is shakespeare dead-第14章

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ct　in　itthat　there　is　no　such　thing　as　a　witch；　it　has　taken　several　thousand　years　to　convince　that　same　fine　raceincluding　every　splendid　intellect　in　itthat　there　is　no　such　person　as　Satan；　it　has　taken　several　centuries　to　remove　perdition　from　the　Protestant　Church's　program　of　postmortem　entertainments；　it　has　taken　a　weary　long　time　to　persuade　American　Presbyterians　to　give　up　infant　damnation　and　try　to　bear　it　the　best　they　can；　and　it　looks　as　if　their　Scotch　brethren　will　still　be　burning　babies　in　the　everlasting　fires　when　Shakespeare　comes　down　from　his　perch。

We　are　The　Reasoning　Race。　　We　can't　prove　it　by　the　above　examples；　and　we　can't　prove　it　by　the　miraculous　〃histories〃　built　by　those　Stratfordolaters　out　of　a　hatful　of　rags　and　a　barrel　of　sawdust；　but　there　is　a　plenty　of　other　things　we　can　prove　it　by；　if　I　could　think　of　them。　　We　are　The　Reasoning　Race；　and　when　we　find　a　vague　file　of　chipmunk…tracks　stringing　through　the　dust　of　Stratford　village；　we　know　by　our　reasoning　powers　that　Hercules　has　been　along　there。　　I　feel　that　our　fetish　is　safe　for　three　centuries　yet。　　The　bust；　toothere　in　the　Stratford　Church。　　The　precious　bust；　the　priceless　bust；　the　calm　bust；　the　serene　bust；　the　emotionless　bust；　with　the　dandy　moustache；　and　the　putty　face；　unseamed　of　carethat　face　which　has　looked　passionlessly　down　upon　the　awed　pilgrim　for　a　hundred　and　fifty　years　and　will　still　look　down　upon　the　awed　pilgrim　three　hundred　more；　with　the　deep；　deep；　deep；　subtle；　subtle；　subtle；　expression　of　a　bladder。



CHAPTER　XII



Irreverence

One　of　the　most　trying　defects　which　I　find　in　thesethesewhat　shall　I　call　them？　for　I　will　not　apply　injurious　epithets　to　them；　the　way　they　do　to　us；　such　violations　of　courtesy　being　repugnant　to　my　nature　and　my　dignity。　　The　furthest　I　can　go　in　that　direction　is　to　call　them　by　names　of　limited　reverencenames　merely　descriptive；　never　unkind；　never　offensive；　never　tainted　by　harsh　feeling。　　If　THEY　would　do　like　this；　they　would　feel　better　in　their　hearts。　　Very　well；　thento　proceed。　　One　of　the　most　trying　defects　which　I　find　in　these　Stratfordolaters；　these　Shakesperoids；　these　thugs；　these　bangalores；　these　troglodytes；　these　herumfrodites；　these　blatherskites；　these　buccaneers；　these　bandoleers；　is　their　spirit　of　irreverence。　　It　is　detectable　in　every　utterance　of　theirs　when　they　are　talking　about　us。　　I　am　thankful　that　in　me　there　is　nothing　of　that　spirit。　　When　a　thing　is　sacred　to　me　it　is　impossible　for　me　to　be　irreverent　toward　it。　I　cannot　call　to　mind　a　single　instance　where　I　have　ever　been　irreverent；　except　toward　the　things　which　were　sacred　to　other　people。　　Am　I　in　the　right？　　I　think　so。　　But　I　ask　no　one　to　take　my　unsupported　word；　no；　look　at　the　dictionary；　let　the　dictionary　decide。　　Here　is　the　definition：


Irreverence。　　The　quality　or　condition　of　irreverence　toward　God　and　sacred　things。


What　does　the　Hindu　say？　　He　says　it　is　correct。　　He　says　irreverence　is　lack　of　respect　for　Vishnu；　and　Brahma；　and　Chrishna；　and　his　other　gods；　and　for　his　sacred　cattle；　and　for　his　temples　and　the　things　within　them。　　He　endorses　the　definition；　you　see；　and　there　are　300；000；000　Hindus　or　their　equivalents　back　of　him。

The　dictionary　had　the　acute　idea　that　by　using　the　capital　G　it　could　restrict　irreverence　to　lack　of　reverence　for　OUR　Deity　and　our　sacred　things；　but　that　ingenious　and　rather　sly　idea　miscarried：　　for　by　the　simple　process　of　spelling　HIS　deities　with　capitals　the　Hindu　confiscates　the　definition　and　restricts　it　to　his　own　sects；　thus　making　it　clearly　compulsory　upon　us　to　revere　HIS　gods　and　HIS　sacred　things；　and　nobody's　else。　　We　can't　say　a　word；　for　he　has　our　own　dictionary　at　his　back；　and　its　decision　is　final。

This　law；　reduced　to　its　simplest　terms；　is　this：　　1。　　Whatever　is　sacred　to　the　Christian　must　be　held　in　reverence　by　everybody　else；　2；　whatever　is　sacred　to　the　Hindu　must　be　held　in　reverence　by　everybody　else；　3；　therefore；　by　consequence；　logically；　and　indisputably；　whatever　is　sacred　to　ME　must　be　held　in　reverence　by　everybody　else。

