the monk(僧侣)-第13章

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proceeded　in　her　discourse。

'I　spring　from　a　distinguished　family：　　My　Father　was　Chief　of
the　noble　House　of　Villanegas。　　He　died　while　I　was　still　an
Infant；　and　left　me　sole　Heiress　of　his　immense　possessions。　
Young　and　wealthy；　I　was　sought　in　marriage　by　the　noblest　Youths
of　Madrid；　But　no　one　succeeded　in　gaining　my　affections。　　I　had
been　brought　up　under　the　care　of　an　Uncle　possessed　of　the　most
solid　judgment　and　extensive　erudition。　　He　took　pleasure　in
communicating　to　me　some　portion　of　his　knowledge。　　Under　his
instructions　my　understanding　acquired　more　strength　and
justness　than　generally　falls　to　the　lot　of　my　sex：　　The　ability
of　my　Preceptor　being　aided　by　natural　curiosity；　I　not　only　made
a　considerable　progress　in　sciences　universally　studied；　but　in
others；　revealed　but　to　few；　and　lying　under　censure　from　the
blindness　of　superstition。　　But　while　my　Guardian　laboured　to
enlarge　the　sphere　of　my　knowledge；　He　carefully　inculcated　every
moral　precept：　　He　relieved　me　from　the　shackles　of　vulgar
prejudice；　He　pointed　out　the　beauty　of　Religion；　He　taught　me　to
look　with　adoration　upon　the　pure　and　virtuous；　and；　woe　is　me！　
I　have　obeyed　him　but　too　well！

'With　such　dispositions；　Judge　whether　I　could　observe　with　any
other　sentiment　than　disgust　the　vice；　dissipation；　and
ignorance；　which　disgrace　our　Spanish　Youth。　　I　rejected　every
offer　with　disdain。　　My　heart　remained　without　a　Master　till
chance　conducted　me　to　the　Cathedral　of　the　Capuchins。　　Oh！
surely　on　that　day　my　Guardian　Angel　slumbered　neglectful　of　his
charge！　　Then　was　it　that　I　first　beheld　you：　　You　supplied　the
Superior's　place；　absent　from　illness。　　You　cannot　but　remember
the　lively　enthusiasm　which　your　discourse　created。　　Oh！　how　I
drank　your　words！　　How　your　eloquence　seemed　to　steal　me　from
myself！　　I　scarcely　dared　to　breathe；　fearing　to　lose　a　syllable；
and　while　you　spoke；　Methought　a　radiant　glory　beamed　round　your
head；　and　your　countenance　shone　with　the　majesty　of　a　God。　　I
retired　from　the　Church；　glowing　with　admiration。　　From　that
moment　you　became　the　idol　of　my　heart；　the　never…changing　object
of　my　Meditations。　　I　enquired　respecting　you。　　The　reports　which
were　made　me　of　your　mode　of　life；　of　your　knowledge；　piety；　and
self…denial　riveted　the　chains　imposed　on　me　by　your　eloquence。　
I　was　conscious　that　there　was　no　longer　a　void　in　my　heart；　That
I　had　found　the　Man　whom　I　had　sought　till　then　in　vain。　　In
expectation　of　hearing　you　again；　every　day　I　visited　your
Cathedral：　　You　remained　secluded　within　the　Abbey　walls；　and　I
always　withdrew；　wretched　and　disappointed。　　The　Night　was　more
propitious　to　me；　for　then　you　stood　before　me　in　my　dreams；　You
vowed　to　me　eternal　friendship；　You　led　me　through　the　paths　of
virtue；　and　assisted　me　to　support　the　vexations　of　life。　　The
Morning　dispelled　these　pleasing　visions；　I　woke；　and　found
myself　separated　from　you　by　Barriers　which　appeared
insurmountable。　　Time　seemed　only　to　increase　the　strength　of　my
passion：　　I　grew　melancholy　and　despondent；　I　fled　from　society；
and　my　health　declined　daily。　　At　length　no　longer　able　to　exist
in　this　state　of　torture；　I　resolved　to　assume　the　disguise　in
which　you　see　me。　　My　artifice　was　fortunate：　　I　was　received
into　the　Monastery；　and　succeeded　in　gaining　your　esteem。

'Now　then　I　should　have　felt　compleatly　happy；　had　not　my　quiet
been　disturbed　by　the　fear　of　detection。　　The　pleasure　which　I
received　from　your　society；　was　embittered　by　the　idea　that
perhaps　I　should　soon　be　deprived　of　it：　and　my　heart　throbbed　so
rapturously　at　obtaining　the　marks　of　your　friendship；　as　to
convince　me　that　I　never　should　survive　its　loss。　　I　resolved；
therefore；　not　to　leave　the　discovery　of　my　sex　to　chance；　to
confess　the　whole　to　you；　and　throw　myself　entirely　on　your　mercy
and　indulgence。　　Ah！　Ambrosio；　can　I　have　been　deceived？　　Can　you
be　less　generous　than　I　thought　you？　　I　will　not　suspect　it。　　You
will　not　drive　a　Wretch　to　despair；　I　shall　still　be　permitted　to
see　you；　to　converse　with　you；　to　adore　you！　　Your　virtues　shall
be　my　example　through　life；　and　when　we　expire；　our　bodies　shall
rest　in　the　same　Grave。'

