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第37章

the expedition of humphry clinker-第37章

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spy; or a lunatic。 Every person you deal with endeavours to
overreach you in the way of business; you are preyed upon by idle
mendicants; who beg in the phrase of borrowing; and live upon the
spoils of the stranger  Your tradesmen are without conscience;
your friends without affection; and your dependents without
fidelity。 

My letter would swell into a treatise; were I to particularize
every cause of offence that fills up the measure of my aversion
to this; and every other crowded city  Thank Heaven! I am not so
far sucked into the vortex; but that I can disengage myself
without any great effort of philosophy  From this wild uproar of
knavery; folly; and impertinence; I shall fly with double relish
to the serenity of retirement; the cordial effusions of
unreserved friendship; the hospitality and protection of the
rural gods; in a word; the jucunda oblivia Vitae; which Horace
himself had not taste enough to enjoy。 

I have agreed for a good travelling…coach and four; at a guinea a
day; for three months certain; and next week we intend to begin
our journey to the North; hoping still to be with you by the
latter end of October  I shall continue to write from every stage
where we make any considerable halt; as often as anything occurs;
which I think can afford you the least amusement。 In the mean
time; I must beg you will superintend the oeconomy of Barns; with
respect to my hay and corn harvests; assured that my ground
produces nothing but what you may freely call your own  On any
other terms I should be ashamed to subscribe myself

Your unvariable friend;
MATT。 BRAMBLE
LONDON; June 8。




To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS; Bart。 of Jesus college; Oxon。

DEAR PHILLIPS;

In my last; I mentioned my having spent an evening with a society
of authors; who seemed to be jealous and afraid of one another。
My uncle was not at all surprised to hear me say I was
disappointed in their conversation。 'A man may be very
entertaining and instructive upon paper (said he); and
exceedingly dull in common discourse。 I have observed; that those
who shine most in private company; are but secondary stars in the
constellation of genius  A small stock of ideas is more easily
managed; and sooner displayed; than a great quantity crowded
together。 There is very seldom any thing extraordinary in the
appearance and address of a good writer; whereas a dull author
generally distinguishes himself by some oddity or extravagance。
For this reason; I fancy; that an assembly of Grubs must be very
diverting。'

My curiosity being excited by this hint; I consulted my friend
Dick Ivy; who undertook to gratify it the very next day; which
was Sunday last。 He carried me to dine with S; whom you and I
have long known by his writings。  He lives in the skirts of the
town; and every Sunday his house is opened to all unfortunate
brothers of the quill; whom he treats with beef; pudding; and
potatoes; port; punch; and Calvert's entire butt beer。 He has
fixed upon the first day of the week for the exercise of his
hospitality; because some of his guests could not enjoy it on any
other; for reasons that I need not explain。 I was civilly
received in a plain; yet decent habitation; which opened
backwards into a very pleasant garden; kept in excellent order;
and; indeed; I saw none of the outward signs of authorship;
either in the house or the landlord; who is one of those few
writers of the age that stand upon their own foundation; without
patronage; and above dependence。 If there was nothing
characteristic in the entertainer; the company made ample amends
for his want of singularity。

At two in the afternoon; I found myself one of ten messmates
seated at table; and; I question; if the whole kingdom could
produce such another assemblage of originals。 Among their
peculiarities; I do not mention those of dress; which may be
purely accidental。 What struck me were oddities originally
produced by affectation; and afterwards confirmed by habit。 One
of them wore spectacles at dinner; and another his hat flapped;
though (as Ivy told me) the first was noted for having a seaman's
eye; when a bailiff was in the wind; and the other was never
known to labour under any weakness or defect of vision; except
about five years ago; when he was complimented with a couple of
black eyes by a player; with whom he had quarrelled in his drink。
A third wore a laced stocking; and made use of crutches; because;
once in his life; he had been laid up with a broken leg; though
no man could leap over a stick with more agility。 A fourth had
contracted such an antipathy to the country; that he insisted
upon sitting with his back towards the window that looked into
the garden; and when a dish of cauliflower was set upon the
table; he snuffed up volatile salts to keep him from fainting;
yet this delicate person was the son of a cottager; born under a
hedge; and had many years run wild among asses on a common。 A
fifth affected distraction。 When spoke to; he always answered from
the purpose sometimes he suddenly started up; and rapped out a
dreadful oath sometimes he burst out a…laughing  then he folded
his arms; and sighed and then; he hissed like fifty serpents。

At first I really thought he was mad; and; as he sat near me;
began to be under some apprehensions for my own safety; when our
landlord; perceiving me alarmed; assured me aloud that I had
nothing to fear。 'The gentleman (said he) is trying to act a part
for which he is by no means qualified  if he had all the
inclination in the world; it is not in his power to be mad。 His
spirits are too flat to be kindled into frenzy。' ''Tis no bad p…p…puff;
however  (observed a person in a tarnished laced coat):
aff…ffected in…madness w…will p…pass for w…wit w…with nine…ninet…teen
out of t…twenty。'  'And affected stuttering for humour:
replied our landlord; tho'; God knows; there is an affinity
betwixt them。' It seems; this wag; after having made some
abortive attempts in plain speaking; had recourse to this defect;
by means of which he frequently extorted the laugh of the
company; without the least expence of genius; and that
imperfection; which he had at first counterfeited; was now become
so habitual; that he could not lay it aside。

A certain winking genius; who wore yellow gloves at dinner; had;
on his first introduction; taken such offence at S; because he
looked and talked; and ate and drank like any other man; that he
spoke contemptuously of his understanding ever after; and never
would repeat his visit; until he had exhibited the following
proof of his caprice。 Wat Wyvil; the poet; having made some
unsuccessful advances towards an intimacy with S; at last gave
him to understand; by a third person; that he had written a poem
in his praise; and a satire against his person; that if he would
admit him to his house; the first should be immediately sent to
press; but that if he persisted in declining his friendship; he
would publish his satire without delay。 S replied; that he
looked upon Wyvil's panegyrick; as in effect; a species of
infamy; and would resent it accordingly with a good cudgel; but
if he published the satire; he might deserve his compassion; and
had nothing to fear from his revenge。 Wyvil having considered the
alternative; resolved to mortify S by printing the panegyrick;
for which he received a sound drubbing。 Then he swore the peace
against the aggressor; who; in order to avoid a prosecution at
law; admitted him to his good graces。 It was the singularity in
S's conduct; on this occasion; that reconciled him to the
yellow…gloved philosopher; who owned he had some genius; and from
that period cultivated his acquaintance。

Curious to know upon what subjects the several talents of my
fellow…guests were employed; I applied to my communicative friend
Dick Ivy; who gave me to understand; that most of them were; or
had been; understrappers; or journeymen; to more creditable
authors; for whom they translated; collated; and compiled; in the
business of bookmaking; and that all of them had; at different
times; laboured in the service of our landlord; though they had
now set up for themselves in various departments of literature。
Not only

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