the white people-第9章

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m　and　killed　him。　　His　wife　had　a　son　with　strange；　velvet　eyes　like　his　father's；　and　she　couldn't　keep　him　away　from　the　water。　　When　he　was　old　enough　to　swim　he　swam　out　one　day；　because　he　thought　he　saw　some　seals　and　wanted　to　get　near　them。　　He　swam　out　too　far；　perhaps。　　He　never　came　back；　and　the　fishermen　said　his　father's　people　had　taken　him。　　When　one　has　heard　stories　like　that　all　one's　life　nothing　seems　very　strange。〃

〃Nothing　really　IS　strange；〃　said　Hector　MacNairn。　　〃Again　and　again　through　all　the　ages　we　have　been　told　the　secrets　of　the　gods　and　the　wonders　of　the　Law；　and　we　have　revered　and　echoed　but　never　believed。　　When　we　believe　and　know　all　is　simple　we　shall　not　be　afraid。　　You　are　not　afraid；　Ysobel。　　Tell　my　mother　you　are　not。〃

I　turned　my　face　toward　her　again　in　the　darkness。　　I　felt　as　if　something　was　going　on　between　them　which　he　somehow　knew　I　could　help　them　in。　　It　was　as　though　he　were　calling　on　something　in　my　nature　which　I　did　not　myself　comprehend；　but　which　his　profound　mind　saw　and　knew　was　stronger　than　I　was。

Suddenly　I　felt　as　if　I　might　trust　to　him　and　to　It；　and　that；　without　being　troubled　or　anxious；　I　would　just　say　the　first　thing　which　came　into　my　mind；　because　it　would　be　put　there　for　me　by　some　power　which　could　dictate　to　me。　　I　never　felt　younger　or　less　clever　than　I　did　at　that　moment；　I　was　only　Ysobel　Muircarrie；　who　knew　almost　nothing。　　But　that　did　not　seem　to　matter。　　It　was　such　a　simple；　almost　childish　thing　I　told　her。　　It　was　only　about　The　Dream。



CHAPTER　VII

〃The　feeling　you　call　The　Fear　has　never　come　to　me；〃　I　said　to　her。　　〃And　if　it　had　I　think　it　would　have　melted　away　because　of　a　dream　I　once　had。　　I　don't　really　believe　it　was　a　dream；　but　I　call　it　one。　　I　think　I　really　went　somewhere　and　came　back。　　I　often　wonder　why　I　came　back。　　It　was　only　a　short　dream；　so　simple　that　there　is　scarcely　anything　to　tell；　and　perhaps　it　will　not　convey　anything　to　you。　　But　it　has　been　part　of　my　lifethat　time　when　I　was　Out　on　the　Hillside。　　That　is　what　I　call　The　Dream　to　myself；　‘Out　on　the　Hillside；'　as　if　it　were　a　kind　of　unearthly　poem。　　But　it　wasn't。　　It　was　more　real　than　anything　I　have　ever　felt。　　It　was　realreal！　　I　wish　that　I　could　tell　it　so　that　you　would　know　how　real　it　was。〃

I　felt　almost　piteous　in　my　longing　to　make　her　know。　　I　knew　she　was　afraid　of　something；　and　if　I　could　make　her　know　how　REAL　that　one　brief　dream　had　been　she　would　not　be　afraid　any　more。　　And　I　loved　her；　I　loved　her　so　much！

〃I　was　asleep　one　night　at　Muircarrie；〃　I　went　on；　〃and　suddenly；　without　any　preparatory　dreaming；　I　was　standing　out　on　a　hillside　in　moonlight　softer　and　more　exquisite　than　I　had　ever　seen　or　known　before。　　Perhaps　I　was　still　in　my　nightgownI　don't　know。　　My　feet　were　bare　on　the　grass；　and　I　wore　something　light　and　white　which　did　not　seem　to　touch　me。　　If　it　touched　me　I　did　not　feel　it。　　My　bare　feet　did　not　feel　the　grass；　they　only　knew　it　was　beneath　them。

〃It　was　a　low　hill　I　stood　on；　and　I　was　only　on　the　side　of　it。　　And　in　spite　of　the　thrilling　beauty　of　the　moon；　all　but　the　part　I　stood　on　melted　into　soft；　beautiful　shadow；　all　below　me　and　above　me。　　But　I　did　not　turn　to　look　at　or　ask　myself　about　anything。　　You　see　the　difficulty　is　that　there　are　no　earthly　words　to　tell　it！　　All　my　being　was　ecstasypure；　light　ecstasy！　　Oh；　what　poor　words　　But　I　know　no　others。　　If　I　said　that　I　was　happyHAPPY！　it　would　be　nothing。　　I　WAS　happiness　itself；　I　WAS　pure　rapture！　　I　did　not　look　at　the　beauty　of　the　night；　the　sky；　the　marvelous　melting　shadow。　　I　was　PART　of　it　all；　one　with　it。　　Nothing　held　me　nothing！　　The　beauty　of　the　night；　the　light；　the　air　WERE　what　I　was；　and　I　was　only　thrilling　ecstasy　and　wonder　at　the　rapture　of　it。〃

I　stopped　and　covered　my　face　with　my　hands；　and　tears　wet　my　fingers。

〃Oh；　I　cannot　make　it　real！　　I　was　only　there　such　a　short；　short　time。　　Even　if　you　had　been　with　me　I　could　not　have　found　words　for　it；　even　then。　　It　was　such　a　short　time。　　I　only　stood　and　lifted　my　face　and　felt　the　joy　of　it；　the　pure　marvel　of　joy。　　I　only　heard　myself　murmuring　over　and　over　again：　　‘Oh；　how　beautiful！　how　beautiful！　　Oh；　how　BEAUTIFUL！'

