the expedition of humphry clinker-第59章

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（answered　the　lieutenant）；　it　is　among　those　Indians　a　matter　of
great　simplicity　　they　never　heard　of　any　Alliance　between　Church
and　State。　　They；　in　general；　worship　two　contending　principles；
one　the　Fountain　of　all　Good；　the　other　the　source　of　all　evil。
The　common　people　there；　as　in　other　countries；　run　into　the
absurdities　of　superstition；　but　sensible　men　pay　adoration　to　a
Supreme　Being；　who　created　and　sustains　the　universe。'　'O！　what
pity　（exclaimed　the　pious　Tabby）；　that　some　holy　man　has　not　been
inspired　to　go　and　convert　these　poor　heathens！'

The　lieutenant　told　her；　that　while　he　resided　among　them；　two
French　missionaries　arrived；　in　order　to　convert　them　to　the
catholic　religion；　but　when　they　talked　of　mysteries　and
revelations；　which　they　could　neither　explain　nor　authenticate；
and　called　in　the　evidence　of　miracles　which　they　believed　upon
hearsay；　when　they　taught　that　the　Supreme　Creator　of　Heaven　and
Earth　had　allowed　his　only　Son；　his　own　equal　in　power　and　glory；
to　enter　the　bowels　of　a　woman；　to　be　born　as　a　human　creature；
to　be　insulted；　flagellated；　and　even　executed　as　a　malefactor；
when　they　pretended　to　create　God　himself；　to　swallow；　digest；
revive；　and　multiply　him　ad　infinitum；　by　the　help　of　a　little
flour　and　water；　the　Indians　were　shocked　at　the　impiety　of　their
presumption。　　They　were　examined　by　the　assembly　of　the　sachems
who　desired　them　to　prove　the　divinity　of　their　mission　by　some
miracle。　　They　answered；　that　it　was　not　in　their　power。　　'If　you
were　really　sent　by　Heaven　for　our　conversion　（said　one　of　the
sachems）；　you　would　certainly　have　some　supernatural　endowments；
at　least　you　would　have　the　gift　of　tongues；　in　order　to　explain
your　doctrine　to　the　different　nations　among　which　you　are
employed；　but　you　are　so　ignorant　of　our　language；　that　you
cannot　express　yourselves　even　on　the　most　trifling　subjects。'　In
a　word；　the　assembly　were　convinced　of　their　being　cheats；　and
even　suspected　them　of　being　spies：　they　ordered　them　a　bag　of
Indian　corn　apiece；　and　appointed　a　guide　to　conduct　them　to　the
frontiers；　but　the　missionaries　having　more　zeal　than　discretion；
refused　to　quit　the　vineyard。　　They　persisted　in　saying　mass；　in
preaching；　baptizing；　and　squabbling　with　the　conjurers；　or
priests　of　the　country；　till　they　had　thrown　the　whole　community
into　confusion。　　Then　the　assembly　proceeded　to　try　them　as
impious　impostors；　who　represented　the　Almighty　as　a　trifling；
weak；　capricious　being；　and　pretended　to　make；　unmake；　and
reproduce　him　at　pleasure；　they　were；　therefore；　convicted　of
blasphemy　and　sedition；　and　condemned　to　the　stale；　where　they
died　singing　Salve　regina；　in　a　rapture　of　joy；　for　the　crown　of
martyrdom　which　they　had　thus　obtained。

In　the　course　of　this　conversation；　lieutenant　Lismahago　dropt
some　hints　by　which　it　appeared　he　himself　was　a　free…thinker。
Our　aunt　seemed　to　be　startled　at　certain　sarcasms　he　threw　out
against　the　creed　of　saint　Athanasius　　He　dwelt　much　upon　the
words；　reason；　philosophy；　and　contradiction　in　terms　　he　bid
defiance　to　the　eternity　of　hell…fire；　and　even　threw　such　squibs
at　the　immortality　of　the　soul；　as　singed　a　little　the　whiskers
of　Mrs　Tabitha's　faith；　for；　by　this　time　she　began　to　look　upon
Lismahago　as　a　prodigy　of　learning　and　sagacity。　　In　short；　he
could　be　no　longer　insensible　to　the　advances　she　made　towards
his　affection；　and　although　there　was　something　repulsive　in　his
nature；　he　overcame　it　so　far　as　to　make　some　return　to　her
civilities。　　Perhaps；　he　thought　it　would　be　no　bad　scheme；　in　a
superannuated　lieutenant　on　half…pay；　to　effect　a　conjunction
with　an　old　maid；　who；　in　all　probability；　had　fortune　enough　to
keep　him　easy　and　comfortable　in　the　fag…end　of　his　days　　An
ogling　correspondence　forthwith　commenced　between　this　amiable
pair　of　originals　　He　began　to　sweeten　the　natural　acidity　of　his
discourse　with　the　treacle　of　compliment　and　commendation　　He
from　time　to　time　offered　her　snuff；　of　which　he　himself　took
great　quantities；　and　even　made　her　a　present　of　a　purse　of　silk
grass；　woven　by　the　hands　of　the　amiable　Squinkinacoosta；　who　had
used　it　as　a　shot…pouch　in　her　hunting　expeditions。

