the expedition of humphry clinker-第18章

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fellowship；　where　he；　as　priest　of　Comus；　utters　the　inspirations
of　wit　and　humour　　I　have　had　that　satisfaction。　I　have　dined
with　his　club　at　the　Three　Tuns；　and　had　the　honour　to　sit　him
out。　At　half　an　hour　past　eight　in　the　evening；　he　was　carried
home　with　six　good　bottles　of　claret　under　his　belt；　and　it　being
then　Friday；　he　gave　orders　that　he　should　not　be　disturbed　till
Sunday　at　noon　　You　must　not　imagine　that　this　dose　had　any　other
effect　upon　his　conversation；　but　that　of　making　it　more
extravagantly　entertaining　　He　had　lost　the　use　of　his　limbs；
indeed；　several　hours　before　we　parted；　but　he　retained　all　his
other　faculties　in　perfection；　and　as　he　gave　vent　to　every
whimsical　idea　as　it　rose；　I　was　really　astonished　at　the
brilliancy　of　his　thoughts；　and　the　force　of　his　expression。　Quin
is　a　real　voluptuary　in　the　articles　of　eating　and　drinking；　and
so　confirmed　an　epicure；　in　the　common　acceptation　of　the　term；
that　he　cannot　put　up　with　ordinary　fare。　This　is　a　point　of　such
importance　with　him；　that　he　always　takes　upon　himself　the　charge
of　catering；　and　a　man　admitted　to　his　mess；　is　always　sure　of
eating　delicate　victuals；　and　drinking　excellent　wine　　He　owns
himself　addicted　to　the　delights　of　the　stomach；　and　often　jokes
upon　his　own　sensuality；　but　there　is　nothing　selfish　in　this
appetite　　He　finds　that　good　chear　unites　good　company；
exhilerates　the　spirits；　opens　the　heart；　banishes　all　restraint
from　conversation；　and　promotes　the　happiest　purposes　of　social
life。　But　Mr　James　Quin　is　not　a　subject　to　be　discussed　in　the
compass　of　one　letter；　I　shall　therefore；　at　present；　leave　him
to　his　repose；　and　call　another　of　a　very　different　complexion。

You　desire　to　have　further　acquaintance　with　the　person　of　our
aunt；　and　promise　yourself　much　entertainment　from　her　connexion
with　Sir　Ulic　Mackilligut：　but　in　this　hope　you　are　baulked
already；　that　connexion　is　dissolved。　The　Irish　baronet　is　an　old
hound；　that；　finding　her　carrion；　has　quitted　the　scent　　I　have
already　told　you；　that　Mrs　Tabitha　Bramble　is　a　maiden　of　forty…five。
In　her　person；　she　is　tall；　raw…boned；　aukward；　flat…chested；
and　stooping；　her　complexion　is　sallow　and　freckled；　her
eyes　are　not　grey；　but　greenish；　like　those　of　a　cat；　and
generally　inflamed；　her　hair　is　of　a　sandy；　or　rather　dusty　hue；
her　forehead　low；　her　nose　long；　sharp；　and；　towards　the
extremity；　always　red　in　cool　weather；　her　lips　skinny；　her　mouth
extensive；　her　teeth　straggling　and　loose；　of　various　colours　and
conformation；　and　her　long　neck　shrivelled　into　a　thousand
wrinkles　　In　her　temper；　she　is　proud；　stiff；　vain；　imperious；
prying；　malicious；　greedy；　and　uncharitable。　In　all　likelihood；
her　natural　austerity　has　been　soured　by　disappointment　in　love；
for　her　long　celibacy　is　by　no　means　owing　to　her　dislike　of
matrimony：　on　the　contrary；　she　has　left　no　stone　unturned　to
avoid　the　reproachful　epithet　of　old　maid。

Before　I　was　born；　she　had　gone　such　lengths　in　the　way　of
flirting　with　a　recruiting　officer；　that　her　reputation　was　a
little　singed。　She　afterwards　made　advances　to　the　curate　of　the
parish；　who　dropped　some　distant　hints　about　the　next
presentation　to　the　living；　which　was　in　her　brother's　gift；　but
finding　that　was　already　promised　to　another；　he　flew　off　at　a
tangent；　and　Mrs　Tabby；　in　revenge；　found　means　to　deprive　him　of
his　cure。　Her　next　lover　was　lieutenant　of　a　man　of　war；　a
relation　of　the　family；　who　did　not　understand　the　refinements　of
the　passion；　and　expressed　no　aversion　to　grapple　with　cousin
Tabby　in　the　way　of　marriage；　but　before　matters　could　be
properly　adjusted；　he　went　out　on　a　cruise；　and　was　killed　in　an
engagement　with　a　French　frigate。　Our　aunt；　though　baffled　so
often；　did　not　yet　despair。　She　layed　all　her　snares　for　Dr　Lewis；
who　is　the　fidus　Achates　of　my　uncle。　She　even　fell　sick　upon　the
occasion；　and　prevailed　with　Matt　to　interpose　in　her　behalf　with
his　friend；　but　the　Doctor；　being　a　shy　cock；　would　not　be　caught
with　chaff；　and　flatly　rejected　the　proposal：　so　that　Mrs　Tabitha
was　content　to　exert　her　patience　once　more；　after　having
endeavoured　in　vain　to　effect　a　rupture　betwixt　the　two　friends；
and　now　she　thinks　proper　to　be　very　civil　to　Lewis；　who　is
become　necessary　to　her　in　the　way　of　his　profession。

