the expedition of humphry clinker-第24章

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that　guard　the　gates　of　hell　　She　expressed　no　sort　of　concern
for　her　brother；　who　ran　about　in　the　cold；　without　his　periwig；
and　worked　with　the　most　astonishing　agility；　in　helping　to
disentangle　the　horses　from　the　carriage：　but　she　cried；　in　a
tone　of　distraction；　'Chowder！　Chowder！　my　dear　Chowder！　my　poor
Chowder　is　certainly　killed！'

This　was　not　the　case　　Chowder；　after　having　tore　my　uncle's　leg
in　the　confusion　of　the　fall；　had　retreated　under　the　scat；　and
from　thence　the　footman　drew　him　by　the　neck；　for　which　good
office；　he　bit　his　fingers　to　the　bone。　The　fellow；　who　is
naturally　surly；　was　so　provoked　at　this　assault；　that　he　saluted
his　ribs　with　a　hearty　kick；　exclaiming；　'Damn　the　nasty　son　of　a
bitch；　and　them　he　belongs　to！'　A　benediction；　which　was　by　no
means　lost　upon　the　implacable　virago　his　mistress　　Her　brother；
however；　prevailed　upon　her　to　retire　into　a　peasant's　house；
near　the　scene　of　action；　where　his　head　and　hers　were　covered；
and　poor　Jenkins　had　a　fit。　Our　next　care　was　to　apply　some
sticking　plaister　to　the　wound　in　his　leg；　which　exhibited　the
impression　of　Chowder's　teeth；　but　he　never　opened　his　lips
against　the　delinquent　　Mrs　Tabby；　alarmed　at　this　scene；　'You
say　nothing；　Matt　（cried　she）；　but　I　know　your　mind　　I　know　the
spite　you　have　to　that　poor　unfortunate　animal！　I　know　you　intend
to　take　his　life　away！'　'You　are　mistaken；　upon　my　honour！
（replied　the　squire；　with　a　sarcastic　smile）　I　should　be
incapable　of　harbouring　any　such　cruel　design　against　an　object
so　amiable　and　inoffensive；　even　if　he　had　not　the　happiness　to
be　your　favourite。'

John　Thomas　was　not　so　delicate。　The　fellow；　whether　really
alarmed　for　his　life；　or　instigated　by　the　desire　of　revenge；
came　in；　and　bluntly　demanded；　that　the　dog　should　be　put　to
death；　on　the　supposition；　that　if　ever　he　should　run　mad
hereafter；　he；　who　had　been　bit　by　him；　would　be　infected　　My
uncle　calmly　argued　upon　the　absurdity　of　his　opinion；　observing；
that　he　himself　was　in　the　same　predicament；　and　would　certainly
take　the　precaution　he　proposed；　if　he　was　not　sure　he　ran　no
risque　of　infection。　Nevertheless；　Thomas　continued　obstinate；
and；　at　length　declared；　that　if　the　dog　was　not　shot
immediately；　he　himself　would　be　his　executioner　　This
declaration　opened　the　flood…gates　of　Tabby's　eloquence；　which
would　have　shamed　the　first…rate　oratress　of　Billingsgate。　The
footman　retorted　in　the　same　stile；　and　the　squire　dismissed　him
from　his　service；　after　having　prevented　me　from　giving　him　a
good　horse…whipping　for　his　insolence。

The　coach　being　adjusted；　another　difficulty　occurred　　Mrs
Tabitha　absolutely　refused　to　enter　it　again；　unless　another
driver　could　be　found　to　take　the　place　of　the　postilion；　who；
she　affirmed；　had　overturned　the　carriage　from　malice
aforethought　　After　much　dispute；　the　man　resigned　his　place　to　a
shabby　country　fellow；　who　undertook　to　go　as　far　as　Marlborough；
where　they　could　be　better　provided；　and　at　that　place　we　arrived
about　one　O'clock；　without　farther　impediment。　Mrs　Bramble；
however；　found　new　matter　of　offence；　which；　indeed；　she　has　a
particular　genius　for　extracting　at　will　from　almost　every
incident　in　life。　We　had　scarce　entered　the　room　at　Marlborough；
where　we　stayed　to　dine；　when　she　exhibited　a　formal　complaint
against　the　poor　fellow　who　had　superseded　the　postilion。　She
said　he　was　such　a　beggarly　rascal　that　he　had　ne'er　a　shirt
to　his　back；　and　had　the　impudence　to　shock　her　sight　by　shewing
his　bare　posteriors；　for　which　act　of　indelicacy　he　deserved　to
be　set　in　the　stocks。　Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins　confirmed　the　assertion；
with　respect　to　his　nakedness；　observing；　at　the　same　time；　that
he　had　a　skin　as　fair　as　alabaster。

