lin mclean-第40章
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after Edgeford； when my head was just a whirl of joyJessamine says to
me one day； 'Read that。' It was Governor Barker writin' to her about her
brother and her sorrow。〃 Lin paused。 〃And about me。 I can't never tell
youbut he said a heap I didn't deserve。 And he told her about me
picking up Billy in Denver streets that time； and doing for him because
his own home was not a good one。 Governor Barker wrote Jessamine all
that； and she said； 'Why did you never tell me？' And I said it wasn't
anything to tell。 And she just said to me； 'It shall be as if he was your
son and I was his mother。' And that's the first regular kiss she ever
gave me I didn't have to take myself。 God bless her！ God bless her！〃
As we ate our supper； young Billy burst out of brooding silence： 〃I
didn't ask her about Laramie。 So there！〃
〃Well； well； kid；〃 said the cow…puncher； patting his head； 〃yu' needn't
to； I guess。〃
But Billy's eye remained sullen and jealous。 He paid slight attention to
the picture…book of soldiers and war that Jessamine gave him when we went
over to the station。 She had her own books； some flowers in pots； a
rocking…chair； and a cosey lamp that shone on her bright face and dark
dress。 We drew stools from the office desks； and Billy perched silently
on one。
〃Scanty room for company！〃 Jessamine said。 〃But we must make out this
waytill we have another way。〃 She smiled on Lin； and Billy's face
darkened。 〃Do you know；〃 she pursued to me； 〃with all those chickens Mr。
McLean tells me about； never a one has he thought to bring here。〃
〃Livin' or dead do you want 'em？〃 inquired Lin。
〃Oh； I'll not bother you。 Mr。 Donohoe says he will〃
〃Texas？ Chickens？ Him？ Then he'll have to steal 'em！〃 And we all laughed
together。
〃You won't make me go back to Laramie； will you？〃 spoke Billy； suddenly；
from his stool。
〃I'd like to see anybody try to make you？〃 exclaimed Jessamine。 〃Who says
any such thing？〃
〃Lin did；〃 said Billy。
Jessamine looked at her lover reproachfully。 〃What a way to tease him！〃
she said。 〃And you so kind。 Why； you've hurt his feelings！〃
〃I never thought；〃 said Lin the boisterous。 〃I wouldn't have。〃
〃Come sit here； Billy；〃 said Jessamine。 〃Whenever he teases； you tell me；
and we'll make him behave。〃
〃Honest？〃 persisted Billy。
〃Shake hands on it；〃 said Jessamine。
〃Cause I'll go to school。 But I won't go back to Laramie for no one。 And
you're a…going to be Lin's wife； honest？〃
〃Honest！ Honest！〃 And Jessamine； laughing； grew red beside her lamp。
〃Then I guess mother can't never come back to Lin； either；〃 stated Billy；
relieved。
Jessamine let fall the child's hand。
〃Cause she liked him onced； and he liked her。〃
Jessamine gazed at Lin。
〃It's simple；〃 said the cow…puncher。 〃It's all right。〃
But Jessamine sat by her lamp； very pale。
〃It's all right；〃 repeated Lin in the silence； shifting his foot and
looking down。 〃Once I made a fool of myself。 Worse than usual。〃
〃Billy？〃 whispered Jessamine。 〃Then youBut his name is Lusk！〃
〃Course it is；〃 said Billy。 〃Father and mother are living in Laramie。〃
〃It's all straight；〃 said the cow…puncher。 〃I never saw her till three
years ago。 I haven't anything to hide； onlyonlyonly it don't come
easy to tell。〃
I rose。 〃Miss Buckner；〃 said I； 〃he will tell you。 But he will not tell
you he paid dearly for what was no fault of his。 It has been no secret。
It is only something his friends and his enemies have forgotten。〃
But all the while I was speaking this； Jessamine's eyes were fixed on
Lin； and her face remained white。
I left the girl and the man and the little boy together； and crossed to
the hotel。 But its air was foul； and I got my roll of camp blankets to
sleep in the clean night； if sleeping…time should come； meanwhile I
walked about in the silence To have taken a wife once in good faith；
ignorant she was another's； left no stain； raised no barrier。 I could
