winesburg,ohio-第39章

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Shall　I　marry　and　settle　down？　Shall　I　put　myself　into　the　harness　to　be　worn　out　like　an　old　horse？　You　know　me；　Ray。　　There　can't　anyone　break　me　but　I　can　break　myself。　　Shall　I　do　it　or　shall　I　tell　Nell　to　go　to　the　devil？　Come　on；　you　tell　me。　　Whatever　you　say；　Ray；　I'll　do。〃

Ray　couldn't　answer。　　He　shook　Hal's　hands　loose　and　turning　walked　straight　away　toward　the　barn。　He　was　a　sensitive　man　and　there　were　tears　in　his　eyes。　　He　knew　there　was　only　one　thing　to　say　to　Hal　Winters；　son　of　old　Windpeter　Winters；　only　one　thing　that　all　his　own　training　and　all　the　beliefs　of　the　people　he　knew　would　approve；　but　for　his　life　he　couldn't　say　what　he　knew　he　should　say。

At　half…past　four　that　afternoon　Ray　was　puttering　about　the　barnyard　when　his　wife　came　up　the　lane　along　the　creek　and　called　him。　　After　the　talk　with　Hal　he　hadn't　returned　to　the　cornfield　but　worked　about　the　barn。　　He　had　already　done　the　evening　chores　and　had　seen　Hal；　dressed　and　ready　for　a　roistering　night　in　town；　come　out　of　the　farmhouse　and　go　into　the　road。　　Along　the　path　to　his　own　house　he　trudged　behind　his　wife；　looking　at　the　ground　and　thinking。　　He　couldn't　make　out　what　was　wrong。　　Every　time　he　raised　his　eyes　and　saw　the　beauty　of　the　country　in　the　failing　light　he　wanted　to　do　something　he　had　never　done　before；　shout　or　scream　or　hit　his　wife　with　his　fists　or　something　equally　unexpected　and　terrifying。　　Along　the　path　he　went　scratching　his　head　and　trying　to　make　it　out。　　He　looked　hard　at　his　wife's　back　but　she　seemed　all　right。

She　only　wanted　him　to　go　into　town　for　groceries　and　as　soon　as　she　had　told　him　what　she　wanted　began　to　scold。　　〃You're　always　puttering；〃　she　said。　〃Now　I　want　you　to　hustle。　　There　isn't　anything　in　the　house　for　supper　and　you've　got　to　get　to　town　and　back　in　a　hurry。〃

Ray　went　into　his　own　house　and　took　an　overcoat　from　a　hook　back　of　the　door。　　It　was　torn　about　the　pockets　and　the　collar　was　shiny。　　His　wife　went　into　the　bedroom　and　presently　came　out　with　a　soiled　cloth　in　one　hand　and　three　silver　dollars　in　the　other。　　Somewhere　in　the　house　a　child　wept　bitterly　and　a　dog　that　had　been　sleeping　by　the　stove　arose　and　yawned。　　Again　the　wife　scolded。　　〃The　children　will　cry　and　cry。　　Why　are　you　always　puttering？〃　she　asked。

Ray　went　out　of　the　house　and　climbed　the　fence　into　a　field。　　It　was　just　growing　dark　and　the　scene　that　lay　before　him　was　lovely。　　All　the　low　hills　were　washed　with　color　and　even　the　little　clusters　of　bushes　in　the　corners　of　the　fences　were　alive　with　beauty。　　The　whole　world　seemed　to　Ray　Pearson　to　have　become　alive　with　something　just　as　he　and　Hal　had　suddenly　become　alive　when　they　stood　in　the　corn　field　stating　into　each　other's　eyes。

The　beauty　of　the　country　about　Winesburg　was　too　much　for　Ray　on　that　fall　evening。　　That　is　all　there　was　to　it。　　He　could　not　stand　it。　　Of　a　sudden　he　forgot　all　about　being　a　quiet　old　farm　hand　and　throwing　off　the　torn　overcoat　began　to　run　across　the　field。　　As　he　ran　he　shouted　a　protest　against　his　life；　against　all　life；　against　everything　that　makes　life　ugly。　　〃There　was　no　promise　made；〃　he　cried　into　the　empty　spaces　that　lay　about　him。　　〃I　didn't　promise　my　Minnie　anything　and　Hal　hasn't　made　any　promise　to　Nell。　　I　know　he　hasn't。　　She　went　into　the　woods　with　him　because　she　wanted　to　go。　What　he　wanted　she　wanted。　　Why　should　I　pay？　Why　should　Hal　pay？　Why　should　anyone　pay？　I　don't　want　Hal　to　become　old　and　worn　out。　　I'll　tell　him。　　I　won't　let　it　go　on。　　I'll　catch　Hal　before　he　gets　to　town　and　I'll　tell　him。〃

Ray　ran　clumsily　and　once　he　stumbled　and　fell　down。　　〃I　must　catch　Hal　and　tell　him；〃　he　kept　thinking；　and　although　his　breath　came　in　gasps　he　kept　running　harder　and　harder。　　As　he　ran　he　thought　of　things　that　hadn't　come　into　his　mind　for　yearshow　at　the　time　he　married　he　had　planned　to　go　west　to　his　uncle　in　Portland；　Oregonhow　he　hadn't　wanted　to　be　a　farm　hand；　but　had　thought　when　he　got　out　West　he　would　go　to　sea　and　be　a　sailor　or　get　a　job　on　a　ranch　and　ride　a　horse　into　Western　towns；　shouting　and　laughing　and　waking　the　people　in　the　houses　with　his　wild　cries。　　Then　as　he　ran　he　remembered　his　children　and　in　fancy　felt　their　hands　clutching　at　him。　　All　of　his　thoughts　of　himself　were　involved　with　the　thoughts　of　Hal　and　he　thought　the　children　were　clutching　at　the　younger　man　also。　　〃They　are　the　accidents　of　life；　Hal；〃　he　cried。　　〃They　are　not　mine　or　yours。　　I　had　nothing　to　do　with　them。〃

