winesburg,ohio-第28章

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wer　to　go　tomorrow　and　repair　the　hole　in　the　window。　　Lift　my　eyes　again　to　the　skies。　　Stay　with　me；　Thy　servant；　in　his　hour　of　need。〃

Up　and　down　through　the　silent　streets　walked　the　minister　and　for　days　and　weeks　his　soul　was　troubled。　　He　could　not　understand　the　temptation　that　had　come　to　him　nor　could　he　fathom　the　rea…　son　for　its　coming。　　In　a　way　he　began　to　blame　God；　saying　to　himself　that　he　had　tried　to　keep　his　feet　in　the　true　path　and　had　not　run　about　seeking　sin。　〃Through　my　days　as　a　young　man　and　all　through　my　life　here　I　have　gone　quietly　about　my　work；〃　he　declared。　　〃Why　now　should　I　be　tempted？　What　have　I　done　that　this　burden　should　be　laid　on　me？〃

Three　times　during　the　early　fall　and　winter　of　that　year　Curtis　Hartman　crept　out　of　his　house　to　the　room　in　the　bell　tower　to　sit　in　the　darkness　looking　at　the　figure　of　Kate　Swift　lying　in　her　bed　and　later　went　to　walk　and　pray　in　the　streets。　　He　could　not　understand　himself。　　For　weeks　he　would　go　along　scarcely　thinking　of　the　school　teacher　and　telling　himself　that　he　had　conquered　the　carnal　de…　sire　to　look　at　her　body。　　And　then　something　would　happen。　　As　he　sat　in　the　study　of　his　own　house；　hard　at　work　on　a　sermon；　he　would　become　ner…　vous　and　begin　to　walk　up　and　down　the　room。　　〃I　will　go　out　into　the　streets；〃　he　told　himself　and　even　as　he　let　himself　in　at　the　church　door　he　per…　sistently　denied　to　himself　the　cause　of　his　being　there。　　〃I　will　not　repair　the　hole　in　the　window　and　I　will　train　myself　to　come　here　at　night　and　sit　in　the　presence　of　this　woman　without　raising　my　eyes。　I　will　not　be　defeated　in　this　thing。　　The　Lord　has　devised　this　temptation　as　a　test　of　my　soul　and　I　will　grope　my　way　out　of　darkness　into　the　light　of　righteousness。〃

One　night　in　January　when　it　was　bitter　cold　and　snow　lay　deep　on　the　streets　of　Winesburg　Curtis　Hartman　paid　his　last　visit　to　the　room　in　the　bell　tower　of　the　church。　　It　was　past　nine　o'clock　when　he　left　his　own　house　and　he　set　out　so　hurriedly　that　he　forgot　to　put　on　his　overshoes。　　In　Main　Street　no　one　was　abroad　but　Hop　Higgins　the　night　watchman　and　in　the　whole　town　no　one　was　awake　but　the　watchman　and　young　George　Willard；　who　sat　in　the　office　of　the　Winesburg　Eagle　trying　to　write　a　story。　　Along　the　street　to　the　church　went　the　minister；　plowing　through　the　drifts　and　thinking　that　this　time　he　would　utterly　give　way　to　sin。　　〃I　want　to　look　at　the　woman　and　to　think　of　kissing　her　shoulders　and　I　am　going　to　let　myself　think　what　I　choose；〃　he　declared　bitterly　and　tears　came　into　his　eyes。　　He　began　to　think　that　he　would　get　out　of　the　ministry　and　try　some　other　way　of　life。　〃I　shall　go　to　some　city　and　get　into　business；〃　he　declared。　　〃If　my　nature　is　such　that　I　cannot　resist　sin；　I　shall　give　myself　over　to　sin。　　At　least　I　shall　not　be　a　hypocrite；　preaching　the　word　of　God　with　my　mind　thinking　of　the　shoulders　and　neck　of　a　woman　who　does　not　belong　to　me。〃

It　was　cold　in　the　room　of　the　bell　tower　of　the　church　on　that　January　night　and　almost　as　soon　as　he　came　into　the　room　Curtis　Hartman　knew　that　if　he　stayed　he　would　be　ill。　　His　feet　were　wet　from　tramping　in　the　snow　and　there　was　no　fire。　　In　the　room　in　the　house　next　door　Kate　Swift　had　not　yet　appeared。　　With　grim　determination　the　man　sat　down　to　wait。　　Sitting　in　the　chair　and　gripping　the　edge　of　the　desk　on　which　lay　the　Bible　he　stared　into　the　darkness　thinking　the　blackest　thoughts　of　his　life。　　He　thought　of　his　wife　and　for　the　moment　almost　hated　her。　　〃She　has　always　been　ashamed　of　passion　and　has　cheated　me；〃　he　thought。　　〃Man　has　a　right　to　expect　living　passion　and　beauty　in　a　woman。　　He　has　no　right　to　forget　that　he　is　an　ani…　mal　and　in　me　there　is　something　that　is　Greek。　　I　will　throw　off　the　woman　of　my　bosom　and　seek　other　women。　　I　will　besiege　this　school　teacher。　　I　will　fly　in　the　face　of　all　men　and　if　I　am　a　creature　of　carnal　lusts　I　will　live　then　for　my　lusts。〃

