a tale of two cities(双城记)-第37章

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　She　had　never　seen　hint　softened；　and　was　much　distressed。　He　knew　her　to　be　so；　without　looking　at　her；　and　said：　
　‘Pray　forgive　me；　Miss　Manette。　I　break　down　before　the　knowledge　of　what　I　want　to　say　to　you。　Will　you　hear　me？'　
　‘If　it　will　do　you　any　good；　Mr。　Carton；　if　it　would　make　you　happier；　it　would　make　me　very　glad！'　
　‘God　bless　you　for　your　sweet　compassion！'　
　He　unshaded　his　face　after　a　little　while；　and　spoke　steadily。　‘Don't　be　afraid　to　hear　me。　Don't　shrink　from　anything　
　I　say。　I　am　like　one　who　died　young。　All　my　life　might　have　been。'　
　‘No；　Mr。　Carton。　I　am　sure　that　the　best　part　of　it　might　still　be；　I　am　sure　that　you　might　be　much；　much　worthier　of　yourself。'　
　‘Say　of　you；　Miss　Manette；　and　although　I　know　betteralthough　in　the　mystery　of　my　own　wretched　heart　I　know　betterI　shall　never　forget　it　I'　
　She　was　pale　and　trembling。　He　came　to　her　relief　with　a　fixed　despair　of　himself　which　made　the　interview　unlike　any　other　that　could　have　been　holden。　
　‘If　it　had　been　possible；　Miss　Manette；　that　you　could　have　returned　the　love　of　the　man　you　see　before　youself…flung　away；　wasted；　drunken；　poor　creature　of　misuse　as　you　know　him　to　behe　would　have　been　conscious　this　day　and　hour；　in　spite　of　his　happiness；　that　he　would　bring　you　to　misery；　bring　you　to　sorrow　and　repentance；　blight　you；　disgrace　you；　pull　you　down　with　him。　I　know　very　well　that　you　can　have　no　tenderness　for　me；　I　ask　for　none；　I　am　even　thankful　that　it　cannot　he。'　
　‘Without　it；　can　I　not　save　you；　Mr。　Carton？　Can　I　not　recall　youforgive　me　again！to　a　better　course？　Can　I　in　no　way　repay　your　confidence？　I　knob　this　is　a　confidence；'　she　modestly　said；　after　a　little　hesitation；　and　in　earnest　tears；　‘I　know　you　would　say　this　to　no　one　else。　Can　I　turn　it　to　no　good　account　for　yourself；　Mr。　Carton？'　
　He　shook　his　head。　
　‘To　none。　No；　Miss　Manette；　to　none。　If　you　will　hear　me　through　a　very　little　more；　all　you　can　ever　do　for　me　is　done。　I　wish　you　to　know　that　you　have　been　the　last　dream　of　my　soul。　In　my　degradation　I　have　not　been　so　degraded　but　that　the　sight　of　you　with　your　father；　and　of　this　home　made　such　a　home　by　you；　has　stirred　old　shadows　that　I　thought　had　died　out　of　me。　Since　I　knew　you；　I　have　been　troubled　by　a　remorse　that　I　thought　would　never　reproach　me　again；　and　have　heard　whispers　from　old　voices　impelling　me　upward；　that　I　thought　were　silent　for　ever。　I　have　had　unformed　ideas　of　striving　afresh；　beginning　anew；　shaking　off　sloth　and　sensuality；　and　fighting　out　the　abandoned　fight。　A　dream；　all　a　dream；　that　ends　in　nothing；　and　leaves　the　sleeper　where　he　lay　down；　but　I　wish　you　to　know　that　you　inspired　it。'　
　‘Will　nothing　of　it　remain？　O　Mr。　Carton；　think　again！　Try　again！'　
　‘No；　Miss　Manette；　all　through　it；　I　have　known　myself　to　be　quite　undeserving。　And　yet　I　have　had　the　weakness；　and　have　still　the　weakness；　to　wish　you　to　know　with　what　a　sudden　mastery　you　kindled　me；　heap　of　ashes　that　I　am；　into　firea　fire；　however；　inseparable　in　its　nature　from　myself；　quickening　nothing；　lighting　nothing；　doing　no　service；　idly　burning　away。'　
　‘Since　it　is　my　misfortune；　Mr。　Carton；　to　have　more　unhappy　than　you　were　before　you　knew　me　
　‘Don't　say　that；　Miss　Manette；　for　you　would　have　reclaimed　me；　if　anything　could。　You　will　not　be　the　cause　of　my　becoming　worse。'　
　‘Since　the　state　of　your　mind　that　you　describe；　is；　at　all　events；　attributable　to　some　influence　of　minethis　is　what　I　mean；　if　I　can　make　it　plaincan　I　use　no　influence　to　serve　you？　Have　I　no　power　for　good；　with　you；　at　all？'　
‘The　utmost　good　that　I　am　capable　of　now；　Miss　Manette；　I　have　come　here　to　realise。　Let　me　carry　through　the　rest　of　my　misdirected　life；　the　remembrance　that　I　opened　my　heart　to　you；　last　of　all　the　world；　and　that　there　was　something　left　in　me　at　this　time　which　you　could　deplore　and　pity。'　
　‘Which　I　entreated　you　to　believe；　again　and　again；　most　fervently；　with　all　my　heart；　was　capable　of　better　things；　Mr。　Carton！'　
