the expedition of humphry clinker-第32章

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blunderbuss；　as　being　a　native　of　Ireland；　another；　a　half…starved
louse　of　literature；　from　the　banks　of　the　Tweed；　a
third；　an　ass；　because　he　enjoys　a　pension　from　the　government；　a
fourth；　the　very　angel　of
dulness；　because　he　succeeded　in　a　species　of　writing　in　which
this　Aristarchus　had　failed；　a　fifth；　who　presumed　to　make
strictures　upon　one　of　his　performances；　he　holds　as　a　bug　in
criticism；　whose　stench　is　more　offensive　than　his　sting　　In
short；　except　himself　and　his　myrmidons；　there　is　not　a　man　of
genius　or　learning　in　the　three　kingdoms。　As　for　the　success　of
those；　who　have　written　without　the　pale　of　this　confederacy；　he
imputes　it　entirely　to　want　of　taste　in　the　public；　not
considering；　that　to　the　approbation　of　that　very　tasteless
public；　he　himself　owes　all　the　consequence　he　has　in　life。

Those　originals　are　not　fit　for　conversation。　If　they　would
maintain　the　advantage　they　have　gained　by　their　writing；　they
should　never　appear　but　upon　paper　　For　my　part；　I　am　shocked　to
find　a　man　have　sublime　ideas　in　his　head；　and　nothing　but
illiberal　sentiments　in　his　heart　　The　human　soul　will　be
generally　found　most　defective　in　the　article　of　candour　　I　am
inclined　to　think；　no　mind　was　ever　wholly　exempt　from　envy；
which；　perhaps；　may　have　been　implanted；　as　an　instinct　essential
to　our　nature。　I　am　afraid　we　sometimes　palliate　this　vice；　under
the　spacious　name　of　emulation。　I　have　known　a　person　remarkably
generous；　humane；　moderate；　and　apparently　self…denying；　who
could　not　hear　even　a　friend　commended；　without　betraying　marks
of　uneasiness；　as　if　that　commendation　had　implied　an　odious
comparison　to　his　prejudice；　and　every　wreath　of　praise　added　to
the　other's　character；　was　a　garland　plucked　from　his　own
temples。　This　is　a　malignant　species　of　jealousy；　of　which　I
stand　acquitted　in　my　own　conscience。

Whether　it　is　a　vice；　or　an　infirmity；　I　leave　you　to　inquire。

There　is　another　point；　which　I　would　much　rather　see　determined；
whether　the　world　was　always　as　contemptible；　as　it　appears　to　me
at　present？　　If　the　morals　of　mankind　have　not　contracted　an
extraordinary　degree　of　depravity；　within　these　thirty　years；
then　must　I　be　infected　with　the　common　vice　of　old　men；
difficilis；　querulus；　laudator　temporis　acti；　or；　which　is　more
probable；　the　impetuous　pursuits　and　avocations　of　youth　have
formerly　hindered　me　from　observing　those　rotten　parts　of　human
nature；　which　now　appear　so　offensively　to　my　observation。

We　have　been　at　court；　and　'change；　and　every　where；　and　every
where　we　find　food　for　spleen；　and　subject　for　ridicule　　My　new
servant；　Humphry　Clinker；　turns　out　a　great　original：　and　Tabby
is　a　changed　creature　　She　has　parted　with　Chowder；　and　does
nothing　but　smile；　like　Malvolio　in　the　play　　I'll　be　hanged　if
she　is　not　acting　a　part　which　is　not　natural　to　her　disposition；
for　some　purpose　which　I　have　not　yet　discovered。

With　respect　to　the　characters　of　mankind；　my　curiosity　is　quite
satisfied：　I　have　done　with　the　science　of　men；　and　must　now
endeavour　to　amuse　myself　with　the　novelty　of　things。　I　am；　at
present；　by　a　violent　effort　of　the　mind；　forced　from　my　natural
bias；　but　this　power　ceasing　to　act；　I　shall　return　to　my
solitude　with　redoubled　velocity。　Every　thing　I　see；　and　hear；
and　feel；　in　this　great　reservoir　of　folly；　knavery；　and
sophistication；　contributes　to　inhance　the　value　of　a　country
life；　in　the　sentiments　of

Yours　always；
MATT。　BRAMBLE
LONDON；　June　2。



To　Mrs　MARY　JONES；　at　Brambleton…hall。

DEAR　MARY　JONES；

Lady　Griskin's　botler；　Mr　Crumb；　having　got　'squire　Barton　to
frank　me　a　kiver；　I　would　not　neglect　to　let　you　know　how　it　is
with　me；　and　the　rest　of　the　family。

I　could　not　rite　by　John　Thomas；　for　because　he　went　away　in　a
huff；　at　a　minutes'　warning。　He　and　Chowder　could　not　agree；　and
so　they　fitt　upon　the　road；　and　Chowder　bitt　his　thumb；　and　he
swore　he　would　do　him　a　mischief；　and　he　spoke　saucy　to　mistress；
whereby　the　squire　turned　him　off　in　gudgeon；　and　by　God's
providence　we　picked　up　another　footman；　called　Umphry　Klinker；　a
good　sole　as　ever　broke　bread；　which　shews　that　a　scalded　cat　may
prove　a　good　mouser；　and　a　hound　be　staunch；　thof　he　has　got
narro　hare　on　his　buttocks；　but　the　proudest　nose　may　be　bro't　to
the　grinestone；　by　sickness　and　misfortunes。