The　distracted　man　trembled　from　head　to　foot；　partly　from　cold；　partly　from　the　struggle　in　which　he　was　engaged。　　Hours　passed　and　a　fever　assailed　his　body。　　His　throat　began　to　hurt　and　his　teeth　chattered。　　His　feet　on　the　study　floor　felt　like　two　cakes　of　ice。　　Still　he　would　not　give　up。　　〃I　will　see　this　woman　and　will　think　the　thoughts　I　have　never　dared　to　think；〃　he　told　himself；　gripping　the　edge　of　the　desk　and　waiting。

Curtis　Hartman　came　near　dying　from　the　effects　of　that　night　of　waiting　in　the　church；　and　also　he　found　in　the　thing　that　happened　what　he　took　to　be　the　way　of　life　for　him。　　On　other　evenings　when　he　had　waited　he　had　not　been　able　to　see；　through　the　little　hole　in　the　glass；　any　part　of　the　school　teacher's　room　except　that　occupied　by　her　bed。　　In　the　darkness　he　had　waited　until　the　woman　sud…　denly　appeared　sitting　in　the　bed　in　her　white　night…　robe。　　When　the　light　was　turned　up　she　propped　herself　up　among　the'　pillows　and　read　a　book。　Sometimes　she　smoked　one　of　the　cigarettes。　　Only　her　bare　shoulders　and　throat　were　visible。

On　the　January　night；　after　he　had　come　near　dying　with　cold　and　after　his　mind　had　two　or　three　times　actually　slipped　away　into　an　odd　land　of　fan…　tasy　so　that　he　had　by　an　exercise　of　will　power　to　force　himself　back　into　consciousness；　Kate　Swift　appeared。　　In　the　room　next　door　a　lamp　was　lighted　and　the　waiting　man　stared　into　an　empty　bed。　　Then　upon　the　bed　before　his　eyes　a　naked　woman　threw　herself。　　Lying　face　downward　she　wept　and　beat　with　her　fists　upon　the　pillow。　　With　a　final　outburst　of　weeping　she　half　arose；　and　in　the　presence　of　the　man　who　had　waited　to　look　and　not　to　think　thoughts　the　woman　of　sin　began　to　pray。　　In　the　lamplight　her　figure；　slim　and　strong；　looked　like　the　figure　of　the　boy　in　the　presence　of　the　Christ　on　the　leaded　window。

Curtis　Hartman　never　remembered　how　he　got　out　of　the　church。　　With　a　cry　he　arose；　dragging　the　heavy　desk　along　the　floor。　　The　Bible　fell；　making　a　great　clatter　in　the　silence。　　When　the　light　in　the　house　next　door　went　out　he　stumbled　down　the　stairway　and　into　the　street。　　Along　the　street　he　went　and　ran　in　at　the　door　of　the　Winesburg　Eagle。　To　George　Willard；　who　was　tramping　up　and　down　in　the　office　undergoing　a　struggle　of　his　own；　he　began　to　talk　half　incoherently。　　〃The　ways　of　God　are　beyond　human　understanding；〃　he　cried；　run…　ning　in　quickly　and　closing　the　door。　　He　began　to　advance　upon　the　young　man；　his　eyes　glowing　and　his　voice　ringing　with　fervor。　　〃I　have　found　the　light；〃　he　cried。　　〃After　ten　years　in　this　town；　God　has　manifested　himself　to　me　in　the　body　of　a　woman。〃　His　voice　dropped　and　he　began　to　whis…　per。　　〃I　did　not　understand；〃　he　said。　　〃What　I　took　to　be　a　trial　of　my　soul　was　only　a　preparation　for　a　new　and　more　beautiful　fervor　of　the　spirit。　　God　has　appeared　to　me　in　the　person　of　Kate　Swift；　the　school　teacher；　kneeling　naked　on　a　bed。　　Do　you　know　Kate　Swift？　Although　she　may　not　be　aware　of　it；　she　is　an　instrument　of　God；　bearing　the　mes…　sage　of　truth。〃

Reverend　Curtis　Hartman　turned　and　ran　out　of　the　office。　　At　the　door　he　stopped；　and　after　looking　up　and　down　the　deserted　street；　turned　again　to　George　Willard。　　〃I　am　delivered。　　Have　no　fear。〃　He　held　up　a　bleeding　fist　for　the　young　man　to　see。　　〃I　smashed　the　glass　of　the　window；〃　he　cried。　　〃Now　it　will　have　to　be　wholly　replaced。　　The　strength　of　God　was　in　me　and　I　broke　it　with　my　fist。〃




THE　TEACHER

SNOW　LAY　DEEP　in　the　streets　of　Winesburg。　　It　had　begun　to　snow　about　ten　o'clock　in　the　morning　and　a　wind　sprang　up　and　blew　the　snow　in　clouds　along　Main　Street。　　The　frozen　mud　roads　that　led　into　town　were　fairly　smooth　and　in　places　ice　cov…　ered　the　mud。　　〃There　will　be　good　sleighing；〃　said　Will　Henderson；　standing　by　the　bar　in　Ed　Griffith's　saloon。　　Out　of　the　saloon　he　went　and　met　Sylvester　West　the　druggist　stumbling　along　in　the　kind　of　heavy　overshoes　called　arctics。　　〃Snow　will　bring　the　people　into　town　on　Saturday；〃　said　the　druggist。　The　two　men　stopped　and　discussed　their　affairs。　Will　Henderson；　who　had　on　a　light　overcoat　and　no　overshoes；　kicked　the　heel　of　his　left　foot　with　the　toe　of　the　right。　　〃Snow　will