winesburg,ohio-第21章

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　was　growing　louder　and　louder　within　her。

And　then　one　night　when　it　rained　Alice　had　an　adventure。　　It　frightened　and　confused　her。　　She　had　come　home　from　the　store　at　nine　and　found　the　house　empty。　　Bush　Milton　had　gone　off　to　town　and　her　mother　to　the　house　of　a　neighbor。　　Alice　went　upstairs　to　her　room　and　undressed　in　the　darkness。　For　a　moment　she　stood　by　the　window　hearing　the　rain　beat　against　the　glass　and　then　a　strange　desire　took　possession　of　her。　　Without　stopping　to　think　of　what　she　intended　to　do；　she　ran　downstairs　through　the　dark　house　and　out　into　the　rain。　　As　she　stood　on　the　little　grass　plot　before　the　house　and　felt　the　cold　rain　on　her　body　a　mad　desire　to　run　naked　through　the　streets　took　possession　of　her。

She　thought　that　the　rain　would　have　some　cre…　ative　and　wonderful　effect　on　her　body。　　Not　for　years　had　she　felt　so　full　of　youth　and　courage。　　She　wanted　to　leap　and　run；　to　cry　out；　to　find　some　other　lonely　human　and　embrace　him。　　On　the　brick　sidewalk　before　the　house　a　man　stumbled　home…　ward。　　Alice　started　to　run。　　A　wild；　desperate　mood　took　possession　of　her。　　〃What　do　I　care　who　it　is。　He　is　alone；　and　I　will　go　to　him；〃　she　thought；　and　then　without　stopping　to　consider　the　possible　result　of　her　madness；　called　softly。　　〃Wait！〃　she　cried。　〃Don't　go　away。　　Whoever　you　are；　you　must　wait。〃

The　man　on　the　sidewalk　stopped　and　stood　lis…　tening。　　He　was　an　old　man　and　somewhat　deaf。　Putting　his　hand　to　his　mouth；　he　shouted。　　〃What？　What　say？〃　he　called。

Alice　dropped　to　the　ground　and　lay　trembling。　She　was　so　frightened　at　the　thought　of　what　she　had　done　that　when　the　man　had　gone　on　his　way　she　did　not　dare　get　to　her　feet；　but　crawled　on　hands　and　knees　through　the　grass　to　the　house。　When　she　got　to　her　own　room　she　bolted　the　door　and　drew　her　dressing　table　across　the　doorway。　Her　body　shook　as　with　a　chill　and　her　hands　trem…　bled　so　that　she　had　difficulty　getting　into　her　night…　dress。　　When　she　got　into　bed　she　buried　her　face　in　the　pillow　and　wept　brokenheartedly。　　〃What　is　the　matter　with　me？　I　will　do　something　dreadful　if　I　am　not　careful；〃　she　thought；　and　turning　her　face　to　the　wall；　began　trying　to　force　herself　to　face　bravely　the　fact　that　many　people　must　live　and　die　alone；　even　in　Winesburg。




RESPECTABILITY

IF　YOU　HAVE　lived　in　cities　and　have　walked　in　the　park　on　a　summer　afternoon；　you　have　perhaps　seen；　blinking　in　a　corner　of　his　iron　cage；　a　huge；　grotesque　kind　of　monkey；　a　creature　with　ugly；　sag…　ging；　hairless　skin　below　his　eyes　and　a　bright　pur…　ple　underbody。　　This　monkey　is　a　true　monster。　　In　the　completeness　of　his　ugliness　he　achieved　a　kind　of　perverted　beauty。　　Children　stopping　before　the　cage　are　fascinated；　men　turn　away　with　an　air　of　disgust；　and　women　linger　for　a　moment；　trying　per…　haps　to　remember　which　one　of　their　male　acquain…　tances　the　thing　in　some　faint　way　resembles。

Had　you　been　in　the　earlier　years　of　your　life　a　citizen　of　the　village　of　Winesburg；　Ohio；　there　would　have　been　for　you　no　mystery　in　regard　to　the　beast　in　his　cage。　　〃It　is　like　Wash　Williams；〃　you　would　have　said。　　〃As　he　sits　in　the　corner　there；　the　beast　is　exactly　like　old　Wash　sitting　on　the　grass　in　the　station　yard　on　a　summer　evening　after　he　has　closed　his　office　for　the　night。〃

Wash　Williams；　the　telegraph　operator　of　Wines…　burg；　was　the　ugliest　thing　in　town。　　His　girth　was　immense；　his　neck　thin；　his　legs　feeble。　　He　was　dirty。　　Everything　about　him　was　unclean。　　Even　the　whites　of　his　eyes　looked　soiled。

I　go　too　fast。　　Not　everything　about　Wash　was　un…　clean。　　He　took　care　of　his　hands。　　His　fingers　were　fat；　but　there　was　something　sensitive　and　shapely　in　the　hand　that　lay　on　the　table　by　the　instrument　in　the　telegraph　office。　　In　his　youth　Wash　Williams　had　been　called　the　best　telegraph　operator　in　the　state；　and　in　spite　of　his　degradement　to　the　obscure　office　at　Winesburg；　he　was　still　proud　of　his　ability。

