benita-第4章

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〃Beyond　that　￡2；000　of　which　I　have　spoken；　and　incidentally　its

owner；　I　have　nothing　whatsoever　to　offer　to　you。　I　am　an　indigent　and

worthless　person。　Even　in　my　prosperous　days；　when　I　could　look

forward　to　a　large　estate；　although　it　was　often　suggested　to　me；　I

never　considered　myself　justified　in　asking　any　lady　to　sharethe

prospective　estate。　I　think　now　that　the　real　reason　was　that　I　never

cared　sufficiently　for　any　lady；　since　otherwise　my　selfishness　would

probably　have　overcome　my　scruples；　as　it　does　to…night。　Benita；　for　I

will　call　you　so；　if　for　the　first　and　last　time；　IIlove　you。



〃Listen　now；〃　he　went　on；　dropping　his　measured　manner；　and　speaking

hurriedly；　like　a　man　with　an　earnest　message　and　little　time　in　which

to　deliver　it；　〃it　is　an　odd　thing；　an　incomprehensible　thing；　but

true；　trueI　fell　in　love　with　you　the　first　time　I　saw　your　face。

You　remember；　you　stood　there　leaning　over　the　bulwark　when　I　came　on

board　at　Southampton；　and　as　I　walked　up　the　gangway；　I　looked　and　my

eyes　met　yours。　Then　I　stopped；　and　that　stout　old　lady　who　got　off　at

Madeira　bumped　into　me；　and　asked　me　to　be　good　enough　to　make　up　my

mind　if　I　were　going　backward　or　forward。　Do　you　remember？〃



〃Yes；〃　she　answered　in　a　low　voice。



〃Which　things　are　an　allegory；〃　he　continued。　〃I　felt　it　so　at　the

time。　Yes；　I　had　half　a　mind　to　answer　'Backward'　and　give　up　my　berth

in　this　ship。　Then　I　looked　at　you　again；　and　something　inside　of　me

said　'Forward。'　So　I　came　up　the　rest　of　the　gangway　and　took　off　my

hat　to　you；　a　salutation　I　had　no　right　to　make；　but　which；　I　recall；

you　acknowledged。〃



He　paused；　then　continued：　〃As　it　began；　so　it　has　gone　on。　It　is

always　like　that；　is　it　not？　The　beginning　is　everything；　the　end　must

follow。　And　now　it　has　come　out；　as　I　was　fully　determined　that　it

should　not　do　half　an　hour　ago；　when　suddenly　you　developed　eyes　in

the　back　of　your　head；　andoh！　dearest；　I　love　you。　No；　please　be

quiet；　I　have　not　done。　I　have　told　you　what　I　am；　and　really　there

isn't　much　more　to　say　about　me；　for　I　have　no　particular　vices　except

the　worst　of　them　all；　idleness；　and　not　the　slightest　trace　of　any

virtue　that　I　can　discover。　But　I　have　a　certain　knowledge　of　the

world　acquired　in　a　long　course　of　shooting　parties；　and　as　a　man　of

the　world　I　will　venture　to　give　you　a　bit　of　advice。　It　is　possible

that　to　you　my　life　and　death　affair　is　a　mere　matter　of　board…ship

amusement。　Yet　it　is　possible　also　that　you　might　take　another　view　of

the　matter。　In　that　case；　as　a　friend　and　a　man　of　the　world；　I

entreat　youdon't。　Have　nothing　to　do　with　me。　Send　me　about　my

business；　you　will　never　regret　it。〃



〃Are　you　making　fun；　or　is　all　this　meant；　Mr。　Seymour？〃　asked　Benita；

still　speaking　beneath　her　breath；　and　looking　straight　before　her。



〃Meant？　Of　course　it　is　meant。　How　can　you　ask？〃



〃Because　I　have　always　understood　that　on　such　occasions　people　wish

to　make　the　best　of　themselves。〃



〃Quite　so；　but　I　never　do　what　I　ought；　a　fact　for　which　I　am　grateful

now　come　to　think　of　it；　since　otherwise　I　should　not　be　here

to…night。　I　wish　to　make　the　worst　of　myself；　the　very　worst；　for

whatever　I　am　not；　at　least　I　am　honest。　Now　having　told　you　that　I

am；　or　was　half　an　hour　ago；　an　idler；　a　good…for…nothing；

prospectless　failure；　I　ask　youif　you　care　to　hear　any　more？〃



She　half　rose；　and；　glancing　at　him　for　the　first　time；　saw　his　face

contract　itself　and　turn　pale　in　the　moonlight。　It　may　be　that　the

sight　of　it　affected　her；　even　to　the　extent　of　removing　some　adverse

impression　left　by　the　bitter　mocking　of　his　self…blame。　At　any　rate；

Benita　seemed　to　change　her　mind；　and　sat　down　again；　saying：



〃Go　on；　if　you　wish。〃



He　bowed　slightly；　and　said：



〃I　thank　you。　I　have　told　you　what　I　/was/　half　an　hour　ago；　now；

hoping　that　you　will　believe　me；　I　will　tell　you　what　I　/am/。　I　am　a

