the yellow god-第13章

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shares。　If　I　had　stuck　to　them　I　understand　that　in　a　week　or　two　I
should　have　been　worth　￡100；000；　and　now　you　see；　here　I　am；　over
thirty　years　of　age　without　a　profession；　invalided　out　of　the　army
and　having　failed　in　finance；　a　mere　bit　of　driftwood　without　hope　and
without　a　trade。〃

Barbara's　brown　eyes　grew　soft　with　sympathy；　or　was　it　tears？

〃You　are　a　curious　creature；　Alan；〃　she　said。　〃Why　didn't　you　take　the
￡17；000　for　that　fetish　of　yours？　It　would　have　been　a　fair　deal　and
have　set　you　on　your　legs。〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　answered　dejectedly。　〃It　went　against　the　grain；　so
what　is　the　use　of　talking　about　it？　I　think　my　old　uncle　Austin　told
me　it　wasn't　to　be　parted　withno；　perhaps　it　was　Jeekie。　Bother　the
Yellow　God！　it　is　always　cropping　up。〃

〃Yes；〃　replied　Barbara；　〃the　Yellow　God　is　always　cropping　up；
especially　in　this　neighbourhood。〃

They　walked　on　a　while　in　silence；　till　suddenly　Barbara　sat　down　upon
a　bole　of　felled　oak　and　began　to　cry。

〃What　is　the　matter　with　you？〃　asked　Alan。

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　answered。　〃Everything　goes　wrong。　I　live　in　a　kind
of　gilded　hell。　I　don't　like　my　uncle　and　I　loath　the　men　he　brings
about　the　place。　I　have　no　friends；　I　scarcely　know　a　woman
intimately；　I　have　troubles　I　can't　tell　you　andI　am　wretched。　You
are　the　only　creature　I　have　left　to　talk　to；　and　I　suppose　that　after
this　row　you　must　go　away　too　to　make　your　living。〃

Alan　looked　at　her　there　weeping　on　the　log　and　his　heart　swelled
within　him；　for　he　had　loved　this　girl　for　years。

〃Barbara；〃　he　gasped；　〃please　don't　cry；　it　upsets　me。　You　know　you
are　a　great　heiress〃

〃That　remains　to　be　proved；〃　she　answered。　〃But　anyway；　what　has　it　to
do　with　the　case？〃

〃It　has　everything　to　do　with　it；　at　least　so　far　as　I　am　concerned。
If　it　hadn't　been　for　that　I　should　have　asked　you　to　marry　me　a　long
while　ago；　because　I　love　you；　as　I　would　now；　but　of　course　it　is
impossible。〃

Barbara　ceased　her　weeping；　wiped　her　eyes　with　the　back　of　her　hand；
and　looked　up　at　him。

〃Alan；〃　she　said；　〃I　think　that　you　are　the　biggest　fool　I　ever　knew
not　but　that　a　fool　is　rather　refreshing　when　one　lives　among　knaves。〃

〃I　know　I　am　a　fool；〃　he　answered。　〃If　I　wasn't　I　should　not　have
mentioned　my　misfortune　to　you；　but　sometimes　things　are　too　much　for
one。　Forget　it　and　forgive　me。〃

〃Oh！　yes；〃　she　said；　〃I　forgive　you；　a　woman　can　generally　forgive　a
man　for　being　fond　of　her。　Whatever　she　may　be；　she　is　ready　to　take　a
lenient　view　of　his　human　weakness。　But　as　to　forgetting；　that　is　a
different　matter。　I　don't　exactly　see　why　I　should　be　so　anxious　to
forget；　who　haven't　many　people　to　care　about　me；〃　and　she　looked　at
him　in　quite　a　new　fashion；　one　indeed　which　gave　him　something　of　a
shock；　for　he　had　not　thought　the　nymph…like　Barbara　capable　of　such　a
look　as　that。　She　and　any　sort　of　passion　had　always　seemed　so　far
apart。

Now　after　all　Alan　was　very　much　a　man；　if　a　modest　one；　with　all　a
man's　instincts；　and　therefore　there　are　appearances　of　the　female
face　which　even　such　as　he　could　not　entirely　misinterpret。

〃Youdon'tmean；〃　he　said　doubtfully；　〃you　don't　really　mean〃
and　he　stood　hesitating　before　her。

〃If　you　would　put　your　question　a　little　more　clearly；　Alan；　I　might
be　able　to　give　you　an　answer；〃　she　replied；　that　quaint　little　smile
of　hers　creeping　to　the　corners　of　her　mouth　like　sunshine　through　a
mist　of　rain。

〃You　don't　really　mean；〃　he　went　on；　〃that　you　care　anything　about　me；
like；　like　I　have　cared　for　you　for　years？〃

〃Oh！　Alan；〃　she　said；　laughing　outright；　〃why　in　the　name　of　goodness
shouldn't　I　care　about　you？　I　didn't　say　that　I　do；　mind；　but　why
shouldn't　I？　What　is　the　gulf　between　us？〃

〃The　old　one；〃　he　answered；　〃that　between　Dives　and　Lazarusthat
between　the　rich　and　the　poor。〃

〃Alan；〃　said　Barbara；　looking　down；　〃I　don't　know　what　has　come　over
me；　but　for　some　unexplained　and　inexplicable　reason　I　am　inclined　to
give　Lazarus　a　leadacross　that　gulf；　the　first　one；　I　mean；　not　the
second！〃

