winesburg,ohio-第41章

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empted　him　once　and　he　went　into　a　room　with　her。　　He　never　forgot　the　smell　of　the　room　nor　the　greedy　look　that　came　into　the　eyes　of　the　woman。　　It　sickened　him　and　in　a　very　terrible　way　left　a　scar　on　his　soul。　　He　had　always　before　thought　of　women　as　quite　innocent　things；　much　like　his　grandmother；　but　after　that　one　experience　in　the　room　he　dismissed　women　from　his　mind。　　So　gentle　was　his　nature　that　he　could　not　hate　anything　and　not　being　able　to　under…　stand　he　decided　to　forget。

And　Tom　did　forget　until　he　came　to　Winesburg。　After　he　had　lived　there　for　two　years　something　began　to　stir　in　him。　　On　all　sides　he　saw　youth　mak…　ing　love　and　he　was　himself　a　youth。　　Before　he　knew　what　had　happened　he　was　in　love　also。　　He　fell　in　love　with　Helen　White；　daughter　of　the　man　for　whom　he　had　worked；　and　found　himself　think…　ing　of　her　at　night。

That　was　a　problem　for　Tom　and　he　settled　it　in　his　own　way。　　He　let　himself　think　of　Helen　White　whenever　her　figure　came　into　his　mind　and　only　concerned　himself　with　the　manner　of　his　thoughts。　He　had　a　fight；　a　quiet　determined　little　fight　of　his　own；　to　keep　his　desires　in　the　channel　where　he　thought　they　belonged；　but　on　the　whole　he　was　victorious。

And　then　came　the　spring　night　when　he　got　drunk。　　Tom　was　wild　on　that　night。　　He　was　like　an　innocent　young　buck　of　the　forest　that　has　eaten　of　some　maddening　weed。　　The　thing　began；　ran　its　course；　and　was　ended　in　one　night；　and　you　may　be　sure　that　no　one　in　Winesburg　was　any　the　worse　for　Tom's　outbreak。

In　the　first　place；　the　night　was　one　to　make　a　sensitive　nature　drunk。　　The　trees　along　the　resi…　dence　streets　of　the　town　were　all　newly　clothed　in　soft　green　leaves；　in　the　gardens　behind　the　houses　men　were　puttering　about　in　vegetable　gardens；　and　in　the　air　there　was　a　hush；　a　waiting　kind　of　silence　very　stirring　to　the　blood。

Tom　left　his　room　on　Duane　Street　just　as　the　young　night　began　to　make　itself　felt。　　First　he　walked　through　the　streets；　going　softly　and　quietly　along；　thinking　thoughts　that　he　tried　to　put　into　words。　　He　said　that　Helen　White　was　a　flame　danc…　ing　in　the　air　and　that　he　was　a　little　tree　without　leaves　standing　out　sharply　against　the　sky。　　Then　he　said　that　she　was　a　wind；　a　strong　terrible　wind；　coming　out　of　the　darkness　of　a　stormy　sea　and　that　he　was　a　boat　left　on　the　shore　of　the　sea　by　a　fisherman。

That　idea　pleased　the　boy　and　he　sauntered　along　playing　with　it。　　He　went　into　Main　Street　and　sat　on　the　curbing　before　Wacker's　tobacco　store。　　For　an　hour　he　lingered　about　listening　to　the　talk　of　men；　but　it　did　not　interest　him　much　and　he　slipped　away。　　Then　he　decided　to　get　drunk　and　went　into　Willy's　saloon　and　bought　a　bottle　of　whiskey。　　Put…　ting　the　bottle　into　his　pocket；　he　walked　out　of　town；　wanting　to　be　alone　to　think　more　thoughts　and　to　drink　the　whiskey。

Tom　got　drunk　sitting　on　a　bank　of　new　grass　beside　the　road　about　a　mile　north　of　town。　　Before　him　was　a　white　road　and　at　his　back　an　apple　or…　chard　in　full　bloom。　　He　took　a　drink　out　of　the　bottle　and　then　lay　down　on　the　grass。　　He　thought　of　mornings　in　Winesburg　and　of　how　the　stones　in　the　graveled　driveway　by　Banker　White's　house　were　wet　with　dew　and　glistened　in　the　morning　light。　　He　thought　of　the　nights　in　the　barn　when　it　rained　and　he　lay　awake　hearing　the　drumming　of　the　raindrops　and　smelling　the　warm　smell　of　horses　and　of　hay。　　Then　he　thought　of　a　storm　that　had　gone　roaring　through　Winesburg　several　days　before　and；　his　mind　going　back；　he　relived　the　night　he　had　spent　on　the　train　with　his　grandmother　when　the　two　were　coming　from　Cincinnati。　　Sharply　he　remembered　how　strange　it　had　seemed　to　sit　qui…　etly　in　the　coach　and　to　feel　the　power　of　the　engine　hurling　the　train　along　through　the　night。

Tom　got　drunk　in　a　very　short　time。　　He　kept　tak…　ing　drinks　from　the　bottle　as　the　thoughts　visited　him　and　when　his　head　began　to　reel　got　up　and　walked　along　the　road　going　away　from　Winesburg。　There　was　a　bridge　on　the　road　that　ran　out　of　Winesburg　north　to　Lake　Erie　and　the　drunken　boy　made　his　way　along　the　road　to　the　bridge。　　There　he　sat　down。　　He　tried　to　drink　again；　but　when　he　had　taken　the　cork　out　of　the　bottle　he　became　ill　and　put　it　quickly　back。　　His　head　was　rocking　back　and　forth　and　so　he　sat　on　the　stone　approach　to　the　bridge　and　sighed。　　His　head　seemed　to　be　flying　about　like　a　pinwheel　and　then　projecting　itself　off　into　space　and　his　arms　and　legs　flopped　helplessly　about。

