the innocence of father brown-第14章

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freckled　face；　with　moderate　intelligence　and　enormous　estates。　　In　public　his　appearances　were　always　successful　and　his　principle　was　simple　enough。　　When　he　thought　of　a　joke　he　made　it；　and　was　called　brilliant。　　When　he　could　not　think　of　a　joke　he　said　that　this　was　no　time　for　trifling；　and　was　called　able。　　In　private；　in　a　club　of　his　own　class；　he　was　simply　quite　pleasantly　frank　and　silly；　like　a　schoolboy。　　Mr。　Audley；　never　having　been　in　politics；　treated　them　a　little　more　seriously。　　Sometimes　he　even　embarrassed　the　company　by　phrases　suggesting　that　there　was　some　difference　between　a　Liberal　and　a　Conservative。　　He　himself　was　a　Conservative；　even　in　private　life。　　He　had　a　roll　of　grey　hair　over　the　back　of　his　collar；　like　certain　old…fashioned　statesmen；　and　seen　from　behind　he　looked　like　the　man　the　empire　wants。　　Seen　from　the　front　he　looked　like　a　mild；　self…indulgent　bachelor；　with　rooms　in　the　Albanywhich　he　was。　　　　　As　has　been　remarked；　there　were　twenty…four　seats　at　the　terrace　table；　and　only　twelve　members　of　the　club。　　Thus　they　could　occupy　the　terrace　in　the　most　luxurious　style　of　all；　being　ranged　along　the　inner　side　of　the　table；　with　no　one　opposite；　commanding　an　uninterrupted　view　of　the　garden；　the　colours　of　which　were　still　vivid；　though　evening　was　closing　in　somewhat　luridly　for　the　time　of　year。　　The　chairman　sat　in　the　centre　of　the　line；　and　the　vice…president　at　the　right…hand　end　of　it。　When　the　twelve　guests　first　trooped　into　their　seats　it　was　the　custom　（for　some　unknown　reason）　for　all　the　fifteen　waiters　to　stand　lining　the　wall　like　troops　presenting　arms　to　the　king；　while　the　fat　proprietor　stood　and　bowed　to　the　club　with　radiant　surprise；　as　if　he　had　never　heard　of　them　before。　　But　before　the　first　chink　of　knife　and　fork　this　army　of　retainers　had　vanished；　only　the　one　or　two　required　to　collect　and　distribute　the　plates　darting　about　in　deathly　silence。　　Mr。　Lever；　the　proprietor；　of　course　had　disappeared　in　convulsions　of　courtesy　long　before。　　It　would　be　exaggerative；　indeed　irreverent；　to　say　that　he　ever　positively　appeared　again。　　But　when　the　important　course；　the　fish　course；　was　being　brought　on；　there　washow　shall　I　put　it？　　a　vivid　shadow；　a　projection　of　his　personality；　which　told　that　he　was　hovering　near。　　The　sacred　fish　course　consisted　（to　the　eyes　of　the　vulgar）　in　a　sort　of　monstrous　pudding；　about　the　size　and　shape　of　a　wedding　cake；　in　which　some　considerable　number　of　interesting　fishes　had　finally　lost　the　shapes　which　God　had　given　to　them。　　The　Twelve　True　Fishermen　took　up　their　celebrated　fish　knives　and　fish　forks；　and　approached　it　as　gravely　as　if　every　inch　of　the　pudding　cost　as　much　as　the　silver　fork　it　was　eaten　with。　　So　it　did；　for　all　I　know。　　This　course　was　dealt　with　in　eager　and　devouring　silence；　and　it　was　only　when　his　plate　was　nearly　empty　that　the　young　duke　made　the　ritual　remark：　〃They　can't　do　this　anywhere　but　here。〃　　　　　〃Nowhere；〃　said　Mr。　Audley；　in　a　deep　bass　voice；　turning　to　the　speaker　and　nodding　his　venerable　head　a　number　of　times。　〃Nowhere；　assuredly；　except　here。　　It　was　represented　to　me　that　at　the　Cafe　Anglais〃　　　　　Here　he　was　interrupted　and　even　agitated　for　a　moment　by　the　removal　of　his　plate；　but　he　recaptured　the　valuable　thread　of　his　thoughts。　　〃It　was　represented　to　me　that　the　same　could　be　done　at　the　Cafe　Anglais。　　Nothing　like　it；　sir；〃　he　said；　shaking　his　head　ruthlessly；　like　a　hanging　judge。　　〃Nothing　like　it。〃　　　　　〃Overrated　place；〃　said　a　certain　Colonel　Pound；　speaking　（by　the　look　of　him）　for　the　first　time　for　some　months。　　　　　〃Oh；　I　don't　know；〃　said　the　Duke　of　Chester；　who　was　an　optimist；　〃it's　jolly　good　for　some　things。　　You　can't　beat　it　at〃　　　　　A　waiter　came　swiftly　along　the　room；　and　then　stopped　dead。　His　stoppage　was　as　silent　as　his　tread；　but　all　those　vague　and　kindly　gentlemen　were　so　used　to　the　utter　smoothness　of　the　unseen　machinery　which　surrounded　and　supported　their　lives；　that　a　waiter　doing　anything　unexpected　was　a　start　and　a　jar。　　