the works of edgar allan poe-3-第69章

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〃This　apartment；　which　you　no　doubt　profanely　suppose　to　be　the　shop
of　Will　Wimble　the　undertaker　　a　man　whom　we　know　not；　and　whose
plebeian　appellation　has　never　before　this　night　thwarted　our　royal
ears　　this　apartment；　I　say；　is　the　Dais…Chamber　of　our　Palace；
devoted　to　the　councils　of　our　kingdom；　and　to　other　sacred　and　lofty
purposes。

〃The　noble　lady　who　sits　opposite　is　Queen　Pest；　our　Serene　Consort。
The　other　exalted　personages　whom　you　behold　are　all　of　our　family；
and　wear　the　insignia　of　the　blood　royal　under　the　respective　titles
of　'His　Grace　the　Arch　Duke　Pest…Iferous'　　'His　Grace　the　Duke
Pest…Ilential'　　'His　Grace　the　Duke　Tem…Pest'　　and　'Her　Serene
Highness　the　Arch　Duchess　Ana…Pest。'

〃As　regards；〃　continued　he；　〃your　demand　of　the　business　upon　which
we　sit　here　in　council；　we　might　be　pardoned　for　replying　that　it
concerns；　and　concerns　alone；　our　own　private　and　regal　interest；　and
is　in　no　manner　important　to　any　other　than　ourself。　But　in
consideration　of　those　rights　to　which　as　guests　and　strangers　you
may　feel　yourselves　entitled；　we　will　furthermore　explain　that　we　are
here　this　night；　prepared　by　deep　research　and　accurate
investigation；　to　examine；　analyze；　and　thoroughly　determine　the
indefinable　spirit　　the　incomprehensible　qualities　and　nature　　of
those　inestimable　treasures　of　the　palate；　the　wines；　ales；　and
liqueurs　of　this　goodly　metropolis：　by　so　doing　to　advance　not　more
our　own　designs　than　the　true　welfare　of　that　unearthly　sovereign
whose　reign　is　over　us　all；　whose　dominions　are　unlimited；　and　whose
name　is　'Death。'

〃Whose　name　is　Davy　Jones！〃　ejaculated　Tarpaulin；　helping　the　lady　by
his　side　to　a　skull　of　liqueur；　and　pouring　out　a　second　for　himself。

〃Profane　varlet！〃　said　the　president；　now　turning　his　attention　to
the　worthy　Hugh；　〃profane　and　execrable　wretch！　　we　have　said；　that
in　consideration　of　those　rights　which；　even　in　thy　filthy　person；　we
feel　no　inclination　to　violate；　we　have　condescended　to　make　reply　to
thy　rude　and　unseasonable　inquiries。　We　nevertheless；　for　your
unhallowed　intrusion　upon　our　councils；　believe　it　our　duty　to　mulct
thee　and　thy　companion　in　each　a　gallon　of　Black　Strap　　having
imbibed　which　to　the　prosperity　of　our　kingdom　　at　a　single　draught
　and　upon　your　bended　knees　　ye　shall　be　forthwith　free　either　to
proceed　upon　your　way；　or　remain　and　be　admitted　to　the　privileges　of
our　table；　according　to　your　respective　and　individual　pleasures。〃

〃It　would　be　a　matter　of　utter　impossibility；〃　replied　Legs；　whom　the
assumptions　and　dignity　of　King　Pest　the　First　had　evidently　inspired
some　feelings　of　respect；　and　who　arose　and　steadied　himself　by　the
table　as　he　spoke　　〃It　would；　please　your　majesty；　be　a　matter　of
utter　impossibility　to　stow　away　in　my　hold　even　one…fourth　part　of
the　same　liquor　which　your　majesty　has　just　mentioned。　To　say　nothing
of　the　stuffs　placed　on　board　in　the　forenoon　by　way　of　ballast；　and
not　to　mention　the　various　ales　and　liqueurs　shipped　this　evening　at
different　sea…ports；　I　have；　at　present；　a　full　cargo　of　'humming
stuff'　taken　in　and　duly　paid　for　at　the　sign　of　the　'Jolly　Tar。'　You
will；　therefore；　please　your　majesty；　be　so　good　as　to　take　the　will
for　the　deed　　for　by　no　manner　of　means　either　can　I　or　will　I
swallow　another　drop　　least　of　all　a　drop　of　that　villainous
bilge…water　that　answers　to　the　hall　of　'Black　Strap。'〃

〃Belay　that！〃　interrupted　Tarpaulin；　astonished　not　more　at　the
length　of　his　companion's　speech　than　at　the　nature　of　his　refusal　
〃Belay　that　you　tubber！　　and　I　say；　Legs；　none　of　your　palaver！　My
hull　is　still　light；　although　I　confess　you　yourself　seem　to　be　a
little　top…heavy；　and　as　for　the　matter　of　your　share　of　the　cargo；
why　rather　than　raise　a　squall　I　would　find　stowageroom　for　it
myself；　but〃　

〃This　proceeding；〃　interposed　the　president；　〃is　by　no　means　in
accordance　with　the　terms　of　the　mulct　or　sentence；　which　is　in　its
nature　Median；　and　not　to　be　altered　or　recalled。　The　conditions　we
have　imposed　must　be　fulfilled　to　the　letter；　and　that　without　a
moment's　hesitation　　in　failure　of　which　fulfilment　we　decree　that
you　do　here　be　tied　neck　and　heels　together；　and　duly　drowned　as
rebels　in　yon　hogshead　of　October　beer！〃