0　Molly！　what　shall　I　say　of　London？　All　the　towns　that　ever　I
beheld　in　my　born…days；　are　no　more　than　Welsh　barrows　and
crumlecks　to　this　wonderful　sitty！　Even　Bath　itself　is　but　a
fillitch；　in　the　naam　of　God　　One　would　think　there's　no　end　of
the　streets；　but　the　land's　end。　Then　there's　such　a　power　of
people；
going　hurry　skurry！　Such　a　racket　of　coxes！　Such　a　noise；　and
haliballoo！　So　many　strange　sites　to　be　seen！　O　gracious！　my　poor
Welsh　brain　has　been　spinning　like　a　top　ever　since　I　came
hither！　And　I　have　seen　the　Park；　and　the　paleass　of　Saint
Gimses；　and　the　king's　and　the　queen's　magisterial　pursing；　and
the　sweet　young　princes；　and　the　hillyfents；　and　pye　bald　ass；
and　all　the　rest　of　the　royal　family。

Last　week　I　went　with　mistress　to　the　Tower；　to　see　the　crowns
and　wild　beastis；　and　there　was　a　monstracious　lion；　with　teeth
half　a　quarter　long；　and　a　gentleman　bid　me　not　go　near　him；　if　I
wasn't　a　maid；　being　as　how　he　would　roar；　and　tear；　and　play　the
dickens　　Now　I　had　no　mind　to　go　near　him；　for　I　cannot　abide
such　dangerous　honeymils；　not　I　　but；　mistress　would　go；　and　the
beast　kept　such　a　roaring　and　bouncing；　that　I　tho't　he　would
have　broke　his　cage　and　devoured　us　all；　and　the　gentleman
tittered　forsooth；　but　I'll　go　to　death　upon　it；　I　will；　that　my
lady　is　as　good　a　firchin；　as　the　child　unborn；　and；　therefore；
either　the　gentleman　told　a　fib；　or　the　lion　oft　to　be　set　in　the
stocks　for　bearing　false　witness　agin　his　neighbour；　for　the
commandment　sayeth；　Thou　shalt　not　bear　false　witness　against　thy
neighbour。

I　was　afterwards　of　a　party　at　Sadler's…wells；　where　I　saw　such
tumbling　and　dancing　upon　ropes　and　wires；　that　I　was　frightened
and　ready　to　go　into　a　fit　　I　tho't　it　was　all　inchantment；　and；
believing　myself　bewitched；　began　for　to　cry　　You　knows　as　how
the　witches　in　Wales　fly　upon　broom…sticks：　but　here　was　flying
without　any　broom…stick；　or　thing　in　the　varsal　world；　and　firing
of　pistols　in　the　air；　and　blowing　of　trumpets；　and　swinging；　and
rolling　of　wheel…barrows　upon　a　wire　（God　bless　us！）　no　thicker
than　a　sewing…thread；　that；　to　be　sure；　they　must　deal　with　the
devil！　　A　fine　gentleman；　with　a　pig's…tail；　and　a　golden　sord　by
his　side；　come　to　comfit　me；　and　offered　for　to　treat　me　with　a
pint　of　wind；　but　I　would　not　stay；　and　so；　in　going　through　the
dark　passage；　he　began　to　shew　his　cloven　futt；　and　went　for　to
be　rude：　my　fellow…sarvant；　Umphry　Klinker；　bid　him　be　sivil；　and
he　gave　the　young　man　a　dowse　in　the　chops；　but；　I　fackins；　Mr
Klinker　wa'n't　long　in　his　debt　　with　a　good　oaken　sapling　he
dusted　his　doublet；　for　all　his　golden　cheese　toaster；　and；
fipping　me　under　his　arm；　carried　me　huom；　I　nose　not　how；　being
I　was　in　such　a　flustration　　But；　thank　God！　I'm　now　vaned　from
all　such　vanities；　for　what　are　all　those　rarities　and　vagaries
to　the　glory　that　shall　be　revealed　hereafter？　O　Molly！　let　not
your　poor　heart　be　puffed　up　with　vanity。

I　had　almost　forgot　to　tell　you；　that　I　have　had　my　hair　cut　and
pippered；　and　singed；　and　bolstered；　and　buckled；　in　the　newest
fashion；　by　a　French　freezer　　Parley　vow　Francey　　Vee　madmansell
　I　now　carries　my　head　higher　than　arrow　private　gentlewoman　of
Vales。　Last　night；　coming　huom　from　the　meeting；　I　was　taken　by
lamp…light　for　an　iminent　poulterer's　daughter；　a　great　beauty　
But　as　I　was　saying；　this　is　all　vanity　and　vexation　of　spirit　
The　pleasures　of　London　are　no　better　than　sower　whey　and　stale
cyder；　when　compared　to　the　joys　of　the　new　Gerusalem。

Dear　Mary　Jones！　An　please　God　when　I　return；　I'll　bring　you　a
new　cap；　with　a　turkey…shell　coom；　and　a　pyehouse　sermon；　that
was　preached　in　the　Tabernacle；　and　I　pray　of　all　love；　you　will
mind　your　vriting　and　your　spilling；　for；　craving　your　pardon；
Molly；　it　made　me　suet