the diary of a nobody-第23章

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Another　thing　that　annoyed　me　at　dinner　was　that　the　collie　dog；　which　jumped　up　at　Carrie；　was　allowed　to　remain　under　the　dining…　room　table。　　It　kept　growling　and　snapping　at　my　boots　every　time　I　moved　my　foot。　　Feeling　nervous　rather；　I　spoke　to　Mrs。　Finsworth　about　the　animal；　and　she　remarked：　　〃It　is　only　his　play。〃　　She　jumped　up　and　let　in　a　frightfully　ugly…looking　spaniel　called　Bibbs；　which　had　been　scratching　at　the　door。　　This　dog　also　seemed　to　take　a　fancy　to　my　boots；　and　I　discovered　afterwards　that　it　had　licked　off　every　bit　of　blacking　from　them。　　I　was　positively　ashamed　of　being　seen　in　them。　　Mrs。　Finsworth；　who；　I　must　say；　is　not　much　of　a　Job's　comforter；　said：　　〃Oh！　we　are　used　to　Bibbs　doing　that　to　our　visitors。〃

Mr。　Finsworth　had　up　some　fine　port；　although　I　question　whether　it　is　a　good　thing　to　take　on　the　top　of　beer。　　It　made　me　feel　a　little　sleepy；　while　it　had　the　effect　of　inducing　Mr。　Short　to　become　〃privileged〃　to　rather　an　alarming　extent。　　It　being　cold　even　for　April；　there　was　a　fire　in　the　drawing…room；　we　sat　round　in　easy…chairs；　and　Teddy　and　I　waxed　rather　eloquent　over　the　old　school　days；　which　had　the　effect　of　sending　all　the　others　to　sleep。　　I　was　delighted；　as　far　as　Mr。　Short　was　concerned；　that　it　did　have　that　effect　on　him。

We　stayed　till　four；　and　the　walk　home　was　remarkable　only　for　the　fact　that　several　fools　giggled　at　the　unpolished　state　of　my　boots。　　Polished　them　myself　when　I　got　home。　　Went　to　church　in　the　evening；　and　could　scarcely　keep　awake。　　I　will　not　take　port　on　the　top　of　beer　again。

April　29。　…　I　am　getting　quite　accustomed　to　being　snubbed　by　Lupin；　and　I　do　not　mind　being　sat　upon　by　Carrie；　because　I　think　she　has　a　certain　amount　of　right　to　do　so；　but　I　do　think　it　hard　to　be　at　once　snubbed　by　wife；　son；　and　both　my　guests。

Gowing　and　Cummings　had　dropped　in　during　the　evening；　and　I　suddenly　remembered　an　extraordinary　dream　I　had　a　few　nights　ago；　and　I　thought　I　would　tell　them　about　it。　　I　dreamt　I　saw　some　huge　blocks　of　ice　in　a　shop　with　a　bright　glare　behind　them。　　I　walked　into　the　shop　and　the　heat　was　overpowering。　　I　found　that　the　blocks　of　ice　were　on　fire。　　The　whole　thing　was　so　real　and　yet　so　supernatural　I　woke　up　in　a　cold　perspiration。　　Lupin　in　a　most　contemptuous　manner；　said：　　〃What　utter　rot。〃

Before　I　could　reply；　Gowing　said　there　was　nothing　so　completely　uninteresting　as　other　people's　dreams。

I　appealed　to　Cummings；　but　he　said　he　was　bound　to　agree　with　the　others　and　my　dream　was　especially　nonsensical。　　I　said：　　〃It　seemed　so　real　to　me。〃　　Gowing　replied：　　〃Yes；　to　YOU　perhaps；　but　not　to　US。〃　　Whereupon　they　all　roared。

Carrie；　who　had　hitherto　been　quiet；　said：　　〃He　tells　me　his　stupid　dreams　every　morning　nearly。〃　　I　replied：　　〃Very　well；　dear；　I　promise　you　I　will　never　tell　you　or　anybody　else　another　dream　of　mine　the　longest　day　I　live。〃　　Lupin　said：　　〃Hear！　hear！〃　and　helped　himself　to　another　glass　of　beer。　　The　subject　was　fortunately　changed；　and　Cummings　read　a　most　interesting　article　on　the　superiority　of　the　bicycle　to　the　horse。



CHAPTER　XX。



Dinner　at　Franching's　to　meet　Mr。　Hardfur　Huttle。


May　10。　…　Received　a　letter　from　Mr。　Franching；　of　Peckham；　asking　us　to　dine　with　him　to…night；　at　seven　o'clock；　to　meet　Mr。　Hardfur　Huttle；　a　very　clever　writer　for　the　American　papers。　　Franching　apologised　for　the　short　notice；　but　said　he　had　at　the　last　moment　been　disappointed　of　two　of　his　guests　and　regarded　us　as　old　friends　who　would　not　mind　filling　up　the　gap。　　Carrie　rather　demurred　at　the　invitation；　but　I　explained　to　her　that　Franching　was　very　well　off　and　influential；　and　we　could　not　afford　to　offend　him。　　〃And　we　are　sure　to　get　a　good　dinner　and　a　good　glass　of　champagne。〃　　〃Which　never　agrees　with　you！〃　Carrie　replied；　sharply。　　I　regarded　Carrie's　observation　as　unsaid。　　Mr。　Franching　asked　us　to　wire　a　reply。　　As　he　had　said　nothing　about　dress　in　the　letter；　I　wired　back：　　〃With　pleasure。　　Is　it　full　dress？〃　and　by　leaving　out　our　name；　just　got　the　message　within　the　sixpence。