　‘Entreat　me　to　believe　it　no　more；　Miss　Manette。　I　have　proved　myself；　and　I　know　better。　I　distress　you；　I　draw　fast　to　an　end。　Will　you　let　me　believe；　when　I　recall　this　day；　that　the　last　confidence　of　my　life　was　reposed　in　your　pure　and　innocent　breast；　and　that　it　lies　there　alone；　and　will　be　shared　by　no　one？'　
　‘If　that　will　be　a　consolation　to　you；　yes。'　
　‘Not　even　by　the　dearest　one　ever　to　be　known　to　you？'　
‘Mr。　Carton；'　she　answered；　after　an　agitated　pause；　‘the　secret　is　yours；　not　mine；　and　I　promise　to　respect　it。'　
　‘Thank　you。　And　again；　God　bless　you。'　
　He　put　her　hand　to　his　lips；　and　moved　towards　the　door。　‘Be　under　no　apprehension；　Miss　Manette；　of　my　ever　resuming　this　conversation　by　so　much　as　a　passing　word。　I　will　never　refer　to　it　again。　If　I　were　dead；　that　could　not　be　surer　than　it　is　henceforth。　In　the　hour　of　my　death；　I　shall　hold　sacred　the　one　good　remembranceand　shall　thank　and　bless　you　for　itthat　my　last　avowal　of　myself　was　made　to　you；　and　that　my　name；　and　faults；　and　miseries　were　gently　carried　in　your　heart。　May　it　otherwise　be　light　and　happy！'　
　He　was　so　unlike　what　he　had　ever　shown　himself　to　be；　and　it　was　so　sad　to　think　how　much　he　had　thrown　away；　and　how　much　he　every　day　kept　down　and　perverted；　that　Lucie　Manette　wept　mournfully　for　him　as　he　stood　looking　back　at　her。　
　‘Be　comforted！'　he　said；　‘I　am　not　worth　such　feeling；　Miss　Manette。　An　hour　or　two　hence；　and　the　low　companions　and　low　habits　that　I　scorn　but　yield　to；　will　render　me　less　worth　such　tears　as　those；　than　any　wretch　who　creeps　along　the　streets。　Be　comforted　But；　within　myself；　I　shall　always　be；　towards　you；　what　I　am　now；　though　outwardly　I　shall　be　what　you　have　heretofore　seen　me。　The　last　supplication　but　one　I　make　to　you；　is；　that　you　will　believe　this　of　me。'　
　‘I　will；　Mr。　Carton。'　
　‘My　last　supplication　of　all；　is　this；　and　with　it；　I　will　relieve　you　of　a　visitor　with　whom　I　well　know　you　have　nothing　in　unison；　and　between　whom　and　you　there　is　an　impassable　space。　It　is　useless　to　say　it；　I　know；　but　it　rises　out　of　my　soul。　For　you；　and　for　any　dear　to　you；　I　would　do　anything。　If　my　career　were　of　that　better　kind　that　there　was　any　opportunity　or　capacity　of　sacrifice　in　it；　I　would　embrace　any　sacrifice　for　you　and　for　those　dear　to　you。　Try　to　hold　me　in　your　mind；　at　some　quiet　times；　as　ardent　and　sincere　in　this　one　thing。　The　time　will　come；　the　time　will　not　be　long　in　coming；　when　new　ties　will　be　formed　about　youties　that　will　bind　you　yet　more　tenderly　and　strongly　to　the　home　you　so　adornthe　dearest　ties　that　will　ever　grace　and　gladden　you。　O　Miss　Manette；　when　the　little　picture　of　a　happy　father's　face　looks　up　in　yours；　when　you　see　your　own　bright　beauty　springing　up　anew　at　your　feet；　think　now　and　then　that　there　is　a　man　who　would　give　his　life；　to　keep　a　life　you　love　beside　you！'　He　said；　‘Farewell！'　said　a　last　‘God　bless　you！'　and　left　her。　

CHAPTER　XIV
The　Honest　Tradesman
TO　the　eyes　of　Mr。　Jeremiah　Cruncher；　sitting　on　his　stool　in　Fleet　Street　with　his　grisly　urchin　beside　him；　a　vast　number　and　variety　of　objects　in　movement　were　every　day　presented。　Who　could　sit　upon　anything　in　Fleet　Street　during　the　busy　hours　of　the　day；　and　not　be　dazed　and　deafened　by　two　immense　processions；　one　ever　tending　westward　with　the　sun；　the　other　ever　tending　eastward　from　the　sun；　both　ever　tending　to　the　plains　beyond　the　range　of　red　and　purple　where　the　sun　goes　down！　
　With　his　straw　in　his　mouth；　Mr。　Cruncher　sat　watching　the　two　streams；　like　the　heathen　rustic　who　has　for　several　centuries　been　on　duty　watching　one　streamsaving　that　Jerry　had　no　expectation　of　their　ever　running　dry。　Nor　would　it　have　been　an　expectation　of　a　hopeful　kind；　since　Ball　part　of　his　income　was　derived　from　the　pilotage　of　timid　women　（mostly　of　a　full　habit　and　past　the　middle　of　life）　from　Tellson's　side　of　the　tides　to　the　opposite　ore。　Brief　as　such　companionship　was　in　every　separate　instance；　Mr。　Cruncher　never　failed　to　become　so　interested　the　lady　as　to　express　a　strong　desire　to　have　the　honour　drinking　her　very　good　health。　And　it　was　from　the　gifts　towed　upon　him　towards　the　exe