erewhon revisited-第3章

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on　her　death　he　was　haunted　by　the　wrong　he　accused　himselfas　it
seems　to　me　very　unjustlyof　having　done　her；　for　it　was　neither
his　fault　nor　hersit　was　Ate。

His　unrest　soon　assumed　the　form　of　a　burning　desire　to　revisit　the
country　in　which　he　and　my　mother　had　been　happier　together　than
perhaps　they　ever　again　were。　　I　had　often　heard　him　betray　a
hankering　after　a　return　to　Erewhon；　disguised　so　that　no　one
should　recognise　him；　but　as　long　as　my　mother　lived　he　would　not
leave　her。　　When　death　had　taken　her　from　him；　he　so　evidently
stood　in　need　of　a　complete　change　of　scene；　that　even　those
friends　who　had　most　strongly　dissuaded　him　from　what　they　deemed　a
madcap　enterprise；　thought　it　better　to　leave　him　to　himself。　　It
would　have　mattered　little　how　much　they　tried　to　dissuade　him；　for
before　long　his　passionate　longing　for　the　journey　became　so
overmastering　that　nothing　short　of　restraint　in　prison　or　a
madhouse　could　have　stayed　his　going；　but　we　were　not　easy　about
him。　　〃He　had　better　go；〃　said　Mr。　Cathie　to　me；　when　I　was　at　home
for　the　Easter　vacation；　〃and　get　it　over。　　He　is　not　well；　but　he
is　still　in　the　prime　of　life；　doubtless　he　will　come　back　with
renewed　health　and　will　settle　down　to　a　quiet　home　life　again。〃

This；　however；　was　not　said　till　it　had　become　plain　that　in　a　few
days　my　father　would　be　on　his　way。　　He　had　made　a　new　will；　and
left　an　ample　power　of　attorney　with　Mr。　Cathieor；　as　we　always
called　him；　Alfredwho　was　to　supply　me　with　whatever　money　I
wanted；　he　had　put　all　other　matters　in　order　in　case　anything
should　happen　to　prevent　his　ever　returning；　and　he　set　out　on
October　1；　1890；　more　composed　and　cheerful　than　I　had　seen　him　for
some　time　past。

I　had　not　realised　how　serious　the　danger　to　my　father　would　be　if
he　were　recognised　while　he　was　in　Erewhon；　for　I　am　ashamed　to　say
that　I　had　not　yet　read　his　book。　　I　had　heard　over　and　over　again
of　his　flight　with　my　mother　in　the　balloon；　and　had　long　since
read　his　few　opening　chapters；　but　I　had　found；　as　a　boy　naturally
would；　that　the　succeeding　pages　were　a　little　dull；　and　soon　put
the　book　aside。　　My　father；　indeed；　repeatedly　urged　me　not　to　read
it；　for　he　said　there　was　much　in　itmore　especially　in　the
earlier　chapters；　which　I　had　alone　found　interestingthat　he
would　gladly　cancel　if　he　could。　　〃But　there！〃　he　had　said　with　a
laugh；　〃what　does　it　matter？〃

He　had　hardly　left；　before　I　read　his　book　from　end　to　end；　and；　on
having　done　so；　not　only　appreciated　the　risks　that　he　would　have
to　run；　but　was　struck　with　the　wide　difference　between　his
character　as　he　had　himself　portrayed　it；　and　the　estimate　I　had
formed　of　it　from　personal　knowledge。　　When；　on　his　return；　he
detailed　to　me　his　adventures；　the　account　he　gave　of　what　he　had
said　and　done　corresponded　with　my　own　ideas　concerning　him；　but　I
doubt　not　the　reader　will　see　that　the　twenty　years　between　his
first　and　second　visit　had　modified　him　even　more　than　so　long　an
interval　might　be　expected　to　do。

I　heard　from　him　repeatedly　during　the　first　two　months　of　his
absence；　and　was　surprised　to　find　that　he　had　stayed　for　a　week　or
ten　days　at　more　than　one　place　of　call　on　his　outward　journey。　　On
November　26　he　wrote　from　the　port　whence　he　was　to　start　for
Erewhon；　seemingly　in　good　health　and　spirits；　and　on　December　27；
1891；　he　telegraphed　for　a　hundred　pounds　to　be　wired　out　to　him　at
this　same　port。　　This　puzzled　both　Mr。　Cathie　and　myself；　for　the
interval　between　November　26　and　December　27　seemed　too　short　to
admit　of　his　having　paid　his　visit　to　Erewhon　and　returned；　as；
moreover；　he　had　added　the　words；　〃Coming　home；〃　we　rather　hoped
that　he　had　abandoned　his　intention　of　going　there。

We　were　also　surprised　at　his　wanting　so　much　money；　for　he　had
taken　a　hundred　pounds　in　gold；　which　from　some　fancy；　he　had
stowed　in　a　small　silver　jewel…box　that　he　had　given　my　mother　not
long　before　she　died。　　He　had　also　taken　a　hundred　pounds　worth　of
gold　nuggets；　which　he　had　intended　to　sell　in　Erewhon　so　as　to
provide　himself　with　money　when　he　got　there。

