the expedition of humphry clinker-第14章

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is　every　day　quaffed　by　the　drinkers；　medicated　with　the　sweat
and　dirt；　and　dandriff；　and　the　abominable　discharges　of　various
kinds；　from　twenty　different　diseased　bodies；　parboiling　in　the
kettle　below。　In　order　to　avoid　this　filthy　composition；　I　had
recourse　to　the　spring　that　supplies　the　private　baths　on　the
Abbey…green；　but　I　at　once　perceived　something　extraordinary　in
the　taste　and　smell；　and；　upon　inquiry；　I　find　that　the　Roman
baths　in　this　quarter；　were　found　covered　by　an　old　burying
ground；　belonging　to　the　Abbey；　through　which；　in　all
probability；　the　water　drains　in　its　passage；　so　that　as　we　drink
the　decoction　of　living　bodies　at　the　Pump…room；　we　swallow　the
strainings　of　rotten　bones　and　carcasses　at　the　private　bath。　I
vow　to　God；　the　very　idea　turns　my　stomach！　Determined；　as　I　am；
against　any　farther　use　of　the　Bath　waters；　this　consideration
would　give　me　little　disturbance；　if　I　could　find　any　thing　more
pure；　or　less　pernicious；　to　quench　my　thirst；　but；　although　the
natural　springs　of　excellent　water　are　seen　gushing　spontaneous
on　every　side；　from　the　hills　that　surround　us；　the　inhabitants；
in　general；　make　use　of　well…water；　so　impregnated　with　nitre；　or
alum；　or　some　other　villainous　mineral；　that　it　is　equally
ungrateful　to　the　taste；　and　mischievous　to　the　constitution。　It
must　be　owned；　indeed；　that　here；　in　Milsham…street；　we　have　a
precarious　and　scanty　supply　from　the　hill；　which　is　collected　in
an　open　bason　in　the　Circus；　liable　to　be　defiled　with　dead　dogs；
cats；　rats；　and　every　species　of　nastiness；　which　the　rascally
populace　may　throw　into　it；　from　mere　wantonness　and　brutality。
Well；　there　is　no　nation　that　drinks　so　hoggishly　as　the　English。

What　passes　for　wine　among　us；　is　not　the　juice　of　the　grape。　It
is　an　adulterous　mixture；　brewed　up　of　nauseous　ingredients；　by
dunces；　who　are　bunglers　in　the　art　of　poison…making；　and　yet　we；
and　our　forefathers；　are　and　have　been　poisoned　by　this　cursed
drench；　without　taste　or　flavour　　The　only　genuine　and　wholesome
beveridge　in　England；　is　London　porter；　and　Dorchester　table…beer；
but　as　for　your　ale　and　your　gin；　your　cyder　and　your
perry；　and　all　the　trashy　family　of　made　wines；　I　detest　them　as
infernal　compositions；　contrived　for　the　destruction　of　the　human
species　　But　what　have　I　to　do　with　the　human　species？　except　a
very　few　friends；　I　care　not　if　the　whole　was　。

Heark　ye；　Lewis；　my　misanthropy　increases　every　day　　The　longer　I
live；　I　find　the　folly　and　the　fraud　of　mankind　grow　more　and
more　intolerable　　I　wish　I　had　not　come　from　Brambletonhall；
after　having　lived　in　solitude　so　long；　I　cannot　bear　the　hurry
and　impertinence　of　the　multitude；　besides；　every　thing　is
sophisticated　in　these　crowded　places。　Snares　are　laid　for　our
lives　in　every　thing　we　cat　or　drink：　the　very　air　we　breathe；　is
loaded　with　contagion。　We　cannot　even　sleep；　without　risque　of
infection。　I　say；　infection　　This　place　is　the　rendezvous　of　the
diseased　　You　won't　deny；　that　many　diseases　are　infectious；　even
the　consumption　itself；　is　highly　infectious。　When　a　person　dies
of　it　in　Italy；　the　bed　and　bedding　are　destroyed；　the　other
furniture　is　exposed　to　the　weather　and　the　apartment　white…washed；
before　it　is　occupied　by　any　other　living　soul。　You'll
allow；　that　nothing　receives　infection　sooner；　or　retains　it
longer；　than　blankets；　feather…beds；　and　matrasses　　'Sdeath！　how
do　I　know　what　miserable　objects　have　been　stewing　in　the　bed
where　I　now　lie！　　I　wonder；　Dick；　you　did　not　put　me　in　mind　of
sending　for　my　own　matrasses　　But；　if　I　had　not　been　an　ass；　I
should　not　have　needed　a　remembrancer　　There　is　always　some
plaguy　reflection　that　rises　up　in　judgment　against　me；　and
ruffles　my　spirits　　Therefore；　let　us　change　the　subject。