From　Doncaster　northwards；　all　the　windows　of　all　the　inns　are
scrawled　with　doggeral　rhimes；　in　abuse　of　the　Scotch　nation；　and
what　surprised　me　very　much；　I　did　not　perceive　one　line　written
in　the　way　of　recrimination　　Curious　to　hear　what　Lismahago　would
say　on　this　subject；　I　pointed　out　to　him　a　very　scurrilous
epigram　against　his　countrymen；　which　was　engraved　on　one　of　the
windows　of　the　parlour　where　we　sat。　　He　read　it　with　the　most
starched　composure；　and　when　I　asked　his　opinion　of　the　poetry；
'It　is　vara　terse　and　vara　poignant　（said　he）；　but　with　the　help
of　a　wat　dish…clout；　it　might　be　rendered　more　clear　and
parspicuous。　　I　marvel　much　that　some　modern　wit　has　not
published　a　collection　of　these　essays　under　the　title　of　the
Glaziers　Triumph　over　Sawney　the　Scot　　I'm　persuaded　it　would　be
a　vara　agreeable　offering　to　the　patriots　of　London　and
Westminster。'　When　I　expressed　some　surprize　that　the　natives　of
Scotland；　who　travel　this　way；　had　not　broke　all　the　windows　upon
the　road；　'With　submission　（replied　the　lieutenant）；　that　were
but　shallow　policy　　it　would　only　serve　to　make　the　satire　more
cutting　and　severe；　and　I　think　it　is　much　better　to　let　it　stand
in　the　window；　than　have　it　presented　in　the　reckoning。'

My　uncle's　jaws　began　to　quiver　with　indignation。　　He　said；　the
scribblers　of　such　infamous　stuff　deserved　to　be　scourged　at　the
cart's　tail　for　disgracing　their　country　with　such　monuments　of
malice　and　stupidity。　　'These　vermin　（said　he）　do　not　consider；
that　they　are　affording　their　fellow　subjects；　whom　they　abuse；
continual　matter　of　self…gratulation；　as　well　as　the　means　of
executing　the　most　manly　vengeance　that　can　be　taken　for　such
low；　illiberal　attacks。　For　my　part；　I　admire　the　philosophic
forbearance　of　the　Scots；　as　much　as　I　despise　the　insolence　of
those　wretched　libellers；　which　is　akin　to　the　arrogance　of　the
village　cock；　who　never　crows　but　upon　his　own　dunghill。'　The
captain；　with　an　affectation　of　candour；　observed；　that　men　of
illiberal　minds　were　produced　in　every　soil；　that　in　supposing
those　were　the　sentiments　of　the　English　in　general；　he　should
pay　too　great　a　compliment　to　is　own　country；　which　was　not　of
consequence　enough　to　attract　the　envy　of　such　a　flourishing　and
powerful　people。

Mrs　Tabby　broke　forth　again　in　praise　of　his　moderation；　and
declared　that　Scotland　was　the　soil　which　produced　every　virtue
under　heaven。　When　Lismahago　took　his　leave　for　the　night；　she
asked　her　brother　if　the　captain　was　not　the　prettiest　gentleman
he　had　ever　seen；　and　whether　there　was　not　something　wonderfully
engaging　in　his　aspect？　　Mr　Bramble　having　eyed　her　sometime　in
silence；　'Sister　（said　he）；　the　lieutenant　is；　for　aught　I　know；
an　honest　man　and　a　good　officer　　he　has　a　considerable　share　of
understanding；　and　a　title　to　more　encouragement　than　he　seems　to
have　met　with　in　life；　but　I　cannot；　with　a　safe　conscience；
affirm；　that　he　is　the　prettiest　gentleman　I　ever　saw；　neither
can　I　descern　any　engaging　charm　in　his　countenance；　which；　I　vow
to　God；　is；　on　the　contrary；　very　hard…favoured　and　forbidding。'

I　have　endeavoured　to　ingratiate　myself　with　this　North…Briton；
who　is　really　a　curiosity；　but　he　has　been　very　shy　of　my
conversation　ever　since　I　laughed　at　his　asserting　that　the
English　tongue　was　spoke　with　more　propriety　at　Edinburgh　than　at
London。　Looking　at　me　with　a　double　squeeze　of　souring　in　his
aspect；　'If　the　old　definition　be　true　（said　he）；　that　risibility
is　the　distinguishing　characteristic　of　a　rational　creature；　the
English　are　the　most　distinguished　for　rationality　of　any　people
I　ever　knew。'　I　owned；　that　the　English　were　easily　struck　with
any　thing　that　appeared　ludicrous；　and　apt　to　laugh　accordingly；
but　it　did　not　follow；　that；　because　they　were　more　given　to
laughter；　they　had　more　rationality　than　their　neighbours：　I
said；　such　an　inference　would　be　an　injury　to　the　Scots；　who　were
by