five tales-第51章

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my　hand。　There　was　no　reason　in　it；　I'm　willing　to　confess。　　It　was　foolish；　but　wait　till　you　get　feeling　like　what　I　was；　and　see　how　it　draws　you。　　Misters　the　jury；　don't　send　me　back　to　prison；　it　is　worse　still　there。　　If　you　have　wives　you　will　know　what　it　is　like　for　lots　of　us；　only　some　is　more　nervous　than　others。　　I　swear　to　you；　sirs；　I　could　not　help　it…？'　　Again　the　little　man　flung　out　his　hand；　his　whole　thin　body　shook　and　Mr。　Bosengate　felt　the　same　sensation　as　when　he　drove　his　car　over　a　dog〃Misters　the　jury；　I　hope　you　may　never　in　your　lives　feel　as　I've　been　feeling。〃

The　little　man　ceased；　his　eyes　shrank　back　into　their　sockets；　his　figure　back　into　its　mask　of　shadowy　brown　and　gleaming　buttons；　and　Mr。　Bosengate　was　conscious　that　the　judge　was　making　a　series　of　remarks；　and；　very　soon；　of　being　seated　at　a　mahogany　table　in　the　jury's　withdrawing　room；　hearing　the；　voice　of　the　man　with　hair　like　an　Irish　terrier's　saying：　〃Didn't　he　talk　through　his　hat；　that　little　blighter！〃　　Conscious；　too；　of　the　commercial　traveller；　still　on　his　leftalways　on　his　left！mopping　his　brow；　and　muttering：　〃Phew！　It's　hot　in　there　to…day！〃　　while　an　effluvium；　as　of　an　inside　accustomed　to　whisky　came　from　him。　　Then　the　man　with　the　underlip　and　the　three　plastered　wisps　of　hair　said：

〃Don't　know　why　we　withdrew；　Mr。　Foreman！〃

Mr。　Bosengate　looked　round　to　where；　at　the　head　of　the　table；　Gentleman　Fox　sat；　in　defensive　gentility　and　the　little　white　piping　to　his　waistcoat　saying　blandly：

〃I　shall　be　happy　to　take　the　sense　of　the　jury。〃

There　was　a　short　silence；　then　the　chemist　murmured：

〃I　should　say　he　must　have　what　they　call　claustrophobia。〃

〃Clauster　fiddlesticks！　　The　feller's　a　shirker；　that's　all。　　Missed　his　wifepretty　excuse！　　Indecent；　I　call　it！〃

The　speaker　was　the　little　wire…haired　man；　and　emotion；　deep　and　angry；　stirred　in　Mr。　Bosengate。　　That　ill…bred　little　cur！　　He　gripped　the　edge　of　the　table　with　both　hands。

〃I　think　it's　d…d　natural！〃　　he　muttered。　　But　almost　before　the　words　had　left　his　lips　he　felt　dismay。　　What　had　he　saidhe；　nearly　a　colonel　of　volunteersendorsing　such　a　want　of　patriotism！　　And　hearing　the　commercial　traveller　murmuring：　〃'Ear；　'ear！〃　　he　reddened　violently。

The　wire…headed　man　said　roughly：

〃There's　too　many　of　these　blighted　shirkers；　and　too　much　pampering　of　them。〃

The　turmoil　in　Mr。　Bosengate　increased；　he　remarked　in　an　icy　voice：

〃I　agree　to　no　verdict　that'll　send　the　man　back　to　prison。〃

At　this　a　real　tremor　seemed　to　go　round　the　table；　as　if　they　all　saw　themselves　sitting　there　through　lunch　time。　　Then　the　large　grey…haired　man　given　to　winking；　said：

〃Oh！　　Come；　sirafter　what　the　judge　said！　　Come；　sir！　　What　do　you　say；　Mr。　Foreman？〃

Gentleman　Foxas　who　should　say　'This　is　excellent　value；　but　I　don't　wish　to　press　it　on　you！'answered：

〃We　are　only　concerned　with　the　facts。　　Did　he　or　did　he　not　try　to　shorten　his　life？〃

〃Of　course　he　didsaid　so　himself；〃　Mr。　Bosengate　heard　the　wire…　haired　man　snap　out；　and　from　the　following　murmur　of　assent　he　alone　abstained。　　Guilty！　　Wellyes！　　There　was　no　way　out　of　admitting　that；　but　his　feelings　revolted　against　handing　〃that　poor　little　beggar〃　over　to　the　tender　mercy　of　his　country's　law。　　His　whole　soul　rose　in　arms　against　agreeing　with　that　ill…bred　little　cur；　and　the　rest　of　this　job…lot。　　He　had　an　impulse　to　get　up　and　walk　out；　saying：　〃Settle　it　your　own　way。　　Good　morning。〃

〃It　seems；　sir；〃　Gentleman　Fox　was　saying；　〃that　we're　all　agreed　to　guilty；　except　yourself。　　If　you　will　allow　me；　I　don't　see　how　you　can　go　behind　what　the　prisoner　himself　admitted。〃

Thus　brought　up　to　the　very　guns；　Mr。　Bosengate；　red　in　the　face；　thrust　his　hands　deep　into　the　side　pockets　of　his　tunic；　and；　staring　straight　before　him；　said：

〃Very　well；　on　condition　we　recommend　him　to　mercy。〃

〃What　do　you　say；　gentlemen；　shall　we　recommend　him　to　mercy？〃

〃'Ear；　'ear！〃　burst　from　the　commercial　traveller；　and　from　the　chemist　came　the　murmur：