I　have　other　reasons　for　abridging　my　stay　at　Bath　　You　know
sister　Tabby's　complexion　　If　Mrs　Tabitha　Bramble　had　been　of　any
other　race；　I　should　certainly　have　considered　her　as　the　most　。
But；　the　truth　is；　she　has　found　means　to　interest　my　affection；
or；　rather；　she　is　beholden　to　the　force　of　prejudice；　commonly
called　the　ties　of　blood。　Well；　this　amiable　maiden　has　actually
commenced　a　flirting　correspondence　with　an　Irish　baronet　of
sixty…five。　His　name　is　Sir　Ulic　Mackilligut。　He　is　said　to　be
much　out　at　elbows；　and；　I　believe；　has　received　false
intelligence　with　respect　to　her　fortune。　Be　that　as　it　may；　the
connexion　is　exceedingly　ridiculous；　and　begins　already　to　excite
whispers。　For　my　part；　I　have　no　intention　to　dispute　her　free…agency；
though　I　shall　fall　upon　some　expedient　to　undeceive　her
paramour；　as　to　the　point　which　he　has　principally　in　view。　But　I
don't　think　her　conduct　is　a　proper　example　for　Liddy；　who　has
also　attracted　the　notice　of　some　coxcombs　in　the　Rooms；　and　Jery
tells　me；　he　suspects　a　strapping　fellow；　the　knight's　nephew；　of
some　design　upon　the　girl's　heart。　I　shall；　therefore；　keep　a
strict　eye　over　her　aunt　and　her；　and　even　shift　the　scene；　if　I
find　the　matter　grow　more　serious　　You　perceive　what　an　agreeable
task　it　must　be；　to　a　man　of　my　kidney；　to　have　the　cure　of　such
souls　as　these。　　But；　hold；　You　shall　not　have　another　peevish
word　（till　the　next　occasion）　from

Yours；
MATT。　BRAMBLE
BATH；　April　28。



To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　of　Jesus　college；　Oxon。

DEAR　KNIGHT；

I　think　those　people　are　unreasonable；　who　complain　that　Bath　is
a　contracted　circle；　in　which　the　same　dull　scenes　perpetually
revolve；　without　variation　　I　am；　on　the　contrary；　amazed　to　find
so　small　a　place　so　crowded　with　entertainment　and　variety。
London　itself　can　hardly　exhibit　one　species　of　diversion；　to
which　we　have　not　something　analogous　at　Bath；　over　and　above
those　singular　advantages　that　are　peculiar　to　the　place。　Here；
for　example；　a　man　has　daily　opportunities　of　seeing　the　most
remarkable　characters　of　the　community。　He　sees　them　in　their
natural　attitudes　and　true　colours；　descended　from　their
pedestals；　and　divested　of　their　formal　draperies；　undisguised　by
art　and　affectation　　Here　we　have　ministers　of　state；　judges；
generals；　bishops；　projectors；　philosophers；　wits；　poets；
players；　chemists；　fiddlers；　and　buffoons。　If　he　makes　any
considerable　stay　in　the　place；　he　is　sure　of　meeting　with　some
particular　friend；　whom　he　did　not　expect　to　see；　and　to　me　there
is　nothing　more　agreeable　than　such　casual　reencounters。　Another
entertainment；　peculiar　to　Bath；　arises　from　the　general　mixture
of　all　degrees　assembled　in　our　public　rooms；　without　distinction
of　rank　or　fortune。　This　is　what　my　uncle　reprobates；　as　a
monstrous　jumble　of　heterogeneous　principles；　a　vile　mob　of　noise
and　impertinence；　without　decency　or　subordination。　But　this
chaos　is　to　me　a　source　of　infinite　amusement。

I　was　extremely　diverted　last　ball…night　to　see　the　Master　of　the
Ceremonies　leading；　with　great　solemnity；　to　the　upper　end　of　the
room；　an　antiquated　Abigail；　dressed　in　her　lady's　cast…clothes；
whom　he　（I　suppose）　mistook　for　some　countess　just　arrived　at　the
Bath。　The　ball　was　opened　by　a　Scotch　lord；　with　a　mulatto
heiress　from　St　Christopher's；　and　the　gay　colonel　Tinsel　danced
all　the　evening　with　the　daughter　of　an　eminent　tinman　from　the
borough　of　Southwark。　Yesterday　morning；　at　the　Pump…room；　I　saw　a
broken…winded　Wapping　landlady　squeeze　through　a　circle　of　peers；
to　salute　her　brandy…merchant；　who　stood　by　the　window；　propped
upon　crutches；　and　a　paralytic　attorney　of　Shoe…lane；　in
shuffling　up　to　the　bar；　kicked　the　shins　of　the　chancellor　of
England；　while　his　lordship；　in　a　cut　bob；　drank　a　glass　of　water
at　the　pump。　I　cannot　account　for　my　being　pleased　with　these
incidents；　any　other　way；　than　by　saying　they　are　truly
ridiculous　in　their　own　nature；　and　serve　to　heighten　the　humour
in　the　farce　of　life；　which　I　am　determined　to　enjoy　as　long　as　I
can。

Those　follies；　that　move　my　uncle's　spleen；　excite　my　laughter。
He　is　as　tender　as　a　man　without　a　skin；　who　cannot　bear　the
slightest　touch　without　flinching。　What　tickles　another　would
give　him　torment；　and　yet　he　has　what　we　may　call　lucid
intervals；　when　he　is　remarkably　facetious　　Indeed；　I　never