truly　repentant　man；　one　upon　whom　a　new　light　has　risen。　I　am　not

very　old；　and　I　think　that　underneath　it　all　I　have　some　ability。

Opportunity　may　still　come　my　way；　if　it　does　not；　for　your　sake　I

will　make　the　opportunity。　I　do　not　believe　that　you　can　ever　find

anyone　who　would　love　you　better　or　care　for　you　more　tenderly。　I

desire　to　live　for　you　in　the　future；　more　completely　even　than　in　the

past　I　have　lived　for　myself。　I　do　not　wish　to　influence　you　by

personal　appeals；　but　in　fact　I　stand　at　the　parting　of　the　ways。　If

you　will　give　yourself　to　me　I　feel　as　though　I　might　still　become　a

husband　of　whom　you　could　be　proudif　not；　I　write　'Finis'　upon　the

tombstone　of　the　possibilities　of　Robert　Seymour。　I　adore　you。　You　are

the　one　woman　with　whom　I　desire　to　pass　my　days；　it　is　you　who　have

always　been　lacking　to　my　life。　I　ask　you　to　be　brave；　to　take　the

risk　of　marrying　me；　although　I　can　see　nothing　but　poverty　ahead　of

us；　for　I　am　an　adventurer。〃



〃Don't　speak　like　that；〃　she　said　quickly。　〃We　are　all　of　us

adventurers　in　this　world；　and　I　more　than　you。　We　have　just　to

consider　ourselves；　not　what　we　have　or　have　not。〃



〃So　be　it；　Miss　Clifford。　Then　I　have　nothing　more　to　say；　now　it　is

for　you　to　answer。〃



Just　then　the　sound　of　the　piano　and　the　fiddle　in　the　saloon　ceased。

One　of　the　waltzes　was　over；　and　some　of　the　dancers　came　upon　deck　to

flirt　or　to　cool　themselves。　One　pair；　engaged　very　obviously　in　the

former　occupation；　stationed　themselves　so　near　to　Robert　and　Benita

that　further　conversation　between　them　was　impossible；　and　there

proceeded　to　interchange　the　remarks　common　to　such　occasions。



For　a　good　ten　minutes　did　they　stand　thus；　carrying　on　a　mock　quarrel

as　to　a　dance　of　which　one　of　them　was　supposed　to　have　been

defrauded；　until　Robert　Seymour；　generally　a　very　philosophical

person；　could　have　slain　those　innocent　lovers。　He　felt；　he　knew　not

why；　that　his　chances　were　slipping　away　from　him；　that　sensation　of

something　bad　about　to　happen；　of　which　Benita　had　spoken；　spread　from

her　to　him。　The　suspense　grew　exasperating；　terrible　even；　nor　could

it　be　ended。　To　ask　her　to　come　elsewhere　was　under　the　circumstances

not　feasible；　especially　as　he　would　also　have　been　obliged　to　request

the　other　pair　to　make　way　for　them；　and　all　this　time；　with　a　sinking

of　the　heart；　he　felt　that　probably　Benita　was　beating　down　any

tenderness　which　she　might　feel　towards　him；　that　when　her　long…

delayed　answer　did　come　the　chances　were　it　would　be　〃No。〃



The　piano　began　to　play　again　in　the　saloon；　and　the　young　people；

still　squabbling　archly；　at　length　prepared　to　depart。　Suddenly　there

was　a　stir　upon　the　bridge；　and　against　the　tender　sky　Robert　saw　a

man　dash　forward。　Next　instant　the　engine…room　bell　rang　fiercely。　He

knew　the　signalit　was　〃Stop；〃　followed　at　once　by　other　ringings

that　meant　〃Full　speed　astern。〃



〃I　wonder　what　is　up？〃　said　the　young　man　to　the　young　woman。



Before　the　words　had　left　his　lips　they　knew。　There　was　a　sensation　as

though　all　the　hull　of　the　great　ship　had　come　to　a　complete

standstill；　while　the　top　part　of　her　continued　to　travel　forward；

followed　by　another　sensation　still　more　terrible　and　sickening　in　its

naturethat　of　slipping　over　something；　helplessly；　heavily；　as　a　man

slips　upon　ice　or　a　polished　floor。　Spars　cracked；　ropes　flew　in　two

with　a　noise　as　of　pistol　shots。　Heavy　objects　rushed　about　the　deck；

travelling　forwards　all　of　them。　Benita　was　hurled　from　her　chair

against　Robert　so　that　the　two　of　them　rolled　into　the　scuppers。　He

was　unhurt　and　picked　himself　up；　but　she　lay　still；　and　he　saw　that

something　had　struck　her　upon　the　head；　for　blood　was　running　down　her

cheek。　He　lifted　her；　and；　filled　with　black　horror　and　despairfor

he　thought　her　gonepressed　his　hand　upon　her　heart。　Thank　God！　it

began　to　beat　againshe　still　lived。



The　music　in　the　saloon　had　stopped；　and　for　a　little　while　there　was

silence。　Then　of