the expedition of humphry clinker-第26章

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his　pupils；　but　as　both　you　and　I　are　already　acquainted　with
most　of　those　he　will　visit；　and　with　some　others　he　little
dreams　of；　I　shall　only　communicate　what　will　be　in　some　measure
new　to　your　observation。　Remember　me　to　our　Jesuitical　friends；
and　believe　me　ever；

Dear　knight；
Yours　affectionately；
J。　MELFORD
LONDON；　May　24。



To　Dr　LEWIS。

DEAR　DOCTOR；

London　is　literally　new　to　me；　new　in　its　streets；　houses；　and
even　in　its　situation；　as　the　Irishman　said；　'London　is　now　gone
out　of　town。'　What　I　left　open　fields；　producing　hay　and　corn；　I
now　find　covered　with　streets　and　squares；　and　palaces；　and
churches。　I　am　credibly　informed；　that　in　the　space　of　seven
years；　eleven　thousand　new　houses　have　been　built　in　one　quarter
of　Westminster；　exclusive　of　what　is　daily　added　to　other　parts
of　this　unwieldy　metropolis。　Pimlico　and　Knightsbridge　are　now
almost　joined　to　Chelsea　and　Kensington；　and　if　this　infatuation
continues　for　half　a　century；　I　suppose　the　whole　county　of
Middlesex　will　be　covered　with　brick。

It　must　be　allowed；　indeed；　for　the　credit　of　the　present　age；
that　London　and　Westminster　are　much　better　paved　and　lighted
than　they　were　formerly。　The　new　streets　are　spacious；　regular；
and　airy；　and　the　houses　generally　convenient。　The　bridge　at
Blackfriars　is　a　noble　monument　of　taste　and　public…spirit。　　I
wonder　how　they　stumbled　upon　a　work　of　such　magnificence　and
utility。　But；　notwithstanding　these　improvements；　the　capital　is
become　an　overgrown　monster；　which；　like　a　dropsical　head；　will
in　time　leave　the　body　and　extremities　without　nourishment　and
support。　The　absurdity　will　appear　in　its　full　force；　when　we
consider　that　one　sixth　part　of　the　natives　of　this　whole
extensive　kingdom　is　crowded　within　the　bills　of　mortality。　What
wonder　that　our　villages　are　depopulated；　and　our　farms　in　want
of　day…labourers？　The　abolition　of　small　farms　is　but　one　cause
of　the　decrease　of　population。　Indeed；　the　incredible　increase　of
horses　and　black　cattle；　to　answer　the　purposes　of　luxury；
requires　a　prodigious　quantity　of　hay　and　grass；　which　are　raised
and　managed　without　much　labour；　but　a　number　of　hands　will
always　be　wanted　for　the　different　branches　of　agriculture；
whether　the　farms　be　large　or　small。　The　tide　of　luxury　has　swept
all　the　inhabitants　from　the　open　country　　The　poorest　squire；　as
well　as　the　richest　peer；　must　have　his　house　in　town；　and　make　a
figure　with　an　extraordinary　number　of　domestics。　The　plough…boys；
cow…herds；　and　lower　hinds　are　debauched　and　seduced　by　the
appearance　and　discourse　of　those　coxcombs　in　livery；　when　they
make　their　summer　excursions。　They　desert　their　dirt　and
drudgery；　and　swarm　up　to　London；　in　hopes　of　getting　into
service；　where　they　can　live　luxuriously　and　wear　fine　clothes；
without　being　obliged　to　work；　for　idleness　is　natural　to　man　
Great　numbers　of　these；　being　disappointed　in　their　expectation；
become　thieves　and　sharpers；　and　London　being　an　immense
wilderness；　in　which　there　is　neither　watch　nor　ward　of　any
signification；　nor　any　order　or　police；　affords　them　lurking…places
as　well　as　prey。

There　are　many　causes　that　contribute　to　the　daily　increase　of
this　enormous　mass；　but　they　may　be　all　resolved　into　the　grand
source　of　luxury　and　corruption　　About　five　and　twenty　years　ago；
very　few；　even　of　the　most　opulent　citizens　of　London；　kept　any
equipage；　or　even　any　servants　in　livery。　Their　tables　produced
nothing　but　plain　boiled　and　roasted；　with　a　bottle　of　port　and　a
tankard　of　beer。　At　present；　every　trader　in　any　degree　of
credit；　every　broker　and　attorney；　maintains　a　couple　of　footmen；
a　coachman；　and　postilion。　He　has　his　town…house；　and　his
country…house；　his　coach；　and　his　post…chaise。　His　wife　and
daughters　appear　in　the　richest　stuffs；　bespangled　with　diamonds。
They　frequent　the　court；　the　opera；　the　theatre；　and　the
masquerade。　They　hold　assemblies　at　their　own　houses：　they　make
sumptuous　entertainments；　and　treat　with　the　richest　wines　of
Bordeaux；　Burgundy；　and　Champagne。　The　substantial　tradesman；　who
wont　to　pass　his　evenings　at　the　ale…house　for　fourpence　half…penny；
now　spends　three　shillings　at　the　tavern；　while　his　wife
keeps　card…tables　at　home；　she　must　likewise　have　fine　clothes；
her　chaise；　or　pad；　with　country　lodgings；　and　go　three　times　a
week　to　public　diversions。　Every　clerk；　apprentice；　and　even
waiter　of　tavern　or　coffeehouse；　maintains　a　gelding　by　himself；
or　in　partnership；　and　assumes　the　air　and　apparel　of　a　petit
maitre　　The　gayest　places　of　public　entertainment　are　filled　with
fashionable　figures；　which；　upon　inquiry；　will　be　found　to　be
journeymen　taylors；　serving…men；　and　abigails；　disguised　like
their　betters。