Like　the　glance　which　preceded　it；　this　was　a　saying　that　even　Alan
could　not　misunderstand。　He　sat　himself　on　the　log　beside　her；　while
she；　still　looking　down；　watched　him　out　of　the　corners　of　her　eyes。
He　went　red；　he　went　white；　his　heart　beat　very　violently。　Then　he
stretched　out　his　big　brown　hand　and　took　her　small　white　one；　and　as
this　familiarity　produced　no　remonstrance；　let　it　fall；　and　passing
his　arm　about　her；　drew　her　to　him　and　embraced　her；　not　once；　but
often；　with　such　vigour　that　a　squirrel　which　had　been　watching　these
proceedings　from　a　neighbouring　tree；　bolted　round　it　scandalized　and
was　seen　no　more。

〃I　love　you；　I　love　you；〃　he　said　huskily。

〃So　I　gather；〃　she　answered　in　a　feeble　voice。

〃Do　you　care　for　me？〃　he　asked。

〃It　would　seem　that　I　must；　Alan；　otherwise　I　should　scarcelyoh！　you
foolish　Alan；〃　and　heedless　of　her　Sunday　hat；　which　never　recovered
from　this　encounter；　but　was　kept　as　a　holy　relic；　she　let　her　head
fall　upon　his　shoulder　and　began　to　cry　again；　this　time　for　very
happiness。

He　kissed　her　tears　away；　then　as　he　could　think　of　nothing　else　to
say；　asked　her　if　she　would　marry　him。

〃It　is　the　general　sequel　to　this　kind　of　thing；　I　believe；〃　she
answered；　〃or　at　any　rate　it　ought　to　be。　But　if　you　want　a　direct
answeryes；　I　will；　if　my　uncle　will　let　me；　which　he　won't；　as　you
have　quarrelled　with　him；　or　at　any　rate　two　years　hence；　when　I　am
five　and　twenty　and　my　own　mistress；　that　is　if　we　have　anything　to
marry　on；　for　one　must　eat。　At　present　our　worldly　possessions　seem　to
consist　chiefly　of　a　large　store　of　mutual　affection；　a　good　stock　of
clothes　and　one　Yellow　God；　which　after　what　happened　last　night；　I　do
not　think　you　will　get　another　chance　of　turning　into　cash。〃

〃I　must　make　money　somehow；〃　he　said。

〃Yes；　Alan；　but　I　am　afraid　it　is　not　easy　to　dohonestly。　Nobody
wants　people　without　capital　whose　only　stock　in　trade　is　a　brief　but
distinguished　military　career；　and　a　large　experience　of　African
fever。〃

Alan　groaned　at　this　veracious　but　discouraging　remark；　and　she　went
on　quickly：

〃I　mean　to　spend　another　guinea　upon　my　friend　the　lawyer　at
Kingswell。　Perhaps　he　can　raise　the　wind；　by　a　post…obit；　or
something；〃　she　added　vaguely；　〃I　mean　a　post…uncle…obit。〃

〃If　he　does；　Barbara；　I　can't　live　on　your　money　alone；　it　isn't
right。〃

〃Oh！　don't　you　trouble　about　that；　Alan。　If　once　I　can　get　hold　of
those　dim　thousands　you　will　soon　be　able　to　make　more；　for　unto　him
that　hath　shall　be　given。　But　at　present　they　are　very　dim；　and　for
all　I　know　may　be　represented　by　stock　in　deceased　companies。　In
short；　the　financial　position　is　extraordinarily　depressed；　as　they
say　in　the　Market　Intelligence　in　/The　Times/。　But　that's　no　reason
why　we　should　be　depressed　also。〃

〃No；　Barbara；　for　at　any　rate　we　have　got　each　other。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　answered；　springing　up；　〃we　have　got　each　other；　dear；
until　Death　do　us　part；　and　somehow　I　don't　think　he'll　do　that　yet
awhile；　it　comes　into　my　heart　that　he　won't　do　that；　Alan；　that　you
and　I　are　going　to　live　out　our　days。　So　what　does　the　rest　matter？　In
two　years　I　shall　be　a　free　woman。　In　fact；　if　the　worst　comes　to　the
worst；　I'll　defy　them　all；〃　and　she　set　her　little　mouth　like　a　rock；
〃and　marry　you　straight　away；　as　being　over　age；　I　can　do；　even　if　it
costs　me　every　halfpenny　that　I've　got。〃

〃No；　no；〃　he　said；　〃it　would　be　wrong；　wrong　to　yourself　and　wrong　to
your　descendants。〃

〃Very　well；　Alan；　then；　we　will　wait；　or　perhaps　luck　will　come　our
waywhy　shouldn't　it？　At　any　rate　for　my　part　I　never　felt　so　happy
in　my　life；　for；　dear　Alan；　we　have　found　what　we　were　born　to　find；
found　it　once　and　for　always；　and　the　rest　is　mere　etceteras。　What
would　be　the　use　of　all　the　gold　of　the　Asiki　people　that　Jeekie　was
talking　about　last　night；　to　either　of　us；　if　we　had　not　each　other？
We　can　get　on　without　the　wealth；　but　we　couldn't　get　on　apart；　or　at
least　I　couldn't　and　I　don't　mind　saying　so。〃

〃No；　my　darling；　no；〃　he　answered；　turning　white　at　the　very　thought；
〃we　couldn't　get　on　apartnow。