She　could　not。　　Her　answers　thus　far　guaranteed　as　much。

〃Yes；〃　she　replied；　〃we　do　have　a　pole…star；　but　you　do　not　seem　able　to　find　it。　　Do　you　expect　to　find　your　ideal　in　any　living　woman？〃

〃I　have　found　it；〃　he　answered；　wondering　at　the　ingenuity　and　complexity　of　her　mindand　of　his　own；　for　that　matterof　all　mind　indeed。　　Deep　below　deep　it　lay；　staggering　him　at　times　by　its　fathomless　reaches。　　〃I　hope　you　will　take　seriously　what　I　am　going　to　say；　for　it　will　explain　so　much。　　When　I　began　to　be　interested　in　your　picture　I　was　so　because　it　coincided　with　the　ideal　I　had　in　mindthe　thing　that　you　think　changes　swiftly。　　That　was　nearly　seven　years　ago。　　Since　then　it　has　never　changed。　When　I　saw　you　at　your　school　on　Riverside　Drive　I　was　fully　convinced。　　Although　I　have　said　nothing；　I　have　remained　so。　　Perhaps　you　think　I　had　no　right　to　any　such　feelings。　　Most　people　would　agree　with　you。　　I　had　them　and　do　have　them　just　the　same；　and　it　explains　my　relation　to　your　mother。　　When　she　came　to　me　once　in　Louisville　and　told　me　of　her　difficulties　I　was　glad　to　help　her　for　your　sake。　　That　has　been　my　reason　ever　since；　although　she　does　not　know　that。　　In　some　respects；　Berenice；　your　mother　is　a　little　dull。　　All　this　while　I　have　been　in　love　with　youintensely　so。　　As　you　stand　there　now　you　seem　to　me　amazingly　beautifulthe　ideal　I　have　been　telling　you　about。　　Don't　be　disturbed；　I　sha'n't　press　any　attentions　on　you。〃　（Berenice　had　moved　very　slightly。　　She　was　concerned　as　much　for　him　as　for　herself。　　His　power　was　so　wide；　his　power　so　great。　　She　could　not　help　taking　him　seriously　when　he　was　so　serious。）　〃I　have　done　whatever　I　have　done　in　connection　with　you　and　your　mother　because　I　have　been　in　love　with　you　and　because　I　wanted　you　to　become　the　splendid　thing　I　thought　you　ought　to　become。　　You　have　not　known　it；　but　you　are　the　cause　of　my　building　the　house　on　Fifth　Avenuethe　principal　reason。　　I　wanted　to　build　something　worthy　of　you。　　A　dream？　Certainly。　　Everything　we　do　seems　to　have　something　of　that　quality。　　Its　beauty；　if　there　is　any；　is　due　to　you。　　I　made　it　beautiful　thinking　of　you。

He　paused；　and　Berenice　gave　no　sign。　　Her　first　impulse　had　been　to　object；　but　her　vanity；　her　love　of　art；　her　love　of　powerall　were　touched。　　At　the　same　time　she　was　curious　now　as　to　whether　he　had　merely　expected　to　take　her　as　his　mistress　or　to　wait　until　he　could　honor　her　as　his　wife。

〃I　suppose　you　are　wondering　whether　I　ever　expected　to　marry　you　or　not；〃　he　went　on；　getting　the　thought　out　of　her　mind。　　〃I　am　no　different　from　many　men　in　that　respect；　Berenice。　　I　will　be　frank。　　I　wanted　you　in　any　way　that　I　could　get　you。　　I　was　living　in　the　hope　all　along　that　you　would　fall　in　love　with　meas　I　had　with　you。　　I　hated　Braxmar　here；　not　long　ago；　when　he　appeared　on　the　scene；　but　I　could　never　have　thought　of　interfering。　　I　was　quite　prepared　to　give　you　up。　　I　have　envied　every　man　I　have　ever　seen　with　youyoung　and　old。　　I　have　even　envied　your　mother　for　being　so　close　to　you　when　I　could　not　be。　　At　the　same　time　I　have　wanted　you　to　have　everything　that　would　help　you　in　any　way。　　I　did　not　want　to　interfere　with　you　in　case　you　found　some　one　whom　you　could　truly　love　if　I　knew　that　you　could　not　love　me。　　There　is　the　whole　story　outside　of　anything　you　may　know。　　But　it　is　not　because　of　this　that　I　came　to…day。　　Not　to　tell　you　this。〃

He　paused；　as　if　expecting　her　to　say　something；　though　she　made　no　comment　beyond　a　questioning　〃Yes？〃