I　should　explain　that　these　nuggets　would　be　worth　in　Erewhon　fully
ten　times　as　much　as　they　would　in　Europe；　owing　to　the　great
scarcity　of　gold　in　that　country。　　The　Erewhonian　coinage　is
entirely　silverwhich　is　abundant；　and　worth　much　what　it　is　in
Englandor　copper；　which　is　also　plentiful；　but　what　we　should
call　five　pounds'　worth　of　silver　money　would　not　buy　more　than　one
of　our　half…sovereigns　in　gold。

He　had　put　his　nuggets　into　ten　brown　holland　bags；　and　he　had　had
secret　pockets　made　for　the　old　Erewhonian　dress　which　he　had　worn
when　he　escaped；　so　that　he　need　never　have　more　than　one　bag　of
nuggets　accessible　at　a　time。　　He　was　not　likely；　therefore；　to
have　been　robbed。　　His　passage　to　the　port　above　referred　to　had
been　paid　before　he　started；　and　it　seemed　impossible　that　a　man　of
his　very　inexpensive　habits　should　have　spent　two　hundred　pounds　in
a　single　monthfor　the　nuggets　would　be　immediately　convertible　in
an　English　colony。　　There　was　nothing；　however；　to　be　done　but　to
cable　out　the　money　and　wait　my　father's　arrival。

Returning　for　a　moment　to　my　father's　old　Erewhonian　dress；　I
should　say　that　he　had　preserved　it　simply　as　a　memento　and　without
any　idea　that　he　should　again　want　it。　　It　was　not　the　court　dress
that　had　been　provided　for　him　on　the　occasion　of　his　visit　to　the
king　and　queen；　but　the　everyday　clothing　that　he　had　been　ordered
to　wear　when　he　was　put　in　prison；　though　his　English　coat；
waistcoat；　and　trousers　had　been　allowed　to　remain　in　his　own
possession。　　These；　I　had　seen　from　his　book；　had　been　presented　by
him　to　the　queen　（with　the　exception　of　two　buttons；　which　he　had
given　to　Yram　as　a　keepsake）；　and　had　been　preserved　by　her
displayed　upon　a　wooden　dummy。　　The　dress　in　which　he　escaped　had
been　soiled　during　the　hours　that　he　and　my　mother　had　been　in　the
sea；　and　had　also　suffered　from　neglect　during　the　years　of　his
poverty；　but　he　wished　to　pass　himself　off　as　a　common　peasant　or
working…man；　so　he　preferred　to　have　it　set　in　order　as　might　best
be　done；　rather　than　copied。

So　cautious　was　he　in　the　matter　of　dress　that　he　took　with　him　the
boots　he　had　worn　on　leaving　Erewhon；　lest　the　foreign　make　of　his
English　boots　should　arouse　suspicion。　　They　were　nearly　new；　and
when　he　had　had　them　softened　and　well　greased；　he　found　he　could
still　wear　them　quite　comfortably。

But　to　return。　　He　reached　home　late　at　night　one　day　at　the
beginning　of　February；　and　a　glance　was　enough　to　show　that　he　was
an　altered　man。　　〃What　is　the　matter？〃　said　I；　shocked　at　his
appearance。　　〃Did　you　go　to　Erewhon；　and　were　you　ill…treated
there？〃

〃I　went　to　Erewhon；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　was　not　ill…treated　there；　but
I　have　been　so　shaken　that　I　fear　I　shall　quite　lose　my　reason。　　Do
not　ask　me　more　now。　　I　will　tell　you　about　it　all　to…morrow。　　Let
me　have　something　to　eat；　and　go　to　bed。〃

When　we　met　at　breakfast　next　morning；　he　greeted　me　with　all　his
usual　warmth　of　affection；　but　he　was　still　taciturn。　　〃I　will
begin　to　tell　you　about　it；〃　he　said；　〃after　breakfast。　　Where　is
your　dear　mother？　　How　was　it　that　I　have　。　。　。　〃

Then　of　a　sudden　his　memory　returned；　and　he　burst　into　tears。

I　now　saw；　to　my　horror；　that　his　mind　was　gone。　　When　he
recovered；　he　said：　　〃It　has　all　come　back　again；　but　at　times　now
I　am　a　blank；　and　every　week　am　more　and　more　so。　　I　daresay　I
shall　be　sensible　now　for　several　hours。　　We　will　go　into　the　study
after　breakfast；　and　I　will　talk　to　you　as　long　as　I　can　do　so。〃

Let　the　reader　spare　me；　and　let　me　spare　the　reader　any
description　of　what　we　both　of　us　felt。

When　we　were　in　the　study；　my　father　said；　〃My　dearest　boy；　get　pen
and　paper　and　take　notes　of　what　I　tell　you。　　It　will　be　all
disjointed；　one　day　I　shall　remember　this；　and　another　that；　but
there　will　not　be　many　more　days　on　which　I　shall　remember　anything
at　all。　　I　cannot　write　a　coherent　page。　　You；　when　I　am　gone；　can
piece　what　I　tell　you　together；　and　tell　it　as　I　should　have　told
it　if　I　had　been　still　so