Got　back　early　to　give　time　to　dress；　which　we　received　a　telegram　instructing　us　to　do。　　I　wanted　Carrie　to　meet　me　at　Franching's　house；　but　she　would　not　do　so；　so　I　had　to　go　home　to　fetch　her。　What　a　long　journey　it　is　from　Holloway　to　Peckham！　　Why　do　people　live　such　a　long　way　off？　　Having　to　change　'buses；　I　allowed　plenty　of　time　…　in　fact；　too　much；　for　we　arrived　at　twenty　minutes　to　seven；　and　Franching；　so　the　servant　said；　had　only　just　gone　up　to　dress。　　However；　he　was　down　as　the　clock　struck　seven；　he　must　have　dressed　very　quickly。

I　must　say　it　was　quite　a　distinguished　party；　and　although　we　did　not　know　anybody　personally；　they　all　seemed　to　be　quite　swells。　Franching　had　got　a　professional　waiter；　and　evidently　spared　no　expense。　　There　were　flowers　on　the　table　round　some　fairy…lamps　and　the　effect；　I　must　say；　was　exquisite。　　The　wine　was　good　and　there　was　plenty　of　champagne；　concerning　which　Franching　said　he　himself；　never　wished　to　taste　better。　　We　were　ten　in　number；　and　a　MENU　card　to　each。　　One　lady　said　she　always　preserved　the　MENU　and　got　the　guests　to　write　their　names　on　the　back。

We　all　of　us　followed　her　example；　except　Mr。　Huttle；　who　was　of　course　the　important　guest。

The　dinner…party　consisted　of　Mr。　Franching；　Mr。　Hardfur　Huttle；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Samuel　Hillbutter；　Mrs。　Field；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Purdick；　Mr。　Pratt；　Mr。　R。　Kent；　and；　last　but　not　least；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Charles　Pooter。　　Franching　said　he　was　sorry　he　had　no　lady　for　me　to　take　in　to　dinner。　　I　replied　that　I　preferred　it；　which　I　afterwards　thought　was　a　very　uncomplimentary　observation　to　make。

I　sat　next　to　Mrs。　Field　at　dinner。　　She　seemed　a　well…informed　lady；　but　was　very　deaf。　　It　did　not　much　matter；　for　Mr。　Hardfur　Huttle　did　all　the　talking。　　He　is　a　marvellously　intellectual　man　and　says　things　which　from　other　people　would　seem　quite　alarming。　How　I　wish　I　could　remember　even　a　quarter　of　his　brilliant　conversation。　　I　made　a　few　little　reminding　notes　on　the　MENU　card。

One　observation　struck　me　as　being　absolutely　powerful　…　though　not　to　my　way　of　thinking　of　course。　　Mrs。　Purdick　happened　to　say　〃You　are　certainly　unorthodox；　Mr。　Huttle。〃　　Mr。　Huttle；　with　a　peculiar　expression　（I　can　see　it　now）　said　in　a　slow　rich　voice：　　〃Mrs。　Purdick；　'orthodox'　is　a　grandiloquent　word　implying　sticking…in…　the…mud。　　If　Columbus　and　Stephenson　had　been　orthodox；　there　would　neither　have　been　the　discovery　of　America　nor　the　steam…engine。〃　There　was　quite　a　silence。　　It　appeared　to　me　that　such　teaching　was　absolutely　dangerous；　and　yet　I　felt　…　in　fact　we　must　all　have　felt　…　there　was　no　answer　to　the　argument。　　A　little　later　on；　Mrs。　Purdick；　who　is　Franching's　sister　and　also　acted　as　hostess；　rose　from　the　table；　and　Mr。　Huttle　said：　　〃Why；　ladies；　do　you　deprive　us　of　your　company　so　soon？　　Why　not　wait　while　we　have　our　cigars？〃

The　effect　was　electrical。　　The　ladies　（including　Carrie）　were　in　no　way　inclined　to　be　deprived　of　Mr。　Huttle's　fascinating　society；　and　immediately　resumed　their　seats；　amid　much　laughter　and　a　little　chaff。　　Mr。　Huttle　said：　　〃Well；　that's　a　real　good　sign；　you　shall　not　be　insulted　by　being　called　orthodox　any　longer。〃　Mrs。　Purdick；　who　seemed　to　be　a　bright　and　rather　sharp　woman；　said：　　〃Mr。　Huttle；　we　will　meet　you　half…way　…　that　is；　till　you　get　half…way　through　your　cigar。　　That；　at　all　events；　will　be　the　happy　medium。〃

I　shall　never　forget　the　effect　the　words；　〃happy　medium；〃　had　upon　him。　　He　was　brilliant　and　most　daring　in　his　interpretation　of　the　words。　　He　positively　alarmed　me。　　He　said　something　like　the　following：　　〃Happy　medium；　indeed。　　Do　you　know　'happy　medium'　are　two　words　which　mean　'miserable　mediocrity'？　　I　say；　go　first　class　or　third；　marry　a　duchess　or　her　kitchenmaid。　　The　happy　medium　means　respectability；　and　respectability　means　insipidness。　　Does　it　not；　Mr。　Pooter？〃

I　was　so　taken　aback　by　being　personally　appealed　to；　that　I　could　only　bow　apologetically；　and　say　I　feared　I　was　not　competent　to　offer　an　opinion。　　Carrie　was　about　to　say　something；　but　she　was　interrupted；　f