have told Jessamine the same old story myselfor almost； but what had it
to do with her at all？ Why need she know？ Reasoning thus； yet with
something left uncleared by reason that I could not state； I watched the
moon edge into sight； heavy and rich…hued； a melon…slice of glow；
seemingly near； like a great lantern tilted over the plain。 The smell of
the sage…brush flavored the air； the hush of Wyoming folded distant and
near things； and all Separ but those three inside the lighted window were
in bed。 Dark windows were everywhere else； and looming above rose the
water…tank； a dull mass in the night； and forever somehow to me a Sphinx
emblem； the vision I instantly see when I think of Separ。 Soon I heard a
door creaking。 It was Billy； coming alone； and on seeing me he walked up
and spoke in a half…awed voice。
〃She's a…crying；〃 said he。
I withheld from questions； and as he kept along by my side he said： 〃I'm
sorry。 Do you think she's mad with Lin for what he's told her？ She just
sat； and when she started crying he made me go away。〃
〃I don't believe she's mad；〃 I told Billy； and I sat down on my blanket；
he beside me； talking while the moon grew small as it rose over the
plain； and the light steadily shone in Jessamine's window。 Soon young
Billy fell asleep； and I looked at him； thinking how in a way it was he
who had brought this trouble on the man who had saved him and loved him。
But that man had no such untender thoughts。 Once more the door opened；
and it was he who came this time； alone also。 She did not follow him and
stand to watch him from the threshold； though he forgot to close the
door； and； coming over to me； stood looking down。
〃What？〃 I said at length。
I don't know that he heard me。 He stooped over Billy and shook him
gently。 〃Wake； son；〃 said he。 〃You and I must get to our camp now。〃
〃Now？〃 said Billy。 〃Can't we wait till morning？〃
〃No； son。 We can't wait here any more。 Go and get the horses and put the
saddles on。〃 As Billy obeyed； Lin looked at the lighted window。 〃She is
in there；〃 he said。 〃She's in there。 So near。〃 He looked； and turned to
the hotel； from which he brought his chaps and spurs and put them on。 〃I
understand her words；〃 he continued。 〃Her words； the meaning of them。 But
not what she means； I guess。 It will take studyin' over。 Why； she don't
blame me！〃 he suddenly said； speaking to me instead of to himself。
〃Lin；〃 I answered； 〃she has only just heard this； you see。 Wait awhile。〃
〃That's not the trouble。 She knows what kind of man I have been； and she
forgives that just the way she did her brother。 And she knows how I
didn't intentionally conceal anything。 Billy hasn't been around； and she
never realized about his mother and me。 We've talked awful open； but that
was not pleasant to speak of； and the whole country knew it so longand
I never thought！ She don't blame me。 She says she understands； but she
says I have a wife livin'。〃
〃That is nonsense；〃 I declared。
〃Yu' mustn't say that；〃 said he。 〃She don't claim she's a wife； either。
She just shakes her head when I asked her why she feels so。 It must be
different to you and me from the way it seems to her。 I don't see her
view； maybe I never can see it； but she's made me feel she has it； and
that she's honest； and loves me true〃 His voice broke for a moment。
〃She said she'd wait。〃
〃You can't have a marriage broken that was never tied；〃 I said。 〃But
perhaps Governor Barker or Judge Henry〃
〃No；〃 said the cow…puncher。 〃Law couldn't fool her。 She's thinking of
something back of law。 She said she'd waitalways。 And when I took it in
that this was all over and done； and when I thought of my ranch and the
chickenswell； I couldn't think of things at all； and I came and waked
Billy to clear out and quit。〃
〃What did you tell her？〃 I asked。
〃Tell her？ Nothin'； I guess。 I don't remember getting out of the room。
Why； here's actually her pistol； and she's got
