erewhon revisited-第2章

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ungovernable　excitement　gave　some　colour　to　the　opinion　that　much
of　what　he　said　he　had　seen　and　done　might　be　only　subjectively
true。　　I　refer　more　particularly　to　his　interview　with　Chowbok　in
the　wool…shed；　and　his　highly　coloured　description　of　the　statues
on　the　top　of　the　pass　leading　into　Erewhon。　　These　were　soon　set
down　as　forgeries　of　delirium；　and　it　was　maliciously　urged；　that
though　in　his　book　he　had　only　admitted　having　taken　〃two　or　three
bottles　of　brandy〃　with　him；　he　had　probably　taken　at　least　a
dozen；　and　that　if　on　the　night　before　he　reached　the　statues　he
had　〃only　four　ounces　of　brandy〃　left；　he　must　have　been　drinking
heavily　for　the　preceding　fortnight　or　three　weeks。　　Those　who　read
the　following　pages　will；　I　think；　reject　all　idea　that　my　father
was　in　a　state　of　delirium；　not　without　surprise　that　any　one
should　have　ever　entertained　it。

It　was　Chowbok　who；　if　he　did　not　originate　these　calumnies；　did
much　to　disseminate　and　gain　credence　for　them。　　He　remained　in
England　for　some　years；　and　never　tired　of　doing　what　he　could　to
disparage　my　father。　　The　cunning　creature　had　ingratiated　himself
with　our　leading　religious　societies；　especially　with　the　more
evangelical　among　them。　　Whatever　doubt　there　might　be　about　his
sincerity；　there　was　none　about　his　colour；　and　a　coloured　convert
in　those　days　was　more　than　Exeter　Hall　could　resist。　　Chowbok　saw
that　there　was　no　room　for　him　and　for　my　father；　and　declared　my
poor　father's　story　to　be　almost　wholly　false。　　It　was　true；　he
said；　that　he　and　my　father　had　explored　the　head…waters　of　the
river　described　in　his　book；　but　he　denied　that　my　father　had　gone
on　without　him；　and　he　named　the　river　as　one　distant　by　many
thousands　of　miles　from　the　one　it　really　was。　　He　said　that　after
about　a　fortnight　he　had　returned　in　company　with　my　father；　who　by
that　time　had　become　incapacitated　for　further　travel。　　At　this
point　he　would　shrug　his　shoulders；　look　mysterious；　and　thus　say
〃alcoholic　poisoning〃　even　more　effectively　than　if　he　had　uttered
the　words　themselves。　　For　a　man's　tongue　lies　often　in　his
shoulders。

Readers　of　my　father's　book　will　remember　that　Chowbok　had　given　a
very　different　version　when　he　had　returned　to　his　employer's
station；　but　Time　and　Distance　afford　cover　under　which　falsehood
can　often　do　truth　to　death　securely。

I　never　understood　why　my　father　did　not　bring　my　mother　forward　to
confirm　his　story。　　He　may　have　done　so　while　I　was　too　young　to
know　anything　about　it。　　But　when　people　have　made　up　their　minds；
they　are　impatient　of　further　evidence；　my　mother；　moreover；　was　of
a　very　retiring　disposition。　　The　Italians　say：…


〃Chi　lontano　va　ammogliare
Sara　ingannato；　o　vorra　ingannare。〃


〃If　a　man　goes　far　afield　for　a　wife；　he　will　be　deceivedor　means
deceiving。〃　　The　proverb　is　as　true　for　women　as　for　men；　and　my
mother　was　never　quite　happy　in　her　new　surroundings。　　Wilfully
deceived　she　assuredly　was　not；　but　she　could　not　accustom　herself
to　English　modes　of　thought；　indeed　she　never　even　nearly　mastered
our　language；　my　father　always　talked　with　her　in　Erewhonian；　and
so　did　I；　for　as　a　child　she　had　taught　me　to　do　so；　and　I　was　as
fluent　with　her　language　as　with　my　father's。　　In　this　respect　she
often　told　me　I　could　pass　myself　off　anywhere　in　Erewhon　as　a
native；　I　shared　also　her　personal　appearance；　for　though　not
wholly　unlike　my　father；　I　had　taken　more　closely　after　my　mother。
In　mind；　if　I　may　venture　to　say　so；　I　believe　I　was　more　like　my
father。

