the diary of a nobody-第21章

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April　16。　…　The　night　of　the　East　Acton　Volunteer　Ball。　　On　my　advice；　Carrie　put　on　the　same　dress　that　she　looked　so　beautiful　in　at　the　Mansion　House；　for　it　had　occurred　to　me；　being　a　military　ball；　that　Mr。　Perkupp；　who；　I　believe；　is　an　officer　in　the　Honorary　Artillery　Company；　would　in　all　probability　be　present。　　Lupin；　in　his　usual　incomprehensible　language；　remarked　that　he　had　heard　it　was　a　〃bounders'　ball。〃　　I　didn't　ask　him　what　he　meant　though　I　didn't　understand。　　Where　he　gets　these　expressions　from　I　don't　know；　he　certainly　doesn't　learn　them　at　home。

The　invitation　was　for　half…past　eight；　so　I　concluded　if　we　arrived　an　hour　later　we　should　be　in　good　time；　without　being　〃unfashionable；〃　as　Mrs。　James　says。　　It　was　very　difficult　to　find　…　the　cabman　having　to　get　down　several　times　to　inquire　at　different　public…houses　where　the　Drill　Hall　was。　　I　wonder　at　people　living　in　such　out…of…the…way　places。　　No　one　seemed　to　know　it。　　However；　after　going　up　and　down　a　good　many　badly…lighted　streets　we　arrived　at　our　destination。　　I　had　no　idea　it　was　so　far　from　Holloway。　　I　gave　the　cabman　five　shillings；　who　only　grumbled；　saying　it　was　dirt　cheap　at　half…a…sovereign；　and　was　impertinent　enough　to　advise　me　the　next　time　I　went　to　a　ball　to　take　a　'bus。

Captain　Welcut　received　us；　saying　we　were　rather　late；　but　that　it　was　better　late　than　never。　　He　seemed　a　very　good…looking　gentleman　though；　as　Carrie　remarked；　〃rather　short　for　an　officer。〃　　He　begged　to　be　excused　for　leaving　us；　as　he　was　engaged　for　a　dance；　and　hoped　we　should　make　ourselves　at　home。　Carrie　took　my　arm　and　we　walked　round　the　rooms　two　or　three　times　and　watched　the　people　dancing。　　I　couldn't　find　a　single　person　I　knew；　but　attributed　it　to　most　of　them　being　in　uniform。　　As　we　were　entering　the　supper…room　I　received　a　slap　on　the　shoulder；　followed　by　a　welcome　shake　of　the　hand。　　I　said：　　〃Mr。　Padge；　I　believe；〃　he　replied；　〃That's　right。〃

I　gave　Carrie　a　chair；　and　seated　by　her　was　a　lady　who　made　herself　at　home　with　Carrie　at　once。

There　was　a　very　liberal　repast　on　the　tables；　plenty　of　champagne；　claret；　etc。；　and；　in　fact；　everything　seemed　to　be　done　regardless　of　expense。　　Mr。　Padge　is　a　man　that；　I　admit；　I　have　no　particular　liking　for；　but　I　felt　so　glad　to　come　across　someone　I　knew；　that　I　asked　him　to　sit　at　our　table；　and　I　must　say　that　for　a　short　fat　man　he　looked　well　in　uniform；　although　I　think　his　tunic　was　rather　baggy　in　the　back。　　It　was　the　only　supper…room　that　I　have　been　in　that　was　not　over…crowded；　in　fact　we　were　the　only　people　there；　everybody　being　so　busy　dancing。

I　assisted　Carrie　and　her　newly…formed　acquaintance；　who　said　her　name　was　Lupkin；　to　some　champagne；　also　myself；　and　handed　the　bottle　to　Mr。　Padge　to　do　likewise；　saying：　　〃You　must　look　after　yourself。〃　　He　replied：　　〃That's　right；〃　and　poured　out　half　a　tumbler　and　drank　Carrie's　health；　coupled；　as　he　said；　〃with　her　worthy　lord　and　master。〃　　We　all　had　some　splendid　pigeon　pie；　and　ices　to　follow。

The　waiters　were　very　attentive；　and　asked　if　we　would　like　some　more　wine。　　I　assisted　Carrie　and　her　friend　and　Mr。　Padge；　also　some　people　who　had　just　come　from　the　dancing…room；　who　were　very　civil。　　It　occurred　to　me　at　the　time　that　perhaps　some　of　the　gentlemen　knew　me　in　the　City；　as　they　were　so　polite。　　I　made　myself　useful；　and　assisted　several　ladies　to　ices；　remembering　an　old　saying　that　〃There　is　nothing　lost　by　civility。〃

The　band　struck　up　for　the　dance；　and　they　all　went　into　the　ball…　room。　　The　ladies　（Carrie　and　Mrs。　Lupkin）　were　anxious　to　see　the　dancing；　and　as　I　had　not　quite　finished　my　supper；　Mr。　Padge　offered　his　arms　to　them　and　escorted　them　to　the　ball…room；　telling　me　to　follow。　　I　said　to　Mr。　Padge：　　〃It　is　quite　a　West　End　affair；〃　to　which　remark　Mr。　Padge　replied：　　〃That's　right。〃

