lin mclean-第44章

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better。　If　you　ask　me　whose　should　it　be　if　not　yourn；　I　would　not　have

to　guess　the　name。　She　has　talked　to　me；　and　me　to　her。〃



She　was　still　looking　away　from　him　at　the　bread…crumb；　or　she　could　have

seen　that　McLean's　hand　was　trembling　as　he　watched　her　leaning　on　his

arms。



〃Oh　yes；　she　was　willing　to　talk　to　me！〃　The　woman　uttered　another　sudden

laugh。　〃I　knowed　about　herall。　Things　get　heard　of　in　this　world。　Did

not　all　about　you　and　me　come　to　her　knowledge　in　its　own　good　time；　and

it　done　and　gone　how　many　years？　My；　my；　my！〃　Her　voice　grew　slow　and

absent。　She　stopped　for　a　moment；　and　then　more　rapidly　resumed：　〃It　had

travelled　around　about　you　and　her　like　it　always　will　travel。　It　was

known　how　you　had　asked　her；　and　how　she　had　told　you　she　would　have　you；

and　then　told　you　she　would　not　when　she　learned　about　you　and　me。　Folks

that　knowed　yus　and　folks　that　never　seen　yus　in　their　lives　had　to　have

their　word　about　her　facing　you　down　you　had　another　wife；　though　she

knowed　the　truth　about　me　being　married　to　Lusk　and　him　livin'　the　day

you　married　me；　and　ten　and　twenty　marriages　could　not　have　tied　you　and

me　up；　no　matter　how　honest　you　swore　to　no　hinderance。　Folks　said　it　was

plain　she　did　not　want　yus。　It　give　me　a　queer　feelin'　to　see　that　girl。

It　give　me　a　wish　to　tell　her　to　her　face　that　she　did　not　love　yus　and

did　not　know　love。　Waitwait；　Lin！　Yu'　never　hit　me　yet。〃



〃No；〃　said　the　cow…puncher。　〃Nor　now。　I'm　not　Lusk。〃



〃Yu'　looked　soso　bad；　Lin。　I　never　seen　yu'　look　so　bad　in　old　days。

Wait；　now；　and　I　must　tell　it。　I　wished　to　laugh　in　her　face　and　say；

'What　do　you　know　about　love？'　So　I　walked　in。　Lin；　she　does　love　yus！〃



〃Yes；〃　breathed　McLean。



〃She　was　sittin'　back　in　her　room　at　Separ。　Not　the　ticket…office；　but〃



〃I　know；〃　the　cow…puncher　said。　His　eyes　were　burning。



〃It's　snug；　the　way　she　has　it。　'Good…afternoon；'　I　says。　'Is　this　Miss

Jessamine　Buckner？'〃



At　his　sweetheart's　name　the　glow　in　Lin's　eyes　seemed　to　quiver　to　a

flash。



〃And　she　spoke　pleasant　to　mepleasant　and　gay…like。　But　a　woman　can

tell　sorrow　in　a　woman's　eyes。　And　she　asked　me　would　I　rest　in　her　room

there；　and　what　was　my　name。　'They　tell　me　you　claim　to　know　it　better

than　I　do；'　I　says。　'They　tell　me　you　say　it　is　Mrs。　McLean。'　She　put　her

hand　on　her　breast；　and　she　keeps　lookin'　at　me　without　never　speaking。

'Maybe　I　am　not　so　welcome　now；'　I　says。　'One　minute；'　says　she。　'Let　me

get　used　to　it。'　And　she　sat　down。



〃Lin；　she　is　a　square…lookin'　girl。　I'll　say　that　for　her。



〃I　never　thought　to　sit　down　onced　myself；　I　don't　know　why；　but　I　kep'

a…standing；　and　I　took　in　that　room　of　hers。　She　had　flowers　and　things

around　there；　and　I　seen　your　picture　standing　on　the　table；　and　I　seen

your　six…shooter　right　by　itand；　oh；　Lin；　hadn't　I　knowed　your　face

before　ever　she　did；　and　that　gun　you　used　to　let　me　shoot　on　Bear　Creek？

It　took　me　that　sudden！　Why；　it　rushed　over　me　so　I　spoke　right　out

different　from　what　I'd　meant　and　what　I　had　ready　fixed　up　to　say。



〃'Why　did　you　do　it？'　I　says　to　her；　while　she　was　a…sitting。　'How　could

you　act　so；　and　you　a　woman？'　She　just　sat；　and　her　sad　eyes　made　me

madder　at　the　idea　of　her。　'You　have　had　real　sorrow；'　says　I；　'if　they

report　correct。　You　have　knowed　your　share　of　death；　and　misery；　and　hard

work；　and　all。　Great　God！　ain't　there　things　enough　that　come　to　yus

uncalled　for　and　natural；　but　you　must　run　around　huntin'　up　more　that

was　leavin'　yus　alone　and　givin'　yus　a　chance？　I　knowed　him　onced。　I

knowed　your　Lin　McLean。　And　when　that　was　over；　I　knowed　for　the　first

time　how　men　can　be　different。'　I'm　started；　Lin；　I'm　started。　Leave　me

go　on；　and　when　I'm　through　I'll　quit。　'Some　of　'em；　anyway；'　I　says　to

her；　'has　hearts　and　self…respect；　and　ain't　hogs　clean　through。'



