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第50章

the expedition of humphry clinker-第50章

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in a bellowing tone; 'I ha'n't lived so long in Yorkshire to be
trepanned by such vermin as you;' and leaping on the floor; put
on his breeches quietly; to the astonishment of us all。 The
Surgeon still insisted upon the operation; alleging it was now
plain that the brain was injured; and desiring the servants put
him into bed again; but nobody would venture to execute his
orders; or even to interpose: when the 'squire turned him and his
assistants out of doors; and threw his apparatus out at the
window。 Having thus asserted his prerogative; and put on his
cloaths with the help of a valet; the count; with my nephew and
me; were introduced by his son; and received with his usual stile
of rustic civility; then turning to signor Macaroni; with a
sarcastic grin; 'I tell thee what; Dick (said he); a man's scull
is not to be bored every time his head is broken; and I'll
convince thee and thy mother; that I know as many tricks as e'er
an old fox in the West Riding。'

We afterwards understood he had quarrelled at a public house with
an exciseman; whom he challenged to a bout at single stick; in
which he had been worsted; and that the shame of this defeat had
tied up his tongue。 As for madam; she had shewn no concern for
his disaster; and now heard of his recovery without emotion  She
had taken some little notice of my sister and niece; though
rather with a view to indulge her own petulance; than out of any
sentiment of regard to our family。  She said Liddy was a fright;
and ordered her woman to adjust her head before dinner; but she
would not meddle with Tabby; whose spirit; she soon perceived;
was not to be irritated with impunity。 At table; she acknowledged
me so far as to say she had heard of my father; though she
hinted; that he had disobliged her family by making a poor match
in Wales。 She was disagreeably familiar in her enquiries about
our circumstances; and asked; if I intended to bring up my nephew
to the law。 I told her; that; as he had an independent fortune;
he should follow no profession but that of a country gentleman;
and that I was not without hopes of procuring for him a seat in
parliament  'Pray cousin (said she); what may his fortune be?'
When I answered; that; with what I should be able to give him; he
would have better than two thousand a year; she replied; with a
disdainful toss of her head; that it would be impossible for him
to preserve his independence on such a paultry provision。

Not a little nettled at this arrogant remark; I told her; I had
the honour to sit in parliament with her father; when he had
little more than half that income; and I believed there was not a
more independent and incorruptible member in the house。 'Ay; but
times are changed (cried the 'squire)  Country gentlemen now…a…days
live after another fashion。 My table alone stands me in a
cool thousand a quarter; though I raise my own stock; import my
own liquors; and have every thing at the first hand。  True it
is; I keep open house; and receive all corners; for the honour of
Old England。' 'If that be the case (said I); 'tis a wonder you
can maintain it at so small an expence; but every private
gentleman is not expected to keep a caravanserai for the
accommodation of travellers: indeed; if every individual lived in
the same stile; you would not have such a number of guests at
your table; of consequence your hospitality would not shine so
bright for the glory of the West Riding。' The young 'squire;
tickled by this ironical observation; exclaimed; 'O che burla!' 
his mother eyed me in silence with a supercilious air; and the
father of the feast; taking a bumper of October; 'My service to
you; cousin Bramble (said he); I have always heard there was
something keen and biting in the air of the Welch mountains。'

I was much pleased with the count de Melville; who is sensible;
easy; and polite; and the countess is the most amiable woman I
ever beheld。 In the afternoon they took leave of their
entertainers; and the young gentleman; mounting his horse;
undertook to conduct their coach through the park; while one of
their servants rode round to give notice to the rest; whom they
had left at a public house on the road。 The moment their backs
were turned; the censorious daemon took possession of our
Yorkshire landlady and our sister Tabitha  The former observed;
that the countess was a good sort of a body; but totally ignorant
of good breeding; consequently aukward in her address。 The squire
said; he did not pretend to the breeding of any thing but colts;
but that the jade would be very handsome; if she was a little
more in flesh。 'Handsome! (cried Tabby) she has indeed a pair of
black eyes without any meaning; but then there is not a good
feature in her face。' 'I know not what you call good features in
Wales (replied our landlord); but they'll pass in Yorkshire。'
Then turning to Liddy; he added; 'What say you; my pretty
Redstreak?  what is your opinion of the countess?' 'I think
(cried Liddy; with great emotion); she's an angel。' Tabby chid
her for talking with such freedom in company; and the lady of the
house said; in a contemptuous tone; she supposed miss had been
brought up at some country boarding…school。

Our conversation was suddenly interrupted by the young gentleman;
who galloped into the yard all aghast; exclaiming; that the coach
was attacked by a great number of highwaymen。 My nephew and I
rushed out; found his own and his servant's horse ready saddled
in the stable; with pistols in the caps  We mounted instantly;
ordering Clinker and Dutton to follow with all possible
expedition; but notwithstanding all the speed we could make; the
action was over before we arrived; and the count with his lady;
safe lodged at the house of Grieve; who had signalized himself
in a very remarkable manner on this occasion。 At the turning of
a lane; that led to the village where the count's servants
remained; a couple of robbers a…horseback suddenly appeared; with
their pistols advanced: one kept the coachman in awe; and the
other demanded the count's money; while the young 'squire went
off at full speed; without ever casting a look behind。 The count
desiring the thief to withdraw his pistol; as the lady was in
great terror; delivered his purse without making the least
resistance; but not satisfied with this booty; which was pretty
considerable; the rascal insisted upon rifling her of her car…rings
and necklace; and the countess screamed with affright。 Her
husband; exasperated at the violence with which she was
threatened; wrested the pistol out of the fellow's hand; and
turning it upon him; snapped it in his face; but the robber
knowing there was no charge in it; drew another from his bosom;
and in all probability would have killed him on the spot; had not
his life been saved by a wonderful interposition。 Grieve; the
apothecary; chancing to pass that very instant; ran up to the
coach; and with a crab…stick; which was all the weapon he had;
brought the fellow to the ground with the first blow; then
seizing his pistol; presented it at his colleague; who fired his
piece at random; and fled without further opposition。 The other
was secured by the assistance of the count and the coachman; and
his legs being tied under the belly of his own horse; Grieve
conducted him to the village; whither also the carriage
proceeded。 It was with great difficulty the countess could be
kept from swooning; but at last she was happily conveyed to the
house of the apothecary; who went into the shop to prepare some
drops for her; while his wife and daughter administered to her in
another apartment。

I found the count standing in the kitchen with the parson of the
parish; and expressing much impatience to see his protector; whom
as yet he had scarce found time to thank for the essential
service he had done him and the countess。  The daughter passing
at the same time with a glass of water; monsieur de Melville
could not help taking notice of her figure; which was strikingly
engaging。  'Ay (said the parson); she is the prettiest girl; and
the best girl in all my parish: and if I could give my son an
estate of ten thousand a year; he should have my consent to lay
it 

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