memoirs of carwin the biloquist(卡尔维恩)-第22章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
fitted to influence your conduct； but how shall I work on your
convictions？
Here another pause ensued； which I had not courage enough to
interrupt。 He presently resumed。
Perhaps you recollect a visit which you paid； on Christmas day； in the
year ； to the cathedral church at Toledo。 Do you remember？
A moment's reflection recalled to my mind all the incidents of that day。
I had good reason to remember them。 I felt no small trepidation when
Ludloe referred me to that day； for； at the moment； I was doubtful whether
there had not been some bivocal agency exerted On that occasion。
Luckily； however； it was almost the only similar occasion in which it had
been wholly silent。
65
… Page 66…
MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
I answered in the affirmative。 I remember them perfectly。
And yet； said Ludloe； with a smile that seemed intended to disarm this
declaration of some of its terrors； I suspect your recollection is not as exact
as mine； nor； indeed； your knowledge as extensive。 You met there； for
the first time； a female； whose nominal uncle； but real father； a dean of
that ancient church； resided in a blue stone house； the third from the west
angle of the square of St。 Jago。
All this was exactly true。
This female； continued he； fell in love with you。 Her passion made
her deaf to all the dictates of modesty and duty； and she gave you
sufficient intimations； in subsequent interviews at the same place； of this
passion； which； she being fair and enticing； you were not slow in
comprehending and returning。 As not only the safety of your intercourse；
but even of both your lives； depended on being shielded even from
suspicion； the utmost wariness and caution was observed in all your
proceedings。 Tell me whether you succeeded in your efforts to this end。
I replied； that； at the time； I had no doubt but I had。
And yet； said he； drawing something from his pocket； and putting it
into my hand； there is the slip of paper； with the preconcerted emblem
inscribed upon it； which the infatuated girl dropped in your sight； one
evening； in the left aisle of that church。 That paper you imagined you
afterwards burnt in your chamber lamp。 In pursuance of this token； you
deferred your intended visit； and next day the lady was accidentally
drowned； in passing a river。 Here ended your connexion with her； and
with her was buried； as you thought； all memory of this transaction。
I leave you to draw your own inference from this disclosure。 Meditate
upon it when alone。 Recal all the incidents of that drama； and labour to
conceive the means by which my sagacity has been able to reach events
that took place so far off； and under so deep a covering。 If you cannot
penetrate these means； learn to reverence my assertions； that I cannot be
deceived； and let sincerity be henceforth the rule of your conduct towards
me； not merely because it is right； but because concealment is impossible。
We will stop here。 There is no haste required of us。 Yesterday's
66
… Page 67…
MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
discourse will suffice for to…day； and for many days to come。 Let what
has already taken place be the subject of profound and mature reflection。
Review； once more； the incidents of your early life； previous to your
introduction to me； and； at our next conference； prepare to supply all those
deficiencies occasioned by negligence； forgetfulness； or design on our first。
There must be some。 There must be many。 The whole truth can only be
disclosed after numerous and repeated conversations。 These must take
place at considerable intervals； and when ~~all~~ is told； then shall you be
ready to encounter the final ordeal； and load yourself with heavy and
terrific sanctions。
I shall be the proper judge of the completeness of your confession。
Knowing previously； and by unerring means； your whole history； I shall be
able to detect all that is deficient； as well as all that is redundant。 Your
confessions have hitherto adhered to the truth； but deficient they are； and
they must be； for who； at a single trial； can detail the secrets of his life？
whose recollection can fully serve him at an instant's notice？ who can
free himself； by a single effort； from the dominion of fear and shame？
We expect no miracles of fortitude and purity from our disciples。 It is
our discipline； our wariness； our laborious preparation that creates the
excellence we have among us。 We find it not ready made。
I counsel you to join Mrs。 Benington without delay。 You may see me
when and as often as you please。 When it is proper to renew the present
topic； it shall be renewed。 Till then we will be silent。Here Ludloe left
me alone； but not to indifference or vacuity。 Indeed I was overwhelmed
with the reflections that arose from this conversation。 So； said I； I am
still saved； if I have wisdom enough to use the opportunity； from the
consequences of past concealments。 By a distinction which I had wholly
overlooked； but which could not be missed by the sagacity and equity of
Ludloe； I have praise for telling the truth； and an excuse for withholding
some of the truth。 It was； indeed； a praise to which I was entitled； for I
have made no ~~additions~~ to the tale of my early adventures。 I had no
motive to exaggerate or dress out in false colours。 What I sought to
conceal； I was careful to exclude entirely； that a lame or defective
67
… Page 68…
MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
narrative might awaken no suspicions。
The allusion to incidents at Toledo confounded and bewildered all my
thoughts。 I still held the paper he had given me。 So far as memory
could be trusted； it was the same which； an hour after I had received it； I
burnt； as I conceived； with my own hands。 How Ludloe came into
possession of this paper； how he was apprised of incidents； to which only
the female mentioned and myself were privy； which she had too good
reason to hide from all the world； and which I had taken infinite pains to
bury in oblivion； I vainly endeavoured to conjecture。
68