They　felt　as　you　and　I　would　feel　if　the　inanimate　world　disobeyed　if　a　chair　ran　away　from　us。　　　　　The　waiter　stood　staring　a　few　seconds；　while　there　deepened　on　every　face　at　table　a　strange　shame　which　is　wholly　the　product　of　our　time。　　It　is　the　combination　of　modern　humanitarianism　with　the　horrible　modern　abyss　between　the　souls　of　the　rich　and　poor。　A　genuine　historic　aristocrat　would　have　thrown　things　at　the　waiter；　beginning　with　empty　bottles；　and　very　probably　ending　with　money。　　A　genuine　democrat　would　have　asked　him；　with　comrade…like　clearness　of　speech；　what　the　devil　he　was　doing。　But　these　modern　plutocrats　could　not　bear　a　poor　man　near　to　them；　either　as　a　slave　or　as　a　friend。　　That　something　had　gone　wrong　with　the　servants　was　merely　a　dull；　hot　embarrassment。　They　did　not　want　to　be　brutal；　and　they　dreaded　the　need　to　be　benevolent。　　They　wanted　the　thing；　whatever　it　was；　to　be　over。　It　was　over。　　The　waiter；　after　standing　for　some　seconds　rigid；　like　a　cataleptic；　turned　round　and　ran　madly　out　of　the　room。　　　　　When　he　reappeared　in　the　room；　or　rather　in　the　doorway；　it　was　in　company　with　another　waiter；　with　whom　he　whispered　and　gesticulated　with　southern　fierceness。　　Then　the　first　waiter　went　away；　leaving　the　second　waiter；　and　reappeared　with　a　third　waiter。　　By　the　time　a　fourth　waiter　had　joined　this　hurried　synod；　Mr。　Audley　felt　it　necessary　to　break　the　silence　in　the　interests　of　Tact。　　He　used　a　very　loud　cough；　instead　of　a　presidential　hammer；　and　said：　〃Splendid　work　young　Moocher's　doing　in　Burmah。　　Now；　no　other　nation　in　the　world　could　have〃　　　　　A　fifth　waiter　had　sped　towards　him　like　an　arrow；　and　was　whispering　in　his　ear：　〃So　sorry。　　Important！　　Might　the　proprietor　speak　to　you？〃　　　　　The　chairman　turned　in　disorder；　and　with　a　dazed　stare　saw　Mr。　Lever　coming　towards　them　with　his　lumbering　quickness。　　The　gait　of　the　good　proprietor　was　indeed　his　usual　gait；　but　his　face　was　by　no　means　usual。　　Generally　it　was　a　genial　copper…brown；　now　it　was　a　sickly　yellow。　　　　　〃You　will　pardon　me；　Mr。　Audley；〃　he　said；　with　asthmatic　breathlessness。　　〃I　have　great　apprehensions。　　Your　fish…plates；　they　are　cleared　away　with　the　knife　and　fork　on　them！〃　　　　　〃Well；　I　hope　so；〃　said　the　chairman；　with　some　warmth。　　　　　〃You　see　him？〃　panted　the　excited　hotel　keeper；　〃you　see　the　waiter　who　took　them　away？　　You　know　him？〃　　　　　〃Know　the　waiter？〃　answered　Mr。　Audley　indignantly。　　〃Certainly　not！〃　　　　　Mr。　Lever　opened　his　hands　with　a　gesture　of　agony。　　〃I　never　send　him；〃　he　said。　　〃I　know　not　when　or　why　he　come。　　I　send　my　waiter　to　take　away　the　plates；　and　he　find　them　already　away。〃　　　　　Mr。　Audley　still　looked　rather　too　bewildered　to　be　really　the　man　the　empire　wants；　none　of　the　company　could　say　anything　except　the　man　of　woodColonel　Poundwho　seemed　galvanised　into　an　unnatural　life。　　He　rose　rigidly　from　his　chair；　leaving　all　the　rest　sitting；　screwed　his　eyeglass　into　his　eye；　and　spoke　in　a　raucous　undertone　as　if　he　had　half…forgotten　how　to　speak。　　〃Do　you　mean；〃　he　said；　〃that　somebody　has　stolen　our　silver　fish　service？〃　　　　　The　proprietor　repeated　the　open…handed　gesture　with　even　greater　helplessness　and　in　a　flash　all　the　men　at　the　table　were　on　their　feet。　　　　　〃Are　all　your　waiters　here？〃　demanded　the　colonel；　in　his　low；　harsh　accent。　　　　　〃Yes；　they're　all　here。　　I　noticed　it　myself；〃　cried　the　young　duke；　pushing　his　boyish　face　into　the　inmost　ring。　　〃Always　count　'em　as　I　come　in；　they　look　so　queer　standing　up　against　the　wall。〃　　　　　〃But　surely　one　cannot　exactly　remember；〃　began　Mr。　Audley；　with　heavy　hesitation。　　　　　〃I　remember　exactly；　I　tell　you；〃　cried　the　duke　excitedly。　〃There　never　have　been　more　than　fifteen　waiters　at　this　place；　and　there　were　no　more　than　fifteen　tonight；　I'll　swear；　no　more　and　no　less。〃　　　　　The　proprietor　turned　upon　him；　quaking　in　a　kind　of　palsy　of　surprise。　　〃You　sayyou　say；〃　he　stammered；　〃that　you　see　all　my　fifteen　waiters？〃　　　　　〃As　usual；〃　assented　the　duke。　　〃What　is　the　matter　with　that！〃　　　　　〃Nothing；〃　said　Lever；　with　a　deepening　accent；　〃only　you　did　not。　　For　one　of　zem　is　dead　upstairs。〃　　　　　There　was　a　shoc