the white people-第14章

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gswith　a　queer；　obstinate　conceit　of　ourselves。〃

〃Complete　we　think　we　are；〃　Angus　murmured　half　to　himself　。　　〃Finished　creatures！　　And　look　at　us！　　How　many　of　us　in　a　million　have　beauty　and　health　and　full　power？　　And　believing　that　the　law　is　that　we　must　crumple　and　go　to　pieces　hour　by　hour！　　Who'd　waste　the　time　making　a　clock　that　went　wrong　as　often？　　Nay；　nay！　　We　shall　learn　better　than　this　as　time　goes　on。　　And　we'd　better　be　beginning　and　setting　our　minds　to　work　on　it。　　'Tis　for　us　to　dothe　minds　of　us。　　And　what's　the　mind　of　us　but　the　Mind　that　made　us？　　Simple　and　straight　enough　it　is　when　once　you　begin　to　think　it　out。　　The　spirit　of　you　sees　clearer　than　we　do；　that's　all；〃　he　said　to　me。　　〃When　your　mother　brought　you　into　the　world　she　was　listening　to　one　outside　calling　to　her；　and　it　opened　the　way　for　you。〃

At　night　Hector　MacNairn　and　his　mother　and　I　sat　on　the　terrace　under　stars　which　seemed　listening　things；　and　we　three　drew　nearer　to　one　another；　and　nearer　and　nearer。

〃When　the　poor　mother　stumbled　into　the　train　that　day；〃　was　one　of　the　things　Hector　told　me；　〃I　was　thinking　of　The　Fear　and　of　my　own　mother。　　You　looked　so　slight　and　small　as　you　sat　in　your　corner　that　I　thought　at　first　you　were　almost　a　child。　　Then　a　far　look　in　your　eyes　made　me　begin　to　watch　you。　　You　were　so　sorry　for　the　poor　woman　that　you　could　not　look　away　from　her；　and　something　in　your　face　touched　and　puzzled　me。　　You　leaned　forward　suddenly　and　put　out　your　hand　protectingly　as　she　stepped　down　on　to　the　platform。

〃That　night　when　you　spoke　quite　naturally　of　the　child；　never　doubting　that　I　had　seen　it；　I　suddenly　began　to　suspect。　　Because　of　The　Fear〃he　hesitated〃I　had　been　reading　and　thinking　many　things　new　to　me。　　I　did　not　know　what　I　believed。　　But　you　spoke　so　simply；　and　I　knew　you　were　speaking　the　truth。　　Then　you　spoke　just　as　naturally　of　Wee　Brown　Elspeth。　　That　startled　me　because　not　long　before　I　had　been　told　the　tale　in　the　Highlands　by　a　fine　old　story…teller　who　is　the　head　of　his　clan。　　I　saw　you　had　never　heard　the　story　before。　　And　yet　you　were　telling　me　that　you　had　played　with　the　child。〃

〃He　came　home　and　told　me　about　you；〃　Mrs。　MacNairn　said。　　〃His　fear　of　The　Fear　was　more　for　me　than　for　himself。　　He　knew　that　if　he　brought　you　to　me；　you　who　are　more　complete　than　we　are；　clearer…eyed　and　nearer；　nearer；　I　should　begin　to　feel　that　he　was　not　goingout。　　I　should　begin　to　feel　a　reality　and　nearness　myself。　　Ah；　Ysobel！　　How　we　have　clung　to　you　and　loved　you！　　And　then　that　wonderful　afternoon！　　I　saw　no　girl　with　her　hand　through　Mr。　Le　Breton's　arm；　Hector　saw　none。　　But　you　saw　her。　　She　was　THERE！〃

〃Yes；　she　was　there；〃　I　answered。　　〃She　was　there；　smiling　up　at　him。　　I　wish　he　could　have　known。〃