〃The　thing　that　I　have　come　to　say　is　that　I　want　you　to　go　on　as　you　were　before。　　Whatever　you　may　think　of　me　or　of　what　I　have　just　told　you；　I　want　you　to　believe　that　I　am　sincere　and　disinterested　in　what　I　am　telling　you　now。　　My　dream　in　connection　with　you　is　not　quite　over。　　Chance　might　make　me　eligible　if　you　should　happen　to　care。　　But　I　want　you　to　go　on　and　be　happy；　regardless　of　me。　　I　have　dreamed；　but　I　dare　say　it　has　been　a　mistake。　　Hold　your　head　highyou　have　a　right　to。　　Be　a　lady。　　Marry　any　one　you　really　love。　　I　will　see　that　you　have　a　suitable　marriage　portion。　　I　love　you；　Berenice；　but　I　will　make　it　a　fatherly　affection　from　now　on。　　When　I　die　I　will　put　you　in　my　will。　　But　go　on　now　in　the　spirit　you　were　going　before。　　I　really　can't　be　happy　unless　I　think　you　are　going　to　be。〃

He　paused；　still　looking　at　her；　believing　for　the　time　being　what　he　said。　　If　he　should　die　she　would　find　herself　in　his　will。　　If　she　were　to　go　on　and　socialize　and　seek　she　might　find　some　one　to　love；　but　also　she　might　think　of　him　more　kindly　before　she　did　so。　　What　would　be　the　cost　of　her　as　a　ward　compared　to　his　satisfaction　and　delight　in　having　her　at　least　friendly　and　sympathetic　and　being　in　her　good　graces　and　confidence？

Berenice；　who　had　always　been　more　or　less　interested　in　him；　temperamentally　biased；　indeed；　in　his　direction　because　of　his　efficiency；　simplicity；　directness；　and　force；　was　especially　touched　in　this　instance　by　his　utter　frankness　and　generosity。　　She　might　question　his　temperamental　control　over　his　own　sincerity　in　the　future；　but　she　could　scarcely　question　that　at　present　he　was　sincere。　　Moreover；　his　long　period　of　secret　love　and　admiration；　the　thought　of　so　powerful　a　man　dreaming　of　her　in　this　fashion；　was　so　flattering。　　It　soothed　her　troubled　vanity　and　shame　in　what　had　gone　before。　　His　straightforward　confession　had　a　kind　of　nobility　which　was　electric；　moving。　　She　looked　at　him　as　he　stood　there；　a　little　gray　about　the　templesthe　most　appealing　ornament　of　some　men　to　some　womenand　for　the　life　of　her　she　could　not　help　being　moved　by　a　kind　of　tenderness；　sympathy；　mothering　affection。　　Obviously　he　did　need　the　woman　his　attitude　seemed　to　show　that　he　needed；　some　woman　of　culture；　spirit；　taste；　amorousness；　or；　at　least；　he　was　entitled　to　dream　of　her。　As　he　stood　before　her　he　seemed　a　kind　of　superman；　and　yet　also　a　bad　boyhandsome；　powerful；　hopeful；　not　so　very　much　older　than　herself　now；　impelled　by　some　blazing　internal　force　which　harried　him　on　and　on。　　How　much　did　he　really　care　for　her？　How　much　could　he？　How　much　could　he　care　for　any　one？　Yet　see　all　he　had　done　to　interest　her。　　What　did　that　mean？　To　say　all　this？　To　do　all　this？　Outside　was　his　car　brown　and　radiant　in　the　snow。　He　was　the　great　Frank　Algernon　Cowperwood；　of　Chicago；　and　he　was　pleading　with　her；　a　mere　chit　of　a　girl；　to　be　kind　to　him；　not　to　put　him　out　of　her　life　entirely。　　It　touched　her　intellect；　her　pride；　her　fancy。

Aloud　she　said：　〃I　like　you　better　now。　　I　really　believe　in　you。　I　never　did；　quite；　before。　　Not　that　I　think　I　ought　to　let　you　spend　your　money　on　me　or　motherI　don't。　　But　I　admire　you。　　You　make　me。　　I　understand　how　it　is；　I　think。　　I　know　what　your　ambitions　are。　　I　have　always　felt　that　I　did；　in　part。　　But　you　mustn't　talk　to　me　any　more　now。　　I　want　to　think。　　I　want　to　think　over　what　you　have　said。　　I　don't　know　whether　I　can　bring　myself　to　it　or　not。〃　（She　noticed　that　his　eyes　seemed　to　move　somehow　in　their　deepest　depths　again。）　〃But　we　won't　talk　about　it　any　more　at　present。〃

〃But；　Berenice；〃　he　adde