studies of lowell-第9章

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He　still　dreamed　of　going　back　to　England　the　next　summer；　but　that　was
not　to　be。　　One　day　he　received　me　not　less　gayly　than　usual；　but　with　a
certain　excitement；　and　began　to　tell　me　about　an　odd　experience　he　had
had；　not　at　all　painful；　but　which　had　very　much　mystified　him。　　He　had
since　seen　the　doctor；　and　the　doctor　had　assured　him　that　there　was
nothing　alarming　in　what　had　happened；　and　in　recalling　this　assurance；
he　began　to　look　at　the　humorous　aspects　of　the　case；　and　to　make　some
jokes　about　it。　　He　wished　to　talk　of　it；　as　men　do　of　their　maladies；
and　very　fully；　and　I　gave　him　such　proof　of　my　interest　as　even　inviting
him　to　talk　of　it　would　convey。　　In　spite　of　the　doctor's　assurance；
and　his　joyful　acceptance　of　it；　I　doubt　if　at　the　bottom　of　his　heart
there　was　not　the　stir　of　an　uneasy　misgiving；　but　he　had　not　for　a　long
time　shown　himself　so　cheerful。

It　was　the　beginning　of　the　end。　　He　recovered　and　relapsed；　and
recovered　again；　but　never　for　long。　　Late　in　the　spring　I　came　out；
and　he　had　me　stay　to　dinner；　which　was　somehow　as　it　used　to　be　at　two
o'clock；　and　after　dinner　we　went　out　on　his　lawn。　　He　got　a　long…handled
spud；　and　tried　to　grub　up　some　dandelions　which　he　found　in　his　turf；
but　after　a　moment　or　two　he　threw　it　down；　and　put　his　hand　upon　his
back　with　a　groan。　　I　did　not　see　him　again　till　I　came　out　to　take　leave
of　him　before　going　away　for　the　summer；　and　then　I　found　him　sitting　on
the　little　porch　in　a　western　corner　of　his　house；　with　a　volume　of　Scott
closed　upon　his　finger。　　There　were　some　other　people；　and　our　meeting
was　with　the　constraint　of　their　presence。　　It　was　natural　in　nothing　so
much　as　his　saying　very　significantly　to　me；　as　if　he　knew　of　my　heresies
concerning　Scott；　and　would　have　me　know　he　did　not　approve　of　them；　that
there　was　nothing　he　now　found　so　much　pleasure　in　as　Scott's　novels。
Another　friend；　equally　heretical；　was　by；　but　neither　of　us　attempted　to
gainsay　him。　　Lowell　talked　very　little；　but　he　told　of　having　been　a
walk　to　Beaver　Brook；　and　of　having　wished　to　jump　from　one　stone　to
another　in　the　stream；　and　of　having　had　to　give　it　up。　　He　said；　without
completing　the　sentence；　If　it　had　come　to　that　with　him！　　Then　he　fell
silent　again；　and　with　some　vain　talk　of　seeing　him　when　I　came　back　in
the　fall；　I　went　away　sick　at　heart。　　I　was　not　to　see　him　again；　and　I
shall　not　look　upon　his　like。

I　am　aware　that　I　have　here　shown　him　from　this　point　and　from　that　in　a
series　of　sketches　which　perhaps　collectively　impart；　but　do　not　assemble
his　personality　in　one　impression。　　He　did　not；　indeed；　make　one
impression　upon　me；　but　a　thousand　impressions；　which　I　should　seek　in
vain　to　embody　in　a　single　presentment。　　What　I　have　cloudily　before　me
is　the　vision　of　a　very　lofty　and　simple　soul；　perplexed；　and　as　it　were
surprised　and　even　dismayed　at　the　complexity　of　the　effects　from　motives
so　single　in　it；　but　escaping　always　to　a　clear　expression　of　what　was
noblest　and　loveliest　in　itself　at　the　supreme　moments；　in　the　divine
exigencies。　　I　believe　neither　in　heroes　nor　in　saints；　but　I　believe　in
great　and　good　men；　for　I　have　known　them；　and　among　such　men　Lowell　was
of　the　richest　nature　I　have　known。　　His　nature　was　not　always　serene　or
pellucid；　it　was　sometimes　roiled　by　the　currents　that　counter　and　cross
in　all　of　us；　but　it　was　without　the　least　alloy　of　insincerity；　and　it
was　never　darkened　by　the　shadow　of　a　selfish　fear。　　His　genius　was　an
instrument　that　responded　in　affluent　harmony　to　the　power　that　made　him
a　humorist　and　that　made　him　a　poet；　and　appointed　him　rarely　to　be　quite
either　alone。








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