Darkness　began　to　spread　over　the　fields　as　Ray　Pearson　ran　on　and　on。　　His　breath　came　in　little　sobs。　　When　he　came　to　the　fence　at　the　edge　of　the　road　and　confronted　Hal　Winters；　all　dressed　up　and　smoking　a　pipe　as　he　walked　jauntily　along；　he　could　not　have　told　what　he　thought　or　what　he　wanted。

Ray　Pearson　lost　his　nerve　and　this　is　really　the　end　of　the　story　of　what　happened　to　him。　　It　was　almost　dark　when　he　got　to　the　fence　and　he　put　his　hands　on　the　top　bar　and　stood　staring。　　Hal　Winters　jumped　a　ditch　and　coming　up　close　to　Ray　put　his　hands　into　his　pockets　and　laughed。　　He　seemed　to　have　lost　his　own　sense　of　what　had　happened　in　the　corn　field　and　when　he　put　up　a　strong　hand　and　took　hold　of　the　lapel　of　Ray's　coat　he　shook　the　old　man　as　he　might　have　shaken　a　dog　that　had　misbehaved。

〃You　came　to　tell　me；　eh？〃　he　said。　　〃Well；　never　mind　telling　me　anything。　　I'm　not　a　coward　and　I've　already　made　up　my　mind。〃　He　laughed　again　and　jumped　back　across　the　ditch。　　〃Nell　ain't　no　fool；〃　he　said。　　〃She　didn't　ask　me　to　marry　her。　　I　want　to　marry　her。　　I　want　to　settle　down　and　have　kids。〃

Ray　Pearson　also　laughed。　　He　felt　like　laughing　at　himself　and　all　the　world。

As　the　form　of　Hal　Winters　disappeared　in　the　dusk　that　lay　over　the　road　that　led　to　Winesburg；　he　turned　and　walked　slowly　back　across　the　fields　to　where　he　had　left　his　torn　overcoat。　　As　he　went　some　memory　of　pleasant　evenings　spent　with　the　thin…legged　children　in　the　tumble…down　house　by　the　creek　must　have　come　into　his　mind；　for　he　mut…　tered　words。　　〃It's　just　as　well。　　Whatever　I　told　him　would　have　been　a　lie；〃　he　said　softly；　and　then　his　form　also　disappeared　into　the　darkness　of　the　fields。




DRINK

TOM　FOSTER　came　to　Winesburg　from　Cincinnati　when　he　was　still　young　and　could　get　many　new　impressions。　　His　grandmother　had　been　raised　on　a　farm　near　the　town　and　as　a　young　girl　had　gone　to　school　there　when　Winesburg　was　a　village　of　twelve　or　fifteen　houses　clustered　about　a　general　store　on　the　Trunion　Pike。

What　a　life　the　old　woman　had　led　since　she　went　away　from　the　frontier　settlement　and　what　a　strong；　capable　little　old　thing　she　was！　She　had　been　in　Kansas；　in　Canada；　and　in　New　York　City；　traveling　about　with　her　husband；　a　mechanic；　be…　fore　he　died。　　Later　she　went　to　stay　with　her　daughter；　who　had　also　married　a　mechanic　and　lived　in　Covington；　Kentucky；　across　the　river　from　Cincinnati。

Then　began　the　hard　years　for　Tom　Foster's　grandmother。　　First　her　son…in…law　was　killed　by　a　policeman　during　a　strike　and　then　Tom's　mother　became　an　invalid　and　died　also。　　The　grandmother　had　saved　a　little　money；　but　it　was　swept　away　by　the　illness　of　the　daughter　and　by　the　cost　of　the　two　funerals。　　She　became　a　half　worn…out　old　woman　worker　and　lived　with　the　grandson　above　a　junk　shop　on　a　side　street　in　Cincinnati。　　For　five　years　she　scrubbed　the　floors　in　an　office　building　and　then　got　a　place　as　dish　washer　in　a　restaurant。　Her　hands　were　all　twisted　out　of　shape。　　When　she　took　hold　of　a　mop　or　a　broom　handle　the　hands　looked　like　the　dried　stems　of　an　old　creeping　vine　clinging　to　a　tree。

The　old　woman　came　back　to　Winesburg　as　soon　as　she　got　the　chance。　　One　evening　as　she　was　com…　ing　home　from　work　she　found　a　pocket…book　con…　taining　thirty…seven　dollars；　and　that　opened　the　way。　　The　trip　was　a　great　adventure　for　the　boy。　　It　was　past　seven　o'clock　at　night　when　the　grand…　mother　came　home　with　the　pocket…book　held　tightly　in　her　old　hands　and　she　was　so　excited　she　could　scarcely　speak。　　She　insisted　on　leaving　Cincinnati　that　night；　saying　that　if　they　stayed　until　morning　the　owner　of　the　money　would　be　su