What　does　it　matter　if　this　seems　a　strange　story？　　To　some　it　will　mean　something；　to　some　it　will　mean　nothing。　　To　those　it　has　a　meaning　for　it　will　open　wide　windows　into　the　light　and　lift　heavy　loads。　　That　would　be　quite　enough；　even　if　the　rest　thought　it　only　the　weird　fancy　of　a　queer　girl　who　had　lived　alone　and　given　rein　to　her　silliest　imaginings。　　I　wanted　to　tell　it；　howsoever　poorly　and　ineffectively　it　was　done。　　Since　I　KNEW　I　have　　dropped　the　load　of　agesthe　black　burden。　　Out　on　the　hillside　my　feet　did　not　even　feel　the　grass；　and　yet　I　was　standing；　not　floating。　　I　had　no　wings　or　crown。　　I　was　only　Ysobel　out　on　the　hillside；　free！


This　is　the　way　it　all　ended。

For　three　weeks　that　were　like　heaven　we　three　lived　together　at　Muircarrie。　　We　saw　every　beauty　and　shared　every　joy　of　sun　and　dew　and　love　and　tender　understanding。

After　one　lovely　day　we　had　spent　on　the　moor　in　a　quiet　dream　of　joy　almost　strange　in　its　perfectness；　we　came　back　to　the　castle；　and；　because　the　sunset　was　of　such　unearthly　radiance　and　changing　wonder　we　sat　on　the　terrace　until　the　last　soft　touch　of　gold　had　died　out　and　left　the　pure；　still；　clear；　long　summer　twilight。

When　Mrs。　MacNairn　and　I　went　in　to　dress　for　dinner；　Hector　lingered　a　little　behind　us　because　the　silent　beauty　held　him。

I　came　down　before　his　mother　did；　and　I　went　out　upon　the　terrace　again　because　I　saw　he　was　still　sitting　there。　　I　went　to　the　stone　balustrade　very　quietly　and　leaned　against　it　as　I　turned　to　look　at　him　and　speak。

Then　I　stood　quite　still　and　looked　longfor　some　reason　not　startled；　not　anguished；　not　even　feeling　that　he　had　gone。　　He　was　more　beautiful　than　any　human　creature　I　had　ever　seen　before。　　But　It　had　happened　as　they　said　it　would。　　He　had　not　ceasedbut　something　else　had。　　Something　had　ceased。


It　was　the　next　evening　before　I　came　out　on　the　terrace　again。　　The　day　had　been　more　exquisite　and　the　sunset　more　wonderful　than　before。　　Mrs。　MacNairn　was　sitting　by　her　son's　side　in　the　bedroom　whose　windows　looked　over　the　moor。　　I　am　not　going　to　say　one　word　of　what　had　come　between　the　two　sunsets。　　Mrs。　MacNairn　and　I　had　clungand　clung。　　We　had　promised　never　to　part　from　each　other。　　I　did　not　quite　know　why　I　went　out　on　the　terrace；　perhaps　it　was　because　I　had　always　loved　to　sit　or　stand　there。

This　evening　I　stood　and　leaned　upon　the　balustrade；　looking　out　far；　far；　far　over　the　moor。　　I　stood　and　gazed　and　gazed。　　I　was　thinking　about　the　Secret　and　the　Hillside。　　I　was　very　quietas　quiet　as　the　twilight's　self。　　And　there　came　back　to　me　the　memory　of　what　Hector　had　said　as　we　stood　on　the　golden　patch　of　gorse　when　the　mist　had　for　a　moment　or　so　blown　aside；　what　he　had　said　of　man's　awakening；　and；　remembering　all　the　ages　of　childish；　useless　dread；　how　he　would　stand

I　did　not　turn　suddenly；　but　slowly。　　I　was　not　startled　in　the　faintest　degree。　　He　stood　there　close　to　me　as　he　had　so　often　stood。

And　he　stoodand　smiled。

I　have　seen　him　many　times　since。　　I　shall　see　him　many　times　again。　　And　when　I　see　him　he　always　standsand　smiles。




End