the monk(僧侣)-第92章
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moved on; leaning upon Violante; and Camilla preceded her with a
Torch。 Thus passed our sad procession along the passages; in
silence only broken by my sighs and groans。 We stopped before
the principal shrine of St。 Clare。 The Statue was removed from
its Pedestal; though how I knew not。 The Nuns afterwards raised
an iron grate till then concealed by the Image; and let it fall
on the other side with a loud crash。 The awful sound; repeated
by the vaults above; and Caverns below me; rouzed me from the
despondent apathy in which I had been plunged。 I looked before
me: An abyss presented itself to my affrighted eyes; and a steep
and narrow Staircase; whither my Conductors were leading me。 I
shrieked; and started back。 I implored compassion; rent the air
with my cries; and summoned both heaven and earth to my
assistance。 In vain! I was hurried down the Staircase; and
forced into one of the Cells which lined the Cavern's sides。
My blood ran cold; as I gazed upon this melancholy abode。 The
cold vapours hovering in the air; the walls green with damp; the
bed of Straw so forlorn and comfortless; the Chain destined to
bind me for ever to my prison; and the Reptiles of every
description which as the torches advanced towards them; I
descried hurrying to their retreats; struck my heart with terrors
almost too exquisite for nature to bear。 Driven by despair to
madness; I burst suddenly from the Nuns who held me: I threw
myself upon my knees before the Prioress; and besought her mercy
in the most passionate and frantic terms。
'If not on me;' said I; 'look at least with pity on that innocent
Being; whose life is attached to mine! Great is my crime; but
let not my Child suffer for it! My Baby has committed no fault:
Oh! spare me for the sake of my unborn Offspring; whom ere it
tastes life your severity dooms to destruction!'
The Prioress drew back haughtily: She forced her habit from my
grasp; as if my touch had been contagious。
'What?' She exclaimed with an exasperated air; 'What? Dare you
plead for the produce of your shame? Shall a Creature be
permitted to live; conceived in guilt so monstrous? Abandoned
Woman; speak for him no more! Better that the Wretch should
perish than live: Begotten in perjury; incontinence; and
pollution; It cannot fail to prove a Prodigy of vice。 Hear me;
thou Guilty! Expect no mercy from me either for yourself; or
Brat。 Rather pray that Death may seize you before you produce
it; Or if it must see the light; that its eyes may immediately be
closed again for ever! No aid shall be given you in your labour;
Bring your Offspring into the world yourself; Feed it yourself;
Nurse it yourself; Bury it yourself: God grant that the latter
may happen soon; lest you receive comfort from the fruit of your
iniquity!'
This inhuman speech; the threats which it contained; the dreadful
sufferings foretold to me by the Domina; and her prayers for my
Infant's death; on whom though unborn I already doated; were more
than my exhausted frame could support。 Uttering a deep groan; I
fell senseless at the feet of my unrelenting Enemy。 I know not
how long I remained in this situation; But I imagine that some
time must have elapsed before my recovery; since it sufficed the
Prioress and her Nuns to quit the Cavern。 When my senses
returned; I found myself in silence and solitude。 I heard not
even the retiring footsteps of my Persecutors。 All was hushed;
and all was dreadful! I had been thrown upon the bed of Straw:
The heavy Chain which I had already eyed with terror; was wound
around my waist; and fastened me to the Wall。 A Lamp glimmering
with dull; melancholy rays through my dungeon; permitted my
distinguishing all its horrors: It was separated from the Cavern
by a low and irregular Wall of Stone: A large Chasm was left open
in it which formed the entrance; for door there was none。 A
leaden Crucifix was in front of my straw Couch。 A tattered rug
lay near me; as did also a Chaplet of Beads; and not far from me
stood a pitcher of water; and a wicker Basket containing a small
loaf; and a bottle of oil to supply my Lamp。
With a despondent eye did I examine this scene of suffering:
When I reflected that I was doomed to pass in it the remainder
of my days; my heart was rent with bitter anguish。 I had once
been taught to look forward to a lot so different! At one time
my prospects had appeared so bright; so flattering! Now all was
lost to me。 Friends; comfort; society; happiness; in one moment
I was deprived of all! Dead to the world; Dead to pleasure; I
lived to nothing but the sense of misery。 How fair did that
world seem to me; from which I was for ever excluded! How many
loved objects did it contain; whom I never should behold again!
As I threw a look of terror round my prison; as I shrunk from the
cutting wind which howled through my subterraneous dwelling; the
change seemed so striking; so abrupt; that I doubted its reality。
That the Duke de Medina's Niece; that the destined Bride of the
Marquis de las Cisternas; One bred up in affluence; related to
the noblest families in Spain; and rich in a multitude of
affectionate Friends; that She should in one moment become a
Captive; separated from the world for ever; weighed down with
chains; and reduced to support life with the coarsest aliments;
appeared a change so sudden and incredible; that I believed
myself the sport of some frightful vision。 Its continuance
convinced me of my mistake with but too much certainty。 Every
morning my hopes were disappointed。 At length I abandoned all
idea of escaping: I resigned myself to my fate; and only
expected Liberty when She came the Companion of Death。
My mental anguish; and the dreadful scenes in which I had been an
Actress; advanced the period of my labour。 In solitude and
misery; abandoned by all; unassisted by Art; uncomforted by
Friendship; with pangs which if witnessed would have touched the
hardest heart; was I delivered of my wretched burthen。 It came
alive into the world; But I knew not how to treat it; or by what
means to preserve its existence。 I could only bathe it with
tears; warm it in my bosom; and offer up prayers for its safety。
I was soon deprived of this mournful employment: The want of
proper attendance; my ignorance how to nurse it; the bitter cold
of the dungeon; and the unwholesome air which inflated its lungs;
terminated my sweet Babe's short and painful existence。 It
expired in a few hours after its birth; and I witnessed its death
with agonies which beggar all description。
But my grief was unavailing。 My Infant was no more; nor could
all my sighs impart to its little tender frame the breath of a
moment。 I rent my winding…sheet; and wrapped in it my lovely
Child。 I placed it on my bosom; its soft arm folded round my
neck; and its pale cold cheek resting upon mine。 Thus did its
lifeless limbs repose; while I covered it with kisses; talked to
it; wept; and moaned over it without remission; day or night。
Camilla entered my prison regularly once every twenty…four hours;
to bring me food。 In spite of her flinty nature; She could not
behold this spectacle unmoved。 She feared that grief so
excessive would at length turn my brain; and in truth I was not
always in my proper senses。 From a principle of compassion She
urged me to permit the Corse to be buried: But to this I never
would consent。 I vowed not to part with it while I had life:
Its presence was my only comfort; and no persuasion could induce
me to give it up。 It soon became a mass of putridity; and to
every eye was a loathsome and disgusting Object; To every eye
but a Mother's。 In vain did human feelings bid me recoil from
this emblem of mortality with repugnance: I withstood; and
vanquished that repugnance。 I persisted in holding my Infant to
my bosom; in lamenting it; loving it; adoring it! Hour after
hour have I passed upon my sorry Couch; contemplating what had
once been my Child: I endeavoured to retrace its features
through the livid corruption; with which they were overspread:
During my confinement this sad occupation was my only delight;
and at that time Worlds shou