She　ceased。　　While　She　spoke；　a　thousand　opposing　sentiments
combated　in　Ambrosio's　bosom。　　Surprise　at　the　singularity　of
this　adventure；　Confusion　at　her　abrupt　declaration；　Resentment
at　her　boldness　in　entering　the　Monastery；　and　Consciousness　of
the　austerity　with　which　it　behoved　him　to　reply；　such　were　the
sentiments　of　which　He　was　aware；　But　there　were　others　also
which　did　not　obtain　his　notice。　　He　perceived　not；　that　his
vanity　was　flattered　by　the　praises　bestowed　upon　his　eloquence
and　virtue；　that　He　felt　a　secret　pleasure　in　reflecting　that　a
young　and　seemingly　lovely　Woman　had　for　his　sake　abandoned　the
world；　and　sacrificed　every　other　passion　to　that　which　He　had
inspired：　　Still　less　did　He　perceive　that　his　heart　throbbed
with　desire；　while　his　hand　was　pressed　gently　by　Matilda's　ivory
fingers。

By　degrees　He　recovered　from　his　confusion。　　His　ideas　became
less　bewildered：　　He　was　immediately　sensible　of　the　extreme
impropriety；　should　Matilda　be　permitted　to　remain　in　the　Abbey
after　this　avowal　of　her　sex。　　He　assumed　an　air　of　severity；　and
drew　away　his　hand。

'How；　Lady！'　said　He；　'Can　you　really　hope　for　my　permission　to
remain　amongst　us？　　Even　were　I　to　grant　your　request；　what　good
could　you　derive　from　it？　　Think　you　that　I　ever　can　reply　to　an
affection；　which　。　。　。'。

'No；　Father；　No！　　I　expect　not　to　inspire　you　with　a　love　like
mine。　　I　only　wish　for　the　liberty　to　be　near　you；　to　pass　some
hours　of　the　day　in　your　society；　to　obtain　your　compassion；　your
friendship　and　esteem。　　Surely　my　request　is　not　unreasonable。'

'But　reflect；　Lady！　　Reflect　only　for　a　moment　on　the　impropriety
of　my　harbouring　a　Woman　in　the　Abbey；　and　that　too　a　Woman；　who
confesses　that　She　loves　me。　　It　must　not　be。　　The　risque　of　your
being　discovered　is　too　great；　and　I　will　not　expose　myself　to　so
dangerous　a　temptation。'

'Temptation；　say　you？　　Forget　that　I　am　a　Woman；　and　it　no
longer　exists：　　Consider　me　only　as　a　Friend；　as　an　Unfortunate；
whose　happiness；　whose　life　depends　upon　your　protection。　　Fear
not　lest　I　should　ever　call　to　your　remembrance　that　love　the
most　impetuous；　the　most　unbounded；　has　induced　me　to　disguise　my
sex；　or　that　instigated　by　desires；　offensive　to　YOUR　vows　and　my
own　honour；　I　should　endeavour　to　seduce　you　from　the　path　of
rectitude。　　No；　Ambrosio；　learn　to　know　me　better。　　I　love　you
for　your　virtues：　　Lose　them；　and　with　them　you　lose　my
affections。　　I　look　upon　you　as　a　Saint；　Prove　to　me　that　you　are
no　more　than　Man；　and　I　quit　you　with　disgust。　　Is　it　then　from
me　that　you　fear　temptation？　　From　me；　in　whom　the　world's
dazzling　pleasures　created　no　other　sentiment　than　contempt？　
From　me；　whose　attachment　is　grounded　on　your　exemption　from
human　frailty？　　Oh！　dismiss　such　injurious　apprehensions！　　Think
nobler　of　me；　think　nobler　of　yourself。　　I　am　incapable　of
seducing　you　to　error；　and　surely　your　Virtue　is　established　on　a
basis　too　firm　to　be　shaken　by　unwarranted　desires。　　Ambrosio；
dearest　Ambrosio！　drive　me　not　from　your　presence；　Remember　your
promise；　and　authorize　my　stay！'

'Impossible；　Matilda；　YOUR　interest　commands　me　to　refuse　your
prayer；　since　I　tremble　for　you；　not　for　myself。　　After
vanquishing　the　impetuous　ebullitions　of　Youth；　After　passing
thirty　years　in　mortification　and　penance；　I　might　safely　permit
your　stay；　nor　fear　your　inspiring　me　with　warmer　sentiments　than
pity。　　But　to　yourself；　remaining　in　the　Abbey　can　produce　none
but　fatal　consequences。　　You　will　misconstrue　my　every　word　and
action；　You　will　seize　every　circumstance　with　avidity；　which
encourages　you　to　hope　the　return　of　your　affection；　Insensibly
your　passions　will　gain　a　superiority　over　your　reason；　and　far
from　these　being　repressed　by　my　presence；　every　moment　which　we
pass　together；　will　only　serve　to　irritate　and　excite　them。　
Believe　me；　unhappy　Woman！　you　possess　my　sincere　compassion。　　I
am　convinced　that　you　have　hitherto