the monk(僧侣)-第91章
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threw myself upon the ground; and rolled upon it wild and
desperate: Sometimes starting up; I returned to the door; again
strove to force it open; and repeated my fruitless cries for
succour。 Often was I on the point of striking my temple against
the sharp corner of some Monument; dashing out my brains; and
thus terminating my woes at once; But still the remembrance of my
Baby vanquished my resolution: I trembled at a deed which
equally endangered my Child's existence and my own。 Then would I
vent my anguish in loud exclamations and passionate complaints;
and then again my strength failing me; silent and hopeless I
would sit me down upon the base of St。 Clare's Statue; fold my
arms; and abandon myself to sullen despair。 Thus passed several
wretched hours。 Death advanced towards me with rapid strides;
and I expected that every succeeding moment would be that of my
dissolution。 Suddenly a neighbouring Tomb caught my eye: A
Basket stood upon it; which till then I had not observed。 I
started from my seat: I made towards it as swiftly as my
exhausted frame would permit。 How eagerly did I seize the
Basket; on finding it to contain a loaf of coarse bread and a
small bottle of water。
I threw myself with avidity upon these humble aliments。 They had
to all appearance been placed in the Vault for several days; The
bread was hard; and the water tainted; Yet never did I taste food
to me so delicious。 When the cravings of appetite were
satisfied; I busied myself with conjectures upon this new
circumstance: I debated whether the Basket had been placed there
with a view to my necessity。 Hope answered my doubts in the
affirmative。 Yet who could guess me to be in need of such
assistance? If my existence was known; why was I detained in
this gloomy Vault? If I was kept a Prisoner; what meant the
ceremony of committing me to the Tomb? Or if I was doomed to
perish with hunger; to whose pity was I indebted for provisions
placed within my reach? A Friend would not have kept my dreadful
punishment a secret; Neither did it seem probable that an Enemy
would have taken pains to supply me with the means of existence。
Upon the whole I was inclined to think that the Domina's designs
upon my life had been discovered by some one of my Partizans in
the Convent; who had found means to substitute an opiate for
poison: That She had furnished me with food to support me; till
She could effect my delivery: And that She was then employed in
giving intelligence to my Relations of my danger; and pointing
out a way to release me from captivity。 Yet why then was the
quality of my provisions so coarse? How could my Friend have
entered the Vault without the Domina's knowledge? And if She had
entered; why was the Door fastened so carefully? These
reflections staggered me: Yet still this idea was the most
favourable to my hopes; and I dwelt upon it in preference。
My meditations were interrupted by the sound of distant
footsteps。 They approached; but slowly。 Rays of light now
darted through the crevices of the Door。 Uncertain whether the
Persons who advanced came to relieve me; or were conducted by
some other motive to the Vault; I failed not to attract their
notice by loud cries for help。 Still the sounds drew near: The
light grew stronger: At length with inexpressible pleasure I
heard the Key turning in the Lock。 Persuaded that my deliverance
was at hand; I flew towards the Door with a shriek of joy。 It
opened: But all my hopes of escape died away; when the Prioress
appeared followed by the same four Nuns; who had been witnesses
of my supposed death。 They bore torches in their hands; and
gazed upon me in fearful silence。
I started back in terror。 The Domina descended into the Vault;
as did also her Companions。 She bent upon me a stern resentful
eye; but expressed no surprize at finding me still living。 She
took the seat which I had just quitted: The door was again
closed; and the Nuns ranged themselves behind their Superior;
while the glare of their torches; dimmed by the vapours and
dampness of the Vault; gilded with cold beams the surrounding
Monuments。 For some moments all preserved a dead and solemn
silence。 I stood at some distance from the Prioress。 At length
She beckoned me to advance。 Trembling at the severity of her
aspect my strength scarce sufficed me to obey her。 I drew near;
but my limbs were unable to support their burthen。 I sank upon
my knees; I clasped my hands; and lifted them up to her for
mercy; but had no power to articulate a syllable。
She gazed upon me with angry eyes。
'Do I see a Penitent; or a Criminal?' She said at length; 'Are
those hands raised in contrition for your crimes; or in fear of
meeting their punishment? Do those tears acknowledge the justice
of your doom; or only solicit mitigation of your sufferings? I
fear me; 'tis the latter!'
She paused; but kept her eye still fixt upon mine。
'Take courage;' She continued: 'I wish not for your death; but
your repentance。 The draught which I administered; was no
poison; but an opiate。 My intention in deceiving you was to
make you feel the agonies of a guilty conscience; had Death
overtaken you suddenly while your crimes were still unrepented。
You have suffered those agonies: I have brought you to be
familiar with the sharpness of death; and I trust that your
momentary anguish will prove to you an eternal benefit。 It is
not my design to destroy your immortal soul; or bid you seek the
grave; burthened with the weight of sins unexpiated。 No;
Daughter; far from it: I will purify you with wholesome
chastisement; and furnish you with full leisure for contrition
and remorse。 Hear then my sentence; The ill…judged zeal of your
Friends delayed its execution; but cannot now prevent it。 All
Madrid believes you to be no more; Your Relations are thoroughly
persuaded of your death; and the Nuns your Partizans have
assisted at your funeral。 Your existence can never be suspected;
I have taken such precautions; as must render it an impenetrable
mystery。 Then abandon all thoughts of a World from which you are
eternally separated; and employ the few hours which are allowed
you; in preparing for the next。'
This exordium led me to expect something terrible。 I trembled;
and would have spoken to deprecate her wrath: but a motion of the
Domina commanded me to be silent。 She proceeded。
'Though of late years unjustly neglected; and now opposed by many
of our misguided Sisters; (whom Heaven convert!) it is my
intention to revive the laws of our order in their full force。
That against incontinence is severe; but no more than so
monstrous an offence demands: Submit to it; Daughter; without
resistance; You will find the benefit of patience and resignation
in a better life than this。 Listen then to the sentence of St。
Clare。 Beneath these Vaults there exist Prisons; intended to
receive such criminals as yourself: Artfully is their entrance
concealed; and She who enters them; must resign all hopes of
liberty。 Thither must you now be conveyed。 Food shall be
supplied you; but not sufficient for the indulgence of appetite:
You shall have just enough to keep together body and soul; and
its quality shall be the simplest and coarsest。 Weep; Daughter;
weep; and moisten your bread with your tears: God knows that
you have ample cause for sorrow! Chained down in one of these
secret dungeons; shut out from the world and light for ever; with
no comfort but religion; no society but repentance; thus must you
groan away the remainder of your days。 Such are St。 Clare's
orders; Submit to them without repining。 Follow me!'
Thunderstruck at this barbarous decree; my little remaining
strength abandoned me。 I answered only by falling at her feet;
and bathing them with tears。 The Domina; unmoved by my
affliction; rose from her seat with a stately air。 She repeated
her commands in an absolute tone: But my excessive faintness
made me unable to obey her。 Mariana and Alix raised me from the
ground; and carried me forwards in their arms。 The Prioress
moved on; leaning upon Violante; and Camilla preceded her with a
Torch。 Thus passed our sad