〃A　sentence！　　a　sentence！　　a　righteous　and　just　sentence！　　a
glorious　decree！　　a　most　worthy　and　upright；　and　holy
condemnation！〃　shouted　the　Pest　family　altogether。　The　king　elevated
his　forehead　into　innumerable　wrinkles；　the　gouty　little　old　man
puffed　like　a　pair　of　bellows；　the　lady　of　the　winding　sheet　waved
her　nose　to　and　fro；　the　gentleman　in　the　cotton　drawers　pricked　up
his　ears；　she　of　the　shroud　gasped　like　a　dying　fish；　and　he　of　the
coffin　looked　stiff　and　rolled　up　his　eyes。

〃Ugh！　ugh！　ugh！〃　chuckled　Tarpaulin　without　heeding　the　general
excitation；　〃ugh！　ugh！　ugh！　　ugh！　ugh！　ugh！　　ugh！　ugh！　ugh！　　I
was　saying；〃　said　he；　〃I　was　saying　when　Mr。　King　Pest　poked　in　his
marlin…spike；　that　as　for　the　matter　of　two　or　three　gallons　more　or
less　of　Black　Strap；　it　was　a　trifle　to　a　tight　sea…boat　like　myself
not　overstowed　　but　when　it　comes　to　drinking　the　health　of　the
Devil　（whom　God　assoilzie）　and　going　down　upon　my　marrow　bones　to　his
ill…favored　majesty　there；　whom　I　know；　as　well　as　I　know　myself　to
be　a　sinner；　to　be　nobody　in　the　whole　world；　but　Tim　Hurlygurly　the
stage…player　　why！　it's　quite　another　guess　sort　of　a　thing；　and
utterly　and　altogether　past　my　comprehension。〃

He　was　not　allowed　to　finish　this　speech　in　tranquillity。　At　the　name
Tim　Hurlygurly　the　whole　assembly　leaped　from　their　name　seats。

〃Treason！〃　shouted　his　Majesty　King　Pest　the　First。

〃Treason！〃　said　the　little　man　with　the　gout。

〃Treason！〃　screamed　the　Arch　Duchess　Ana…Pest。

〃Treason！〃　muttered　the　gentleman　with　his　jaws　tied　up。

〃Treason！〃　growled　he　of　the　coffin。

〃Treason！　treason！〃　shrieked　her　majesty　of　the　mouth；　and；　seizing
by　the　hinder　part　of　his　breeches　the　unfortunate　Tarpaulin；　who　had
just　commenced　pouring　out　for　himself　a　skull　of　liqueur；　she　lifted
him　high　into　the　air；　and　let　him　fall　without　ceremony　into　the
huge　open　puncheon　of　his　beloved　ale。　Bobbing　up　and　down；　for　a　few
seconds；　like　an　apple　in　a　bowl　of　toddy；　he；　at　length；　finally
disappeared　amid　the　whirlpool　of　foam　which；　in　the　already
effervescent　liquor；　his　struggles　easily　succeeded　in　creating。

Not　tamely；　however；　did　the　tall　seaman　behold　the　discomfiture　of
his　companion。　Jostling　King　Pest　through　the　open　trap；　the　valiant
Legs　slammed　the　door　down　upon　him　with　an　oath；　and　strode　towards
the　centre　of　the　room。　Here　tearing　down　the　skeleton　which　swung
over　the　table；　he　laid　it　about　him　with　so　much　energy　and　good
will；　that；　as　the　last　glimpses　of　light　died　away　within　the
apartment；　he　succeeded　in　knocking　out　the　brains　of　the　little
gentleman　with　the　gout。　Rushing　then　with　all　his　force　against　the
fatal　hogshead　full　of　October　ale　and　Hugh　Tarpaulin；　he　rolled　it
over　and　over　in　an　instant。　Out　burst　a　deluge　of　liquor　so　fierce
　so　impetuous　　so　overwhelming　　that　the　room　was　flooded　from
wall　to　wall　　the　loaded　table　was　overturned　　the　tressels　were
thrown　upon　their　backs　　the　tub　of　punch　into　the　fire…place　
and　the　ladies　into　hysterics。　Piles　of　death…furniture　floundered
about。　Jugs；　pitchers；　and　carboys　mingled　promiscuously　in　the
melee；　and　wicker　flagons　encountered　desperately　with　bottles　of
junk。　The　man　with　the　horrors　was　drowned　upon　the　spot…the　little
stiff　gentleman　floated　off　in　his　coffin　　and　the　victorious　Legs；
seizing　by　the　waist　the　fat　lady　in　the　shroud；　rushed　out　with　her
into　the　street；　and　made　a　bee…line　for　the　〃Free　and　Easy；〃
followed　under　easy　sail　by　the　redoubtable　Hugh　Tarpaulin；　who；
having　sneezed　three　or　four　times；　panted　and　puffed　after　him　with
the　Arch　Duchess　Ana…Pest。

~~~　End　of　Text　~~~



THREE　SUNDAYS　IN　A　WEEK

YOU　hard…headed；　dunder…headed；　obstinate；　rusty；　crusty；　musty；
fusty；　old　savage！〃　said　I；　in　fancy；　one　afternoon；　to　my　grand
uncle　Rumgudgeon　　shaking　my　fist　at　him　in　imagination。

Only　in　imagination。　The