I　may　as　well　here　inform　the　reader　that　I　was　born　at　the　end　of
September　1871；　and　was　christened　John；　after　my　grandfather。
From　what　I　have　said　above　he　will　readily　believe　that　my
earliest　experiences　were　somewhat　squalid。　　Memories　of　childhood
rush　vividly　upon　me　when　I　pass　through　a　low　London　alley；　and
catch　the　faint　sickly　smell　that　pervades　ithalf　paraffin；　half
black…currants；　but　wholly　something　very　different。　　I　have　a
fancy　that　we　lived　in　Blackmoor　Street；　off　Drury　Lane。　　My
father；　when　first　I　knew　of　his　doing　anything　at　all；　supported
my　mother　and　myself　by　drawing　pictures　with　coloured　chalks　upon
the　pavement；　I　used　sometimes　to　watch　him；　and　marvel　at　the
skill　with　which　he　represented　fogs；　floods；　and　fires。　　These
three　〃f's；〃　he　would　say；　were　his　three　best　friends；　for　they
were　easy　to　do　and　brought　in　halfpence　freely。　　The　return　of　the
dove　to　the　ark　was　his　favourite　subject。　　Such　a　little　ark；　on
such　a　hazy　morning；　and　such　a　little　pigeonthe　rest　of　the
picture　being　cheap　sky；　and　still　cheaper　sea；　nothing；　I　have
often　heard　him　say；　was　more　popular　than　this　with　his　clients。
He　held　it　to　be　his　masterpiece；　but　would　add　with　some　naivete
that　he　considered　himself　a　public　benefactor　for　carrying　it　out
in　such　perishable　fashion。　　〃At　any　rate；〃　he　would　say；　〃no　one
can　bequeath　one　of　my　many　replicas　to　the　nation。〃

I　never　learned　how　much　my　father　earned　by　his　profession；　but　it
must　have　been　something　considerable；　for　we　always　had　enough　to
eat　and　drink；　I　imagine　that　he　did　better　than　many　a　struggling
artist　with　more　ambitious　aims。　　He　was　strictly　temperate　during
all　the　time　that　I　knew　anything　about　him；　but　he　was　not　a
teetotaler；　I　never　saw　any　of　the　fits　of　nervous　excitement　which
in　his　earlier　years　had　done　so　much　to　wreck　him。　　In　the
evenings；　and　on　days　when　the　state　of　the　pavement　did　not　permit
him　to　work；　he　took　great　pains　with　my　education；　which　he　could
very　well　do；　for　as　a　boy　he　had　been　in　the　sixth　form　of　one　of
our　foremost　public　schools。　　I　found　him　a　patient；　kindly
instructor；　while　to　my　mother　he　was　a　model　husband。　　Whatever
others　may　have　said　about　him；　I　can　never　think　of　him　without
very　affectionate　respect。

Things　went　on　quietly　enough；　as　above　indicated；　till　I　was　about
fourteen；　when　by　a　freak　of　fortune　my　father　became　suddenly
affluent。　　A　brother　of　his　father's　had　emigrated　to　Australia　in
1851；　and　had　amassed　great　wealth。　　We　knew　of　his　existence；　but
there　had　been　no　intercourse　between　him　and　my　father；　and　we　did
not　even　know　that　he　was　rich　and　unmarried。　　He　died　intestate
towards　the　end　of　1885；　and　my　father　was　the　only　relative　he
had；　except；　of　course；　myself；　for　both　my　father's　sisters　had
died　young；　and　without　leaving　children。

The　solicitor　through　whom　the　news　reached　us　was；　happily；　a　man
of　the　highest　integrity；　and　also　very　sensible　and　kind。　　He　was
a　Mr。　Alfred　Emery　Cathie；　of　15　Clifford's　Inn；　E。C。；　and　my
father　placed　himself　unreservedly　in　his　hands。　　I　was　at　once
sent　to　a　first…rate　school；　and　such　pains　had　my　father　taken
with　me　that　I　was　placed　in　a　higher　form　than　might　have　been
expected　considering　my　age。　　The　way　in　which　he　had　taught　me　had
prevented　my　feeling　any　dislike　for　study；　I　therefore　stuck
fairly　well　to　my　books；　while　not　neglecting　the　games　which　are
so　important　a　part　of　healthy　education。　　Everything　went　well
with　me；　both　as　regards　masters　and　school…fellows；　nevertheless；
I　was　declared　to　be　of　a　highly　nervous　and　imaginative
temperament；　and　the　school　doctor　more　than　once　urged　our
headmaster　not　to　push　me　forward　too　rapidlyfor　which　I　have
ever　since　held　myself　his　debtor。

Early　in　1890；　I　being　then　home　from　Oxford　（where　I　had　been
entered　in　the　preceding　year）；　my　mother　died；　not　so　much　from
active　illness；　as　from　what　was　in　reality　a　kind　of　maladie　du
pays。　　All　along　she　had　felt　herself　an　exile；　and　though　she　had
borne　up　wonderfully　during　my　father's　long　struggle　with
adversity；　she　began　to　break　as　soon　as　prosperity　had　removed　the
necessity　for　exertion　on　her　own　part。

My　father　could　never　divest　himself　of　the　feeling　that　he　had
wrecked　her　life　by　inducing　her　to　share　her　lot　with　his　own；　to
say　that　he　was　stricken　with　remorse　on　losing　her　is　not　enough；
he　had　been　so　stricken　almost　from　the　first　year　of　his　marriage；
on　her　death　he　was　haunted　by　the　wrong　he　accused　himselfas　it
seems　to　me　very　unjustlyof　having　done　her；　for