〃No　harm　in　that。〃

〃Well；　I　think　there　is。　　They　shoot　deserters　at　the　front；　and　we　let　this　fellow　off。　　I'd　hang　the　cur。〃

Mr。　Bosengate　stared　at　that　little　wire…haired　brute。　　〃Haven't　you　any　feeling　for　others？〃　　he　wanted　to　say。　　〃Can't　you　see　that　this　poor　devil　suffers　tortures？〃　　But　the　sheer　impossibility　of　doing　this　before　ten　other　men　brought　a　slight　sweat　out　on　his　face　and　hands；　and　in　agitation　he　smote　the　table　a　blow　with　his　fist。　　The　effect　was　instantaneous。　　Everybody　looked　at　the　wire…haired　man；　as　if　saying：　〃Yes；　you've　gone　a　bit　too　far　there！〃　　The　〃little　brute〃　stood　it　for　a　moment；　then　muttered　surlily：

〃Well；　commend　'im　to　mercy　if　you　like；　I　don't　care。〃

〃That's　right；　they　never　pay　any　attention　to　it；〃　said　the　grey…　haired　man；　winking　heartily。　　And　Mr。　Bosengate　filed　back　with　the　others　into　court。

But　when　from　the　jury　box　his　eyes　fell　once　more　on　the　hare…eyed　figure　in　the　dock；　he　had　his　worst　moment　yet。　　Why　should　this　poor　wretch　suffer　sofor　no　fault；　no　fault；　while　he；　and　these　others；　and　that　snapping　counsel；　and　the　Caesar…like　judge　up　there；　went　off　to　their　women　and　their　homes；　blithe　as　bees；　and　probably　never　thought　of　him　again？　　And　suddenly　he　was　conscious　of　the　judge's　voice：

〃You　will　go　back　to　your　regiment；　and　endeavour　to　serve　your　country　with　better　spirit。　　You　may　thank　the　jury　that　you　are　not　sent　to　prison；　and　your　good　fortune　that　you　were　not　at　the　front　when　you　tried　to　commit　this　cowardly　act。　　You　are　lucky　to　be　alive。〃

A　policeman　pulled　the　little　soldier　by　the　arm；　his　drab　figure　with　eyes　fixed　and　lustreless；　passed　down　and　away。　　From　his　very　soul　Mr。　Bosengate　wanted　to　lean　out　and　say：　〃Cheer　up；　cheer　up！　I　understand。〃

It　was　nearly　ten　o'clock　that　evening　before　he　reached　home；　motoring　back　from　the　route　march。　　His　physical　tiredness　was　abated；　for　he　had　partaken　of　a　snack　and　a　whisky　and　soda　at　the　hotel；　but　mentally　he　was　in　a　curious　mood。　　His　body　felt　appeased；　his　spirit　hungry。　　Tonight　he　had　a　yearning；　not　for　his　wife's　kisses；　but　for　her　understanding。　　He　wanted　to　go　to　her　and　say：　〃I've　learnt　a　lot　to…day…found　out　things　I　never　thought　of。　Life's　a　wonderful　thing；　Kate；　a　thing　one　can't　live　all　to　oneself；　a　thing　one　shares　with　everybody；　so　that　when　another　suffers；　one　suffers　too。　　It's　come　to　me　that　what　one　has　doesn't　matter　a　bitit's　what　one　does；　and　how　one　sympathises　with　other　people。　　It　came　to　me　in　the　most　extraordinary　vivid　way；　when　I　was　on　that　jury；　watching　that　poor　little　rat　of　a　soldier　in　his　trap；　it's　the　first　time　I've　ever　feltthethe　spirit　of　Christ；　you　know。　　It's　a　wonderful　thing；　Katewonderful！　　We　haven't　been　closereally　close；　you　and　I；　so　that　we　each　understand　what　the　other　is　feeling。　　It's　all　in　that；　you　know；　understanding　sympathyit's　priceless。　　When　I　saw　that　poor　little　devil　taken　down　and　sent　back　to　his　regiment　to　begin　his　sorrows　all　over　againwanting　his　wife；　thinking　and　thinking　of　her　just　as　you　know　I　would　be　thinking　and　wanting　you；　I　felt　what　an　awful　outside　sort　of　life　we　lead；　never　telling　each　other　what　we　really　think　and　feel；　never　being　really　close。　　I　daresay　that　little　chap　and　his　wife　keep　nothing　from　each　otherlive　each　other's　lives。　That's　what　we　ought　to　do。　　Let's　get　to　feeling　that　what　really　matters　isunderstanding　and　loving；　and　not　only　just　saying　it　as　we　all　do；　those　fellows　on　the　jury；　and　even　that　poor　devil　of　a　judgewhat　an　awful　life　judging　one's　fellow…creatures

When　I　left　that　poor　little　Tommy　this　morning；　and　ever　since；　I've　longed　to　get　back　here　quietly　to　you　and　tell　you　about　it；　and　make　a　beginning。　　There's　something　wonderful　in　this；　and　I　want　you　to　feel　it　as　I　do；　because　you　mean　such　a　lot　to　me。〃

This　was　what　he　wanted　to　say　to　his　wife；　not　touching；　or　kissing　her；　just　looking　into　her　eyes；　watching　them　soften　and　glow　as　they　surely　must；　catching　the　infection　of　his　new　ardour。　　And　he　felt　unsteady；　fearfully　unsteady　with　the　desire　to　say　it　a