the expedition of humphry clinker-第9章

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with　a　woollen　night…cap　on　his　head；　and　he　had　stript
off　his　coat；　that　he　might　be　more　nimble　in　his　motions　
Finding　himself　intruded　upon；　by　a　person　he　did　not　know；　he
forthwith　girded　himself　with　a　long　iron　sword；　and　advancing　to
me；　with　a　peremptory　air；　pronounced；　in　a　true　Hibernian
accent；　'Mister　What　d'ye　callum；　by　my　saoul　and　conscience；　I
am　very　glad　to　sea　you；　if　you　are　after　coming　in　the　way　of
friendship；　and　indeed；　and　indeed　now；　I　believe　you　are　my
friend　sure　enough；　gra；　though　I　never　had　the　honour　to　sea
your　face　before；　my　dear；　for　becaase　you　come　like　a　friend；
without　any　ceremony　at　all；　at　all'　　I　told　him　the　nature　of
my　visit　would　not　admit　of　ceremony；　that　I　was　come　to　desire
he　would　make　less　noise；　as　there　was　a　sick　gentleman　below；
whom　he　had　no　right　to　disturb　with　such　preposterous　doings。
'Why；　look…ye　now；　young　gentleman　（replied　this　original）
perhaps；　upon　another　occasion；　I　might　shivilly　request　you　to
explain　the　maining　of　that　hard　word；　prepasterous：　but　there's
a　time　for　all　things；　honey'　　So　saying；　he　passed　me　with
great　agility；　and；　running　down　stairs；　found　our　foot…man　at
the　dining…room　door；　of　whom　he　demanded　admittance；　to　pay　his
respects　to　the　stranger。　As　the　fellow　did　not　think　proper　to
refuse　the　request　of　such　a　formidable　figure；　he　was
immediately　introduced；　and　addressed　himself　to　my　uncle　in
these　words：　'Your　humble　servant；　good　sir；　　I'm　not　so
prepasterous；　as　your　son　calls　it；　but　I　know　the　rules　of
shivility　…　I'm　a　poor　knight　of　Ireland；　my　name　is　sir　Ulic
Mackilligut；　of　the　county　of　Galway；　being　your　fellow…lodger；
I'm　come　to　pay　my　respects；　and　to　welcome　you　to　the　South
Parade；　and　to　offer　my　best　services　to　you；　and　your　good　lady；
and　your　pretty　daughter；　and　even　to　the　young　gentleman　your
son；　though　he　thinks　me　a　prepasterous　fellow　　You　must　know　I
am　to　have　the　honour　to　open　a　ball　next　door　to…morrow　with
lady　Mac　Manus；　and　being　rusted　in　my　dancing；　I　was　refreshing
my　memory　with　a　little　exercise；　but　if　I　had　known　there　was　a
sick　person　below；　by　Christ！　I　would　have　sooner　danced　a
hornpipe　upon　my　own　head；　than　walk　the　softest　minuet　over
yours。'　　My　uncle；　who　was　not　a　little　startled　at　his　first
appearance；　received　his　compliment　with　great　complacency；
insisted　upon　his　being　seated；　thanked　him　for　the　honour　of　his
visit；　and　reprimanded　me　for　my　abrupt　expostulation　with　a
gentleman　of　his　rank　and　character。　Thus　tutored；　I　asked　pardon
of　the　knight；　who；　forthwith　starting　up；　embraced　me　so　close；
that　I　could　hardly　breathe；　and　assured　me；　he　loved　me　as　his
own　soul。　At　length；　recollecting　his　night…cap；　he　pulled　it　off
in　some　confusion；　and；　with　his　bald…pate　uncovered；　made　a
thousand　apologies　to　the　ladies；　as　he　retired　　At　that
instant；　the　Abbey　bells；　began　to　ring　so　loud；　that　we　could
not　hear　one　another　speak；　and　this　peal；　as　we　afterwards
learned；　was　for　the　honour　of　Mr　Bullock；　an　eminent　cowkeeper
of　Tottenham；　who　had　just　arrived　at　Bath；　to　drink　the　waters
for　indigestion。　Mr　Bramble　had　not　time　to　make　his　remarks　upon
the　agreeable　nature　of　this　serenade；　before　his　ears　were
saluted　with　another　concert　that　interested　him　more　nearly。　Two
negroes；　belonging　to　a　Creole　gentleman；　who　lodged　in　the　same
house；　taking　their　station　at　a　window　in　the　stair…case；　about
ten　feet　from　our　dining…room　door；　began　to　practise　upon　the
French…horn；　and　being　in　the　very　first　rudiments　of　execution；
produced　such　discordant　sounds；　as　might　have　discomposed　the
organs　of　an　ass。　You　may　guess　what　effect　they　had　upon　the
irritable　nerves　of　uncle；　who；　with　the　most　admirable
expression　of　splenetic　surprize　in　his　countenance；　sent　his　man
to　silence　these　dreadful　blasts；　and　desire　the　musicians　to
practise　in　some　other　place；　as　they　had　no　right　to　stand　there
and　disturb　all　the　lodgers　in　the　house。　Those　sable　performers；