These；　however；　are　not　the　only　efforts　she　has　made　towards　a
nearer　conjunction　with　our　sex。　Her　fortune　was　originally　no
more　than　a　thousand　pounds；　but　she　gained　an　accession　of　five
hundred　by　the　death　of　a　sister；　and　the　lieutenant　left　her
three　hundred　in　his　will。　These　sums　she　has　more　than　doubled；
by　living　free　of　all　expence；　in　her　brother's　house；　and
dealing　in　cheese　and　Welsh　flannel；　the　produce　of　his　flocks
and　dairy。　At　present　her　capital　is　increased　to　about　four
thousand　pounds；　and　her　avarice　seems　to　grow　every　day　more　and
more　rapacious：　but　even　this　is　not　so　intolerable　as　the
perverseness　of　her　nature；　which　keeps　the　whole　family　in
disquiet　and　uproar。　She　is　one　of　those　geniuses　who　find　some
diabolical　enjoyment　in　being　dreaded　and　detested　by　their
fellow…creatures。

I　once　told　my　uncle；　I　was　surprised　that　a　man　of　his
disposition　could　bear　such　a　domestic　plague；　when　it　could　be
so　easily　removed。　The　remark　made　him　sore；　because　it　seemed　to
tax　him　with　want　of　resolution　　Wrinkling　up　his　nose；　and
drawing　down　his　eye…brows；　'A　young　fellow　（said　he）　when　he
first　thrusts　his　snout　into　the　world；　is　apt　to　be　surprised　at
many　things　which　a　man　of　experience　knows　to　be　ordinary　and
unavoidable　　This　precious　aunt　of　yours　is　become　insensibly　a
part　of　my　constitution　　Damn　her！　She's　a　noli　me　tangere　in　my
flesh；　which　I　cannot　bear　to　be　touched　or　tampered　with。'　I　made　no
reply；　but　shifted　the　conversation。　He　really　has　an　affection
for　this　original；　which　maintains　its　ground　in　defiance　of
common　sense；　and　in　despite　of　that　contempt　which　he　must
certainly　feel　for　her　character　and　understanding。　Nay；　I　am
convinced；　that　she　has　likewise　a　most　virulent　attachment　to
his　person；　though　her　love　never　shews　itself　but　in　the　shape
of　discontent；　and　she　persists　in　tormenting　him　out　of　pure
tenderness　　The　only　object　within　doors　upon　which　she　bestows
any　marks　of　affection；　in　the　usual　stile；　is　her　dog　Chowder；　a
filthy　cur　from　Newfoundland；　which　she　had　in　a　present　from　the
wife　of　a　skipper　in　Swansey。　One　would　imagine　she　had
distinguished　this　beast　with　her　favour　on　account　of　his
ugliness　and　ill…nature；　if　it　was　not；　indeed；　an　instinctive
sympathy；　between　his　disposition　and　her　own。　Certain　it　is；　she
caresses　him　without　ceasing；　and　even　harasses　the　family　in　the
service　of　this　cursed　animal；　which；　indeed；　has　proved　the
proximate　cause　of　her　breach　with　Sir　Ulic　Mackilligut。

You　must　know；　she　yesterday　wanted　to　steal　a　march　of　poor
Liddy；　and　went　to　breakfast　in　the　Room　without　any　other
companion　than　her　dog；　in　expectation　of　meeting　with　the
Baronet；　who　had　agreed　to　dance　with　her　in　the　evening　　Chowder
no　sooner　made　his　appearance　in　the　Room；　than　the　Master　of　the
Ceremonies；　incensed　at　his　presumption；　ran　up　to　drive　him
away；　and　threatened　him　with　his　foot；　but　the　other　seemed　to
despise　his　authority；　and　displaying　a　formidable　case　of　long；
white；　sharp　teeth；　kept　the　puny　monarch　at　bay　　While　he　stood
under　some　trepidation；　fronting　his　antagonist；　and　bawling　to
the　waiter；　Sir　Ulic　Mackilligut　came　to　his　assistance；　and
seeming　ignorant　of　the　connexion　between　this　intruder　and　his
mistress；　gave　the　former　such　a　kick　in　the　jaws；　as　sent　him
howling　to　the　door　　Mrs　Tabitha；　incensed　at　this　outrage；　ran
after　him；　squalling　in　a　tone　equally　disagreeable；　while　the
Baronet　followed　her　on　one　side；　making　apologies　for　his
mistake；　and　Derrick　on　the　other；　making　remonstrances　upon　the
rules　and　regulations　of　the　place。

Far　from　being　satisfied　with　the　Knight's　excuses；　she　said　she
was　sure　he　was　no　gentleman；　and　when　the　Master　of　the
Ceremonies　offered　to　hand　her　into　the　chair；　she　rapped　him
over　the　knuckle