When　I　had　quite　finished　my　supper；　and　was　leaving；　the　waiter　who　had　been　attending　on　us　arrested　my　attention　by　tapping　me　on　the　shoulder。　　I　thought　it　unusual　for　a　waiter　at　a　private　ball　to　expect　a　tip；　but　nevertheless　gave　a　shilling；　as　he　had　been　very　attentive。　　He　smilingly　replied：　　〃I　beg　your　pardon；　sir；　this　is　no　good；〃　alluding　to　the　shilling。　　〃Your　party's　had　four　suppers　at　5s。　a　head；　five　ices　at　1s。；　three　bottles　of　champagne　at　11s。　6d。；　a　glass　of　claret；　and　a　sixpenny　cigar　for　the　stout　gentleman　…　in　all　3　pounds　0s。　6d。！〃

I　don't　think　I　was　ever　so　surprised　in　my　life；　and　had　only　sufficient　breath　to　inform　him　that　I　had　received　a　private　invitation；　to　which　he　answered　that　he　was　perfectly　well　aware　of　that；　but　that　the　invitation　didn't　include　eatables　and　drinkables。　　A　gentleman　who　was　standing　at　the　bar　corroborated　the　waiter's　statement；　and　assured　me　it　was　quite　correct。

The　waiter　said　he　was　extremely　sorry　if　I　had　been　under　any　misapprehension；　but　it　was　not　his　fault。　　Of　course　there　was　nothing　to　be　done　but　to　pay。　　So；　after　turning　out　my　pockets；　I　just　managed　to　scrape　up　sufficient；　all　but　nine　shillings；　but　the　manager；　on　my　giving　my　card　to　him；　said：　　〃That's　all　right。〃

I　don't　think　I　ever　felt　more　humiliated　in　my　life；　and　I　determined　to　keep　this　misfortune　from　Carrie；　　for　it　would　entirely　destroy　the　pleasant　evening　she　was　enjoying。　　I　felt　there　was　no　more　enjoyment　for　me　that　evening；　and　it　being　late；　I　sought　Carrie　and　Mrs。　Lupkin。　　Carrie　said　she　was　quite　ready　to　go；　and　Mrs。　Lupkin；　as　we　were　wishing　her　〃Good…night；〃　asked　Carrie　and　myself　if　we　ever　paid　a　visit　to　Southend？　　On　my　replying　that　I　hadn't　been　there　for　many　years；　she　very　kindly　said：　　〃Well；　why　don't　you　come　down　and　stay　at　our　place？〃　　As　her　invitation　was　so　pressing；　and　observing　that　Carrie　wished　to　go；　we　promised　we　would　visit　her　the　next　Saturday　week；　and　stay　till　Monday。　　Mrs。　Lupkin　said　she　would　write　to　us　to…morrow；　giving　us　the　address　and　particulars　of　trains；　etc。

When　we　got　outside　the　Drill　Hall　it　was　raining　so　hard　that　the　roads　resembled　canals；　and　I　need　hardly　say　we　had　great　difficulty　in　getting　a　cabman　to　take　us　to　Holloway。　　After　waiting　a　bit；　a　man　said　he　would　drive　us；　anyhow；　as　far　as　〃The　Angel；〃　at　Islington；　and　we　could　easily　get　another　cab　from　there。　　It　was　a　tedious　journey；　the　rain　was　beating　against　the　windows　and　trickling　down　the　inside　of　the　cab。

When　we　arrived　at　〃The　Angel〃　the　horse　seemed　tired　out。　　Carrie　got　out　and　ran　into　a　doorway；　and　when　I　came　to　pay；　to　my　absolute　horror　I　remembered　I　had　no　money；　nor　had　Carrie。　　I　explained　to　the　cabman　how　we　were　situated。　　Never　in　my　life　have　I　ever　been　so　insulted；　the　cabman；　who　was　a　rough　bully　and　to　my　thinking　not　sober；　called　me　every　name　he　could　lay　his　tongue　to；　and　positively　seized　me　by　the　beard；　which　he　pulled　till　the　tears　came　into　my　eyes。　　I　took　the　number　of　a　policeman　（who　witnessed　the　assault）　for　not　taking　the　man　in　charge。　　The　policeman　said　he　couldn't　interfere；　that　he　had　seen　no　assault；　and　that　people　should　not　ride　in　cabs　without　money。

We　had　to　walk　home　in　the　pouring　rain；　nearly　two　miles；　and　when　I　got　in　I　put　down　the　conversation　I　had　with　the　cabman；　word　for　word；　as　I　intend　writing　to　the　TELEGRAPH　for　the　purpose　of　proposing　that　cabs　should　be　driven　only　by　men　under　Government　control；　to　prevent　civilians　being　subjected　to　the　disgraceful　insult　and　outrage　that　I　had　had　to　endure。

April　17。　…　No　water　in　our　cistern　again。　　Sent　for　Putley；　who　said　he　would　soon　remedy　that；　the　cistern　being　zinc。

April　18。　…　Water　all　right　again　in　the　cistern。　　Mrs。　James；　of　Sutton；　called　in　the　afternoon。　　She　and　Carrie　draped　the　mantelpiece　in　the　drawing…room；　and　put　little　toy　spiders；　frogs　and　beetles　all　over　it；　as　Mrs。　James　says　it's　quite　the　fashion。　It　was　Mrs。　James'　suggestion；　and　of　course　Carrie　always　does　what　Mrs。　James　suggests。　　For　my　part；　I　preferred　the　mantelpiece　as　it　was；　but　there；　I'm　a　plain　man；　and　don't　pretend　to　be　in　the　fashion。

April　19。　…　Our　next…door　neighbour；　Mr。　Griffin；　called；　and　in　a　rather　offensive　tone　accused　me；　or　〃someone；〃　of　b