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第46章

over the teacups-第46章

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in this world。  If they concentrated their affection on one; they

would give him more than any mortal could claim as his share。  I saw

Number Five watering her flowers; the other day。  The watering…pot

had one of those perforated heads; through which the water runs in

many small streams。  Every plant got its share: the proudest lily

bent beneath the gentle shower; the lowliest daisy held its little

face up for baptism。  All were refreshed; none was flooded。

Presently she took the perforated head; or 〃rose;〃 from the neck of

the watering…pot; and the full stream poured out in a round; solid

column。  It was almost too much for the poor geranium on which it

fell; and it looked at one minute as if the roots would be laid bare;

and perhaps the whole plant be washed out of the soil in which it was

planted。  What if Number Five should take off the 〃rose〃 that

sprinkles her affections on so many; and pour them all on one?  Can

that ever be?  If it can; life is worth living for him on whom her

love may be lavished。



One of my neighbors; a thorough American; is much concerned about the

growth of what he calls the 〃hard…handed aristocracy。〃 He tells the

following story:



〃I was putting up a fence about my yard; and employed a man of whom I

knew something;that he was industrious; temperate; and that he had

a wife and children to support;a worthy man; a native New

Englander。  I engaged him; I say; to dig some post…holes。  My

employee bought a new spade and scoop on purpose; and came to my

place at the appointed time; and began digging。  While he was at

work; two men came over from a drinking…saloon; to which my residence

is nearer than I could desire。  One of them I had known as Mike

Fagan; the other as Hans Schleimer。  They looked at Hiram; my New

Hampshire man; in a contemptuous and threatening way for a minute or

so; when Fagan addressed him:



〃'And how much does the man pay yez by the hour?'



The gentleman does n't pay me by the hour;' said Hiram。



〃'How mosh does he bay you by der veeks?' said Hans。



〃'I don' know as that's any of your business;' answered Hiram。



〃'Faith; we'll make it our business;' said Mike Fagan。  'We're

Knoights of Labor; we'd have yez to know; and ye can't make yer

bargains fist as ye loikes。  We manes to know how mony hours ye

worrks; and how much ye gets for it。'



〃'Knights of Labor!' said I。  'Why; that is a kind of title of

nobility; is n't it?  I thought the laws of our country did n't allow

titles of that kind。  But if you have a right to be called knights; I

suppose I ought to address you as such。  Sir Michael; I congratulate

you on the dignity you have attained。  I hope Lady Fagan is getting

on well with my shirts。  Sir Hans; I pay my respects to your title。

I trust that Lady Schleixner has got through that little difficulty

between her ladyship and yourself in which the police court thought

it necessary to intervene。'



〃The two men looked at me。  I weigh about a hundred and eighty

pounds; and am well put together。  Hiram was noted in his village as

a 'rahstler。'  But my face is rather pallid and peaked; and Hiram had

something of the greenhorn look。  The two men; who had been drinking;

hardly knew what ground to take。  They rather liked the sound of ;Sir

Michael and; Sir Hans。  They did not know very well what to make of

their wives as 'ladies。'  They looked doubtful whether to take what

had been said as a casus belli or not; but they wanted a pretext of

some kind or other。  Presently one of them saw a label on the scoop;

or longhandled; spoon…like shovel; with which Hiram had been working。



〃'Arrah; be jabers!' exclaimed Mike Fagan; 'but has n't he been

a…tradin' wid Brown; the hardware fellah; that we boycotted!  Grab

it; Hans; and we'll carry it off and show it to the brotherhood。'



The men made a move toward the implement。



〃'You let that are scoop…shovel alone;' said Hiram。



〃I stepped to his side。  The Knights were combative; as their noble

predecessors with the same title always were; and it was necessary to

come to a voie de fait。  My straight blow from the shoulder did for

Sir Michael。  Hiram treated Sir Hans to what is technically known as

a cross…buttock。



〃'Naow; Dutchman;' said Hiram; 'if you don't want to be planted in

that are post…hole; y'd better take y'rself out o' this here piece of

private property。  〃Dangerous passin';〃 as the sign…posts say; abaout

these times。'



〃Sir Michael went down half stunned by my expressive gesture; Sir

Hans did not know whether his hip was out of joint or he had got a

bad sprain; but they were both out of condition for further

hostilities。  Perhaps it was hardly fair to take advantage of their

misfortunes to inflict a discourse upon them; but they had brought it

on themselves; and we each of us gave them a piece of our mind。



〃'I tell you what it is;' said Hiram; 'I'm a free and independent

American citizen; and I an't a…gon' to hev no man tyrannize over me;

if he doos call himself by one o' them noblemen's titles。  Ef I can't

work jes' as I choose; fur folks that wants me to work fur 'em and

that I want to work fur; I might jes' as well go to Sibery and done

with it。  My gran'f'ther fit in Bunker Hill battle。  I guess if our

folks in them days did n't care no great abaout Lord Percy and Sir

William Haowe; we an't a…gon' to be scart by Sir Michael Fagan and

Sir Hans What 's…his…name; nor no other fellahs that undertakes to be

noblemen; and tells us common folks what we shall dew an' what we

sha'n't。  No; sir!'



〃I took the opportunity to explain to Sir Michael and Sir Hans what

it was our fathers fought for; and what is the meaning of liberty。

If these noblemen did not like the country; they could go elsewhere。

If they did n't like the laws; they had the ballot…box; and could

choose new legislators。  But as long as the laws existed they must

obey them。  I could not admit that; because they called themselves by

the titles the Old World nobility thought so much of; they had a

right to interfere in the agreements I entered into with my neighbor。

I told Sir Michael that if he would go home and help Lady Fagan to

saw and split the wood for her fire; he would be better employed than

in meddling with my domestic arrangements。  I advised Sir Hans to ask

Lady Schleimer for her bottle of spirits to use as an embrocation for

his lame hip。  And so my two visitors with the aristocratic titles

staggered off; and left us plain; untitled citizens; Hiram and

myself; to set our posts; and consider the question whether we lived

in a free country or under the authority of a self…constituted order

of quasi…nobility。〃



It is a very curious fact that; with all our boasted 〃free and equal〃

superiority over the communities of the Old World; our people have

the most enormous appetite for Old World titles of distinction。  Sir

Michael and Sir Hans belong to one of the most extended of the

aristocratic orders。  But we have also 〃Knights and Ladies of Honor;〃

and; what is still grander; 〃Royal Conclave of Knights and Ladies;〃

〃Royal Arcanum;〃 and 〃Royal Society of Good Fellows;〃  〃 Supreme

Council;〃  〃Imperial Court;〃  〃Grand Protector;〃 and 〃Grand

Dictator;〃 and so on。  Nothing less than 〃Grand〃 and 11 Supreme〃 is

good enough for the dignitaries of our associations of citizens。

Where does all this ambition for names without realities come from?

Because a Knight of the Garter wears a golden star; why does the

worthy cordwainer; who mends the shoes of his fellow…citizens; want

to wear a tin star; and take a name that had a meaning as used by the

representatives of ancient families; or the men who had made

themselves illustrious by their achievements?



It appears to be a peculiarly American weakness。  The French

republicans of the earlier period thought the term citizen was good

enough for anybody。  At a later period; 〃Roi Citoyen〃the citizen

king was a common title given 

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