〃And　then　a　marvel　of　new　joy　swept　through　me。　　I　said；　very　softly　and　very　slowly；　as　if　my　voice　were　trailing　away　into　silence：　　‘Ohh！　　Icanliedownhereonthe　grassandsleep　。　。　。　allthroughthe　nightunderthismoonlight。　。　。　。　　I　can　sleep　sleep'

〃I　began　to　sink　softly　down；　with　the　heavenliest　feeling　of　relaxation　and　repose；　as　if　there　existed　only　the　soul　of　beautiful　rest。　　I　sank　so　softlyand　just　as　my　cheek　almost　touched　the　grass　the　dream　was　over！〃

〃Oh！〃　cried　Mrs。　MacNairn。　　〃Did　you　awaken？〃

〃No。　　I　came　back。　　In　my　sleep　I　suddenly　found　myself　creeping　into　my　bed　again　as　if　I　had　been　away　somewhere。　　I　was　wondering　why　I　was　there；　how　I　had　left　the　hillside；　when　I　had　left　it。　　That　part　WAS　a　dreambut　the　other　was　not。　　I　was　allowed　to　go　somewhereoutsideand　come　back。〃

I　caught　at　her　hand　in　the　dark。

〃The　words　are　all　wrong；〃　I　said。　　〃It　is　because　we　have　no　words　to　describe　that。　　But　have　I　made　you　feel　it　at　all？　　Oh！　　Mrs。　MacNairn；　have　I　been　able　to　make　you　know　that　it　was　not　a　dream？〃

She　lifted　my　hand　and　pressed　it　passionately　against　her　cheek；　and　her　cheek；　too；　was　wetwet。

〃No；　it　was　not　a　dream；〃　she　said。　　〃You　came　back。　　Thank　God　you　came　back；　just　to　tell　us　that　those　who　do　not　come　back　stand　awakened　in　that　ecstasyin　that　ecstasy。　　And　The　Fear　is　nothing。　　It　is　only　The　Dream。　　The　awakening　is　out　on　the　hillside；　out　on　the　hillside！　　Listen！〃　　She　started　as　she　said　it。　　〃Listen！　　The　nightingale　is　beginning　again。〃

He　sent　forth　in　the　dark　a　fountaina　rising；　aspiring　fountainof　golden　notes　which　seemed　to　reach　heaven　itself。　　The　night　was　made　radiant　by　them。　　He　flung　them　upward　like　a　shower　of　stars　into　the　sky。　　We　sat　and　listened；　almost　holding　our　breath。　　Oh！　the　nightingale！　the　nightingale！

〃He　knows；〃　Hector　MacNairn's　low　voice　said；　〃that　it　was　not　a　dream。〃

When　there　was　silence　again　I　heard　him　leave　his　chair　very　quietly。

〃Good　night！　good　night！〃　he　said；　and　went　away。　　I　felt　somehow　that　he　had　left　us　together　for　a　purpose；　but；　oh；　I　did　not　even　remotely　dream　what　the　purpose　was！　　But　soon　she　told　me；　almost　in　a　whisper。

〃We　love　you　very　much；　Ysobel；〃　she　said。　　〃You　know　that？〃

〃I　love　you　both；　with　all　my　heart；〃　I　answered。　　〃Indeed　I　love　you。〃

〃We　two　have　been　more　to　each　other　than　mere　mother　and　son。　　We　have　been　sufficient　for　each　other。　　But　he　began　to　love　you　that　first　day　when　he　watched　you　in　the　railway　carriage。　　He　says　it　was　the　far　look　in　your　eyes　which　drew　him。〃

〃I　began　to　love　him；　too；〃　I　said。　　And　I　was　not　at　all　ashamed　or　shy　in　saying　it。

〃We　three　might　have　spent　our　lives　together；〃　she　went　on。　　〃It　would　have　been　a　perfect　thing。　　Butbut〃　　She　stood　up　as　if　she　could　not　remain　seated。　　Involuntarily　I　stood　up　with　her。　　She　was　trembling；　and　she　caught　and　held　me　in　her　arms。　　〃He　cannot　stay；　Ysobel；〃　she　ended。

I　could　scarcely　hear　my　own　voice　when　I　echoed　the　words。

〃He　cannotstay？〃

〃Oh！　the　time　will　come；〃　she　said；　〃when　people　who　love　each　other　will　not　be　separated；　when　on　this　very　earth　there　will　be　no　pain；　no　grief；　no　age；　no　deathwhen　all　the　world　has　learned　the　Law　at　last。　　But　we　have　not　learned　it　yet。　　And　here　we　stand！　　The　greatest　specialists　have　told　us。　　There　is　some　fatal　flaw　in　his　heart。　　At　any　moment；　when　he　is　talking　to　us；　when　he　is　at　his　work；　when　he　is　asleep；　he　maycease。　　It　will　just　be　ceasing。　　At　any　moment。　　He　cannot　stay。〃

My　own　heart　stood　still　for　a　second。　　Then　there　rose　before　me　slowly；　but　clearly；　a　visionthe　vision　which　was　not　a　dream。

〃Out　on　the　hillside；〃　I　murmured。　　〃Out　on　the　hillside。〃

I　clung　to　her　with　both　arms　and　held　her　tight。　　I　understood　now　why　they　had　talked　about　The　Fear。　　These　two　who　were　almost　one　soul　were　trying　to　believe　that　they　were　not　really　to　be　torn　apartnot　really。