In　short；　there　is　no　distinction　or　subordination　left　　The
different　departments　of　life　are　jumbled　together　　The　hod…carrier；
the　low　mechanic；　the　tapster；　the　publican；　the
shopkeeper；　the　pettifogger；　the　citizen；　and　courtier；　all　tread
upon　the　kibes　of　one　another：　actuated　by　the　demons　of
profligacy　and　licentiousness；　they　are　seen　every　where
rambling；　riding；　rolling；　rushing；　justling；　mixing；　bouncing；
cracking；　and　crashing　in　one　vile　ferment　of　stupidity　and
corruption　　All　is　tumult　and　hurry；　one　would　imagine　they　were
impelled　by　some　disorder　of　the　brain；　that　will　not　suffer　them
to　be　at　rest。　The　foot…passengers　run　along　as　if　they　were
pursued　by　bailiffs。　The　porters　and　chairmen　trot　with　their
burthens。　People；　who　keep　their　own　equipages；　drive　through　the
streets　at　full　speed。　Even　citizens；　physicians；　and
apothecaries；　glide　in　their　chariots　like　lightening。　The
hackney…coachmen　make　their　horses　smoke；　and　the　pavement　shakes
under　them；　and　I　have　actually　seen　a　waggon　pass　through
Piccadilly　at　the　hand…gallop。　In　a　word；　the　whole　nation　seems
to　be　running　out　of　their　wits。

The　diversions　of　the　times　are　not　ill　suited　to　the　genius　of
this　incongruous　monster；　called　the　public。　Give　it　noise；
confusion；　glare；　and　glitter；　it　has　no　idea　of　elegance　and
propriety　　What　are　the　amusements　of　Ranelagh？　One　half　of　the
company　are　following　at　the　other's　tails；　in　an　eternal　circle；
like　so　many　blind　asses　in　an　olive…mill；　where　they　can　neither
discourse；　distinguish；　nor　be　distinguished；　while　the　other
half　are　drinking　hot　water；　under　the　denomination　of　tea；　till
nine　or　ten　o'clock　at　night；　to　keep　them　awake　for　the　rest　of
the　evening。　As　for　the　orchestra；　the　vocal　music　especially；　it
is　well　for　the　performers　that　they　cannot　be　heard　distinctly。
Vauxhall　is　a　composition　of　baubles；　overcharged　with　paltry
ornaments；　ill　conceived；　and　poorly　executed；　without　any　unity
of　design；　or　propriety　of　disposition。　It　is　an　unnatural
assembly　of　objects；　fantastically　illuminated　in　broken　masses；
seemingly　contrived　to　dazzle　the　eyes　and　divert　the　imagination
of　the　vulgar　　Here　a　wooden　lion；　there　a　stone　statue；　in　one
place；　a　range　of　things　like　coffeehouse　boxes；　covered　a…top；
in　another；　a　parcel　of　ale…house　benches；　in　a　third；　a　puppet…show
representation　of　a　tin　cascade；　in　a　fourth；　a　gloomy　cave
of　a　circular　form；　like　a　sepulchral　vault　half　lighted；　in　a
fifth；　a　scanty　flip　of　grass…plat；　that　would　not　afford　pasture
sufficient　for　an　ass's　colt。　The　walks；　which　nature　seems　to
have　intended　for　solitude；　shade；　and　silence；　are　filled　with
crowds　of　noisy　people；　sucking　up　the　nocturnal　rheums　of　an
aguish　climate；　and　through　these　gay　scenes；　a　few　lamps　glimmer
like　so　many　farthing　candles。

When　I　see　a　number　of　well　dressed　people；　of　both　sexes；
sitting　on　the　covered　benches；　exposed　to　the　eyes　of　the　mob；
and；　which　is　worse；　to　the　cold；　raw；　night…air；　devouring
sliced　beef；　and　swilling　port；　and　punch；　and　cyder；　I　can't
help　compassionating　their　temerity；　white　I　despise　their　want
of　taste　and　decorum；　but；　when　they　course　along　those　damp　and
gloomy　walks；　or　crowd　together　upon　the　wet　gravel；　without　any
other　cover　than　the　cope　of　Heaven；　listening　to　a　song；　which
one　half　of　them　cannot　possibly　hear；　how　can　I　help　supposing
they　are　actually　poss