Now　then；　what　aggravates　me　is；　that　these　troglodytes　and　muscovites　and　bandoleers　and　buccaneers　are　ALSO　trying　to　crowd　in　and　share　the　benefit　of　the　law；　and　compel　everybody　to　revere　their　Shakespeare　and　hold　him　sacred。　　We　can't　have　that：　there's　enough　of　us　already。　　If　you　go　on　widening　and　spreading　and　inflating　the　privilege；　it　will　presently　come　to　be　conceded　that　each　man's　sacred　things　are　the　ONLY　ones；　and　the　rest　of　the　human　race　will　have　to　be　humbly　reverent　toward　them　or　suffer　for　it。　　That　can　surely　happen；　and　when　it　happens；　the　word　Irreverence　will　be　regarded　as　the　most　meaningless；　and　foolish；　and　self…conceited；　and　insolent；　and　impudent　and　dictatorial　word　in　the　language。　　And　people　will　say；　〃Whose　business　is　it；　what　gods　I　worship　and　what　things　hold　sacred？　Who　has　the　right　to　dictate　to　my　conscience；　and　where　did　he　get　that　right？〃

We　cannot　afford　to　let　that　calamity　come　upon　us。　　We　must　save　the　word　from　this　destruction。　　There　is　but　one　way　to　do　it；　and　that　is；　to　stop　the　spread　of　the　privilege；　and　strictly　confine　it　to　its　present　limits：　　that　is；　to　all　the　Christian　sects；　to　all　the　Hindu　sects；　and　me。　　We　do　not　need　any　more；　the　stock　is　watered　enough；　just　as　it　is。

It　would　be　better　if　the　privilege　were　limited　to　me　alone。　　I　think　so　because　I　am　the　only　sect　that　knows　how　to　employ　it　gently；　kindly；　charitably；　dispassionately。　　The　other　sects　lack　the　quality　of　self…restraint。　　The　Catholic　Church　says　the　most　irreverent　things　about　matters　which　are　sacred　to　the　Protestants；　and　the　Protestant　Church　retorts　in　kind　about　the　confessional　and　other　matters　which　Catholics　hold　sacred；　then　both　of　these　irreverencers　turn　upon　Thomas　Paine　and　charge　HIM　with　irreverence。　　This　is　all　unfortunate；　because　it　makes　it　difficult　for　students　equipped　with　only　a　low　grade　of　mentality　to　find　out　what　Irreverence　really　IS。

It　will　surely　be　much　better　all　around　if　the　privilege　of　regulating　the　irreverent　and　keeping　them　in　order　shall　eventually　be　withdrawn　from　all　the　sects　but　me。　　Then　there　will　be　no　more　quarrelling；　no　more　bandying　of　disrespectful　epithets；　no　more　heart　burnings。

There　will　then　be　nothing　sacred　involved　in　this　Bacon…　Shakespeare　controversy　except　what　is　sacred　to　me。　　That　will　simplify　the　whole　matter；　and　trouble　will　cease。　　There　will　be　irreverence　no　longer；　because　I　will　not　allow　it。　　The　first　time　those　criminals　charge　me　with　irreverence　for　calling　their　Stratford　myth　an　Arthur…Orton…Mary…Baker…Thompson…Eddy…Louis…the…　Seventeenth…Veiled…Prophet…of…Khorassan　will　be　the　last。　　Taught　by　the　methods　found　effective　in　extinguishing　earlier　offenders　by　the　Inquisition；　of　holy　memory；　I　shall　know　how　to　quiet　them。



CHAPTER　XIII



Isn't　it　odd；　when　you　think　of　it：　　that　you　may　list　all　the　celebrated　Englishmen；　Irishmen；　and　Scotchmen　of　modern　times；　clear　back　to　the　first　Tudorsa　list　containing　five　hundred　names；　shall　we　say？and　you　can　go　to　the　histories；　biographies　and　cyclopedias　and　learn　the　particulars　of　the　lives　of　every　one　of　them。　　Every　one　of　them　except　onethe　most　famous；　the　most　renownedby　far　the　most　illustrious　of　them　allShakespeare！　You　can　get　the　details　of　the　lives　of　all　the　celebrated　ecclesiastics　in　the　list；　all　the　celebrated　tragedians；　comedians；　singers；　dancers；　orators；　judges；　lawyers；　poets；　dramatists；　historians；　biographers；　editors；　inventors；　reformers；　statesmen；　generals；　admirals；　discoverers；　prize…fighters；　murderers；　pirates；　conspirators；　horse…jockeys；　bunco…steerers；　misers；　swindlers；　explorers；　adventurers　by　land　and　sea；　bankers；　financiers；　astronomers；　naturalists；　Claimants；　impostors；　chemists；　biologists；　geologists；　philologists；　college　presidents　and　professors；　architects；　engineers；　painters；　sculptors；　politicians；　agitators；　rebels；　revolutionists；　patriots；　demagogues；　clowns；　cooks；　freaks；　philosophers；　burglars；　highwaymen；　journalists；　physicians；　surgeonsyou　can　get