Wash　Williams　did　not　associate　with　the　men　of　the　town　in　which　he　lived。　　〃I'll　have　nothing　to　do　with　them；〃　he　said；　looking　with　bleary　eyes　at　the　men　who　walked　along　the　station　platform　past　the　telegraph　office。　　Up　along　Main　Street　he　went　in　the　evening　to　Ed　Griffith's　saloon；　and　after　drink…　ing　unbelievable　quantities　of　beer　staggered　off　to　his　room　in　the　New　Willard　House　and　to　his　bed　for　the　night。

Wash　Williams　was　a　man　of　courage。　　A　thing　had　happened　to　him　that　made　him　hate　life；　and　he　hated　it　wholeheartedly；　with　the　abandon　of　a　poet。　　First　of　all；　he　hated　women。　　〃Bitches；〃　he　called　them。　　His　feeling　toward　men　was　somewhat　different。　　He　pitied　them。　　〃Does　not　every　man　let　his　life　be　managed　for　him　by　some　bitch　or　an…　other？〃　he　asked。

In　Winesburg　no　attention　was　paid　to　Wash　Wil…　liams　and　his　hatred　of　his　fellows。　　Once　Mrs。　White；　the　banker's　wife；　complained　to　the　tele…　graph　company；　saying　that　the　office　in　Winesburg　was　dirty　and　smelled　abominably；　but　nothing　came　of　her　complaint。　　Here　and　there　a　man　re…　spected　the　operator。　　Instinctively　the　man　felt　in　him　a　glowing　resentment　of　something　he　had　not　the　courage　to　resent。　　When　Wash　walked　through　the　streets　such　a　one　had　an　instinct　to　pay　him　homage；　to　raise　his　hat　or　to　bow　before　him。　　The　superintendent　who　had　supervision　over　the　tele…　graph　operators　on　the　railroad　that　went　through　Winesburg　felt　that　way。　　He　had　put　Wash　into　the　obscure　office　at　Winesburg　to　avoid　discharging　him；　and　he　meant　to　keep　him　there。　　When　he　received　the　letter　of　complaint　from　the　banker's　wife；　he　tore　it　up　and　laughed　unpleasantly。　　For　some　reason　he　thought　of　his　own　wife　as　he　tore　up　the　letter。

Wash　Williams　once　had　a　wife。　　When　he　was　still　a　young　man　he　married　a　woman　at　Dayton；　Ohio。　The　woman　was　tall　and　slender　and　had　blue　eyes　and　yellow　hair。　　Wash　was　himself　a　comely　youth。　He　loved　the　woman　with　a　love　as　absorbing　as　the　hatred　he　later　felt　for　all　women。

In　all　of　Winesburg　there　was　but　one　person　who　knew　the　story　of　the　thing　that　had　made　ugly　the　person　and　the　character　of　Wash　Williams。　　He　once　told　the　story　to　George　Willard　and　the　telling　of　the　tale　came　about　in　this　way：

George　Willard　went　one　evening　to　walk　with　Belle　Carpenter；　a　trimmer　of　women's　hats　who　worked　in　a　millinery　shop　kept　by　Mrs。　Kate　McHugh。　　The　young　man　was　not　in　love　with　the　woman；　who；　in　fact；　had　a　suitor　who　worked　as　bartender　in　Ed　Griffith's　saloon；　but　as　they　walked　about　under　the　trees　they　occasionally　embraced。　The　night　and　their　own　thoughts　had　aroused　something　in　them。　　As　they　were　returning　to　Main　Street　they　passed　the　little　lawn　beside　the　railroad　station　and　saw　Wash　Williams　apparently　asleep　on　the　grass　beneath　a　tree。　　On　the　next　evening　the　operator　and　George　Willard　walked　out　together。　Down　the　railroad　they　went　and　sat　on　a　pile　of　decaying　railroad　ties　beside　the　tracks。　　It　was　then　that　the　operator　told　the　young　reporter　his　story　of　hate。

Perhaps　a　dozen　times　George　Willard　and　the　strange；　shapeless　man　who　lived　at　his　father's　hotel　had　been　on　the　point　of　talking。　　The　young　man　looked　at　the　hideous；　leering　face　staring　about　the　hotel　dining　room　and　was　consumed　with　curiosity。　　Something　he　saw　lurking　in　the　star…　ing　eyes　told　him　that　the　man　who　had　nothing　to　say　to　others　had　nevertheless　something　to　say　to　him。　　On　the　pile　of　railroad　ties　on　the　summer　eve…　ning；　he　waited　expectantly。　　When　the　operator　re…　mained　silent　and　seemed　to　have　changed　his　mind　about　talking；　he　tried　to　make　conversation。　　〃Were　you　ever　married；　Mr。　Williams？〃　he　began。　　〃I　sup…　pose　you　were　and　your　wife　is　dead；　is　that　it？〃

Wash　Williams　spat　forth　a　succession　of　vile　oaths。　　〃Yes；　she　is　dead；〃　he　agreed。　　〃She　is　dead　as　all　women　are　dead。　　She　is　a　living…dead　thing；　walking　in　the　sight　of　men　and　making　the　earth　foul　by　her　presence。〃　Staring　into　the　boy's　eyes；　the　man　became　purple　with　rage。　　〃Don't　have　fool　notions　in　your　head；〃　he　commanded。　　〃My　wife；　she　is　dead；　yes；　surely。　　I　tell　you；　all　women　are　dead；　my　mother；　your　mother；　that　tall　dark　woman　who　works　in　the　mi