the legacy of cain-第45章

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there　was　an　awkward　pause　before　we　spoke。　She　set　the　example。

〃Isn't　it　curious？〃　she　remarked。　〃When　two　people　have　something
particular　to　say　to　each　other；　and　nothing　to　hinder　them；　they
never　seem　to　know　how　to　say　it。　You　are　the　oldest；　sir。　Why
don't　you　begin？〃

〃Because　I　have　nothing　particular　to　say。〃

〃In　plain　words；　you　mean　that　I　must　begin？〃

〃If　you　please。〃

〃Very　well。　I　want　to　know　whether　I　have　given　you　（and　Miss
Jillgall；　of　course）　as　much　time　as　you　want；　and　as　many
opportunities　as　you　could　desire？〃

〃Pray　go　on；　Miss　Helena。〃

〃Have　I　not　said　enough　already？〃

〃Not　enough；　I　regret　to　say；　to　convey　your　meaning　to　me。〃

She　drew　her　chair　a　little　further　away　from　me。　〃I　am　sadly
disappointed；〃　she　said。　〃I　had　such　a　high　opinion　of　your
perfect　candor。　I　thought　to　myself：　There　is　such　a　striking
expression　of　frankness　in　his　face。　Another　illusion　gone！　I
hope　you　won't　think　I　am　offended；　if　I　say　a　bold　word。　I　am
only　a　young　girl；　to　be　sure；　but　I　am　not　quite　such　a　fool　as
you　take　me　for。　Do　you　really　think　I　don't　know　that　Miss
Jillgall　has　been　telling　you　everything　that　is　bad　about　me；
putting　every　mistake　that　I　have　made；　every　fault　that　I　have
committed；　in　the　worst　possible　point　of　view？　And　you　have
listened　to　herquite　naturally！　And　you　are　prejudiced；
strongly　prejudiced；　against　mewhat　else　could　you　be；　under
the　circumstances？　I　don't　complain；　I　have　purposely　kept　out　of
your　way；　and　out　of　Miss　Jillgall's　way；　in　short；　I　have
afforded　you　every　facility；　as　the　prospectuses　say。　I　only　want
to　know　if　my　turn　has　come　at　last。　Once　more；　have　I　given　you
time　enough；　and　opportunities　enough？〃

〃A　great　deal　more　than　enough。〃

〃Do　you　mean　that　you　have　made　up　your　mind　about　me　without
stopping　to　think？〃

〃That　is　exactly　what　I　mean。　An　act　of　treachery；　Miss　Helena；
_is_　an　act　of　treachery；　no　honest　person　need　hesitate　to
condemn　it。　I　am　sorry　you　sent　for　me。〃

I　got　up　to　go。　With　an　ironical　gesture　of　remonstrance；　she
signed　to　me　to　sit　down　again。

〃Must　I　remind　you；　dear　sir；　of　our　famous　native　virtue？　Fair
play　is　surely　due　to　a　young　person　who　has　nobody　to　take　her
part。　You　talked　of　treachery　just　how。　I　deny　the　treachery。
Please　give　me　a　hearing。〃

I　returned　to　my　chair。

〃Or　would　you　prefer　waiting；〃　she　went　out；　〃till　my　sister
comes　here　later　in　the　day；　and　continues　what　Miss　Jillgall　has
begun；　with　the　great　advantage　of　being　young　and　nice…looking？〃

When　the　female　mind　gets　into　this　state；　no　wise　man　answers
the　female　questions。

〃Am　I　to　take　silence　as　meaning　Go　on？〃　Miss　Helena　inquired。

I　begged　her　to　interpret　my　silence　in　the　sense　most　agreeable
to　herself。

This　naturally　encouraged　her。　She　made　a　proposal：

〃Do　you　mind　changing　places；　sir？〃

〃Just　as　you　like；　Miss　Helena。〃

We　changed　chairs；　the　light　now　fell　full　on　her　face。　Had　she
deliberately　challenged　me　to　look　into　her　secret　mind　if　I
could？　Anything　like　the　stark　insensibility　of　that　young　girl
to　every　refinement　of　feeling；　to　every　becoming　doubt　of
herself；　to　every　customary　timidity　of　her　age　and　sex　in　the
presence　of　a　man　who　had　not　disguised　his　unfavorable　opinion
of　her；　I　never　met　with　in　all　my　experience　of　the　world　and　of
women。

〃I　wish　to　be　quite　mistress　of　myself；〃　she　explained；　〃your
face；　for　some　reason　which　I　really　don't　know；　irritates　me。
The　fact　is；　I　have　great　pride　in　keeping　my　temper。　Please　make
allowances。　Now　about　Miss　Jillgall。　I　suppose　she　told　you　how
my　sister　first　met　with　Philip　Dunboyne？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃She　also　mentioned；　perhaps；　that　he　was　a　highly…cultivated
man？〃

〃She　did。〃

〃Now　we　shall　get　on。　When　Philip　came　to　our　town　here；　and　saw
me　for　the　first　timeDo　you　object　to　my　speaking　familiarly　of
him；　by　his　Christian　name？〃

〃In　the　case　of　any　one　else　in　your　position；　Miss　Helena；　I
should　venture　to　call　it　bad　taste。〃