At　eleven　o'clock　Tom　got　back　into　town。　　George　Willard　found　him　wandering　about　and　took　him　into　the　Eagle　printshop。　　Then　he　became　afraid　that　the　drunken　boy　would　make　a　mess　on　the　floor　and　helped　him　into　the　alleyway。

The　reporter　was　confused　by　Tom　Foster。　　The　drunken　boy　talked　of　Helen　White　and　said　he　had　been　with　her　on　the　shore　of　a　sea　and　had　made　love　to　her。　　George　had　seen　Helen　White　walking　in　the　street　with　her　father　during　the　evening　and　decided　that　Tom　was　out　of　his　head。　　A　sentiment　concerning　Helen　White　that　lurked　in　his　own　heart　flamed　up　and　he　became　angry。　　〃Now　you　quit　that；〃　he　said。　　〃I　won't　let　Helen　White's　name　be　dragged　into　this。　　I　won't　let　that　happen。〃　He　began　shaking　Tom's　shoulder；　trying　to　make　him　understand。　　〃You　quit　it；〃　he　said　again。

For　three　hours　the　two　young　men；　thus　strangely　thrown　together；　stayed　in　the　printshop。　　When　he　had　a　little　recovered　George　took　Tom　for　a　walk。　They　went　into　the　country　and　sat　on　a　log　near　the　edge　of　a　wood。　　Something　in　the　still　night　drew　them　together　and　when　the　drunken　boy's　head　began　to　clear　they　talked。

〃It　was　good　to　be　drunk；〃　Tom　Foster　said。　　〃It　taught　me　something。　　I　won't　have　to　do　it　again。　　I　will　think　more　dearly　after　this。　　You　see　how　it　is。〃

George　Willard　did　not　see；　but　his　anger　concern…　ing　Helen　White　passed　and　he　felt　drawn　toward　the　pale；　shaken　boy　as　he　had　never　before　been　drawn　toward　anyone。　　With　motherly　solicitude；　he　insisted　that　Tom　get　to　his　feet　and　walk　about。　Again　they　went　back　to　the　printshop　and　sat　in　silence　in　the　darkness。

The　reporter　could　not　get　the　purpose　of　Tom　Foster's　action　straightened　out　in　his　mind。　　When　Tom　spoke　again　of　Helen　White　he　again　grew　angry　and　began　to　scold。　　〃You　quit　that；〃　he　said　sharply。　　〃You　haven't　been　with　her。　　What　makes　you　say　you　have？　What　makes　you　keep　saying　such　things？　Now　you　quit　it；　do　you　hear？〃

Tom　was　hurt。　　He　couldn't　quarrel　with　George　Willard　because　he　was　incapable　of　quarreling；　so　he　got　up　to　go　away。　　When　George　Willard　was　insistent　he　put　out　his　hand；　laying　it　on　the　older　boy's　arm；　and　tried　to　explain。

〃Well；〃　he　said　softly；　〃I　don't　know　how　it　was。　I　was　happy。　　You　see　how　that　was。　　Helen　White　made　me　happy　and　the　night　did　too。　　I　wanted　to　suffer；　to　be　hurt　somehow。　　I　thought　that　was　what　I　should　do。　　I　wanted　to　suffer；　you　see；　because　everyone　suffers　and　does　wrong。　　I　thought　of　a　lot　of　things　to　do；　but　they　wouldn't　work。　　They　all　hurt　someone　else。〃

Tom　Foster's　voice　arose；　and　for　once　in　his　life　he　became　almost　excited。　　〃It　was　like　making　love；　that's　what　I　mean；〃　he　explained。　　〃Don't　you　see　how　it　is？　It　hurt　me　to　do　what　I　did　and　made　everything　strange。　　That's　why　I　did　it。　　I'm　glad；　too。　　It　taught　me　something；　that's　it；　that's　what　I　wanted。　　Don't　you　understand？　I　wanted　to　learn　things；　you　see。　　That's　why　I　did　it。〃




DEATH

THE　STAIRWAY　LEADING　up　to　Doctor　Reefy's　office；　in　the　Heffner　Block　above　the　Paris　Dry　Goods　store；　was　but　dimly　lighted。　　At　the　head　of　the　stairway　hung　a　lamp　with　a　dirty　chimney　that　was　fastened　by　a　bracket　to　the　wall。　　The　lamp　had　a　tin　reflector；　brown　with　rust　and　covered　with　dust。　The　people　who　went　up　the　stairway　followed　with　their　feet　the　feet　of　many　who　had　gone　before。　The　soft　boards　of　the　stairs　had　yielded　under　the　pressure　of　feet　and　deep　hollows　marked　the　way。

At　the　top　of　the　stairway　a　turn　to　the　right　brought　you　to　the　doctor's　door。　　To　the　left　was　a　dark　hallway　filled　with　rubbish。　　Old　chairs；　carpen…　ter's　horses；　step　ladders　and　empty　boxes　lay　in　the　darkn