'This　is　a　heinous　offence；　indeed　（cried　my　uncle）　let　us　hear
what　the　fellow　has　to　say　in　his　own　vindication。'　He　was
accordingly　summoned；　and　made　his　appearance；　which　was　equally
queer　and　pathetic。　He　seemed　to　be　about　twenty　years　of　age；　of
a　middling　size；　with　bandy　legs；　stooping　shoulders；　high
forehead；　sandy　locks；　pinking　eyes；　flat　nose；　and　long　chin　
but　his　complexion　was　of　a　sickly　yellow；　his　looks　denoted
famine；　and　the　rags　that　he　wore　could　hardly　conceal　what
decency　requires　to　be　covered　　My　uncle；　having　surveyed　him
attentively；　said；　with　an　ironical　expression　in　his
countenance；　'An't　you　ashamed；　fellow；　to　ride　postilion　without
a　shirt　to　cover　your　backside　from　the　view　of　the　ladies　in　the
coach？'　'Yes；　I　am；　an　please　your　noble　honour　（answered　the
man）　but　necessity　has　no　law；　as　the　saying　is　　And　more　than
that；　it　was　an　accident。　My　breeches　cracked　behind；　after　I　had
got　into　the　saddle'　'You're　an　impudent　varlet　（cried　Mrs　Tabby）
for　presuming　to　ride　before　persons　of　fashion　without　a　shirt'　
'I　am　so；　an　please　your　worthy　ladyship　（said　he）　but　I　am　a
poor　Wiltshire　lad　　I　ha'n't　a　shirt　in　the　world；　that　I　can
call　my　own；　nor　a　rag　of　clothes；　and　please　your　ladyship；　but
what　you　see　　I　have　no　friend　nor　relation　upon　earth　to　help　me
out　　I　have　had　the　fever　and　ague　these　six　months；　and　spent
all　I　had　in　the　world　upon　doctors；　and　to　keep　soul　and　body
together；　and；　saving　your　ladyship's　good　presence；　I　han't
broke　bread　these　four　and　twenty　hours。'

Mrs　Bramble；　turning　from　him；　said；　she　had　never　seen　such　a
filthy　tatterdemalion；　and　bid　him　begone；　observing；　that　he
would　fill　the　room　full　of　vermin　　Her　brother　darted　a
significant　glance　at　her；　as　she　retired　with　Liddy　into　another
apartment；　and　then　asked　the　man　if　he　was　known　to　any　person
in　Marlborough？　　When　he　answered；　that　the　landlord　of　the　inn
had　known　him　from　his　infancy；　mine　host　was　immediately　called；
and　being　interrogated　on　the　subject；　declared　that　the　young
fellow's　name　was　Humphry　Clinker。　That　he　had　been　a　love
begotten　babe；　brought　up　in　the　work…house；　and　put　out
apprentice　by　the　parish　to　a　country　black…smith；　who　died
before　the　boy's　time　was　out：　that　he　had　for　some　time　worked
under　his　ostler；　as　a　helper　and　extra　postilion；　till　he　was
taken　ill　of　the　ague；　which　disabled　him　from　getting　his　bread：
that；　having　sold　or　pawned　every　thing　he　had　in　the　world　for
his　cure　and　subsistence；　he　became　so　miserable　and　shabby；　that
he　disgraced　the　stable；　and　was　dismissed；　but　that　he　never
heard　any　thing　to　the　prejudice　of　his　character　in　other
respects。　'So　that　the　fellow　being　sick　and　destitute　（said　my
uncle）　you　turned　him　out　to　die　in　the　streets。'　'I　pay　the
poor's　rate　（replied　the　other）　and　I　have　no　right　to　maintain
idle　vagrants；　either　in　sickness　or　health；　besides；　such　a
miserable　object　would　have　brought　a　discredit　upon　my　house。'

'You　perceive　（said　the　'squire；　turning　to　me）　our　landlord　is　a
Christian　of　bowels　　Who　shall　presume　to　censure　the　morals　of
the　age；　when　the　very　publicans　exhibit　such　examples　of
humanity？　　Heark　ye；　Clinker；　you　are　a　most　notorious　offender　
You　stand　convicted　of　sickness；　hunger；　wretchedness；　and　want　
But；　as　it　does　not　belong　to　me　to　punish　criminals；　I　will　only
take　upon　me　the　task　of　giving　you　a　word　of　advice。　Get　a　shirt
with　all　convenient　dispatch；　that　your　nakedness　may　not
henceforward　give　offence　to　travelling　gentlewomen；　especially
maidens　in　years。'

So　saying；　he　put　a　guinea　into　the　hand　of　the　poor　fellow；　who
stood　staring　at　him　in　silence；　with　his　mouth　wide　open；　till
the　landlord　pushed　him　out　of　the　room。

In　the　afternoon；　as　our　aunt　stept　into　the　coach；　she　observed；
with　some　marks　of　satisfaction；　that　the　postilion；　who　rode
next　to　her；　was　not　a　shabby　wretch　like　the　ragamuffin　who　had
them　into　Marlborough。　Indeed；　the　difference　was　very
conspicuous：　this　was　a　smart　fellow；　with　a　narrow　brimmed　hat；
with　gold　cording；　a　cut　bob；　a　decent　blue　jacket；　leather…breaches；
and　a　clean　linen　shirt；　puffed　above　the　waist…band。
When　we　arrived　at　the　Castle；　on　Spin…hill；　where　we　lay；　this
new　postilion　was　remarkably　assiduous　in　bringing　in　the　loose
parcels；　and；　at　length；　displayed　the　individual　countenance　of
Humphry　Clinker