the monk(僧侣)-第59章
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Antonia promised to comply。
Ambrosio hastened to his Cell。 He closed the door after him； and
threw himself upon the bed in despair。 The impulse of desire； the
stings of disappointment； the shame of detection； and the fear of
being publicly unmasked； rendered his bosom a scene of the most
horrible confusion。 He knew not what course to pursue。 Debarred
the presence of Antonia； He had no hopes of satisfying that
passion which was now become a part of his existence。 He
reflected that his secret was in a Woman's power： He trembled
with apprehension when He beheld the precipice before him； and
with rage； when He thought that had it not been for Elvira； He
should now have possessed the object of his desires。 With the
direct imprecations He vowed vengeance against her； He swore
that； cost what it would； He still would possess Antonia。
Starting from the Bed； He paced the chamber with disordered
steps； howled with impotent fury； dashed himself violently
against the walls； and indulged all the transports of rage and
madness。
He was still under the influence of this storm of passions when
He heard a gentle knock at the door of his Cell。 Conscious that
his voice must have been heard； He dared not refuse admittance to
the Importuner： He strove to compose himself； and to hide his
agitation。 Having in some degree succeeded； He drew back the
bolt： The door opened； and Matilda appeared。
At this precise moment there was no one with whose presence He
could better have dispensed。 He had not sufficient command over
himself to conceal his vexation。 He started back； and frowned。
'I am busy；' said He in a stern and hasty tone； 'Leave me！'
Matilda heeded him not： She again fastened the door； and then
advanced towards him with an air gentle and supplicating。
'Forgive me； Ambrosio；' said She； 'For your own sake I must not
obey you。 Fear no complaints from me； I come not to reproach you
with your ingratitude。 I pardon you from my heart； and since
your love can no longer be mine； I request the next best gift；
your confidence and friendship。 We cannot force our
inclinations； The little beauty which you once saw in me has
perished with its novelty； and if it can no longer excite desire；
mine is the fault； not yours。 But why persist in shunning me？
Why such anxiety to fly my presence？ You have sorrows； but will
not permit me to share them； You have disappointments； but will
not accept my comfort； You have wishes； but forbid my aiding your
pursuits。 'Tis of this which I complain； not of your
indifference to my person。 I have given up the claims of the
Mistress； but nothing shall prevail on me to give up those of the
Friend。'
Her mildness had an instantaneous effect upon Ambrosio's
feelings。
'Generous Matilda！' He replied； taking her hand； 'How far do you
rise superior to the foibles of your sex！ Yes； I accept your
offer。 I have need of an adviser； and a Confident： In you I
find every needful quality united。 But to aid my pursuits 。 。 。
。 Ah！ Matilda； it lies not in your power！'
'It lies in no one's power but mine。 Ambrosio； your secret is
none to me； Your every step； your every action has been observed
by my attentive eye。 You love。'
'Matilda！'
'Why conceal it from me？ Fear not the little jealousy which
taints the generality of Women： My soul disdains so despicable a
passion。 You love； Ambrosio； Antonia Dalfa is the object of your
flame。 I know every circumstance respecting your passion： Every
conversation has been repeated to me。 I have been informed of
your attempt to enjoy Antonia's person； your disappointment； and
dismission from Elvira's House。 You now despair of possessing
your Mistress； But I come to revive your hopes； and point out the
road to success。'
'To success？ Oh！ impossible！'
'To them who dare nothing is impossible。 Rely upon me； and you
may yet be happy。 The time is come； Ambrosio； when regard for
your comfort and tranquillity compels me to reveal a part of my
History； with which you are still unacquainted。 Listen； and do
not interrupt me： Should my confession disgust you； remember
that in making it my sole aim is to satisfy your wishes； and
restore that peace to your heart which at present has abandoned
it。 I formerly mentioned that my Guardian was a Man of uncommon
knowledge： He took pains to instil that knowledge into my infant
mind。 Among the various sciences which curiosity had induced him
to explore； He neglected not that which by most is esteemed
impious； and by many chimerical。 I speak of those arts which
relate to the world of Spirits。 His deep researches into causes
and effects； his unwearied application to the study of natural
philosophy； his profound and unlimited knowledge of the
properties and virtues of every gem which enriches the deep； of
every herb which the earth produces； at length procured him the
distinction which He had sought so long； so earnestly。 His
curiosity was fully slaked； his ambition amply gratified。 He
gave laws to the elements； He could reverse the order of nature；
His eye read the mandates of futurity； and the infernal Spirits
were submissive to his commands。 Why shrink you from me？ I
understand that enquiring look。 Your suspicions are right；
though your terrors are unfounded。 My Guardian concealed not
from me his most precious acquisition。 Yet had I never seen YOU；
I should never have exerted my power。 Like you I shuddered at
the thoughts of Magic： Like you I had formed a terrible idea of
the consequences of raising a daemon。 To preserve that life
which your love had taught me to prize； I had recourse to means
which I trembled at employing。 You remember that night which I
past in St。 Clare's Sepulchre？ Then was it that； surrounded by
mouldering bodies； I dared to perform those mystic rites which
summoned to my aid a fallen Angel。 Judge what must have been my
joy at discovering that my terrors were imaginary： I saw the
Daemon obedient to my orders； I saw him trembling at my frown；
and found that； instead of selling my soul to a Master； my
courage had purchased for myself a Slave。'
'Rash Matilda！ What have you done？ You have doomed yourself to
endless perdition； You have bartered for momentary power eternal
happiness！ If on witchcraft depends the fruition of my desires；
I renounce your aid most absolutely。 The consequences are too
horrible： I doat upon Antonia； but am not so blinded by lust as
to sacrifice for her enjoyment my existence both in this world
and the next。'
'Ridiculous prejudices！ Oh！ blush； Ambrosio； blush at being
subjected to their dominion。 Where is the risque of accepting my
offers？ What should induce my persuading you to this step；
except the wish of restoring you to happiness and quiet。 If
there is danger； it must fall upon me： It is I who invoke the
ministry of the Spirits； Mine therefore will be the crime； and
yours the profit。 But danger there is none： The Enemy of
Mankind is my Slave； not my Sovereign。 Is there no difference
between giving and receiving laws； between serving and
commanding？ Awake from your idle dreams； Ambrosio！ Throw from
you these terrors so ill…suited to a soul like yours； Leave them
for common Men； and dare to be happy！ Accompany me this night to
St。 Clare's Sepulchre； witness my incantations； and Antonia is
your own。'
'To obtain her by such means I neither can； or will。 Cease then
to persuade me； for I dare not employ Hell's agency。
'You DARE not？ How have you deceived me！ That mind which I
esteemed so great and valiant； proves to be feeble； puerile； and
grovelling； a slave to vulgar errors； and weaker than a Woman's。'
'What？ Though conscious of the danger； wilfully shall I expose
myself to the Seducer's arts？ Shall I renounce for ever my title
to salvation？ Shall my eyes seek a sight which I know will
blast them？ No； no； Matilda； I will not ally myself with God's
Enemy。'
'Are you then God's Friend at present？ Have you not broken your
engagements with him； renounced his service； and abandoned
yourself to the impulse of your passions？ Are you not planning
the destruction of innocence； the ruin of a Creature whom He
formed