far　from　taking　the　hint；　and　withdrawing；　treated　the　messenger
with　great　insolence；　bidding　him　carry　his　compliments　to　their
master；　colonel　Rigworm；　who　would　give　him　a　proper　answer；　and
a　good　drubbing　into　the　bargain；　in　the　mean　time　they　continued
their　noise；　and　even　endeavoured　to　make　it　more　disagreeable；
laughing　between　whiles；　at　the　thoughts　of　being　able　to　torment
their　betters　with　impunity。　Our　'squire；　incensed　at　the
additional　insult；　immediately　dispatched　the　servant；　with　his
compliments　to　colonel　Rigworm；　requesting　that　he　would　order
his　blacks　to　be　quiet；　as　the　noise　they　made　was　altogether
intolerable　　To　this　message；　the　Creole　colonel　replied；　that
his　horns　had　a　right　to　sound　on　a　common　staircase；　that　there
they　should　play　for　his　diversion；　and　that　those　who　did　not
like　the　noise；　might　look　for　lodgings　elsewhere。　Mr　Bramble　no
sooner　received　this　reply；　than　his　eyes　began　to　glisten；　his
face　grew　pale；　and　his　teeth　chattered。　After　a　moment's　pause；
he　slipt　on　his　shoes；　without　speaking　a　word；　or　seeming　to
feel　any　further　disturbance　from　the　gout　in　his　toes。　Then
snatching　his　cane；　he　opened　the　door　and　proceeded　to　the
place　where　the　black　trumpeters　were　posted。　There；　without
further　hesitation；　he　began　to　belabour　them　both；　and　exerted
himself　with　such　astonishing　vigour　and　agility；　that　both　their
heads　and　horns　were　broken　in　a　twinkling；　and　they　ran　howling
down　stairs　to　their　master's　parlour…door。　The　squire；　following
them　half　way；　called　aloud；　that　the　colonel　might　hear　him；
'Go；　rascals；　and　tell　your　master　what　I　have　done；　if　he　thinks
himself　injured；　he　knows　where　to　come　for　satisfaction。　As　for
you；　this　is　but　an　earnest　of　what　you　shall　receive；　if　ever
you　presume　to　blow　a　horn　again　here；　while　I　stay　in　the
house。'　So　saying；　he　retired　to　his　apartment；　in　expectation　of
hearing　from　the　West　Indian；　but　the　colonel　prudently　declined
any　farther　prosecution　of　the　dispute。　My　sister　Liddy　was
frighted　into　a　fit；　from　which　she　was　no　sooner　recovered；　than
Mrs　Tabitha　began　a　lecture　upon　patience；　which　her　brother
interrupted　with　a　most　significant　grin；　'True；　sister；　God
increase　my　patience　and　your　discretion。　I　wonder　（added　he）
what　sort　of　sonata　we　are　to　expect　from　this　overture；　in　which
the　devil；　that　presides　over　horrid　sounds；　hath　given　us　such
variations　of　discord　　The　trampling　of　porters；　the　creaking
and　crashing　of　trunks；　the　snarling　of　curs；　the　scolding　of
women；　the　squeaking　and　squalling　of　fiddles　and　hautboys　out　of
tune；　the　bouncing　of　the　Irish　baronet　over…head；　and　the
bursting；　belching；　and　brattling　of　the　French…horns　in　the
passage　（not　to　mention　the　harmonious　peal　that　still　thunders
from　the　Abbey　steeple）　succeeding　one　another　without
interruption；　like　the　different　parts　of　the　same　concert；　have
given　me　such　an　idea　of　what　a　poor　invalid　has　to　expect　in
this　temple；　dedicated　to　Silence　and　Repose；　that　I　shall
certainly　shift　my　quarters　to…morrow；　and　endeavour　to
effectuate　my　retreat　before　Sir　Ulic　opens　the　ball　with　my　lady
Mac　Manus；　a　conjunction　that　bodes　me　no　good。'　This　intimation
was　by　no　means　agreeable　to　Mrs　Tabitha；　whose　ears　were　not
quite　so　delicate　as　those　of　her　brother　　She　said　it　would　be
great　folly　to　move　from　such　agreeable　lodgings；　the　moment　they
were　comfortably　settled。　She　wondered　he　should　be　such　an　enemy
to　music　and　mirth。　She　heard　no　noise　but　of　his　own　making：　it
was　impossible　to　manage　a　family　in　dumb…shew。　He　might　harp　as
long　as　he　pleased　upon　her　scolding；　but　she　never　scolded；
except　for　his　advantage；　but　he　would　never　be　satisfied；　even
tho'f　she　should　sweat　blood　and　water　in　his　service　　I　have　a
great　notion　that　our　aunt；　who　is　now　declining　into　the　most
desperate　state　of　celibacy；　had　formed　some　design　upon　the
heart　of　Sir　Ulic　Mackilligut；　which　she　feared　might　be
frustrated　by　our　abrupt　departure　from　these　lodgings。　Her
brother；　eyeing　her　askance；　'Pardon　me；　sister　（said　he）　I
should　be　a　savage；　indeed；　were　I　insensible　of　my　own　felicity；