I　was　provoked　into　saying　that。　It　failed　entirely　as　a
well…meant　effort　in　the　way　of　implied　reproof。　Miss　Helena
smiled。

〃You　grant　me　a　liberty　which　you　would　not　concede　to　another
girl。〃　That　was　how　she　viewed　it。　〃We　are　getting　on　better
already。　To　return　to　what　I　was　saying。　When　Philip　first　saw
meI　have　it　from　himself；　mindhe　felt　that　I　should　have　been
his　choice；　if　he　had　met　with　me　before　he　met　with　my　sister。
Do　you　blame　him？〃

〃If　you　will　take　my　advice；〃　I　said；　〃you　will　not　inquire　too
closely　into　my　opinion　of　Mr。　Philip　Dunboyne。〃

〃Perhaps　you　don't　wish　me　to　say　anymore？〃　she　suggested。

〃On　the　contrary；　pray　go　on；　if　you　like。〃

After　that　concession；　she　was　amiability　itself。　〃Oh；　yes；〃　she
assured　me；　〃that's　easily　done。〃　And　she　went　on　accordingly：
〃Philip　having　informed　me　of　the　state　of　his　affections；　I
naturally　followed　his　example。　In　fact；　we　exchanged
confessions。　Our　marriage　engagement　followed　as　a　matter　of
course。　Do　you　blame　me？〃

〃I　will　wait　till　you　have　done。〃

〃I　have　no　more　to　say。〃

She　made　that　amazing　reply　with　such　perfect　composure；　that　I
began　to　fear　there　must　have　been　some　misunderstanding　between
us。　〃Is　that　really　all　you　have　to　say　for　yourself？〃　I
persisted。

Her　patience　with　me　was　most　exemplary。　She　lowered　herself　to
my　level。　Not　trusting　to　words　only　on　this　occasion；　she　（so　to
say）　beat　her　meaning　into　my　head　by　gesticulating　on　her
fingers；　as　if　she　was　educating　a　child。

〃Philip　and　I；〃　she　began；　〃are　the　victims　of　an　accident；　which
kept　us　apart　when　we　ought　to　have　met　togetherwe　are　not
responsible　for　an　accident。〃　She　impressed　this　on　me　by
touching　her　forefinger。　〃Philip　and　I　fell　in　love　with　each
other　at　first　sightwe　are　not　responsible　for　the　feelings
implanted　in　our　natures　by　an　all…wise　Providence。〃　She　assisted
me　in　understanding　this　by　touching　her　middle　finger。　〃Philip
and　I　owe　a　duty　to　each　other；　and　accept　a　responsibility　under
those　circumstancesthe　responsibility　of　getting　married。〃　A
touch　on　her　third　finger；　and　an　indulgent　bow；　announced　that
the　lesson　was　ended。　〃I　am　not　a　clever　man　like　you；〃　she
modestly　acknowledged；　〃but　I　ask　you　to　help　us；　when　you　next
see　my　father；　with　some　confidence。　You　know　exactly　what　to　say
to　him；　by　this　time。　Nothing　has　been　forgotten。〃

〃Pardon　me；〃　I　said；　〃a　person　has　been　forgotten。〃

〃Indeed？　What　person？〃

〃Your　sister。〃

A　little　perplexed　at　first；　Miss　Helena　reflected；　and　recovered
herself。

〃Ah；　yes；〃　she　said；　〃I　was　afraid　I　might　be　obliged　to　trouble
you　for　an　explanationI　see　it　now。　You　are　shocked　（very
properly）　when　feelings　of　enmity　exist　between　near　relations；
and　you　wish　to　be　assured　that　I　bear　no　malice　toward　Eunice。
She　is　violent；　she　is　　sulky；　she　is　stupid；　she　is　selfish　；　and
she　cruelly　refuses　to　live　in　the　same　house　with　me。　Make　your
mind　easy；　sir；　I　forgive　my　sister。〃

Let　me　not　attempt　to　disguise　itMiss　Helena　Gracedieu
confounded　me。

Ordinary　audacity　is　one　of　those　forms　of　insolence　which　mature
experience　dismisses　with　contempt。　This　girl's　audacity　struck
down　all　resistance；　for　one　shocking　reason：　it　was
unquestionably　sincere。　Strong　conviction　of　her　own　virtue
stared　at　me　in　her　proud　and　daring　eyes。　At　that　time；　I　was
not　aware　of　what　I　have　learned　since。　The　horrid　hardening　of
her　moral　sense　had　been　accomplished　by　herself。　In　her　diary；
there　has　been　found　the　confession　of　a　secret　course　of
readingwith　supplementary　reflections　flowing　from　it；　which
need　only　to　be　described　as　worthy　of　their　source。

A　person　capable　of　repentance　and　reform　would；　in　her　place；
have　seen　that　she　had　disgusted　me。　Not　a　suspicion　of　this
occurred　to　Miss　Helena。　〃I　see　you　are　embarrassed；〃　she
remarked；　〃and　I　am　at　no　loss　to　account　for　it。　You　are　too
polite　to　acknowledge　that　I　have　not　made　a　friend　of　you　yet。
Oh；　I　mean　to　do　it！〃

〃No；〃　I　said；　〃I　think　not。〃

〃We　shall　see；〃　she　replied。　〃Sooner　or　later；　you　will　find
yourself　saying　a　kind　word　to　my　father　for　Philip　and　m