〃'I　know；〃　she　says；　thoughtful…like。



〃And　at　her　whispering　that　way　I　gets　madder。



〃'You　know！'　I　says　then。　'What　is　it　that　you　know？　Do　you　know　that　you

have　hurt　a　good　man's　heart？　For　onced　I　hurt　it　myself；　though

different。　And　hurts　in　them　kind　of　hearts　stays。　Some　hearts　is　that

luscious　and　pasty　you　can　stab　'em　and　it　closes　up　so　yu'd　never

suspicion　the　placebut　Lin　McLean！　Nor　yet　don't　yus　believe　his　is　the

kind　that　breaksif　any　kind　does　that。　You　may　sit　till　the　gray

hairs；　and　you　may　wall　up　your　womanhood；　but　if　a　man　has　got　manhood

like　him；　he　will　never　sit　till　the　gray　hairs。　Grief　over　losin'　the

best　will　not　stop　him　from　searchin'　for　a　second　best　after　a　while。　He

wants　a　home；　and　he　has　got　a　right　to　one；'　says　I　to　Miss　Jessamine。

'You　have　not　walled　up　Lin　McLean；'　I　says　to　her。　Wait；　Lin；　wait。　Yus

needn't　to　tell　me　that's　a　lie。　I　know　a　man　thinks　he's　walled　up　for　a

while。〃



〃She　could　have　told　you　it　was　a　lie；〃　said　the　cow…puncher。



〃She　did　not。　'Let　him　get　a　home；'　says　she。　'I　want　him　to　be　happy。'

'That　flash　in　your　eyes　talks　different；'　says　I。　'Sure　enough　yus　wants

him　to　be　happy。　Sure　enough。　But　not　happy　along　with　Miss　Second　Best。'



〃Lin；　she　looked　at　me　that　piercin'！



〃And　I　goes　on；　for　I　was　wound　away　up。　'And　he　will　be　happy；　too；'　I

says。　'Miss　Second　Best　will　have　a　talk　with　him　about　your　picture　and

little　〃Neighbor；〃　which　he'll　not　send　back　to　yus；　because　the　hurt　in

his　heart　is　there。　And　he　will　keep　'em　out　of　sight　somewheres　after

his　talk　with　Miss　Second　Best。'　Lin；　Lin；　I　laughed　at　them　words　of

mine；　but　I　was　that　wound　up　I　was　strange　to　myself。　And　she　watchin'

me　that　way！　And　I　says　to　her：　'Miss　Second　Best　will　not　be　the　crazy

thing　to　think　I　am　any　wife　of　his　standing　in　her　way。　He　will　tell　her

about　me。　He　will　tell　how　onced　he　thought　he　was　solid　married　to　me

till　Lusk　came　back；　and　she　will　drop　me　out　of　sight　along　with　the

rest　that　went　nameless。　They　was　not　uncomprehensible　to　you；　was　they？

You　have　learned　something　by　livin'；　I　guess！　And　Linyour　Lin；　not

mine；　nor　never　mine　in　heart　for　a　day　so　deep　as　he's　yourn　right　now

he　has　been　gaygay　as　any　I've　knowed。　Why；　look　at　that　face　of　his！

Could　a　boy　with　a　face　like　that　help　bein'　gay？　But　that　don't　touch

what's　the　true　Lin　deep　down。　Nor　will　his　deep…down　love　for　you　hinder

him　like　it　will　hinder　you。　Don't　you　know　men　and　us　is　different　when

it　comes　to　passion？　We're　all　one　thing　then；　but　they　ain't　simple。

They　keep　along　with　lots　of　other　things。　I　can't　make　yus　know；　and　I

guess　it　takes　a　woman　like　I　have　been　to　learn　their　nature。　But　you

did　know　he　loved　you；　and　you　sent　him　away；　and　you'll　be　homeless　in

yer　house　when　he　has　done　the　right　thing　by　himself　and　found　another

girl。'



〃Lin；　all　the　while　I　was　talkin'　all　I　knowed　to　her；　without　knowin'

what　I'd　be　sayin'　next；　for　it　come　that　unexpected；　she　was　lookin'　at

me　with　them　steady　eyes。　And　all　she　says　when　I　quit　was；　'If　I　saw　him

I　would　tell　him　to　find　a　home。'〃



〃Didn't　she　tell　yu'　she'd　made　me　promise　to　keep　away　from　seeing　her？〃

asked　the　cow…puncher



Mrs。　Lusk　laughed。　〃Oh；　you　innocent！〃　said　she。



〃She　said　if　I　came　she　would　leave　Separ；〃　muttered　McLean；　brooding。



Again　the　large　woman　laughed　out；　but　more　harshly。



〃I　have　kept　my　promise；〃　Lin　continued。



〃Keep　it　some　more。　Sit　here　rotting　in　your　chair　till　she　goes　away。

Maybe　she's　gone。〃



〃What's　that？〃　said　Lin。　But　still　she　only　laughed　harshly。　〃I　could　be

there　by　to…morrow　night；〃　he　murmured。　Then　his　face　softened。　〃She

would　never　do　such　a　thing！〃　he　said；　to　himself。



He　had　forgotten　the　woman　at　the　table。　While　she　had　told　him　matters

that　concerned　him　he　had　listened　eagerly。　Now　she　was　of　no　more

interest　than　she　had　been　before　her　story　was　begun。　She　looked　at　his

eyes　as　he　sat　thinking　and　dwelling　upon　his　sweetheart。　She　looked　at

him；　and　a　longing　welled　up　into　he